View Full Version : CBT therapy for driving problems - my diary
nomorepanic
11-01-06, 19:02
This is a follow on from my previous post at Going private for CBT. Any advice? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5191)
I am starting a new one as that was already 5 pages long and was basically about whether I should go for CBT again or not.
The quick summary is that I am going back to CBT to help with my anxiety whilst driving and in particular in road works etc.
Well today I had the first session.
It was a long round trip as I had to drive from Luton to Cambridge (1 hour 15 mins) and then back again and this was on top of the 1.5 hours I do as a round trip to work anyway.
I knew there were some roadworks on the A505 but that was the quickest route so I set off that way but when I came to the roundabout and looked down on the A505 it was a contra flow and I just wasn't ready to face that.:(
Well I got there in the end via some horrid narrow back roads and we had a lovely chat about things. I wish I had made notes as I have forgotten some of it but basically she thinks that I have still have the underlying anxiety hanging around from years of suffering with that and panic attacks and it was now mainly focused on driving issues.
She reinforced what I already know and that is about facing this head on and challlenging it and my thoughts. She said that although I am coping well with the driving and have my own distraction techniques, I am still allowing the anxiety to sit waiting to pounce on me when it can!
I need to get angry with it and tell it to "come on and do its worse" and also talk to myself and reassure me that I am fine and nothing will hurt me and I won't lose control and crash and die!
She said she wants me to practice starting off with small steps with low anxiety - i.e. drive up a road that I don't like but one that I can still pull off quite easily if I need to. She advised me not to go back to work via the contraflow cos that was too much too soon and she wanted me to build up the confidence slowly and in measured steps.
When I go back next Friday she is going to draw up a plan of action for me and basically I have to go and do it! Well I am not going to get better sat on the settee telling myself I am fine am I?
She also said that it will be hard work and it will take time to do it but it can be done. She reminded me of how terrified I used to be of supermarkets but now I do it without a second thought and what used to scare me now doesn't. So I have to believe that I can overcome this as well in the same way.
So that was day 1 of CBT and I look forward to next week too.
Thanks for reading and I hope that some of this can help you too as it is all about changing thoughts at the end of the day. Face that fear as they say and don't let it beat you.
Nicola
I think the most important bit here was recalling how you beat the fear of supermarkets.
So you can do this.
You will do this.
Ray xxx
Oh Nic well done. Sounds like you dealt brilliantly with what was potentially a nightmare situation. CBT really helped me deal with my anxiety issues - if i was rich i'd still have a session a week - and I hope that it helps you too.
Bring on next week...
Henri x
Hi Nic,
Great new's to hear you have started your CBT :D
Its hard work changing the way we think, as you know with the supermarket, IT CAN BE DONE.
I wish you luck Nic, I know it will work.
Look forward to reading all about it [^]:D
TAKE CARE
Thinking of you
LOVE JILLXXX
Hey Nic,
Good news about starting CBT. Its going to be hard work, but so totally worth it! You can do this!!
I also look forward to hearing all about it! Especially as driving is one of my fears at the moment. I look forward to some tips!!
Take care,
tracy x x
Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.
nomorepanic
11-01-06, 20:21
Thanks for the quick replies.
I overcame the supermarkets with perseverance and doing it over and over and over.
Although this is more scarey for me cos I am in control of a car I have to reassure myself that I can do it and I am prepared to work at it to achieve this.
So I will work at it and I will overcome this.
Nicola
I'm starting CBT for the first time this Friday (13th, just as well I'm not superstitious!!) So I'm always interested to hear about other people's experiences.
I think it's great that you overcame your issues with supermarkets and the driving thing is a problem for so many of us. I don't like to drive out of my comfort zones but forced myself to go to a different town yesterday to meet my husband for lunch. I felt so chuffed when I arrived and saw my hubby's face (he wasn't sure I would make it).
I wish this therapy was cheaper, I can't help but feel guilty for spending so much money on it but I've never asked for help before. I just have to get on with it, I guess....
Wishing you luck with your therapy and hopefully it will move you in the direction you need to go in.....take care
Jem xxx
Its great that you are finally having this help Nic.
It seems its been in the planning stages for so long.
I really hope this is the final push that gets rid of your fear for the driving and look forward to your updates
Every best wish for it
Love
Meg xxx
good luck with this nic, im sure you'll get there in the end .. tcx andrew
nomorepanic
12-01-06, 18:55
Jem - well done on what you achieved yesterday ! The CBT is done on my partner's private health care but what she charges is £180 for the first session and then £90 per session thereafter so it is certainly not cheap!
Meg - Thanks. I know you are rooting for me to conquer this blooming driving problem once and for all.
Andrew - thanks. I am determined to give it my best.
Nicola
Great news that you are finally starting the CBT and getting some help with your driving fears.
Although it will be hard work, I am sure you can do this and I wish you all the best with it.
Karen x
nomorepanic
12-01-06, 21:01
Thanks Karen
You know how much I want to do this so I arrive at the meet-ups not shaking!
Nicola
Good luck Nicola, I hope the CBT helps. I wouldn't say I'm 100% ok with driving all the time now but having CBT has really helped me and driving is getting better for me all the time compared to how I was for the last two years since my accident, so it can really help.
Lisa
Well done and good luck Nic, hope you get everything you are hoping for from this.xxx
Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.
love from Alexisxx
Biggest hug to you - I too liked the supermarket story.
Well done mate :D
Piglet xxxxxxxxxxx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
nomorepanic
20-01-06, 19:42
I had my second session today so here’s an update.
Whilst some of this is only relevant to my driving problems there are some other things in this post that will benefit all sufferers so please do read on.
She has told me do this is in very, very small steps. If the starting goal is too big then the downfall is greater. I need to build up my confidence and work up from there. I need to go up and down the A1 a few times but avoid roadwork’s. I need to keep doing this on one stretch of road that does cause me some anxiety but not much and do it over and over and reassuring myself etc – more on that later.
I also need to get Alex to drive me through some roadwork’s that are currently on the A1 and see how I feel. She didn’t want me to try them straight off on my own in case it is too big a step. She said to go and see how achievable it was but don’t push myself too far just yet.
You basically have to keep doing the small steps until you are feeling that you are doing it ok then try something harder and stick at that. It needs to be ideal conditions to begin with e.g. in the day, not when dark, not when I am tired after work, not when I don’t feel very well etc. This means that I need to go and do most of it this weekend and then some work after work next week.
The general trend for improvement is to go along on a smooth line then up a step and up another step and then up 3 steps and then plateau out again. Sometimes I will go back down a step but then I just start again at that step. I won’t be back at stage one even though it will seem it.
Keep a diary of thoughts – what was I thinking, how did I view things, what symptoms did I feel, and what was I saying to myself. Maybe take a Dictaphone or make notes as soon as I can after the event. I need to write down thoughts mainly and what I was thinking and why.
Blips – we all get them but they are just that. Don’t view it as a setback and a downfall but as something that didn’t go as well. Measure it against how far you have come and you will see you are not back at square one again. Be kind to yourself - shout and scream or cry then get over it and move on. Don’t dwell on it and make it a big issue. We all have off days and may be more tired; feeling lower, sad etc - this could contribute.
Don’t push yourself too far and hard when you have had a bad day. If you fail then leave it for that day and try again the next day. Sometimes more harm is done by pushing.
Praise – I need to accept praise more often and even post about my successes on the forum. I said that I didn’t usually post cos it sounded so trivial so she said “Did I think all the other successes were trivial”. I said that of course I didn’t and I loved to hear about them so she asked why people would think mine were then! I also need to get Alex to praise me more and accept it.
Reward myself – treat myself when I achieve things and don’t trivialise them.
Thoughts – these are the going to be the hardest to change of all. I need to change the way I talk to myself and reassure myself that I am ok and I won’t die. It is a horrible feeling but I have had it before and it won’t kill me. It will pass and I can cope and I can deal with the physical symptoms – they won’t harm me either.
I tried this on the way home and it didn’t work very well. I drove down this road and didn’t like it at all. I tried to reassure myself but still felt the anxiety building. This is going to take some real working on.
Well that was it as far as I can remember. Next week I will take notes because sometimes I forget things she has said. Hope some of it has helped you.
Nicola
Hi Nic,
great to hear that you've started on this. I missed your first post as I was away.
All the very best of luck with it and get as much out of her as you can!!
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I tried this on the way home and it didn’t work very well. I drove down this road and didn’t like it at all. I tried to reassure myself but still felt the anxiety building. This is going to take some real working on.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
I'm sure we all can relate to this scenario of the building anxiety despite trying to ignore it.
You've done it with supermarkets. It's the same process at work in your body. You can do it again. Like you say, small steps. They soon turn into big steps.
All the very best Nic, I'm rooting for you. :D
Cheers,
Trev :D
nomorepanic
20-01-06, 21:23
Ha Ha
She may be able to do all that but have you tried explaing how to copy and paste previous posts in here???
Pig - you know you can do it mate. copy and paste lol.
Thanks Trev - I know that you follow my progress too.
x
Nicola
Nic,
Glad its going ok
*I drove down this road and didn’t like it at all*
This has always been your achilles heel and your fall back saying.
It is really ok to not like it but it doesn't mean it needs to dissolve and spiral.
It will be uncomfortable and you will dislike it until you gain ground with new confidence and coping vigour.
Rootin' for you Nic
Love
Meg
nomorepanic
20-01-06, 23:11
Meg - what I really wanted was someone to sit in the car with me and do CBT but I guess I can't get that.
Talking about it is great and I leave all positive but when faced with the unknown I freak.
I guess I have to trust her and work with her.
Why can't they do therapists that do practical help not theoretical?
Nicola
Glad it is going well Nic. I understand it's not easy facing these fears you've had for so long but I know how much you want to do it. It will be worth it to arrive at meet ups feeling calm and relaxed!
I'm thinking of you and wishing you well.
Karen x
nomorepanic
21-01-06, 21:52
Didn't manage to get out today atall cos we are so busy after having some decorating done but maybe tomorrow. Watch this space.
Nicola
Aww all the best with this hun:D
I would love a cbt person to be here in person too - mind you I do have one really, in the form of my youngest bless er!!
I like hearing all that the lady says to you and I really agree that slow but steady wins the race.
Now do give up with all this copying and pasting malarky - I tell you sometimes you have to quit while you're ahead, it's enough that I haven't destroyed the site isn't it[}:)][}:)][}:)]:D
Big hugs
Piglet
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Nic,
Many do come out and do it with people and be practical in their approach like Paul would advocate
My offer to do 3 rounds of the M25 with you still stands !
Love
Meg
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Meg - what I really wanted was someone to sit in the car with me and do CBT but I guess I can't get that... Why can't they do therapists that do practical help not theoretical?
<div align="right">Originally posted by nomorepanic - 20 January 2006 : 23:11:31</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
I think we all wish this could be possible with our various issues.
Good luck for tomorrow if you go out.
Karen x
Hi Nicola
This is a particularly interesting thread for me as I am in the same scenario. I have managed to overcome a lot of my fears due to agoraphobia and I would say I lead a fairly non-restrictive life now. I couldnt leave the upstairs of my house for 3 years. The area I still have issues with is my driving. But I think back to the tiny steps I made, I would sit in the car in the drive, reverse up the drive, go to the end of the road, etc , etc this took me months to do but I am now driving each day but I can only go a certain distance then I start to get the old symptoms back and the thoughts. The further I get away from home the worse it gets and I would love to stretch my boundaries further. I am sure by reading your thread it will give me inspiration to keep trying. Being stuck in a traffic jam or stopped at traffic lights makes me panicky as well.
Good luck with CBT
Darkangel x
........life is for living not just for surviving
nomorepanic
23-01-06, 20:50
Piglet - I will get you copying and pasting if it kills me (and it probably will lol)
Meg - I may still take you up on that once I have done all the theory. Thanks for the offer.
Karen - thanks for your support as always.
Darkangel - hopefully you will get some pointers from what I go through so watch this thread and hopefully it will help you too.
Well I didn't get out again yesterday so decided to go tonight. I asked Alex what the roadworks would be like on the A1 and he said there were both lanes open when he went through the other day - just a few hundred yards of cones on either side of the roundabout. So - I decided to do it!
I went straight after work and did a total of 31 miles up and down the A1. I went through the road works and the worst part was the build up to it when I saw the sign saying "Roadworks 2 miles". When I got to them they were ok and just loads of cones on the grass verge.
I think I have a phobia of roadwork signs and cones - I need to invent a name for it!
The build up was far worse than the event as always but I will stick at it and do it again tomorrow maybe to see if I can reduce that initial panic when I know that roadworks are ahead.
I tried the positive talking but it is going to be hard work to get this right but I will stick at it.
Next appoinment is Friday so I need to have at least done some practice before then.
Nicola
what an achievement you DID IT. 31 miles on your own. WOW. well done I am really proud of you you are an inspiration to others.
YOU WILL DO IT
I am the same the build up is the same.
take care
bobsy
Excellent Nic !
XXXXXXXXX you can do it XXXXXXXXXXX
You did well today mate, keep up the good work :D
Love
Trac Xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Wow, that's great! I have been following your thread, willing you on, even though I haven't posted! Good for you.
* think I have a phobia of roadwork signs and cones - I need to invent a name for it!* LOL
Tammy x
nomorepanic
23-01-06, 22:45
Thanks all - I need the support to keep me going even though I still feel it is such a silly thing to have a fear of - but I guess we all feel like that.
I will let you know how it goes again.
Nicola
Great Nic. Well done.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Oh well done mate - I know exactly what you mean about the build up being worse than the event. How true is that!!!
I'm just like that with copying and pasting :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D[}:)]
Pig xx
nomorepanic
25-01-06, 19:41
Ok here's the latest update. It may be long so are you sitting comfortably?[:P]
Last night I decided to go back up the A1 again and through the roadworks to see how it was. My diary entry for that is ...
No anxiety going up A1 – quite 'boring' drive. Little bit coming back down but on scale on 1-10 was a 1! Just all the cones around that made me anxious. Even forced myself to sit in outside lane in traffic queue and still no anxiety. Need a slightly bigger challenge I think. [:P]
So tonight I wasn't sure what I could do as a bigger challenge. I hadn't felt well all day at work as I had a stomach ache which resulted in me being sick in the loos at work 30 minutes before I was due to leave:(
Undeterred I decided to go home via a Pet supplies in Letchworth so this would take me home a different way and maybe give me some new challenges. Well I managed to sit in all the traffic queues around Hitchin and then Baldock so thought that I would just go home as I wasn't feeling 100%.
Just as I was heading towards the A1 the traffic report came on saying that there was a 3-car pile up at the junction where I get off and traffic queues were building back down the A1.
Excellent I thought! [:P] I hate traffic jams and on this stretch of the A1 there is no hard shoulder and no turn-offs so I couldn't get off atall.
Off I drove and then hit the traffic jam 1.5 miles from the junction that I get off. Ok I thought this is good practice for me.:)
Then we stopped and we sat there. I decided to write down how I was feeling as I had nothing else to do.
What I wrote down was this .....
Feeling agoraphobic - can see the traffic queue for miles ahead and I want to be at home
I am stuck and can't get off.
There is no easy way out of this situation.
Why did I do this?
Anxiety was about 4/10 so still under control.
I noted my physical symptoms and there were mainly visual type problems - eyes blurry. Feeling tight/tense chest. Little bit dizzy.
Then I tried the self-talk....
You can't go anywhere so calm down.
It is just a traffic queue.
You are not going to pass out.
You are in control of this.
This is just an inconvenience and not a problem.
I am fine and I am in control.
I then did some deep breathing and after 10 minutes of starting off in the queue I was fine.:)[Wow!] I felt much calmer and didn't need to escape this time. I was fine.
I even decided to give the Rescue Remedy and Moby CD a miss as they were my coping techniques and this time I wanted to cure not just cope.
300 yards before the roundabout I pulled into the outside lane which is always scarier for me because you cannot pull over atall as there is a barrier there. This too was fine:)
After a total of 22 minutes (yes I did note the times lol) I was at the roundabout and as they had shut the A1 by now everyone was routed through the villages.
I left work at 4.30 and apart from a 15 minute stop off I was driving until 6.30 so quite an achievement[:P]
I don't feel hassled or stressed, just quite calm at the moment (just got a terrible stomach ache :() and I am pleased I pushed myself to do it so I know that I can.
I think I am starting to make some progress on changing those thoughts at last.
Thanks for reading!
Nicola
<center>WOW !!!!!</center>
<center>That was fantastic.</center>
Well done for your unexpected practice
Love
Meg
Nic,
That was brilliant mate, what an achievement, especially as you were going to give it a miss today.
You go girl, you will be over it in no time the progress you are making.
lots of love
Tracey xxx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Very well done Nic. You did brilliantly to make the decision to try this and to manage the anxiety so well.
I hope you are feeling better soon.
Karen x
well what can I say ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK
TAKE CARE
BOBSY X X :D
nomorepanic
25-01-06, 21:05
Ohhh [Wow!]
Thanks so much for the support.
It means a great deal to me [^][^]
Nicola
Wow - you are really on the right track with this now (or should I say road :D).
Fantastic you must be so proud of yourself!!!!
Piglet xxx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Hi Nic,
Well done for coping so well, that's great progress :)
I hope you feel better soon too.
Lisa
nomorepanic
29-01-06, 16:44
Just a quick update but not much news I am afraid to say.
I went again on Friday and we spent most of the 50 minutes talking about my week of achievements and how I felt about it all etc.
The plan of action was to go out today with Alex in my car and get him to drive me through this contra-flow that I found on the A505 (the one I avoided the 1st time I went for CBT).
Alex was supposed to drive me through it in my car a few times and then I was going to try it with him.
Well things haven't worked out that well cos I hurt my back on Thursday at work and it is now very very painful so I can't go out driving as it hurts too much.
I many cancel this week's CBT if I don't get out much this week as there will be no point. Alex won't be able to come with me on the A505 in the evenings as he gets back too late from work so either I try it alone or try something else.
Oh well we shall see.
Nicola
Hi Nic
Sorry your back is so painful. Have you had any treatment for it? I hope you're soon feeling better.
The important thing with the driving is that you made plans to tackle this task and are still finding ways of taking steps forward. It sounds frustrating for you that the back pain is holding you back.
You are still doing well.
Karen x
nomorepanic
29-01-06, 19:30
Thanks Karen for your support.
I am going to see the doc tomorrow if I can get in cos I have never hurt my back like this so am not sure how to best treat it etc.
I guess it would be stupid to push going out when my back hurts as I could make it worse.
I will be back driving soon so hopefully I will still make some progress this week despite this.
Nicola
Hi Nic
I doubt driving would help either your back pain or the anxiety as it's harder to deal with the anxiety when uncomfortable and in pain.
Good luck with the doctor tomorrow. I hope they can help.
Karen x
Nic,
What did you do to hurt your back, what type of injury is it ?
Love Meg xx
How are you today Nic? How did you get on at the doctor's?
Karen
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels
nomorepanic
30-01-06, 18:52
Meg - I was reaching out of the car window to swipe into the carpark and twisted funny.
Karen - thanks for asking. The doctor felt my back etc and the bottom 2 or 3 vertebrae are painful but he thinks it is more muscular.
He said that I should keep it moving but I have found it very painful today and keeping still was a better option for me. I am not sure that moving it is helping but I guess he knows what will help.
He has prescribed some anti-inflammatories called Diclofenac but I haven't dared take them yet mainly cos the leaflet mentions asthma and now I am worried about them.
I will see how it goes over the next day or two.
I called the CBT lady and she still wants me to go this week even if I can't get out doing any driving.
Nicola
Hi Nic
Sounds very painful. I suppose the advice is to keep moving because it can be more painful if the muscles get stiff. Just take it gently though.
Have you tried an anti-inflammatory gel to rub in rather than tablets if you are worried about your asthma?
I hope you are feeling better soon.
Karen x
Hi Nicola,
I posted a couple of weeks ago re my driving phobia (which sounds exactly the same as yours). I was taking my parents on a long trip but 2 days before a relative was taken ill and my husband drove me up there and then on Thursday I drove my mother home.
I managed 10 junctions on the M1 and we chatted and listened to the radio and I realised that it was only when I became aware of the fact that I was on the motorway that the awful feelings began.
I got on top of them by changing the subject and taking a few deep breaths but like you I would like to conquer the fear, not just manage it because it hasn't gone away, so I will be following your posts with great interest. Good luck!
Izza
nomorepanic
30-01-06, 21:16
Thanks Izza
It is definitely worse when you think about it isn't it?
Thanks for the interest and I hope someone else gets some help from what I am doing with CBT.
Nicola
hi nic,
hope your feeling ok. just a quick post to say i was given those same tablets about 2 months ago. i didnt notice any adverse effects on my asthma - but they didnt make the slightest bit of difference to my injury either. tcx andrew
Sue K with 5
30-01-06, 23:05
Hi Nic
Sorry been away for a while but just read, well done you thats great! I am really pleased your making progress and you Know once you beat this you will be travelling across the country !
Keep going and I will keep reading for updates
Sue with 5
scknight
Hi Nic, you seem to be making massive progress. Pity about the back. In my experience, if it is muscular, keeping it warm and moving gently helps in the long run. Join the yoga possie!!! :D I've got a leotard you can have :D[^]:D[^]:D
Take care,
Trev
Ooh it's not nice doin your back in - I've done it a few times.
Once when I was pregnant and lifting one of the other kids up (I had to have an injection into the bulging muscle [Ugh]) and another time sat at the sewing machine I sneezed and nearly took my eye out at the same time[:O]
Have you tried any of the tablets he gave you and a hot water bottle on the site of pain (is that the right thing to do I can never remember whether it should be frozen peas or not or is that for swellings).
Hope it eases really soon mate.
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
nomorepanic
31-01-06, 19:38
Andrew - I still haven't taken them and resorted to a hot water bottle instead. Thanks for letting me know how you got on with them.
Sue - it will certainly help with the meet-ups if I can drive there panic free!
Trev - thanks for reminding me to keep it warm, hence the hot water bottle - reminds me of being a kid cos that is the last itme I had one. Thanks for the leotard offer - is it the leopard skin one as well?
Pig - I bet you hurt yours pringle spitting! It is much better today but then I went for a short drive and realised how painful it is when driving. Oh well it will get better soon I hope.
Nicola
nomorepanic
05-02-06, 17:34
Well here is the latest update.
Friday’s session – we talked mainly about my history of panic and anxiety as I didn’t have any news on driving to report as I hadn’t done any at all last week. We talked about how I developed my fears of certain things like the driving and shopping etc and how things escalated out of control. We also talked a bit about Health Anxiety as I have suffered with that too and then talked a bit about diet, exercise, alcohol, sleep etc.
On the way back I decided to go back the long way and down the A1 as I knew the roadwork’s would be in operation during the day. There were signs about if all over the place as they are quite major roadwork’s and again the build up for me is the worst. Anxiety was quite high (about 5) but as soon as I got to the roadwork’s I was fine and drove straight through them and anxiety dropped completely. I was going to challenge myself and go back up through them but the queue was over 5 miles long so I decided not to!
Again this weeks “homework” was to try the contra-flow on the A505 so this afternoon I dragged Alex out for a drive. I probably wasn’t in the right frame of mind as I had started to wind myself up over it before I even went but I still wanted to go. The idea was that I would drive there and see how it felt and if necessary Alex would take over the driving to drive me back through the worst of it. I knew that driving up through it one way wasn’t too bad as there was a grass verge as some sort of comfort zone but coming back the other way it was likely to be worse with a steel barrier one side and cars the other side!
Well I saw the dreaded “roadwork’s ahead” sign (this is a big trigger point for me as it always spells danger – got to work on controlling those thoughts) and then we were in it. Alex asked how I was and I just burst into tears. I think it was this huge build up and I couldn’t talk as I was choked up so I just cried. :( Then he started talking to me to take my mind off it. Telling me that I was fine and I said I know I am and nothing will happen to me. The anxiety almost instantly calmed down and I was fine and driving quite happily.
Anyway we got to the roundabout and pulled off to a side road to think about driving back through it the other way. Did I let Alex do it or did I try? I decided that I would give it a go. [:P]
So off we went back down through the contra flow and before I knew it I was driving somewhere that I knew I couldn’t get off. I still said “oh well can’t get off now” so Alex talked to me.
The conversation went a bit like this…….
Alex: What are you scared of?
Me: I don’t know – I may need to stop and I can’t
Alex: Why do you need to stop?
Me: In case I feel faint.
Alex: Why will you feel faint?
Me: Because I get panicky and it makes me feel faint as well.
Alex: You don’t need to stop, you are fine and everyone else has to drive through this as well.
Me: Yes but they don’t suffer from anxiety
Alex: But you don't need to stop either and nothing will happen to you
Me: I know - it is just thoughts.
and so on.
Anyway I did it fine and no problems. I just kept telling myself that I was ok and I didn’t need to stop. There were a few places that I could have pulled over on to if I really wanted to but I knew that I didn’t need to.
We got to the end and I turned round and went straight back through it again. Anxiety was probably only a scale of 2 so manageable. :)
It was definitely better having Alex there just to talk to me as I knew it was going to be hard. Now I have to find some time after work to go and do it alone and ensure that I can still manage that.
My hands were physically shaking on the drive back home and I was really hot and had a headache but I am fine now and all calm again.
So that is the update for now until I get some more practise this week again. Will let you know how it goes.
Nicola
Nic
I think you are so courageous and even though i dont know you you are an inspiration to all of us. just the thought of it makes me feel anxious.
keep it up you will soon be there and i'll be calling on you to help me!!!
bobsy
Well done mate, you did really well facing your fears and JFDI, and well done for not shouting at Alex too LOL.
Keep up the good work you are getting there :D
Love
Trac XX
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
See that's just how I am about going out and about - most of it I can cope with but the heavy stuff (crowed supermarkets, busy pubs) is like your roadworks and I have to have my version of Alex with me to make it copeable with (my version is a special young piglet/piglets).:D
The bursting into tears is good isn't it - I do that one when I have built up a lot of aprehensive tension and it needs to burst out!!! Doesn't do my mascara any favours though and then I start wailing because I look funny with black tears.
You are doing great with this and I am loving reading all about it regularly.
One of my casualty type hugs coming up - this will sort your back out[}:)]:D
Piglet xx
Good for you Nic.
Thats really great progress.
Love
Meg
Hi Nicola
Like many others on this site I am following your progress with regards to driving.
Yesterday I went on to the motorway and managed to drive to the next junction. That was a massive achievement for me as I was myself and although I felt anxious I kept thinking about you and your progress. I hadnt been on a motorway or outwith my town centre radius alone for over 6 months.
You give us inspiration.
Darkangel x
........life is for living not just for surviving
Dark Angel
Thats brilliant news from you. Many congratulations
Please do feel free to start your own diary type thread so we can follow your progress and offer you some encouragement too.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
nomorepanic
06-02-06, 17:56
Bobsy - I was hoping that by posting people would get some encouragement and tips from it all to help them. If it helps just one person then it is worth it.
Trac - Would I shout at Alex? LOL
Piglet - I was told to start off with Alex as a crutch and then do it alone when I was confident so I will try it again soon. I got some more practise tonight with an unexpected lane closed on the A1 that was all coned off so I had to face that one and just do the breathing techniques to help me.
Meg - thanks for the support as always. I will soon be driving to all those meet-ups with no worries atall.
Darkangel - A big well done to you ! That is fantastic news. I hope you can keep doing it as well to give you more confidence. Do post about it under successes or like Meg said do a post that we can all follow. You are more than happy to post here if you want as well.
Nicola
Well done Nic. Great progress. You'll be getting to the meet ups with no problems at all :D.
Good on you too Darkangel.
Karen
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels
Hi Nic, well done, , take care.xxxx
Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.
love from Alexisxx
nomorepanic
09-02-06, 19:52
I decided to try the contra-flow alone this evening so I drove over there straight from work and then I was on it. This time I was going down the worst way first – the one with the traffic in the next lane and the barrier/grass verge the other side.
I was almost looking forward to posting tonight to say that I did and wow it was fine and no panic atall.
I started off with positive memories of Sunday and then it hit me. Woah! [:O] Anxiety shot up to about 7 and I had to wind the window down to get some fresh air. Felt dizzy and vision was a bit blurred but I quickly did some deep breaths to try and calm it down. Then that nasty little Mr Panic popped up on my shoulder and sat there with all his damn negativity![}:)]
You don’t like this do you? You want to get off and you can’t – ha you are stuck now! You don’t feel well do you. Told you it would be too hard to do this. Why don’t you pull over across the other carriageway and then you can stop on that grass verge? Now you feel really bad don’t you? You could just stop and pretend you broke down – will cause chaos of course!
I tried to fight back but I don’t yet think I have mastered the positive self talk. I kept saying “you are fine, you are not going to pass out or die”, “you don’t need to get off”. Soon the end of the roadworks was in site – it is a total of 1.5 miles so not that far but far enough lol!
“Right” I thought you are not going to beat me so I turned round and drove straight back up the other side of the roadworks. This side is easier because there is a grass verge so it is not as scary for me. So I got to the roundabout and went straight back down the contra-flow again (am I completely mad?)
Again anxiety went up but not as high – maybe 5 – and I kept telling myself I was ok and it was all fine and I didn’t need to panic because nothing would happen to me. I was starting to get a bit calmer but that 1.5 miles felt like 10 miles to me.
I got to the end, turned round and went straight back up again.
3rd time lucky eh? Umm no, anxiety was at a 6 for the first few minutes and I realised that I just wasn’t going to achieve anything tonight by doing this over and over so I headed off home.
About 10 minutes later, I filled up with tears – it was tears of frustration. I hate failing (yes I know that by not doing is failing and I did try). It was just a feeling of sadness that I don’t know how to change those thoughts into positive ones. I really need to discuss this tomorrow because I think my self- reassurance words are not powerful enough and not having a big enough impact on changing my thoughts.
I got home and spoke to my mum on the phone and she said she was so proud of what I had done and said to me “don’t be so hard on yourself, you have always been so hard on yourself throughout this illness and you have done so well”. She said that I had done so well to do it but I said “I don’t want to just do it now, I want to do it and feel normal and cope”. So then I promptly burst into tears again and I am in tears writing this. :(
Alex just called and asked why I was upset because I had just done something fantastic and I went back three times to keep at it. I said that I am just frustrated that I don’t know how to change those thoughts and he said “well that is why you are getting CBT”. Good point I thought so I will talk this over tomorrow to see what we can do to help me.
I think I will be told tomorrow that this was too much too soon. I think I have conquered driving the one way up that road but the other way is a bigger challenge. I won’t give in but I do need help in changing the way I view that road and indeed all roadworks etc.
Anyway – as usual it is long but I need to write it all down as I am taking these notes to the sessions with me and I will always be able to look back over them.
Thanks for reading and please don’t feel that you have to reply as I will probably have another update tomorrow anyway.:)
Nicola
Nic,
God, I can relate to you so much, the frustration sometimes is so unbearable, that you can't help but cry.
You sound like you are already making progress, and maybe like you say, too much too soon? Personally, if the thought is there to do it - GO for it, You can't always tell when you will next be in that frame of mind to even attempt things!
A well done for your progress so far, you are doing really well.
Take care,
tracy x x
Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.
You have achieved a lot today, even if it doesn't feel like it. I think you were so brave to keep going back and trying again. Sorry to hear you're feeling so upset but maybe you can work through this tomorrow. Your Mum and Alex gave you some good advice, be a bit easier on yourself. That's what you would say if you were replying to someone else's post I'm sure!
I have really enjoyed following this thread, it's so good to read how you are going about it all. You're doing really well.:D
Tammy x
nice
well done for tonight. try not to be too hard on yourself. you have done remarkably well since your first posting. maybe do something nice for yourself tomorrow for what you have done so far.You want to be very proud of yourself so far. I agree with tracy if the though is there you go for it.
Looking forward to your posting tomorrow
take care
luv bobsy
nomorepanic
09-02-06, 21:18
Thanks so much for your replies. It means a lot to me to get support on this at the moment.
Tracy - crying actually makes me feel better like it is said to do. It gets it all out doesn't it?
Tammy - yes I would be saying that to others. I have always been critcal of my progress and I know I should be patting myself on the back instead.
Bobsy - thank you. Well I will try again at the weekend as one thing I won't do is give in. So wish me luck and I will see what the therapist says tomorrow.
On another note I have had to ask PPP (private health care people) for more sessions as we think I may need up to 15 and they only authorised 6 so hopefully they will agree. I hope so or I will have to pay myself.
Nicola
Actually Nic posting about the downs aswell as the ups is equally helpful to us all on here, as then we don't wonder why we can't do it as easily as other people seem to.
I totally relate to the keep trying and trying and then crying - this happens to me if I have a crap time at the shops and I wonder what the hell I am doing wrong and will I ever be able to go out comfortably on my own ever again.
Then I realise how hard I am being on myself and how yet again we don't treat ourselves as kindly as we would treat a pal.
We have got to learn this and be our own best friend (thats from one of my affirmation cards again). Not everything in life has to be done like a bat out of hell.
You are one gutsy lady - still haven't got over the tube thing yet:D
You make me laugh and I think you're fab :D:D:D
Pig xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Hi Nic, the others have said it all but just wanted you to know Im thinking about you.
But you are doing well. Take care.xxx
Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.
love from Alexisxx
nomorepanic
14-02-06, 19:43
Update at last.
Well on Friday we talked about my disappointment with the driving practice though she still saw it as a huge success that I went back and did it three times and made me realise that it wasn’t any sort of failure at all.
We talked about things I could try to do that would help as I said that me changing my thoughts wasn’t working very well and I needed more.
So we came up with these:
1) I said that when Alex was in the car with me he was reassuring me and talking to me and challenging my negative panicky thoughts so she wanted me to visualise Alex or even Meg in the car with me and they were reassuring me. I had to visualise what they would be saying to me at that time.
2) She loved the idea that I had this little man called Mr Panic sat on my shoulder feeding me negative thoughts and comments. She thought we could work on this one by destroying the image of it. I have seen this done on the Paul McKenna “I can change your life” programme whereby you take the image and make it funny and give it a silly voice and reduce the scariness of it.
She said to try doing this outside of the driving situation by thinking about how it would look and what voice it would have and how small I could make it. My Mr Panic looks like Yoda from the Star Wars movies (don’t ask me why cos I don’t even like the movies but it suits me). She said by doing this I would diminish the power that it had over me by trivialising it and even making it an image to laugh at. [:P]
When Mr Panic came along I replaced it with this funny, less powerful image that I could laugh at and stop it in its tracks!
3) Create a superhero character that protected me from panic that helped me and fought back.
4) For positive affirmations I could use anything from a quote, a movie clip I could visualise, lyrics from a song etc etc.
On the way back from the session I drove through the contra flow (the easier way) and I am chuffed I can now do this because to go the other way back to work was a long detour. So I was pleased that I can do that no problems now.
Anyway the intention was to go out again on Sunday alone and do the contra flow but things didn’t work out because I was not well and was very anxious all day with some horrid symptoms that I couldn’t get rid of (I won’t go into any more detail here). So I never got to go out.:(
So I decided to go tonight instead straight after work. It takes me about 35-40 minutes to get to the contra flow from work so I thought I would try some positive thoughts etc whilst driving there and I came up with my image of Mr Panic. He was still Yoda but he had pink and yellow spotted pyjamas on and spoke in a very silly voice (don’t worry I am not going completely mad!!). [:O];)
I got to the roundabout looked down the contra flow and just couldn’t pull on to it. So I went straight over at the roundabout, pulled over and sat there doing some deep breathing to try and calm down. It wasn’t helping and tears were welling up in my eyes again.
It didn’t getting any easier so I decided that rather than go home and fail completely I would call Alex. I asked him if he would talk to me whilst I drove to see if it helped as I didn’t want to give in completely.
So off I went, pulled on to the contra flow and had Alex on the phone. Anxiety went to about 5 as I drove into the contra flow and I just said to Alex “ok here we go can’t get off now”. He didn’t even do any positive talking as he didn’t get much chance. He just said “you will be fine” and then I said “oh there are lots of men working on the road, ok I am fine now bye”. He said didn’t I want him to stay on the phone and I said no that I was fine.
The anxiety dropped down to 2 and I had no horrid dizziness or panic or anything. Yippee!:D
I continued along the 1.5 miles, turned round and went back and did it again. This time I visualised the little pyjama clad Yoda on my shoulder and laughed out loud at it. I was saying silly things to myself like “Ha you can’t get me”. Anxiety went from 1-2-2-1 etc but it was fine and I
WELL DONE MATE, and to think you were worried about tackling it before you went today.
You are doing brilliant, I am so pleased for you, you will have this beat before you know it.
A huge hug for coping so well.
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Great progress Nic. It is definitely not a failure ringing Alex and you went on to cope with it well alone and do it without the distraction and reassurance. I think that is a major success. Well done mate!
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I said that when Alex was in the car with me he was reassuring me and talking to me and challenging my negative panicky thoughts so she wanted me to visualise Alex or even Meg in the car with me and they were reassuring me. I had to visualise what they be saying to me at that time.
<div align="right">Originally posted by nomorepanic - 14 February 2006 : 19:43:00</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
I do this when I'm feeling very low and imagine K here with me and what she might say. It has helped me get through some very bleak nights.
Hope you are going to reward yourself for your achievements tonight :D.
Karen
"I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you."
nomorepanic
15-02-06, 19:09
Trac and Karen
Thanks both for you replies. I was well pleased last night and I am hoping to repeat the success tomorrow as well.
Alex cooked me dinner last night so that was a reward in itself.
Nicola
nic
what can i say apart from ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS. [Wow!]YOU ARE A STAR.
Go for it tomorrow girl. I'll be thinking of you
take care
bobsy
nomorepanic
15-02-06, 22:16
Bobsy
Thanks so much for replying - it was very sweet of you to follow my progress and I appreciate it.
x
Nicola
I hope it goes well tomorrow Nic.
Karen x
Rooting for you tomorrow Nic from wherever I am.
Hope you have a good one
Love
Meg xx
Hi Nic,:D
Just want to say I'm thinking of you.
YOUR DOING GREAT :D:D[8D]
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Juliamidlands
16-02-06, 10:55
Hi Nic
Just read every page of this, you're doing brilliantly [^]
I am so up and down with my driving at the moment, that this is just what I need. Unfortunately I've made the mistake of not 'facing the fear'- these days, I drive to work and back, but in the evenings, Dave ALWAYS drives over to mine, and if we go anywhere at the weekend, he always does the driving.
I've not actually driven over to Dave's place since I had the original attack- last October! He says he doesn't mind the driving as such, but he just wants me to be happy again and be able to drive without fear, and that means facing it.
But I'm scared. Say I DO drive over there (25-30 mins drive) and I have a PA- I'm back where I started last October, and I dont think I could bear that .
xxx
'To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world'.
Brilliant I love this thread.
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Your a brave woman, Nic! [^][^][^]
Love Kate xxx
Hi Nic,
I have been following this thread too and you are doing so well, well done you :D.
I have had trouble driving since a car crash two years ago, mostly I'm ok now or just have some mild anxiety - still couldn't do a motorway journey alone but couldn't do that pre anxiety either but I'd cope if I had too I guess. It was such a nice feeling last October when I drove up a dual carriageway and realised I hadn't hyperventilated. I still have good and bad days but am getting there, compared to how I was after the accident I am 90% better most days.
keep up the good work, you can do it.
Lisa x
nomorepanic
16-02-06, 19:17
Oh thanks for all the lovely replies. How lovely to read this evening.
Well tonight I went straight after work to the contra flow. The anxiety was probably about a 2 driving over there because of the anticipation but I got to the roundabout and just pulled on to the road.[:P]
I waited ......
Nothing - absolutely nothing!
No anxiety, no horrid dizziness, no bad thoughts. Nothing!
I just drove through it and then went home. Didn't feel I needed to go back and do it again.
I am well chuffed with myself tonight. What a huge success for me:)[Wow!]
Let's hope this continues and I am really starting to realise that it can't hurt me when I face it head on.
Back to CBT tomorrow so will see what she says.
Nicola
nomorepanic
16-02-06, 19:22
Julia - it has taken every bit of determination I have in me to do this and accept that I will be fine and no harm will come to me. I am not saying I am cured yet but I am well on the way I think.
LJ - I am glad that you coped well last time you did it too. Maybe some of the advice from my CBT therapist will help you too.
Nicola
Wow Nic, what fantastic news! I'm so pleased for you :). This is definitely a success.
I hope you are going to treat yourself tonight because you deserve it mate [Yeah!].
Love
Karen xx
[Wow!][Yeah!][^]:D:)
They say it all LOL
Love Kate xxx
WOO HOO WELL DONE MATE
That is great news, I am so pleased for you, you have cracked it.
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
nomorepanic
16-02-06, 20:06
Karen and Kate
Thanks for the quick replies and lovely comments.
I really appreciate it.
Nicola
nomorepanic
16-02-06, 22:53
Trac - thanks for the support and me moaning on MSN cos I have to go and do it LOL
You always push me on to do it so thanks and when I get home at night you are always congratulating me and it means a lot :)
Nicola
Just fabulous news, mate!
You will soon feel like a new woman :D[^]:D
Take Care,
Ray
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
nomorepanic
16-02-06, 23:05
Ray
I may feel like a new man as well - just don't tell Alex LOL
Nicola
Ooh better hope Alex doesn't read this thread then Nic!!
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
nomorepanic
16-02-06, 23:20
Karen - oops lol - best remove it lol.
He doesn't mind he knows me well enough ;)
Nicola
That's alright then Nic!
I hope the therapy session goes well tomorrow. I bet she'll be well impressed with your progress.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
How lovely must that have felt.
So chuffed for you mate :D:D
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Juliamidlands
17-02-06, 15:17
Ah Nic that is fantastic, well done!!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Julia xx
'To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world'.
nomorepanic
20-02-06, 19:47
Ok only a quick update for a change (phew you all say).
Friday's session - she was delighted with my progress and said "wow" and that I was a star pupil. I was well chuffed as it really helps when someone praises you for the hard work you put in.
We discussed mainly about Alex and I going out at weekends to drive on unknown roads so I get used to unexpected road works etc as well as those that are planned.
Well yesterday we drove over to see his mum and Alex decided to take me the long way via some roadwork's on the A14. Driving over there I got to see them on the other side of the dual carriageway and I do admit to looking long and hard at them to see if I thought I could cope. We then drove back down through them and I was fine. It was less than a mile of road cones so no hard shoulder and I was fine - anxiety was zero again.
I can't believe that I am cured that quick so I am kind of waiting for the fall so to speak but I will keep at it until I am sure I am over it.
Things are definitely better since I changed the way I viewed roadwork's. I don't see them as a threat as such just a bit of anxiety and knowing that I may have to sit in traffic for a bit.
I am going to do some more driving this week to see what I can find and I will try the contra flow again to prove I can still do it.
I am really crossing my fingers that I can overcome this. I still get anxious seeing those cones on the road but once I am driving through them the anxiety is dropping drastically.
Tonight I drove up the A1 a bit but nothing exciting was going on so it was a calm normal drive.
Hopefully I will get more practise once we start arranging the meet-ups again.
She also wants me to look at my other fears of public transport and being in the car with someone (other than Alex) driving so I said I could ask a guy at work to take me out at lunchtime and he said he is more than happy to help so we shall see.
Slowly does it.
We talked about going abroad again but I have other issues with this apart from planes that I hate and that is getting from the airport to resort and the heat! So somewhere with a short plane drive, a car hire and no heat will suit me.
We shall see - I don't want to run before I can walk!
Nicola
Wow Nic. I am so pleased that it is going so well. It is a change of perception that helps so much, which is what I have actually discovered in the past week too.
I think practising to reinforce the fact that you can do it will lead to you overcoming this once and for all. We need some meet ups now so you can practice and put it to the test! :D
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">We talked about going abroad again but I have other issues with this apart from planes that I hate and that is getting from the airport to resort and the heat! So somewhere with a short plane drive, a car hire and no heat will suit me.<div align="right">Originally posted by nomorepanic - 20 February 2006 : 19:47:25</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Perhaps a short flight to somewhere for a short break could be the first step when you are ready to tackle this. You could fly somewhere fairly close like Scotland or Paris, for example.
You're doing great Nic. Well done.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
nomorepanic
20-02-06, 20:08
Thanks Karen for your ever continued support with this.
I think my post is too long for some to bother to read and is getting missed and that is a shame as some of the CBT tips I am getting are very good.
I may pick them all out and post in a new one for tips and tricks whilst driving.
I never thought I would be moving on this quickly but I did go into this with a very positive frame of mind and as you know I was determined to overcome it which has really helped me on.
Nicola
Hi Nic
I can match anyone with long posts when I'm in the frame of mind lol :D. Sometimes I wonder how K has the patience to read the very long messages I send her daily!
I think it is a good idea to pick out the main tips that you are learning from the CBT as I am sure many others could benefit.
It's true that I know how determined you are to overcome these driving difficulties and it can seem that you are moving on very quickly. I was discussing this with K the other day in fact, as I have been somewhat dazed by my sudden turn around. However, K said it can happen like a switch being flicked. I decided not to go any further down the road I have been travelling in, stopped and turned around to head in a new direction. She said that whatever happens next and even if I have blips or setbacks along the way, I am now heading in the right direction.
I am confident you will beat this Nic.
Karen xx
Hi Nicola,
Just wanted to let you know I am reading all your posts on this, even if I don't reply! I look forward to each update and hearing how great you are doing. You have come so far in such a short time. it's amazing!
I agree that others would benefit from the tips you have picked up. They can be applied to most of our problems I think. I have definately picked up a few things and my issues are very different to yours so thank you for continuing to post.
Well done on all your hard work.
Tammy x
nomorepanic
20-02-06, 22:22
Karen - you are doing so fab as well and I am so chuffed for you. You know that I read all your posts and reply when I feel appropriate or think you need a boost.
I will do that separate post I think.
It does worry me that I am moving on so quickly - I am kind of waiting for the big bump back to earth and I know that sounds negative but I can't believe I was cured that quick lol.
Tammy - thanks. I appreciate your reply. I didn't mean that people had to keep replying but I was worried that no-one read it and I am getting loads of good advice that I can pass on free of charge lol.
Thanks for your kind comments and support.
Nicola
I love this thread because it's so encouraging!!
I am so pleased for you Nic I really am and it gives us lot a boost too.
Any news on the NHS accreditation yet??
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Hi Nicola
I am new to this forum, I've just been reading every one of your posts, just reading about your contra flow has me gasping because every word you write mirrors what I have been trying to deal with for the past 4 or 5 years. I will be following each post you make and fully intend to make the same thing work for me too. By the way, you are fantastic to make yourself face this, becuase I know it is the hardest thing in the world!!
Here's the post I left earlier in the 'introduce yourself' forum: "
I am fascinated to come across this forum and see that I am not actually as 'unique' as I thought.
Driving on motorways that are full of huge trucks, road works and barriers with no hard shoulder that I can stop in when I panic ( which has NEVER been necessary) is something that I am really struggling with. Contra flows are guaranteed to have me feeling light headed and faint. I am interested to read here that there is virtually no-one who has actually fainted, but for me the thought that I MIGHT while I am driving on a motorway is the thing that makes me panic the most. I can drive all day on single file roads or even dual carriageways, but the thought of the M25 or the M1 really has me shaking.
The incident that I believe triggered this for me took place about 12 years or so ago. We were living in the Middle East and I had flown into Heathrow with my two children who were then about 5 and 3 years old. I have always loved driving and I was happy to hire a car from Heathrow and drive up to my parents home in Wales.
I hired a smallish car, maybe a VW golf or similar, put my suitcases in the boot and buckled my children into their car seats in the back seat.
When in the Middle East the roads there are very wide and very quiet and the cars are quite big. The day of my drive up to Wales was a very, very windy day and the motorway, either the M25 or the M6 was very busy and full of lorries which at that time didn’t bother me at all as I had always loved driving.
At one point on the motorway we had to drive over a bridge, I was in the third lane overtaking two lorries at the time and a gust of wind caught my car as we drove over the bridge and rocked it so much that I felt I was being pushed into the side of the lorry. It gave me such a fright at the time because I was very conscious of having my two young children in the back seat and being in such a small car made me feel quite out of control. I wanted to pull over but I couldn’t because there was so much traffic on the inside lanes and I had to wait until there was a space for me to move over. As soon as I could, I left the motorway and had to stop for a while to calm down.
I drove the rest of the way on non motorway roads. A few weeks after that I returned to the Middle East after the summer to my normal car and totally forgot about the incident.
We moved to England again in August 2000 and almost straight away I started to feel claustrophobic on the M25.
I do drive on motorways now and although I drive a biggish car I prefer to stay in the slow lane because I have to feel that I can pull over if I need to stop, but by staying in the slow lane it usually means I am surrounded by lorries in front and behind and they can be very intimidating.
If there are road works on the left ( the Heathrow M25 extension is a no go area for me ) and the hard shoulder is blocked off and there are lorries in front and behind me I feel ‘trapped’ and have often had panic attacks where I feel so light headed that I think I might faint and this is now a terrifying experience for me. I don’t put myself in this situation at all and would rather drive on minor roads for hours more than to put myself in a situation where I feel out of control.
I am very interested to hear from other people who might have the same problem and how they are dealing with it.
nomorepanic
23-02-06, 19:44
Shirley
Wow - we sound identical in our fears.
I have had this for many years and decided that I had to do something to overcome it so I am back doing CBT again. It is really helping but is hard work.
What I am doing is telling myself that I am fine in roadwork's, I don't need to stop or pull over. It is just another ordinary road except it has cones on it etc etc.
It is all about changing thought patterns and building confidence. I know it sounds mad but I couldn't do this alone and just seeing this lady for CBT has helped me immensely. She encoruages me, challenges me and above all makes me believe I can do it - and I know I can!
I will help you all I can along the way and give you any tips I can as I know how horrid this is for us.
It can be done but it takes a lot of persistence and reassurance that you will be fine.
I am not cured yet by any means but I am on my way and I am determined to overcome it.
I wish you all the best too.
Nicola
Hi Nic
I missed your reply until now, probably because there have been so many posts to read!
I really appreciate your support Nic and know you are supporting me and reading my posts. I'm doing fine and no one is more surprised than me, particularly in the current circumstances where my attachment issues are concerned. I think maybe last week I had that 'lightbulb' moment that I've read about on here before.
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">It does worry me that I am moving on so quickly - I am kind of waiting for the big bump back to earth and I know that sounds negative but I can't believe I was cured that quick lol.
<div align="right">Originally posted by nomorepanic - 20 February 2006 : 22:22:08</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Yes, I know what you mean because I kind of feel the same way. I am dismissing these doubts though because I know we get more of what we focus on, so I am remaining positive and believing that I am finally on the road to recovery. I'm sure you too will conquer your fears. Even if there are bumps along the road we can both get there. :)
Karen xx
nomorepanic
23-02-06, 21:32
Off I went tonight to face the contra flow again and was quite upbeat about it.
Imagine my shock and disappointment when I pulled on to the A505 - the contra-flow has gone:([:O]
I thought it would be there for at least another month.
How dare they take away my practice run [:P][:P]
Oh well need to find some others now!
Nicola
Lol Nic! Time to find some different roadworks then :D.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
Lol - what a thing to be doing, actively looking for roadworks!!!!!
Love Pig xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Nic, there are bloody loads of them down here mate LOL
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
nomorepanic
24-02-06, 20:08
I am on google searching for roadworks - how sad is that !
Went for my last of the 6 sessions today (unless PPP agree to pay for more).
It wasn't very productive for me and I came out feeling as though I had been told off.
We talked about me moving on to buses, trains, planes, taxis etc and I know I have to try these things but I hate all of them and can't think of anything worse than a bus or train ride. I know that sounds defeatist but she says I have to push myself more now.
I am still trying to conquer the driving so not sure about all the others yet - we shall see.
We also talked about diet, alcohol, exercise etc and how much I should be doing or not doing with each one. I do try and exercise - I swim twice a week - but it is hard to fit everything in with the driving practice I have to do as well.
Oh well - I am not going back for a few weeks now so we shall see what happens in the meantime.
Overall she was delighted with my progress so far but I still need to face that anxiety head on and change my thoughts.
Will update again when I have any more news.
Nicola
Aww Nic, I think you have been doing brilliantly and although you know there are other issues to face, you are still challenging yourself with the driving.
I relate to the feeling of being told off, as this is what I felt like at the clinic on Tuesday when I was pulled off the group table to sit on my own, and then not allowed to leave until I'd cleared my plate. It was like being back at school! I can see the funny side now (just about) but it was distressing at the time.
Following my talk with Jill yesterday and seeing the dietician today, I have realise that it is OK to stand up for myself and say when something isn't working or I am being pushed too hard. Perhaps this is something you could allow yourself to believe too. I know how hard it has been for you to do the roadwork practise and you are doing so well. Even Googling for roadworks lol :D. Perhaps challenging yourself with other forms on transport will be something you can do once you are feeling more confident that you can drive through roadworks and manage your anxiety.
When you do start with other forms of transport, perhaps try getting on a bus for the journey to the next stop and then getting off and build up very slowly. I am sure you know all this aleady! [8D]
I too need to do more exercise. I have an exercise bike now and do go walking in the summer - but I don't like this rain and cold weather lol! I'd love to be able to swim and think that is something to put on my list of goals!
You are doing well Nic. Keep at it!
Karen xx
nomorepanic
24-02-06, 21:17
Karen - thanks for the support - I appreciate it.
I did feel like a naughty school girl today lol. I can understand all the diet, exercise thing if I was mega anxious or panicky but I am not and I know these things help but at the moment they are low priority for me.
Andy is taking me out in the car with him next week during lunchtimes so I am still doing stuff to help.
I do want to move on with other things but I specifically wanted to concentrate on the driving so I will stick with that too.
I am sure she meant well but I did feel like I was being told off lol and I am not good at that lol.
Thanks anyway and glad you are doing so well too.
Nicola
Now the bus thing would be much more relevant to my circumstances (not currently having a car) than it is to yours.
I think its best to tackle things that are a problem in your every day life first. Going on a bus isnt something you need to do really, is it, so its very low priority, same as going in lifts is for me. If I worked on the top floor of an office block it would be (I would never do this however as if my current plans ever change then I will be working in a wool shop:D:D)!!!
I would carry on with the driving thing until you're happy with that and then move on to the trains, planes and whatevers.
The swimming twice a week is good especially working full-time and the forum etc.
The food thing, well my little salad dodger you know what you could be doing there - as do the rest of us!!!
All going very well I would say :)
Love Pig xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
floatlikeabutterfly
25-02-06, 16:32
small steps, Nicola :-)
why run before you can walk?
Sue K with 5
26-02-06, 05:10
Oh Nic !
Your going great guns! god you will be doing the M1 Next! well done you have made huge leaps and I am certain that very soon you will be wondering what all the fuss was about.
You give us all hope and encouragment with your post ! Well just goes to show what determination and a good CBT therapist can do !
Keep going Nic ! So wonderful to see !
Sue
scknight
nomorepanic
26-02-06, 17:06
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">The food thing, well my little salad dodger you know what you could be doing there - as do the rest of us!!!
Love Pig xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
<div align="right">Originally posted by Piglet - 25 February 2006 : 12:09:21</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Piglet - that still cracks me up every time I read it [:P]:)
floatlikeabutterfly - yes that is what she suggest - one step at a time so the fall back down isn't so far.
Sue - I am ok on the M1 in the main. It is only roadwork's etc that freak me. Thanks for your support.
Nicola
nomorepanic
26-02-06, 17:12
Ok off I went today "road work hunting". Yes I am still completely mad and even spent 15 minutes googling for roadwork's. [:o)] Alex said I ought to call the Highway's agency and complain because they aren't enough roadwork's around this area!
I drove all the way up to the A14 and did the roadwork's that I did last weekend with Alex. This time I was alone.
Again the build up was much worse than the event and I was fine. I then continued along the A14 all the way back to the A1 and down the A1 to home.
I found that when I thought about the road I was on I could provoke the anxiety to come back but if I just drove and didn't think about it I was fine.
There were bits where they was no hard shoulder and no-where to get off and these are the bits I find hard but I did fine and no anxiety atall.
In all I did 65 miles and was out for 1.5 hours so not bad for some therapy I thought. Costing me a small fortune petrol mind you! [}:)]
Nicola
Well done again Nic. You're doing great :).
I don't know of anyone else actively looking for roadworks lol!!
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Again the build up was much worse than the event and I was fine.<div align="right">Originally posted by nomorepanic - 26 February 2006 : 17:12:43</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
That is usually the way with anticipatory anxiety being much worse than the actual event. This is because of the way we tend to negatively imagine and practise the event in our minds so that the subconscious believes the drive/event is actually dangerous and anxiety kicks in.
It's much better therefore to think about the drive, or specifically driving through roadworks, when in a relaxed state and to imagine feeling and driving fine. Focusing on it in a positive way is what helps.
Just another idea that could help!
Well done again Nic.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey
Totally right Karen and very wise too.
I am gonna start trying to do this - I have made great progress with stopping day dreaming in a negative way (using pips image of the lollipop lady stop sign) but I could also add some extra punch to it by replacing it with positive images rather than nothing much at all.
Nic that is your nickname now hun and one that will be used regularly to keep you on the straight and narrow!!![}:)]:D:D:D
Love Pig xx
nomorepanic
27-02-06, 19:40
Karen, Piglet and Nigel - thanks for your input - I really appreciate it.
My ex-boss Andy said to me this morning that he would take me out for a drive at lunchtime like he promised when I asked last week.
You have to remember that I have not been in a car with anyone other than Alex since my mum drove me for a few miles to my sisters 40th birthday in September 2004!
So I agreed even though I was a bit nervous. He said he would stop if I asked him to and wouldn't go too fast.
We went for a long drive round Luton for about 40 minutes in total and I was fine. I didn't stop talking the whole time as my way of keeping my mind busy but it was great and I was fine. I just imagined it was Alex driving [:P]
So another great progress. He is taking me out again later in the week. If I can conquer this then I will be able to get a taxi again I hope.
Tonight I went swimming and did 50 lengths (25m pool) so I am on a bit of a high now after a great day:)
Nicola
Anything excuse for a longer lunch break mate [}:)]
Just kidding your doing brilliant mate, keep up the good work.
Lots of love
Trac xxx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
nomorepanic
27-02-06, 21:40
Ha Ha Trac
This is the first time in 6 weeks I have been able to have an hour's lunch break as I have to make time up for going to CBT !
Nicola
Wow Nic! What a great day for you and such great progress :). I am really proud of you for the way you are tackling this and you are coming on in leaps and bounds.
It really helps to imagine someone else is there with you doesn't it? I've found this a great tool to use to help me through difficult situations and times.
Well done with the swimming too. That's another of my goals - to overcome my fear of water and learn to swim. Another one for the list :D.
Karen xx
nomorepanic
27-02-06, 22:02
Karen - thanks as ever for your support.
I seem to be doing so much so soon that it is not like me and I do question why - like I guess we all do.
Maybe I had a brain transplant overnight or maybe I just needed someone to believe in me and tell me that i can do it.
I don't think the therapist has done miracles - I know that I have but having her support has meant to much. That doesn't mean I ignore the support on here but when I see her and the sheer and genuine delight on her face makes me want to do it even more and yes she is pushing me beyond what I ever imagined and yes I am wanting to please her - but not in a sad way - just a great way.
Nicola
Hi Nic
You're welcome to the support. You have given me so much support and help so many people here.
It is true that we all question ourselves and start to have doubts when we start to progress quite quickly I think. I know I certainly have over the past couple of weeks. It is like being stuck somewhere for so long that when we start to make changes it feels very strange but in a good way.
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Maybe I had a brain transplant overnight</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Lol!! I was saying the same thing to Jill last week :D. It does feel like that doesn't it? I think it is more a change of mind set and renewed determination.
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">or maybe I just needed someone to believe in me and tell me that i can do it.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Well I believe in you and believe you can do it. I know what you mean about it being different when you see someone face to face and receive that direct feedback though. For me, it is most important to me that K sees I am doing well but that doesn't detract from my appreciation of the support I receive here either.
Keep going Nic. You are doing brilliantly.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey
nomorepanic
08-03-06, 21:53
I have a bit of a dilemma now.
On the road to work they now have a massive contra-flow in place. It is over 4.5 miles long. When I drove down it this morning I did 1.5 miles on the "ok" side of it but if I go home that way then it is 4 miles of the horrid side and I don't know whether I can do it or not.
This morning I could only do that far and then turned off cos I didn't feel 100% about it. I don't know whether I can do it the other way cos it is a long way and more than I have done alone before.
I am now beating myself up over doing it or not and whether it is too much too soon.
If I feel up to it tomorrow I will try and go down it one way all the way but I just don't know if I can do it the other way or not and feel ok. I guess I have lost a bit of confidence as I have not had a CBT session for 2 weeks now and not done much driving as I have been ill.
Just writing this down as it helps me try to work it out. I wish I could just do it but when I drove down it this morning I was a bit panicky and don't want to knock myself back down.
Nicola
Hi Mate,
Just keep doing the ok bit until you feel more confident, and then give the other side a go when you feel ready to try.
Just remember how well you did with the other road works and how great you felt when you achieved them.
You can do this mate, you are stronger than you think!!
Love
Trac xxxx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Nic,
I agree with Trac, just keep doing what you are doing and then, when you are feeling more comfortable, try doing the tricky bit.
You have done SO well that you don't want to do too much before you are ready. Be patient LOL, you WILL do the "harder" side soon so don't beat yourself up about it at the moment [8D]
Love Kate xx
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
just wondering how you got on today. I agree with tracey just do the bit you can for now that you feel comfortable with and the rest will come.
dont beat yourself up over it.
take care
bobsy
bobsy is right. don't put yourself down about not doing it. You are doing so well, and achieving so much.
xx
"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
Totally agree with everyone - if it was you advising us you would say the same :D
Love Pig xxx
Hi Nic
You have been doing so well and there is nothing to beat yourself up about.
Start to build up gradually again, small steps at a time. You will probably find you are over this little hiccup much more quickly than you think.
Hope you are feeling ok today.
Karen xx
nomorepanic
09-03-06, 18:50
Hi all
Thanks for all the lovely messages of support.
Well this morning on the way to work I drove all the way through the contra-flow the way that I consider ok. It was fine and I did great.
Tonight I just couldn't face it. I am feeling really poorly at the moment with a chest infection so decided against pushing myself.
Alex said we can go over the weekend and try it together so I will try that.
I know when not to push myself too hard.
I will get there in time.
Thanks again for thinking of me and the words of support.
Nicola
Good thinking matey. :D:D
Love Pig xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
nomorepanic
13-03-06, 22:27
Ok I know most of you are bored of reading this.... but they stole my contra-flow. It has gone now so can't try it. [:O]
Oh well back to google for more road works.
I have also heard that I can have another 10 sessions of CBT so that is good news!
Will let you know when i find some new roadworks - [Sigh...]
Nicola
Great news on the CBT Nic.
Blimey, that's not very nice of them stealing your contra flow! [:O]
Don't worry because come the summer holidays every motroway in the country will be on a go slow due to roadworks!
Keep on googling, you're doing great! [^]
Love Kate xx
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
Wow Nic, Googling being put to good use :D. I hope you find some new contra flows to practise with.
It's great news about the further sessions of CBT.
Karen x
Ah that's good news about the sessions:D:D
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
hey im not bored of reading your thread and am pleased you are getting 10 more sessions of cbt. will let you know if i hear of any contra flows on the news lol
take care
bobsy
Good news about the sessions mate :D
And to think us drivers all used to moan about roadworks on the motorways, now we are wishing there were more about so you could practise LOL.
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
nomorepanic
14-03-06, 19:12
Thanks all.
I am seeing woman on Friday and nothing to report really but I will still go along to catch up.
It is weird but since I stopped seeing her I have lost the "drive" (excuse the pun) to go out as much. It could also be this blasted cold I have had for over 2.5 weeks now.
Hopefully she will give me the "get up and go again".
Thanks for replying.
Nicola
Hi Nicola,
Only really just caught up with this thread. Go girl! Sounds like you've been doing really well. Maybe you can offer me some tips - i passed my test in September (after about 10 years of trying) and i'm still too scared to drive any further than the local shop.
Take care,
Henri x
Hi Nic,
Your doing fab hun. Sorry you still have a nasty cold. I hope it clears up for you soon mate.
Take Care keep up the good work. I hope you find some more roadworks soon hun! LOL
Love Pips X X X X
Nic
You have been doing fantastically well
Of course having a lousy chest infection will have had an impact on you
Back to it soon
Love
Meg xxxx
nomorepanic
21-03-06, 22:18
Ok thought I best post the latest update.
Well last Thursday I knew that I needed to do something and heard on the radio that the new A505 road was open and I knew that there was a tunnel on it somewhere. I hate tunnels!
So off I went in search of therapy but wasn't quite prepared. I drove down the A505 and in the distance round a sweeping corner I could see the tunnel. Aggghhhh - I had no idea how long it was, whether it had a hard shoulder etc.
The anxiety shot up as I drove round that bend and I thought about calling Alex but then remembered that phones don't work in tunnels so that was no good. So I decided to face it and see how I did.
As I drew closer I was thinking "well can't get off now so let's just do it" then got closer and could see the tunnel and straight out the other side - it was no more than 500 yards long. Anxiety went right down and I drove through no problem.
Did it the next day the other way whilst driving to CBT session and no anxiety atall. This damn anticipatory anxiety is so bad!! aggghhh
Anyway the session was ok with therapist - talked mainly about what I had/had not done for 3 weeks and she was still amazed at my positive attitude despite being ill and not getting out much.
I am a model pupil apparently lol !
So going back again Friday and hoping that I can still learn new stuff and new tips for all of you guys too.
I now have 2 years of roadworks on the M1 (not that I use it) but it is somehwere I can go to practise I guess.
I have more sessions ahead so trying to make the most of them all before they run out.
Thanks for reading.
Nicola
It is so great to read about all your progress Nic and you are doing so well. I know your fear of tunnels and so tackling one when you had no idea how long it was etc was just brilliant. Well done.
Anticipatory anxiety is the worst. I caused myself such a lot of worry and imagining the worst the other weekend because of a forthcoming meeting with someone at the clinic that I find very intimidating. The 'what ifs' were running riot with my negative thinking. But when the day arrived, forward planning and asking for support when I needed it (something I would never normally do) and I found I didn't clam up or become speechless. I didn't get upset and cry, and I didn't even need the back up of the person I'd dragged along with me!
It just shows that changing the way we think so that instead of imagining the worse, we could imagine coping and managing fine would be so much more helpful. Just needs a bit of practise I guess!
I am glad you are getting so much from the CBT sessions.
Karen xx
Wow Nic your doing so great hun. WELL DONE mate.
I definately agree anticipatory anxiety is always the worst.
Keep up the good work model pupil LOL!
Take Care,
Loadsa Love PIP'S X X X X
Well done nic I am glad you are keeping us posted as i like reading all about your successes. It puts me in good stead to try myself
take care
bobsy
Nic
You model pupil you !!!! LOL
Your doing so well I'm proud of you mate
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
You will always be a model pupil to me - still marvelling about the garden hose put up your nose at your ent appt that time[:O]:D:D:D
Well done salad dodger :D:D
Love Piglet xx
nomorepanic
23-03-06, 19:42
Karen, Pips, Bobsy, Trac and Piglet
Thanks so much for the support. I really appreciate you guys following me through this and encouraging me.:)
Well this week has been a wipe-out really. Not had chance to do any driving (other than what I do normally) so no challenges faced. Not sure what we will talk about tomorrow but we shall see. I usually find something to fill the 50 minutes.:D
Feel really fed up and down this week and can't even face the forum the last 2 nights so hopefully after the weekend I will feel better and more positive about things.
Will update again when I have some more news.
Cheers all
x
Nicola
Nic,
Sorry to hear that you are feeling low at the moment. Don't worry, I'm sure some more roadworks will appear in the not too distant future!
Try not to lose heart, you are doing really well.
Love Kate xx
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
nomorepanic
23-03-06, 20:34
Thanks Kate
It is not the lack of roadwork's that is making me miserable for a change lol.
Just had enough of a lot of things - forum included - so staying away till I can be more positive.
Hope you are well?
Nicola
Hi mate,
Crap isn't it when we feel like that, a few days away from the forum will do you good, recharge your batteries ready to start again. (and no I don't mean those batteries either [}:)] LOL)
((((HUG))))
There you go mate to keep you going.
Love
Trac xxx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Hi Nic
Sorry you are feeling low this week. That's how it goes sometimes, as I've been finding myself this week too.
I think it helps to take some time out for yourself. It is hard enough tackling our own issues at times without trying to be there for others too. You already do so much for us all here on the forum.
Hope you are feeling better soon.
Karen xx
Trac don't be disgusting!!!![}:)][}:)]:D
We all need to have time out here and there Nic. :D
Catch you soon hun.
Love Piglet xx
We all understand how it feels, and sometimes you do just need a break.
We'll all look forward to hearing from you when you're feeing a bit better.
Sounds like you're making lots of progress though.
"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
sorry youve had enough of things lately and not feeling too good. I think a lot of us have days like that. Just take time out for yourself to do what you want when you want and sod everybody else. Remember though you have come a long long way with your driving and everything else and nobody can take that away from you.[8D]
take care and look forward to talking again very soon.
love
bobsy
nomorepanic
28-03-06, 21:37
Thanks all for the posts and support.
Well I promised I would keep this post up as I need to report back to therapist in 4 weeks so need to keep this diary as a reminder.
Well today at lunchtime I decided to tackle the M1. There are roadworks on it for 2 years so loads of practise for me there.
I went 2 miles down a junction and 2 miles back. The hard shoulder is part of the main carriageway now so no escape route for me. I was nervous as usual but once on it I kept telling myself it was just any other road and I was fine and I didn't need to get off and I did just fantastic. Down one junction and back up again and no major panic.
Each day I am going to try a few more junctions as it stretches from junction 10 -6 so lots to practise in.
Well pleased that I can still do these things and I need to stick at it so I don't forget that confidence.
I will beat this blooming thing soon.
Nicola
hey hiya
well done I know you can do it you are getting better each and every time you do it. nice for an update take care and keep driving
love
bobsy:D
Fantastic Nic. You are doing so well.
Like you say, keep practising to increase your confidence and reinforce the reality that you can do it.
Karen x
nomorepanic
28-03-06, 22:47
Bobsy and Karen
You two are so kind to still reply to my posts. Thanks it means a lot.
Nicola
[Wow!][Yeah!][^]:D Glad to see the roadworks are still going well, Nic!
Catch you soon, mate.
Love Kate xxx
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
nomorepanic
29-03-06, 08:24
Kate - thanks mate. I have 2 years of them on the M1 so loads of time to sit in them. Will try and go again this lunchtime and go down another junction this time. I know how to have fun LOL.
Nicola
You are continuing to do brilliantly with this Nic - a big well done :D
Love Pig xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Nic,
You know I think your doing brilliant, and you will beat this for sure mate !!
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
nomorepanic
29-03-06, 14:22
AGGGHHHH
Thought I would be cocky and go further down the M1 at lunch time today. Well once I got past junction 9 there was no getting off for about 5 miles and I started off fine and all confident though a bit anxious.
Then it got worse and I wanted to get off and couldn't of course.[:O] No hard shoulder and nowhere to stop.
I wound the window down and put the air conditioning on and kept telling myself I would be fine. Started the breathing exercises to try and control the dizziness and kept reassuring myself.
It was horrid :(
Contemplated not going back up the M1 again and putting myself through it twice but knew if I didn't I would never do it again.
Still anxious coming back but made it in one piece.
Feel yucky now and still dizzy and shaky.
I will beat this blooming driving thing - no pain without gain is there[Sigh...]
Will try again Friday when I have calmed down a bit. Damn anxiety - hate it.
Nicola
I think I may make you very big badge someday soon with 'Head of determination' on it!!!!
You will get there, you know that, because the cord of determination that runs through you is truly awesome.
Go get em tiger :D:D:D
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Mate,
Well done for sticking it out and carrying on, thats the hardest part and you did it.
Today was just an off day, its always worse if you feel tired and a bit low.
YOU ARE GOING TO BEAT THIS MATE, DON'T LET IT TELL YOU OTHERWISE.
Big hug
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
hi nic,just want to say i admire ur determination sounds to me your gonna beat this for sure.keep at it.luv mooxXx
Nic
i no wot you mean. I sometimes get a little cocky with myself and try to do a little bit more and end up panicking. One thing though I would have not gone back down the road BUT YOU DID ABSOLUTELY BRILL WELL DONE GIRL Good luck for Friday and I'll be looking out for your post.
I have a book that says something like if you stick to what you say you are going to do (i.e drive one mile down the road) and you carry it out you are exiting from a situation but if you say right im going to drive one mile and dont, and carry on that little bit further and you start to panic you are then escaping from situation i will try and find the book and write down exactly what is said but hope you make some sense of it
take care
bobsy x x
Hi Nic
Well I think you did brilliantly to face the anxiety again straight away by going back up the M1. Some days pushing ourselves to face our fears is harder than others, but you continue to keep plugging away at this and will get there.
This was just a blip today and we all have those. Well done for seeing it through.
I believe that you WILL beat this. Go gently on yourself and build up slowly. There is no race or timescale in which to do this. The important thing is that you are making progress and doing so well.
Karen xx
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
YOU ARE GOING TO BEAT THIS MATE, DON'T LET IT TELL YOU OTHERWISE.
Big hug
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
<div align="right">Originally posted by trac67 - 29 March 2006 : 16:10:44</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
I'll second that!
"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
Maura Brosnan
01-04-06, 22:42
Hi there Nicola,
Hi just found this website last night while googling because I too suffer from chronic anxiety while driving. I sat for an hour last nite and read the whole 12 pages here following your progress. My god fair play to you for making such fantastic progress. You inspired me so much that I went for a practice drive today but it was horrific. My levels never dropped below 5/6. I'm starting CBT next Wed again and I hope I too will find success although driving is only one of my many probs! Well done again and looking foward to your latest update.
Hi Nic,
Lost track of this thread for a while (way too much going on in my life), but have just re-read the whole lot.
I think you are doing brilliantly! I'm not sure I'd be as persistent as you have been.
I have experienced anxiety whilst driving but only since I my PAs started last Sept. Before then, however, I was always an extremely anxious passenger - didn't trust anyone to drive me anywhere. That's changed since I met my current partner (phew!).
When I was particularly acute, a few weeks after it all started, I was driving to work (first day back after being off) and I got held up in a queue of traffic about 2 miles long. Huge hot flush, followed by racing heart, total confusion and a feeling of wanting to get out and run. I knew I was bad because I had to turn off my (fairly raucous rock) CD and replace it immediately with the soothing tones of Wogan on Radio 2. Oh God, how the mighty have fallen lol!
I got through it (although I haven't quite got over the Wogan thing yet lol) and since then I have been relatively ok, but still hate motorways, especially with lorries. I find contraflows OK though, strangely. I think it's because everyone is forced to slow down. It's the speed and spacing on the motorway I usually hate.
Just a question for you. What sort of car do you drive? Reason I ask is that I have found that having a bigger car (I mean a higher up one - I'm one of those hated 4x4 people) makes me a lot less claustrophobic. Being able to have a larger presence on the road and being able to see what's ahead really helps me.
Also, having a very good reason to go somewhere is usually enough to get me there in one piece. You know, like picking someone up from the airport or going to an event. I'm so impressed that you have been pushing yourself on the basis of the CBT alone. What a strong woman you are!
Keep up the good work. I must attend to my own diary too - I've neglected it for the last 2 sessions due to other demands.
Hope you are feeling better generally too.
Eeb x
PS I'm glad you liked my tunnel - I call it mine as I can just about see it from my house and my road was shut for over a year while they built the damn thing...!
I havent been in this site for a bit, but good onya Nicola and Eeb you have exactly the same signs/syptoms that I have with driving and damn bridges. Ive had CBT twice and not alots changed except I now recognise when its happening and try to control it, but my driving is still controlled by it, I just use a friendlier route, get a lift/bus or dont go at all and have doubt in myself to achieve positive results, so I will follow your progress with much interest and hopefully get the courage to tackle my issues again, thanks for giving me some hope and good luck.
nomorepanic
08-04-06, 16:44
Hi all
Thanks for all the lovely replies...
Piglet and Trac - thanks guys for the suppport as ever. Means a lot to me.
Moo - thanks for the post. I appreciate it.
Bobsy - thanks. I know you like to read my posts so I thought I best catch up with the latest. I would be interested in that quote if you find it sometime. Thanks.
Karen - thanks for that. I know I need to take things slowly and then hopefully I will beat it once and for all.
Munchkin - thanks for the support.
Maura - thanks for reading my post and replying. How is the CBT going? Are you getting anywhere with it?
Eeb - hi there and thanks for replying. I am not surprised you haven't got over the Wogan think yet lol. I drive a small car - a Peugeot 206CC so I am fairly low down but I do like small cars as I am not especially good at parking! I liked your tunnel once I knew it wasn't that long but it did look daunting from so far back up the A505! Thanks for the suppport. I appreciate it.
Lindy - you could try some of the tips that I have been using to control it - they do seem to help. Good luck with it.
Ok on to my progress. Well last Thursday I did go back on the M1 but didn't go very far as I got about 500 yards from Junction 9 and we hit a traffic jam and were stationary. I knew that there was no way I could sit in the traffic for another 5 miles down to junction 8 so I did get off. I then went straight back up the motorway to junction 11 and got off there. So I did well to do it even though it wasn't as far as I would have liked to go.
On Thursday this week I drove up to the M1 and they were queuing off the slip road so again I decided not to join that as it would have been a long wait and long queues. Instead I went back up to junction 11 just for some practise and that was fine.
Yesterday I went back to the M1 and decided I had to do it all the way to junction 8 again. I got to junction 9 and really wanted to pull off but knew I had to carry on. It was hard to control the anxiety and I was very scared but I kept reassuring myself that I was fine and when I got dizzy I started my breathing exercises to calm me down and that definitely helps with the horrid heady feelings.
I could see that the traffic was very busy going back north up the M1 but I still got back on drove up it and for a while we only did 20 mph so it was a fairly slow plod. I just kept reassuring myself I would be ok and of course I was. I got off at junction 10 feeling a bit wobbly and light headed but at least I did it.
I am hoping to go for a drive tomorrow to a small contra flow that Alex found me so I will keep at it and keep trying to control it.
I am pleased I did the M1 but I am still finding it so hard to change those thoughts. Someone asked me yesterday what I actually feared and I am not sure I know. All I know is that I want to get off cos I feel shut in but I don't know why I have those thoughts. Maybe I will discuss them at CBT again in 2 weeks.
Anyway - thanks for the support guys and will let you know when I have more news.
Nicola
Still going well then, mate![^]:D
I sooooo agree with you that it is very, very hard to change our thoughts. It is good that you are challenging yourself and keep doing the motorway, but how much nicer it would be if we just did it without even thinking about it and analizing how we are feeling all the time :( I know, cos I'm exactly the same [:I]
Have fun on Alex's contra flow! [:P]
Love Kate xx
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
nomorepanic
08-04-06, 20:03
Kate
Hiya mate and thanks for replying.
I got to the point that I could do the driving and come out the other end going "phew thank goodness that is over with". Now I am getting mad cos I can't do it and think that I coped rather than just did it.
I am fed up of just doing it and not feeling so good but I will stick at it. Damn thoughts drive me mad.
I will keep going till it becomes 2nd nature to me - I know that it will take time but then I can't rewind 12 years of problems in a few months I guess.
Nicola
Hi Nic
Well done for keeping plodding on with it. It is very hard work and changing the thoughts so that it becomes second nature to do it without worrying takes time. Like you say, you can't undo so many years of fears and panic in a few weeks.
It is kind of like my fear of speaking. I am now pushing myself to do and and manage reasonably well in one-to-one situations, but in groups I still am just trying to get through it with the panic and negative thoughts still plaguing me. But, I am in a similar position to you in that this has been a problem for years and won's suddenly come right overnight. It is also difficult to explain exactly what I am scared off. I know what started it but those fears are not really relevant today.
Oh well... we will keep plodding on eh? And I know we can both get there in the end. Keep practising and good luck for tomorrow.
Karen xx
Nic,
Be proud of yourself that you do keep giving it a go even though you know it can make you feel rubbish when your doing it.
It is easy to avoid doing the things that make us feel anxious, and so much harder to actually confront them face on and 'JFDI'.
So you are doing brilliant mate by keep going back and facing the fears, and by persevering like you are, you will definately beat it.
Well done mate
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
honeybee3939
09-04-06, 10:22
Nicola,
I think you a have done absolutley brillaint, you should be so proud of yourself, i havent driven on a motorway for 8 years i wish i had the courage that you have. I think you are a very brave person, im hoping reading your diary will help me too, i thankyou for that.
Andrea
xxxx
nomorepanic
09-04-06, 16:46
Karen, Trac and Andrea - many thanks for the support, really appreciate it.
Well today I have been a very brave "Salad dodger" (that is just for Piglet).[^][^]
I went off to find the contraflow that Alex found me and this time I didn't google it to find out how bad it was and I didn't ask Alex anything about it. All I knew was that it wasn't too long (800 yards) and was on the A421.
Well I did it and I was fine[Yeah!] I even went down the "hard" way first where I was driving on the other side of the road and I got to the end turned round and went back up it and then back through it again!
I was fine and no anxiety so I am well chuffed.
I drove back over to the A1 and up there for one junction and then back home.
That contraflow is there for 6 months so I can still use it to practise on.
Great news and I am chuffed that I did it with no anxiety.:)
Nicola
WELL DONE NIC!! :D[8D]
Sounds like you aced it!!
It is great that you were able to do it with no anxiety and faced the challenge the other way and on the A1 too! Many congratulations.
I'm so very proud of the way you are tackling this and I know you will get to the point where you can do this all the time and feel calm about it.
Such great news to read!
Karen xx
More great news from you, well done!!!
You definately should be chuffed with this, you have worked so hard.
Good luck with the continued practise.
Tammy x
nomorepanic
09-04-06, 18:16
Karen/Tammy
Thanks guys for the replies. I feel really pleased with myself today and it gives me renewed confidence when it goes well.
Hopefully will be back on the M1 again this week too.
Nicola
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Well today I have been a very brave "Salad dodger" (that is just for Piglet).[^][^]
Nicola
<div align="right">Originally posted by nomorepanic - 09 April 2006 : 17:46:22</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
:D:D:D:D:D:D
Well done mate :D:D
I too did my 10 mins of 'exposing' myself in the front garden [:O][:I][}:)]:D as recommended on my telephone recovery course. I had no anxiety other than the snot dribbling off the end of my wet nose into the hedge - in the end I stuck kitchen roll up each nostril and finished the job.
Goodness knows what my goal for next week will be set as!!!!!!
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
nomorepanic
09-04-06, 22:46
Piglet
Thanks mate and well done to you as well. We are both doing great.
I have sat here with tissue up both nostrils as well - well sexy!
Nicola
WELL DONE again Nic, you are doing so well! [^]:D
Love Kate xxx
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
Just want to say a BIG WELL DONE NIC you are coming on leaps and bounds - is that piglets saying sorry lol.
you should be so proud of yourself keep it up and it will come second nature.
I'll look out for that saying for you and pm you if thats ok.
keep in touch
take care
bobsy;)
Well done mate, you are so going to beat this one !!!!
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
nomorepanic
15-04-06, 16:55
Thanks Bobsy and Trac
Thought I best do an update before I forget as I need to take all these posts to CBT with me when I go back in another week.
Well last Tuesday (11th April) I knew that I would have to get some driving practice in again before the Easter break so I decided to do the M1 again.
I really didn't want to go - wasn't looking forward to it and wasn't really in the right frame of mind but I decided that I had to push myself or I would never do it.
I managed to drive down to junction 8 again without any major issues just a feeling of "don't want to be here". The anxiety was controllable and I even ventured into the middle lane and sat there for a while. I was fine just grumpy I suppose.
I drove all the way back up to junction 11 and then back to Luton the back roads.
Wednesday I did it again down to junction 8 and was a bit more positive this time about it. No hassles just had to concentrate on breathing and forget that I was in roadworks.
Thursday I drove up to the M1 but it was queueing off the slip road again so decided not to join it and sit in it for hours. So not very successful but never mind.
I am hoping to get out again over the weekend so will update then.
Nicola
honeybee3939
15-04-06, 18:14
Your still doing well Nicola you have made such great progress!
Well done !!
Love Andrea
xxx
Well done Nic. You are still making great progress and tackled the roadworks twice, which is an achievement. No one really enjoys sitting in traffic jams lets face it :D.
Keep it going and you will get there.
Karen x
nomorepanic
15-04-06, 19:15
Thanks Andrea and Karen for the support. I appreciate you taking time to read my waffles and reply lol.
Nicola
Nic you are doing so GREAT hun and you never waffle!
Take Care & have a nice Easter. Hope you get some chocs!
Love PIP'S X X X X
nomorepanic
19-04-06, 19:19
Thanks Pips
Well I best do an update as I am off to a Health Spa on Friday for 2 nights so will forget what I have done!
Sunday - well I went for a long drive up the A1, over to the A421 where the roadworks are, over to Milton Keynes and then all the way back again. I was fine in the contra-flow - just again the build up to getting on it was the small blip then I was ok.
Today I decided to tackle the M1 before I go away on Friday so I got on at junction 10 and drove down to 8 as usual then back on again. I did fine driving down south but coming back north I had that horrid rush of anxiety that hit me quickly.
I think it was my fault for going out before having lunch so my blood sugar levels may have been low but I had some mints in the car so munched on them.
I put the air-con on to cool me down and just kept reassuring myself. I nearly turned off at junction 9 but knew that if I didn't carry on it would be worse long term for me and I was supposed to be dealing and coping with the anxiety.
I calmed down and drove all the way up to junction 11 and then back down to 10 and off again.
I got back to work and felt all heady and grotty and haven't really felt better all afternoon but I have to just accept the feelings, get an early night and move on. I will still get this anxiety until I truly accept I am safe and ok and don't need to avoid the roadworks atall.
I have a long drive to the Health Spa on Friday so that will be more practise for me as well.
Thanks for reading.
Nicola
Well done again Nic.
Facing the anxiety is very uncomfortable but you carry on and keep practising, and I think you are making great progress.
The drive to the health spa will be good practise too. At least you get to relax once you get there :D.
I hope you have an enjoyable couple of days away.
Karen xx
nomorepanic
20-04-06, 16:24
Thanks Karen
I am looking forward to going away and chilling.
Catch up when I get back.
Nicola
Hi Nic, you are doing great, I know i dont reply here but I do read it and catch you on msn occassionally.
Keep going and if you get to the Health Spa and find there is a spare bed, text me and Ill appear with chockies and stella.
Well done Nic.
nomorepanic
20-04-06, 16:42
Thanks Alexis. I know that I update you on MSN as well so thanks for the post.
You are more than welcome to come with me if you don't mind sharing a single bed. You are even more welcome if you smuggle stella in !!!
Nicola
Hi Nic,
Just caught up with your post, you are really doing great, keep up the good work [^].
I saw a Paul McKenna programme on tv earlier (skythree I think) and he cured a woman of her panic of driving on motorways in a 5 minute phone call! It was pretty amazing to watch.
Have a lovely time at the health spa, get lots of pampering - you deserve it.
Lisa x
Getting away and chilling sounds like a very attactive prospect right now :D [Yeah!].
Not sure about the Stella though [:O].
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey
Have a super duper time.:D
Will you be registering in as Mrs Salad Dodger????;)
Big hug
Piglet xxx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Hi Nic
You are doing great.
Hope that you have a relaxing time at the spa .... wish it was me! :D
Hi Nic
Pleased for you, you are doing really well you never give in do you, your an inspiration.
have a lovely weekend and chill and relax
love
bobsy
nomorepanic
23-04-06, 22:12
Well I am back[^]
All chilled and calm and aching but there you go - yoga and a vigorous massage does that!
Didn't sleep for 2 nights so I will do tonight.
Drive was fine. Cones are losing their impact on me - I see them and say "bring it on". No roadworks and hassles and a great 2 days away - loved it! Drive both ways was fine.
Now I really don't want to go to work again!
Nicola
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
Drive was fine. Cones are losing their impact on me - I see them and say "bring it on".
<div align="right">Originally posted by nomorepanic - 23 April 2006 : 23:12:09</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Wow Nic that is great :D You're doing so well.
Glad you had a good time.
Lisa x
Hi Nic
Glad you had such a great time, though it doesn't sound that relaxing [8D]!
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Drive was fine. Cones are losing their impact on me - I see them and say "bring it on". No roadworks and hassles and a great 2 days away - loved it! Drive both ways was fine.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Well done Nic [Wow!]. You really are well on the way to beating this driving fear. I am so pleased for you and proud of the way you've kept at it.
You're a star :)!!
Karen xx
Hi Nic,
Lovely to hear that you have had such a good time. Well done you on the driving too!
Eeb x
Sounds like you are doing so well! Good on ya!
"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
nomorepanic
31-05-06, 19:28
Thought I would do a quick update as I am supposed to keep this as a diary and keep forgetting to write it up.
Well yesterday I went over to the contra-flow again on the A421 and I was very nervous leading up to is as I haven't done it for a few weeks and I do forget that I can cope etc.
I kept thinking "what am I doing and why am I doing this" and the first 20 seconds or so once in it were a bit anxious but then it was ok.
Today I decided to try the M1 as I haven't done it for over 2 weeks now.
I had no idea how much it had all changed and once on it I soon realised that it wasn't like it was last time I tried it. Going south there are now 2 lanes and a steel barrier on the left and the 3rd lane is now a contra flow with barriers either side. I knew there was no way I could do the contra flow so just sat in the inside lane.
Then it hit me all of a sudden. The anxiety shot up to about 8, I went dizzy and starting getting panicky.:( It was definitely cos of the steel barrier as I felt even more shut in than normal.
I knew I had to do something and my first thought was that I had to stop as I felt dreadful. I then realised this was not practical, was probably dangerous and would achieve nothing. I put the air-con on full and kept telling myself to breathe properly. I kept saying to myself "you are fine, you will be fine."
It was only 2 miles to the exit but it was a long 2 miles[:O]
I pulled off a junction 9 as there was no way I could continue down to junction 8.
I got back on and drove northbound and that was fine as it is still 4 lanes and I could sit happily in the hard-shoulder lane with grass next to it rather than steel barriers.
I was really shaken by this and had all those thoughts that we all have of "oh god I have fallen back to where I was", "I can't do this", "it is too hard".
I kept trying to remember what I was told in CBT but it all went out the window and I was so shocked that I didn't cope very well.
I know it is because I have hardly done the M1 in a few weeks but blimey did it hit me hard.
I know I have to go back again soon - ie tomorrow but I am not looking forward to it as you can imagine and finding it hard to be positive even though I need to be.
I will see how I feel tomorrow and try again!
The thing that worried me is that I got used to the M1 when I knew the layout and what to expect. When I was hit with new obstacles like today it really threw me and I am mad for not coping with it.:(
Anyway that is the latest. Will post again when I try it again.
Nicola
Hi Nic, well done for remembering to post, sorry you feel bad about the way you handled it, I know you must feel youve taken a step backwards, but you havent gone right back, well done on going for it again tomorrow.
Will be thinking about you tomorrow and hope it goes OK, xxxxxxxx
glad to know you are still going with your driving. just think of it as a little test for you. you will not go back to the start you have come such a long way keep plugging away at it.
thinking of you tomorrow. im the same if things change from what they were i think its a normal reaction.
take care and good luck im with you in mind
bobsy
Nic,
You DID do it and you DID cope!
My therapist always tells me not to fall into the black and white way of thinking, ie something was a 100% success or a 100% failure.
You went and did it. Ok, you didn't like the fact that you felt panicky etc, but the bottom line is that you still carried on and survived it.
Keep going, mate, you're doing fine!
Love Kate xxx
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
Hi Nic,
I was wondering how you were getting on.
Don't let this little setback get you down. You controlled the fear ultimately, so you're still in charge. The reality of the layout etc was just different from your expectations and therefore caught you off guard a bit.
It always happens doesn't it? When you're in a panic situation, for a moment you can't remember a thing you've learnt!
Eeb xx
Hi Nic
I want to echo what others have said. You DID do it and you coped. It wasn't a pleasant experience but these challenges we face never are or we wouldn't have the problems we do.
Personally I think this was a temporary glitch, probably because you haven't been practising much recently and I believe you can turn this round and regain your confidence again. Keep going and driving through it as much as you can because these things do get easier the more we do them.
I totally agree with this:
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">My therapist always tells me not to fall into the black and white way of thinking, ie something was a 100% success or a 100% failure.
<div align="right">Originally posted by kate - 01 June 2006 : 08:41:07</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
It is something I do too - thinking of something in all or nothing terms - either a total success (which I rarely think of anything I do in this way), or a total failure.
The important point about setting goals for yourself is to include a way to rate succuss. Every attempt to improve is success and it is recognising this and keeping it in mind when you evaluate your progress.
Keep going Nic. You ARE doing well.
Karen xx
I think you ought to count revisiting the M1 today as 100% success however you coped.
You must keep trying over again and you *will* get there
Take Care mate,
Ray
http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
well done for doing what you did. You could have chosen not to do it, but you went ahead and that was brave of you.
"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">My therapist always tells me not to fall into the black and white way of thinking, ie something was a 100% success or a 100% failure.
<div align="right">Originally posted by kate - 01 June 2006 : 08:41:07</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
It is something I do too - thinking of something in all or nothing terms - either a total success (which I rarely think of anything I do in this way), or a total failure.
The important point about setting goals for yourself is to include a way to rate succuss. Every attempt to improve is success and it is recognising this and keeping it in mind when you evaluate your progress.
Karen xx
<div align="right">Originally posted by Karen - 01 June 2006 : 22:30:51</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Yes another one here guilty of doing this!!
I couldn't hack the idea of the dentist yesterday with the kids, it was only for a check up and not even for me but I just felt too wobbly about it. A bit of a mix up over how we were getting there put the lid on it really and in the end middle childs boyfriend took them in the car (if I had known this initially it would have made a difference as I didn't fancy either the bus or taxi, but having already rung the practice to say was it ok for the girls to come on their own felt bit silly to then turn up).
Anyway enough waffling, every day this week I have been getting out for a walk by daylight with the youngest on all the local roads (safer on the pavements though:D) - I have only been doing this at night the last couple of months as seem to be struggling to get out recently even if I do have company.
I spent much of yesterday punishing myself over this despite the fact both the girls said it totally wasnt a prob and they were more than old enough to go for check ups on their own.
Instead I should have been looking at how in the last 8 weeks I have been spending loads of time 'exposing myself' outside sometimes with company and sometimes without.
Nic hun you did soooooo well - don't let Mr Negative bully you into thinking otherwise!!!! :D:D:D:D:D
Big squeeze you old salad dodger/codger :D:D
Piglet x
nomorepanic
02-06-06, 20:26
Alexis - thanks mate and thanks for asking how things went yesterday. Read on for updates...
Bobsy - thank you for stopping by to catch up on things.
Kate - thanks for the support mate. I wasn't expecting to feel like that and I was angry that if something changes I can't cope with it. Grrrr
Eeby - Oh yes, everything went out the window and I freaked. I got it back under control though so I should be pleased I did that.
Karen - thanks for that I appreciate it. I AM doing well I know that - I just had these stupid setbacks but I will plod on.
Ray - cheers mate. Yes I have to start doing it more and it will come back to me again and I will cope better.
Munchkin - thanks for the support. I appreciate it.
Piglet - big hugs to you - you are doing so fab too mate. You don't let it beat you either ok!!! Hang in there.
Sorry for not posting last night all but I went for a fitness assessment at a gym (yes I am mad lol) so didn't get back till 9.30 and then watched BB.
Anyway the update is good news.
Yesterday I went back to the M1 and did some breathing whilst driving over there to calm myself down as I was really scared as you can imagine. Well I drove down the slip-road and thought - oh well here we go. I got to the steel barriers bit and decided to pretend that I was on the A1 and the barriers were grass and I wasn't in roadworks. It seemed to work!
I got to junction 9 and pulled off as the traffic was slowing down and I knew it was another 5 miles to junction 8 so I drove back up to junction 10.
I then thought "no, don't let it beat you. You walk (drive) away now and you won't do it again." So I got straight back on and drove down. As I passed the exit for junction 9 I did think "**** what am I doing" but I carried on and I did it!!! It was fine. I kept reassuring myself and breathing and it wasn't too bad as it was cones rather than a steel barrier.
I got to junction 8 and the northbound traffic was stationary for about 2 miles so I knew I didn't have time to sit in that so I drove the back way to junction 9 and got back on again.
Fab - I was ok and no major panic.
So today off I go again! Drove straight down to junction 8 non-stop and even that now has a steel barrier for part of it so it was a new challenge but I coped. Anxiety was only 2 at the most. Fab news! Drove back up and no problems atall. Even ventured into the middle lane on both occasions.
It is still a challenge and I realise that unless I keep doing it - at least 2 or 3 times a week I am not going to get over it as I have to keep pushing myself to face it and JFDI.
Thanks all for the support. I am a happy bunny today and I will sort this out in the end. I just worry that if I either stop doing it or meet new road conditions I will not cope again.
I am off to Wales in 2 weeks time and that is a big challenge. Not only is it a long drive but I have to face the Severn bridge and for those that have known me a while you will know how hard that has been for me!!!! Can't wait for that little treat!
Cheers all
Nicola
Hi Nic
Well done for today. You did fabulously and coped extremely well. That definitely was a case of JFDI!
It is a great coping strategy to imagine the steel barrier as being grass and this kind of visualisation can be enormously helpful. Positive mental rehearsal is also a good technique, ie imagining driving through the roadworks at a time when you are feeling relaxed.
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I am a happy bunny today and I will sort this out in the end.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
It is so good to hear this and I know you WILL get there. Keep going!
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I just worry that if I either stop doing it or meet new road conditions I will not cope again.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
I think this is a concern we all face. However, repeatedly practising driving in these conditions will help. I chat away quite happily to some people at the clinic now, some of whom I've never met before and that's something I never thought I'd be able to do. Some days it is more difficult than others, depending on how I am feeling generally, and some people are easily for me to talk to than others. You are facing your fears and I am sure your perseverence and determination will pay off.
I remember you last experiences with the famous bridge lol! Remember though how much progress you've made since then and how far you've come. Also, although it wasn't a pleasant experience last time you did do it and you coped. We are all rooting for you :D.
Karen xx
You are doing so well mate, it just goes to show how the more you JFDI the easier it is getting, it won't be long until you will be able to do this without even giving it a second thought.
Keep up the good work,
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
How simple life would be without bridges or motorways!
Well done, Nic, you are just getting on and doing it. Keep it going! :D:D
Kate xxx
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
Well done mate - I quite like Trevs advice on another thread about treating these things only as practice, not as tests!!!
Hugs
Piglet xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
nomorepanic
05-06-06, 19:40
Thanks Karen, Trac, Kate and Piglet.
I went down the M1 again today but only to junction 9 as I heard there was an accident between 9 and 8 and didn't fancy sitting in that for hours. I then drove back up to junction 11 and back down to 10.
I am finding that if I actually think about where I am and what I am doing then I don't cope as well. If I pretend I am somewhere else and not in roadworks and think about what we are having for dinner etc then I can almost control the feeling.
Breathing helps too and reassurance that I am ok and I will be fine.
I am still not happy in the roadworks but I guess no-one ever is. Someone asked me if I dare do the contra flow lane yet and I said "no way, that is just too much for me". I can live with that for now lol.
Thanks for the support guys.
Nicola
nomorepanic
06-06-06, 19:13
I am on a roller-coaster ride with this at the moment and want to get off:(:(
Went all the way down to junction 8 today and now it is a steel barrier most of the way down and I just couldn't hold it together and pretend I was ok, cos I felt rubbish.[Ugh] Again I got the head rush and wanted to stop.
Had to get the air-con on full blast to control the faint feeling and I was having to really control my breathing to keep it under control.
I was so close to calling Alex cos I felt it was getting out of control and then I saw the sign saying end of roadworks in half a mile and I managed to cope for that last little bit. I haven't felt the need to call Alex for ages but I wasn't sure I could control it but I did!
I just don't know what triggers it off but it must be the shut-in feeling cos I am much better driving north back up the M1 with a bit of grass instead of a lump of steel by my side.
Got back to work and a few knew I had gone to try it again and Marilyn came and sat with me to see if I was ok. She kept telling me I had done great and I know I did but it is still controlling me and I am not controlling it.[V]
Felt rubbish for an hour or so then calmed down a bit though my head was banging away. All recovered now and calm again.
Back to CBT tomorrow so I will discuss this then and try and make sense of it all.
Will let you know how it goes.
Nicola
eeyorelover
06-06-06, 20:29
but - u made it Nic!!!!
You say that it is still controlling you and you aren't controlling it but you did control it. You made it thru even tho you felt like sh@@ at the moment - you stuck it out.
I can't even make it out of my little town yet but when I do I am going to make a video of my big a@@ doing a jig out in the middle of my yard and post it big as brass - hahaha:D Then when you are having a tough time on the road you can think about it and laugh your a@@ off.
[}:)]
talk to ya soon
[8D]
Sandy
(eeyorelover)
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself. "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along."
- Elenor Roosevelt
Nic,
Ok a telling off from me now lol, you are too self-critical (did I make that word up, dunno but I know what I mean lol). You need to stop thinking about what you didn't do and concentrate on what you did do, everything that you achieve is a big positive mate, even if it is a small thing, it is still a big achievement. Negativity is now banned from this thread i only want to read the positives[:P].
Ok thats me sacked as an admin now lol.
You are doing so well by keep on doing it even when you have had a bad day, the easy way would be to give up, but you never do that, you will manage to overcome this mate, if anyone deserves to overcome it you do, keep up the good work.
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Hi there
I agree with everything that trace has said you never give up
just remember WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN
KEEP AT IT AND YOULL SOON BE THERE
TAKE CARE
BOBSY;)
nomorepanic
07-06-06, 18:51
Thanks Sandy, Trac & Bobsy
Well I got told off today at CBT as well. She said that I had done fantastic this last week especially as I hadn't done it for a while and that I had a lot of guts to keep going back and doing it again and again!
She said I wasn't to beat myself up over it and not get angry but congratulate myself each time I do it.
She thinks that I am coping even though it doesn't feel like it because I haven't completely freaked out yet or let it get to full blown panic.
Yes I am finding it hard again but I am also putting myself in situations that are especially hard for me at the moment and I have to slowly build up the confidence again and I will.
So not going back for a few weeks yet but I have the trip to Wales to look forward to soon and that will be a big challenge.
Will update again when I do more.
Nicola
Hi Nic, just to say reading your thread and following, no useful advice , you are a lot braver than me, I dont even attempt to drive anywhere I dont know, never have done , since the day i got lost in a busy city 24 yrs ago,
Well done Nic, may catch up soon.xxx
This seems to be one of our greatest problems us seeing only what we felt we did bad at, instead of what we did well at.
We all think you are fab and you are like a little bull terrier with all your efforts - you just won't let go. I love that attitude - it's got you this far and it will get you were you want to go eventually.
Keep going mate - each time you 'practice' is a time for new fresh go!!!
Love Piglet xxxx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
just remember you are making progress all the time. i have a quote for you!
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the small voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow".
and thats what your doing, even if things dont go too well, your not giving up and that is what matters.
have a good holiday in Wales too!
"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
nomorepanic
10-06-06, 13:24
Alexis - thanks mate. Yes we must have a chat soon!
Piglet - a salad dodging bull terrier lol. Thanks for the encouragement.
Munchkin - love the quote so thanks for that and the support as always.
Nicola
Hi Nic
I agree with what everyone else has said here - you are doing great even though you don't feel great when you are doing it.
Success isn't about doing it all perfectly straight away; it is having the courage to keep going and to keep challenging yourself to face your fears. You are certainly doing that.
We are all behind you 100% and I think you can be proud of yourself for the huge efforts you are making.
Karen xx
hi Nic,
just catching up with your driving thread! wow you are doing well!! Its bl**dy hard this JFDI lark I know! but it works...
Also, using my experience of my hike in the blue mountains recently and JFDI'ing it, I thought, what is the worst that can happen? I have a major panic and make a complete fool of myself. so even if that happened, it wouldn't kill me and I would get through it, as would you. You have had major panics and got through them each and everytime. So even based on the worst case scenario you will still be ok!
What would be the absolute worst thing to happen for you? If you pinpoint this, see a way through it and how even if this did happen you know you would be ok.
onwards and upwards my dear!!
Lisa
xxx
"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"
nomorepanic
13-06-06, 20:24
Karen and Lisa - thanks for the comments and support as always. Much appreciated.
Tomorrow I am off to Wales. The therapist and I decided that I did need to check for roadworks so I could prepare for them rather than "come upon" them and be un-prepared.
I have the ones on the M1 the two sets on the M4 and they have even put roadworks on the bridge - which I will hit coming back rather than going over I think.
Not looking forward to that but will see how it is going over it this way!
I am nervous and it is a long drive - over 3 hours - and I haven't done a long trip like this for sometime so I am trying to be as prepared as I can and just hope that I can control the anxiety all the way there.
Will be back Thursday night so will let you know how it goes then!
Thanks
Nicola
Sending you good vibes and waiting to hear how you get on on your return.
Go get em tiger!!! :D:D:D
Pig x
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
nomorepanic
13-06-06, 23:03
Thanks mate
I am still the biggest salad dodger there is lol
Nicola
Good luck Nic. We will be with you in spirit and have faith in you that you can do this.
Karen xx
Paddington
14-06-06, 12:27
dear nic,i have sat here all morning and read your thread[why didn't i before????]i have travelled with you,my heart has been in my mouth as you hit road works and tunnels and traffic jams .OOOH the bit where the moterway had changed and you panicked a bit ,boy my chest was tight for you,i felt as tho i WAS you!!!I cant heap nuff praise on you girl!You are so incredibly brave and determined ,i feel ashamed of myself!The overriding theme is the feeling of being shut in,cant get of/out.That is the fear ;that is the yoda on your shoulder[and mine and everyone elses here i think!]So it isnt the driving really !!??I ,like you,hate trains ,buses,taxis,planes etc all because they wont let me escape if i need to,but why do i need to???So cure that and we could do anything in anything!!This thread is amazing and i am hooked Nic!Hope you had a wonderful trip to Wales[lord you are amazing!]look 4ward to reading all about it.love and respect to you,Mary-Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxps i love stella too!xx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
nomorepanic
15-06-06, 20:22
Well I am back and it is all good news and I am very proud of myself.:D
Sorry for the long read as usual …
Well I set off on Wednesday at 11am and decided to go cross country for the first part and join the M4 at junction 13. This was because there were hold-ups on the M1 and M25 and the drive is boring enough without sitting in that for hours!
I knew that not long after I joined the M4 there were roadwork’s and of course these were on my mind during the first part of the drive. Again it was the anticipatory anxiety that kicks in and the “what if’s” and “not knowing what I would meet” kind of thing. I had no idea what they would be – contra flow, steel barriers, cones, how long for etc etc.
Of course I was winding myself up about it (like we do) and was getting really bad swallowing problems (which I have anyway) and all those thoughts going through my head.[Sigh...]
The roadworks are on and off between junction 13 and 19 so quite a long way. The first set I hit not long after getting on the M4 and they were fine – the hard-shoulder and lane 1 were coned off but that was all. I now see this as safe for some reason. I can cope with coned off areas. This is a huge improvement on 6 months ago when this would have freaked me out completely.
The rest were the same – just lanes coned off and no steel barriers or contra-flows and I was fine. Still a huge achievement as I am learning to cope with them and not let them freak me out like they used to.
Then it was the bridge. As you drive down the M4 you can see the other bridge over to the right and that looks imposing enough and then you drive up and see this huge steel construction in front of you and there is no way off but to go over it.
I was determined to do it this time so I was doing lots of self talk saying silly things like “you are not going to beat me this time you stupid bridge” and “I can do this and it is just a bridge” etc etc, It seems to work well for me anyway!
Then I was on it and I was fine. The bit that freaks me is the middle bit where the large support structures are as they seem so imposing but I kept saying that I was Ok and I was and although I was a bit anxious it was nothing like before and hardly any anxiety atall. Yippee!![Wow!][Yeah!]
Got over it fine then knew it was another stretch of road I had been unable to do before with any success as it was 6 miles of intermittent hard shoulder and then the tunnel! Did that fine – never gave it a second thought and although the tunnel is a little scary I drove through it fine! Fab!
Took me just over 4 hours to get there but arrived in once piece and happy (though tired).
It was weird but after I did the bridge I found myself welling up with tears and I know they were tears of relief and that kind of “yes I can do this and yes I am getting better” feeling. I was so proud of what I had done and how well I coped. It was a huge step forward for me as that bridge had always been one of those things that I never get to practise at very often (last time was Feb 2005).
Today – well left at 1pm and got home at 5.15 so another long drive. The bridge was ok – I still don’t like it but I can cope with that. I don’t need to like it – I need to cope and I did that. Roadwork’s were fine too and I took a detour across country again and had no idea what roads I would be on.
The A34 used to scare me stupid as it is 30+ miles of dual carriageway and no hard shoulder and again I coped fantastically and no panic atall.
I am tired now and my eyes hurt but I am also so proud of what I have achieved and how far I have progressed with the driving.
At the end of the day you have to believe in yourself, keep on doing it over and over and believe that you can and you won’t have any panic/anxiety. If you do then that is fine too – just learn to cope with it and learn it can’t hurt you!:)
Thanks if you got this far.:D:D
Nicola
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