hi where do you start?

[pmrob1]

Hi i am a new member on here and am just looking for some advice and i guess some friendship. I had a bout of major depression in april 2007 brought on by an ex wife denying access to the two children and a job change and my partner walking out. I had a bad initial experience on citalopram and was changed onto mirtazapine for a few months but couldnt cope with the wooly headedness and the loss of feeling any interaction with the world.
Eventually i was put back on citalopram and over the next 14 months managed to get my life back on track and felt able enough to come off the medication. I finshed the cit in mar2009 and felt life was going along ok but about november 2009 felt i was losing touch with my feelings and that there was something missing from my life.
I eventually waent to the docs in feb 2010 feeling really on edge and like i was about to lose control of myself, also i started with intruding thoughts that scared the sh#t out of me. I was refered to a phsychiatrist who has diagnosed me as having moderate depression with high anxiety.
So once again my journey begins. I have been on 15mg mirtazipine for the last 3 weeks and my sleep has improved and a lot of the physical things have started to ease. Still have a slight tremor a headache constantly and occasional muscle twitches, but put this down to the mirt still getting into my system. I have had a couple of weepy days but on the whole the bad thoughts have started to decrease. I will begin cbt in a couple of weeks and hopefully this will help me look at life from a different perspective.
Has anyone else been through this type of repeat illness and did cbt and drugs together help at all. hope to speak to some of you soon
pmrob

[alias_kev]

Hi. I noticed no-one had responded so thought I'd throw in some thoughts. I've not had a period off meds since I decided I had to seek some kind of help in mid-2008. On the other hand I have had two waves of depression over the top of my GAD.

On reflection it seems I'd had the GAD for a long time, and probably had some secondary depression as well. Some events in 2008 relating to my elderly parents really pushed the depression up and I almost totally withdrew. I'd also had a lot of crisis stuff to deal with in 2007/8 literally daily/hourly and as that reduced I believe my GAD flared in the extreme. The crisis time had both made the GAD worse but masked it with a combination of adrenaline and necessity. When those ended only the GAD was left. Anyway the pills (Escitalopram at that time) blocked the depression to the point that I was pretty well unemotional even when my father fell ill & died! Some months later I decided the depression was gone but I needed more help with the underlying core anxiety. So I switched meds (to Buspirone, as its quite good with solo GAD). Early 2010 some other problems developed which really depressed me, and which my anxiety left me virtually unable to tackle. So I'm trying Venlafaxine (as it may have a combined effect).

During the time I had a group CBT course and the following year an individual CBT(ish) course. Both were only really long enough to realise how useful more might have been, but that's the NHS for you. I think the mind changing aspects of the therapy can be very helpful but its finding enough to make a real change that's hard. If I can get out of my current malaise & crises I intend getting a CBT self help package or two. I research some back in November, and really need to give it a shot. Thinigs was the newer bout of depression capsized me in January, and then my mum passed away in Feb. So its a challenging time.

Anyway I hope that rambling helps.

[Geoff2301]

Sorry to see not many replies....... suppose in a way, I have similar problems with the depression, anxiety returning every now and then! It seems that every six months or so, suddenly start feeling a bit "odd"...... headachy, detached, losing interest in things, poor sleep and appetite. It started again about 10 days ago and thought about putting a start post on and then saw yours! Never sure what triggers it off........ going away on holidays is definitely a trigger, if I've got to many things going on and everythings disorganised also doesn't help! Once I start going down, seems I just have to grit my teeth and wait for it to pass in a few weeks time..... trouble is, when I'm feeling like this, I'm desperate for an instant solution to get me out of the despair. I stick a big sheet of paper next to the bed reminding me that I'll soon feel better, I always do!....... seems to help. Its always worse in the mornings when I don't want to get up, don't really want to lie in bed either but can't face doing anything!! Been on various antidepressants virtually nonstop over the last 20 years.... at the moment on Paroxetine. Sometimes wonder whether they make any difference at all......... trouble is when I'm feeling ok, get a bit sloppy on taking the medication and might miss the odd day...... don't know whether that would make much difference though....... then start going down hill and start panicing making sure I take the pills!! Keeping reasonably busy is essential I'd say........ also, a good fast cycle ride or a jog seems to help as well. Trouble is, when you're down, you can't imagine ever feeling well again!!