One for the kids/teens please?

[BunnyMazonas]

Hi guys

I was hoping you young 'uns could offer some advice for me WRT to my little sister-in-law who has been having some problems. She's had a really tough couple of years emotionally, mentally and is under a lot of stress - her school hours are REALLY long (8-6 mon-fri and 9-3 sat, plus homework, swim club at lucnh,e x curricular activities and occassional sunday school stuff) and she's only 14.

Recently she's begun to buckle from it all - she's never spoken to anyone but we've heard rumours (a kid in her school told their mum who told the MIL who mentioned to us that SIL may have been seen crying privately on school grounds) and recently she's been caught bunking off from classes and skipping homework/tasks that she is supposed to have done. It doesn't sound like much, but considering how she normally is (seriously, this kid is a saint) this is a big change in her. I'm worried that she hasn't spoken about the things that I know have happened, and I worry maybe that more has happened that I don't know about.

I want her to know she can talk to me - confidentially - about anything but I know how hard it can be to open up. What I was thinking of doing - whe I was a kid and my friend and I were having problems, we had a shared diary. We each took turns having it for a week at a time and would write our daily activities, thoughts, feelings, dreams and problems in. Then the other would have it for a week and could write their own thoughts- and read what had been written. Do you think that would be a good approach? Would you deal well with something like this?

Otherwise, how would you prefer family members to approach you re: these sort of issues?

*not sure if this goes here but wasn't sure where else to put it, sorry*

[spaced]

hi
maybe this site could help its a bit like NMP but for kids


http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/Home.html

[lior]

I think that diary thing would work if you're very close to her, or a similar age to her. She might not want to open up to you, and it won't necessarily help her if she does - you're a wonderful sister in law to be so concerned, but teens will be teens. These things do work out eventually.

I'm in a position to comment on this because I went through a phase like that. I was little miss perfect goody-two shoes at school, and there came a point where I was sick of everyone expecting me to be that person and nothing more. I rebelled against my own image. And now, I'm much more comfortable now that people know I'm not perfect.

Having said that, that phase was when I started getting depressed, so there might be problems... but when I was in that position I was in denial, so if anyone asked if there was something wrong it wouldn't even occur to me to answer that there was.

Of course everyone is different. She might just be in love! If I were you, I'd suggest your diary idea and see how she reacts, but you needn't push too hard. Let her do things at her own pace. Growing up is something she'll have to do for herself. She's so lucky to have you as a supportive figure x

[BunnyMazonas]

Hi guys, thanks for the advice - and for the link. I'll definitely check it out.

Lior, I hear you on that! I know she may not want to open up to me, but I figure if she at least knows someone is there, even if she chooses not to take advantage of the opportunity it might make her feel a bit better.

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Bunny

Its good that you are planning on being supportive, that's all kids need.

I can sort of relate to how your niece has changed. My son took off, complete with sleeping bag, last month and it scared me to death. That was totally out of charactor and it was a shock. Luckily we found him.

I think he was suffering depression, but the doctor says otherwise. It seems a common thing for young people to go through these stages. It is all a bit alien to me. I am struggling with the personality ups and downs and we are living on a knife edge most of the time.

I think if you can coax any info out of her or, just be there for here, then that is all you can do. Someone impartial from the immediate family is always good for that person to relate to.

Good luck and all the best.