My HA story - hello, am new here

[busybeingmum]

Hello all - thought I'd introduce myself. I've been viewing this site for months now and feel it is time to join in. It has been a huge help to me and I now understand this horrid HA far more.

My HA started 18 months ago following a breast cancer scare. When my baby was 6months old I found a lump in my breast. I was still breast feeding but the doctor sent me to the breast clinic just for a check. The clinic scared the life out of me. They gave me an ultra sound and said they saw a "mass". They wanted to do a biopsy there and then. This was horrid as they went through milk ducts.

I had to wait a week for the results. In the meantime we were packing up the house to move. I was to get the results on moving day - arghhhhh.

The week was so awful. I experienced extreme anxiety for the first time. I really thought I was going to die and leave my beautiful children. Poor hubby couldn't support too much as was packing house. My lovely mum came to support me.

To make matters worse I had to go to A&E as the biopsy wound started to leak milk - so grim.....

The day of the results was wierd (I was so far gone with anxiety I was almost calm). Brilliantly the mass was benign! I went from extreme depression to julilation! I then had to pick up mum and the kids and drive to new house.

On the way I started to feel really ill. By the next day I was sent to hospital where I spent 5 days on a drip with the worst mastitis the doctors had ever seen (infection due to biopsy). My breast was such a mess. I was devastaded as I had to stop feeding baby and he'd never had a bottle. I think this is when the HA started.

After a few weeks I started believing I was riddled with cancer. My chest went tight for hours on end and my breast hurt like fury. In the end I went to the docs who was amazing. She sent me to the breast clinic for reasurrance and sorted CBT for me. After a few months I felt back to my normal self.

Then I developed stomach problems and the HA reared its head again....Since then I have worried about stomach cancers, women's cancers, even throat cancer. I have been so down and worried and can't get morbid thoughts out of my head. I have ruined precious times with my young family.

This site has made me understand that my condition is HA and I am trying to battle it. Some days are really good then I get a pain and I go back to square 1. I am currently feeling pretty good but have had a bad neck since crimbo and worry that I have a growth in it (husband says I am crazy)!

Love you No More Panic! xxxxxxx

[carli]

Hiya hun, welcome to nmp. So sorry to hear your going through this nightmare as well. Im sure u will get loads of help and advice on here as they are a great bunch of people. Im always here if you need to chat. Just look through my post and u will see i have plenty of experiance,lol. Tanke care hun xxx

[busybeingmum]

:)Thanks Carli - it is just so helpful to know other people are like me. I used to be ashamed of being a hypochondriac but realise now I have HA.

[margaret jones]

Poor you what a bad time you had with breast prob , sorry you are suffering from HA i have suffered from HA when i look back for a least 40 yrs but only a couple of times has it caused me panic /anxiety what i do is if i have a health worry i visit my GP and get it sorted rather than dwell about all the negative things it could be usually works for me hope this site is helpfull to u i have loved it since i joined aug 2009 people are so kind and lovely .

Take Care Maggie

[shanlynn1012]

Hello & Welcome.
I so understand what you are going threw. I think I have alwasy had HA but after having children it got out of control. Ecspecially after my second child. I went from brain cancer to ms to mouth cancer. I had everything. Durning my pregnancy I had lumps in my breast thought I had cancer, had leg pain thought I had a clot, it never ended. I thought after giving birth a miracle would happen but I got plauged with constant headache facial pain, had to stop breastfeeding and went totally crazy. I always have a fear of leaving my children I over analyze all of my symptoms I am convinced somehting is wrong. I went on Zoloft and to therapy and had been doing great! Until last month I put my house on the market and started my own business and BAM i have sunburn feeling on my skin drive to my nuero and tell him I have MS and since then it has been a rough few weeks. Sorry this is so long it amazes me how many people feel this way, I just discovered this site and feel much less alone. I am also amazed that so many mothers let this anxiety consume them, it really has effected my life I hope to start feeling better soon, and I hope you do too. Just wanted you to know u are not alone :)

[busybeingmum]

Thank you for your kind replies. HA is so horrid and so irrational. It is definately connected in my case with worries about my kids etc. You are all great on this site. Thank you. xx

[baldrick]

hello,
i am registered as baldrick and like you i am a mum. i have two little boys and my h.a started after the birth of my first. i too found a lump in my breast and had a scan. thankfully it didnt need to go any further as it was normal. i had just moved into a flat as that was all we could afford and was soooo depressed and what with the boob thing as well it blew me away. since then, four years ago, i have had h.a. it started as being para about checking my boobs and has steadily progressed to any cancer, womens, throat, anything! Each lump, pain or sensation forces me to go and check (in a variety of crazy positions with mirrors and a lamp!) not one day goes by without me thinking i have cancer and in my mind i cant ignore the thoughts as i have a lovely family and i view it as bein irresponsible if i do ignore these thoughts. it tears me apart daily that i have wasted so much time thinking "this is it, this lump etc is definitely the one" and i cry a lot knowing all this time is being wasted instead of bloody enjoying myself. time goes so fast and kids grow so quick and when i look back on their babyhood all i will remember is being like this. i am 37 and dont wanna be like this anymore.

it has made my day registering and god knows why i didnt do it before!!

take care and together we will get thru this xxx

[Typer]

Sorry to read all the medical probs you have had.

Sometimes, I think maybe we have a few bad medical problems, or know someone who has, and it sort of kicks it off somehow. What I mean is, sometimes we can be plodding along in our lives not really aware of all the illness and health problems and then wham! we get something that disables us enough to make us hyper aware of every illness know to man and even one's not yet known but invented by us.

How one gets out of this rut is unknown to me, apart from practicing CBT and maybe even a diversion or two. I do think it comes and goes for some people, and sometimes a worry which we are not able to look at or deal with gets changed and becomes this which is easier (not easy) to deal with, oddly.

[busybeingmum]

Thanks for the responses. My HA was def kicked off by the health worry but it was only that - a worry....Wish I could just kick the HA. I think it gets so much better then WHAM, it hits us again.
A doctor recently reassured me that HA does eventually go and this itself has made me feel better. For me, diversion definately helps. When I'm on my own in the house with 2 small children is when it can get really bad. I am pretty certain that going back to work and using my brain every day will help!

[shanlynn1012]

I think that is it for me too I am home alone with two small kids ALL the time. It is stressfull but leaves too much time to think.