View Full Version : Complaints Box: post your daily moans...
Post your daily grievances here. It could be someone at work, a partner or just your anxiety/panic playing up...
All complaints welcome - just not about ME or NMP :D
Happy moaning....
Why do I always have a huge pile of ironing on a Sunday?
Why can I not do a bit each night that I keep promising to do?
This is a great thread because sometimes you just need a moan:yesyes:
Myra x
Why won't I stop hiccuping...
sarahsarah
21-03-10, 14:52
Why can't I enjoy Sundays for what they are? Why do I waste the day thinking "oh, it's Sunday, work tomorrow" and being all grumpy about it?
I wouldn't mind but I actually like my job, most of the time!
Restaurants that serve you crap and expect you to pay for it. Refused to pay at an Italian I went to the other day - just paid for the drinks.
Amazes me that people stand for it! Winds me up :curse:
Also pubs that charge ridiculous prices for a glass of wine. We paid £14.20 for 2 glasses in London the other evening. I know it's London, but that's ridiculous!!:lac:
Myra x
My pills work too well! I've started thinking about doing DIY.
Nick
I'd like to complain about people who are always complaining
I can't think of anything to moan about today!:scared15: (so maybe I should not have posted this then? :unsure:
It is a beautiful warm and sunny day - my citalopram has kicked in. I am looking forward to our holiday in a few weeks time and at 6pm I can have a couple of glasses of my favourite red wine.
Everyone seems happy and friendly today & life feels really good.
Don't you just love citalopram when it works! :yesyes:
I bet tomorrow I go and have a really bad day now :wacko:
I'd like to complain about people who are always complaining
I'd like to complain about people who complain about people complaining :roflmao:
I can't think of anything to moan about today!:scared15: (so maybe I should not have posted this then? :unsure:
It is a beautiful warm and sunny day - my citalopram has kicked in. I am looking forward to our holiday in a few weeks time and at 6pm I can have a couple of glasses of my favourite red wine.
Everyone seems happy and friendly today & life feels really good.
Don't you just love citalopram when it works! :yesyes:
I bet tomorrow I go and have a really bad day now :wacko:
Hope it continues Poppy but you can always come back to complain if you have a bad day... :lac:
I'd like to complain about my mum. I have to say I feel bad about posting this but lately she is winding me up.After uni I had to move back home, moved in with dad to try and reconcile, went horribly wrong and mum insisted I move back with her. I hate it, after being at uni for 3 years and having freedom I feel like a caged animal. I can't do anything without asking first. She wants to know where I am going, for how long etc etc. I know parents do this but I really ahte it and its got worse that whenever I am texting or on a phone call she wants to know who it is and what they want! I am 23 and at my age she was married! Sorry rant over!(well not really but I'll boil over it!)
pfffftt ...I'd like to complain about people who complain about people who complain about people complaining
I'm a generally cheery, happy, (though anxious!!) person, but it's really difficult not to moan sometimes at other people's disrespectfulness and behaviour. It's impossible not to moan.
Myra x
You sound just like me Myra
I'd like to moan and rant away about the low life scum who broke in my house and stole while i was sitting in my lounge trying to help others on nmp. And then had the cheek to come back two weeks later.
I do, like so many others, so much work here, i do alot for charity, i go to work and i bring up my family, how dare they:mad:
okay rant over!!
That's a well deserved rant Diane xx
Diane, yes, that's absolutely terrible and yes, they are scum. What gives them the right to think they can invade other's personal spaces. I'm really sorry for you.
Myra x:hugs:
I would just like to moan about myself for being so anxious over thinking i have ms.....but to scared to call and get my mri results. Thanks xx
My pills work too well! I've started thinking about doing DIY.
:roflmao:LMAO - the perils of recovery, I'll have to add a section to the citalopram survival guide :yesyes:
I'd like to complain about the voice acting in "Two Worlds" and their relentless use of the word "Mayhap".
Wow - people seem to have a lot of complaints...
Each will be noted and dealt with accordingly.
Drivers who peep impatiently at you when you missed ONE space at the roundabout. Oh well, they annoyed me that much I crawled for half a mile with them behind me!
Happyone
xx
bottleblond
21-03-10, 20:37
I'd like to moan and rant away about the low life scum who broke in my house and stole while i was sitting in my lounge trying to help others on nmp. And then had the cheek to come back two weeks later.
I do, like so many others, so much work here, i do alot for charity, i go to work and i bring up my family, how dare they:mad:
okay rant over!!
Bootsie
My moan is that people like that should be tarred and feathered and put on public display but it doesn't happen. :mad:
BUT....
I am soooo glad that you never disturbed them and got hurt. :flowers:
Scum like that don't have a bloomin clue what they do to peoples lives by their greed and selfishness.
Lisa
xxx
:hugs:
Oh also when shop keepers throw your change on the side when you are quite clearly standing there holding you HAND out....arrrrrgggghhhhhhhhh....thanks xx
ladybird64
21-03-10, 20:48
I'm going to do two. :blush:
I'm complaining about myself and my own stubborness. Refusing to go for medical check ups when Im supposed to and now regretting it, worried and kicking myself for stupidity.
Also complaining about the fact that whatever TV channel I switch on to, that moustachioed bloke advertising GoCompare will be on during the adverts...and I can never hit the mute button in time!!:curse:
I totally agree about the GoCompare bloke ladybird.
Anxious_gal
21-03-10, 21:15
I have a plumber coming in the morning. to replace the whole bathroom.
some of the pips are in my room, so i have to organize and lock valuable items away.
i wont have a bathroom for a few day. oh the shame!!
i don't like strange men, they make me nervous.
my house is small so I'm going to lock my cat in my mothers room.
worried about her reaction to the noise.
worried about what ill do all day while they are here, probably stay down the room with the cat.
not looking forward to all the noise either.
i wont offer them tea and I'll not talk to them as much as possiable and will come across as rude....
Anxious_gal
22-03-10, 09:40
my mum never woke me up before the plumber came.
so never got had a chance "to go" yet! ah :-(
don't think my neighbors awake yet so i can politely ask if i can use her bathroom!
Just dont think of WATERFALLS and TRICKLING STREAMS mishel....you'l be okay then :D
Anxious_gal
22-03-10, 10:35
still ok so far, don't have an urgent need to go!
wonder what time my neighbour gets up, I'll know once her little dog is outside running around.
have my cat for company, she is so attached to me and follows me around like a loyal dog!
still ok so far, don't have an urgent need to go!
wonder what time my neighbour gets up, I'll know once her little dog is outside running around.
have my cat for company, she is so attached to me and follows me around like a loyal dog!
Well, never thought we'd get peeing complaints here :roflmao:
I'm sure your neighbour won't mind Mishel.
Today's complaint is my car. It's supposed to be reliable (well they say it's made in Germany anyway). Now the suspension is playing up. Must try and keep romance to the bedroom next time :D
BabyRachel
22-03-10, 13:16
Pms is the devil.
My daily moan today is: some so called excuse for a manageress of a high street chemist told me that I could not have an refund when in fact I could as clearly stated on the back of the receipt have an exchange or refund, and I had bought the item within 7 days and kept the receipt and everything was fine with it, apart from the fact I had picked up the wrong item that I wanted. As it happened I wanted to exchange, however the manageress was wrong with what she insisted, not to mention thick, and she was chewing gum whilst she spoke to me.
She gave me some big inquisition at the tills, like I had committed a crime, trying to make herself look important, and me look small. :lac:I hate being intimidated!!!
I stood my ground with her however and did not back down.
I feel like calling their head office and complaining! :mad: In fact I will !
I need to take my medication!!! :blush:
eeyorelover
22-03-10, 17:07
GOOOOO POPPY!!
Way to stand up for your rights!
And definitely you should call the head office and complain!
xxx
Sandy
Im so annoyed with drs receptionist aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrraaahhh, why are they so rude? I could understand if i called them 100 times but calling once to enquire about my brain scan results is hardly an excuse to be so unhelpful and rude!!!!! They made me feel like i was a naughty child, how dare they. Now im afraid to ring back again. If they dont enjoy there job they should not do it.
Thankyou :lac:
Redrainbow
22-03-10, 18:19
Why can the world be such a cruel place!!!! And if you know the answer to that one let me know!!! lol.
gypsywomen
22-03-10, 18:36
why when we think anxiety gone it returns worse than before
why does my cooking never turn out like the recipe picture :unsure:
Why do I get anxious when I drive somewhere I haven't driven to before?
I wish I didn't.
Myra x
The computer's having a bit of trouble dealing with all these complaints... It may self-destruct soon.
Poppy and Carli, I would definitely complain. I have no time for rude staff. They shouldn't be allowed to get away with it :lac:
WHY are Mondays so busy THAT I dont have time to pee?? :shrug: Why is my local hospital so incompetant they cant diagnose a life threatning condition , until its too late and past treatment ? Why wasnt my hubbys repeat perscription ready despite being submitted days ago ,? and whats he meant to do until tommorow ? pffft Sue :lac::lac::lac: .
Why does my cat run away when I sing?
bottleblond
23-03-10, 14:01
I can only surmise the reason for that Mick!! :winks: haha xx
Housework. Ironing. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Happyone
x
Having to use the bus at the mo as car in garage getting bump repaired. The d**n things are so unreliable timewise and I have no patience for hanging about.
On the good news front, a few months ago the prospect of having to stand at bus stops would have freaked me right out. Waited for about 15 mins on way home and DIDN'T PANIC AT ALL :yesyes: Thankyou my Prozac!
Well done Jane, just shows that good can come from bad. If your car had been working you wouldn't have succeeded at the bus stop challange :D
StandFree1903
23-03-10, 18:19
i wana complain about fifes buses, can hardly get outa fife without one or havin to beg my dad for a lift, also £4.50 return from Falkland to Glenrothes ffs :@.....oh n Tesco in inverness (dunno wot on my mate works at), aswell for puttin 3 ppl on hols at once n ruining my day out to Aberdeen last week. SMEGS!!!
Keep those complaints coming... I think NMP has needed this for a long time.
Mick, you have been promoted to complaints moderator. I know you'll complain about it but pffft... I like that - pffft! Actually, I blame Lisa for starting it off :whistles:
Cars: why do they cost so much to repair when they're worth practically nothing when it comes to selling them these days? Spent more money again today... Bloody suspension. I blame my ex :lac:
I'd like to complain bitterly about being made complaints moderator
eeyorelover
23-03-10, 19:50
Ok I'm adding mine today!
Got a phone interview for a customer service job!
Sounded great!
Training at the company headquarters and then after 2 months work from home taking inbound calls.
UNTIL
She tells me that I have to be available from 6am until midnite 7 days a week!
WTH??
She says "I'm sorry we can't accommodate your time restrictions"
WHO THE HELL works 18 hours a day 7 days a week???
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
bottleblond
23-03-10, 20:02
:doh:
Keep those complaints coming... I think NMP has needed this for a long time.
Mick, you have been promoted to complaints moderator. I know you'll complain about it but pffft... I like that - pffft! Actually, I blame Lisa for starting it off :whistles:
Cars: why do they cost so much to repair when they're worth practically nothing when it comes to selling them these days? Spent more money again today... Bloody suspension. I blame my ex :lac:
I want to complain profusely about the complaint against me for starting this off! :wacko: Jings i'm getting confused already. Lol :doh::roflmao:
xx
I'd like to blame both Bottleblond and Melancholia for all this. Whom do I complain to about it?
Anxious_gal
24-03-10, 02:42
aw I have done that too! too anxious to go buy fags!
PMS is really setting of my anxiety! Ive learned that only 20% of women experience really bad menstrual cramps so it interferes with their daily living. lol that's me!
I've thought i was just being a baby as no one i know has to stay on the couch all day with a hot water bottle!
I'd like to moan about the seagulls that attack the bird table in the back garden and sent all the seed and bread flying everywhere. Poor little tits get nothing pfffffft
and........... I've got a lot of paperwork to catch up on yoday and it means I wont be able to waste my time on the net Pfffffft
and.........I have to get the prang on the front wing of my car fixed today pfffft
and....... I have to do some ironing pfffft
and..........I have to go shopping pffft again
phew, that's better
Anxious_gal
24-03-10, 09:57
cyclone wow!
plumber came at 8 am, so didn't get a chance to use the bathroom AGAIN!
the noise at times, such as the drill really freaks out the cat ,so I take her outside on her leash, poor thing wants to go into her safe place (house) but can't when the noise is too scary for her!
don't know how she will cope the day the are putting in the shower and shelving :-(
I'm going to have a moan today!
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING WHAT SOUNDS LIKE A MASSIVE GREAT STEAM TRAIN COMING THROUGH MY HOUSE EVERYTIME NEXT DOOR TURN THERE BLOOMING TAPS ON.
The poor lady had a new boiler fitted and they have left her with that racket, honest to goodness it shakes both our houses, AND IT'S DRIVING ME BONKERS.
There, i feel better for that:D
Anxious_gal
24-03-10, 10:42
Nanny that sounds awful, every time the taps turn on, wow I wonder if there is anything at all that could sort that out? It's so ridiculous!
My update, took the cat outside, poor thing could not handle the drill, turns out they were taking up the concrete floor so hopefully that's the worst of the noise.
I'm anxious about my cat getting too stressed out!!
You lot are always moaning.
You don't hear me moan even though i've just got this paper cut on my finger. I brave it out, I don't come on here and moan moan moan.
It's quite a big paper cut too. Right across the tip of my little finger. But do i moan. No I don't. I just get on with it.
Sure it hurts a bit and I got some salt in it when I was making a sandwich at lunchtime, but did I moan about it. No. I just carried on and braved it out.
Didn't phone the samaritans, didn't call NHS direct, didn't moan about it on here, just got on with it.
Okay, it does smart a bit and it's tingling bad at the moment but I don't moan. I don't share this with others because I just get on with it.
It's hard to type with it I agree, but it hasn't stopped me from doing this. No moaning from me,just get on with it.
I'm not even going to phone my best mate and tell him about it either.
So, stop all your moaning and just suck it up.
mick
ps: Just an update to let you know there's no change in the condition of the paper cut.
I'm going to have a moan today!
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING WHAT SOUNDS LIKE A MASSIVE GREAT STEAM TRAIN COMING THROUGH MY HOUSE EVERYTIME NEXT DOOR TURN THERE BLOOMING TAPS ON.
The poor lady had a new boiler fitted and they have left her with that racket, honest to goodness it shakes both our houses, AND IT'S DRIVING ME BONKERS.
There, i feel better for that:D
I'd like to complain about this too: all this air in the pipes (or water or whatever the f*** it is) ...
I think you should definitely complain.... Mick, can you make a note of this...
:weep:Still no water,went outside to do a p.. and got bitten on the bum,darn mozzies.I am going to start abusing the council tomorrow and anyone else that crosses my path:mad:
I'd like to complain about mozzies too even though we haven't got any at the moment here. Little buggers, they should all be swatted.
You lot are always moaning.
You don't hear me moan even though i've just got this paper cut on my finger. I brave it out, I don't come on here and moan moan moan.
It's quite a big paper cut too. Right across the tip of my little finger. But do i moan. No I don't. I just get on with it.
Sure it hurts a bit and I got some salt in it when I was making a sandwich at lunchtime, but did I moan about it. No. I just carried on and braved it out.
Didn't phone the samaritans, didn't call NHS direct, didn't moan about it on here, just got on with it.
Okay, it does smart a bit and it's tingling bad at the moment but I don't moan. I don't share this with others because I just get on with it.
It's hard to type with it I agree, but it hasn't stopped me from doing this. No moaning from me,just get on with it.
I'm not even going to phone my best mate and tell him about it either.
So, stop all your moaning and just suck it up.
mick
ps: Just an update to let you know there's no change in the condition of the paper cut.
Mick, I'm not having all this paper-cut biz. That's a real p***take and you shouldn't stand for it.
As the complaints mod, I would make a very strong complaint to yourself about this unacceptable state of affairs...
Pffffffffffffffffffffffffft. I would like to complain about Bottleblond for that last unacceptable sound.
Please take the necessary action to curb these distasteful sounds in future, Mick.
Regards
Senior Complaints Controller, MBE OBE PhD Msc
bottleblond
24-03-10, 14:22
I'd like to blame both Bottleblond and Melancholia for all this. Whom do I complain to about it?
Pmsl i am an innocent bystander! :shades: xx
bottleblond
24-03-10, 16:02
http://dabrat.lbbhost.com/CAT/I-AM-INNOCENT.JPG
:shades::roflmao::shades::roflmao:
Bloody Hell! Do you see the subliminal? ... The big white erect *ahem* that cheeky mogs has????
I would like to complain ... where's Mick when you need him pffft! :roflmao:
bottleblond
24-03-10, 16:46
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
Pmfsl.. I would like to complain about the fact you made me snort tea out my nose and down my nice clean top. :doh:
I'd like to complain that I missed The big white erect *ahem* when I first saw it.
Regards
Complaints Mod Mick: OBE, MBE, TIT and PHD
bottleblond
24-03-10, 17:59
:roflmao::roflmao:Rofl...God i need to stop reading this!!! :roflmao::roflmao:
I'm just glad that was a big white *ahem* and not a black one. Lord help us... :roflmao:
bottleblond
24-03-10, 19:10
My innocence has been tainted!! :noangel: Lol x
I'm afraid I must complain about that last comment. Only two *ahems* are allowed per day on here.
Regards
Mick OBE, FBI, MFI
Your complaint has been noted Mick. That last *ahem* has been withdrawn.
I must also complain about Bottleblond's innocence being tainted. It's just not on. Bloody *ahem*s (oops just said it again) pffffffft.
Mick, we must start rationing people to only one complaint a day. I know you're a busy man. I'm even busier. Spent 5 mins with a client today - I know I should really complain... :roflmao:
I have to say it's entirely Bottleblonds fault all this and I have drafted up a list of complaints which I will in turn send to the person who deals with the complaints on here which is me
bottleblond
24-03-10, 19:55
I would like to complain about the fact that you are complaining about me complaining about my innocence being tainted on this complaints thread.
I would also like to complain that i am not usualy one to complain.
I hope my complaint has been taken seriously and i look forward to hearing from the complaints mod regarding this complaint.
P.s...I would also like to complain that Mick used an 'e' in blottleblond when in actual fact, i do not have an 'e' at the end of my user name. This has left me questioning my own identity.
Thankyou for taking the time to read my complaint.
Regards
Lisa aka bottleblond aka bottleblonde aka insane member of this site!! :noangel:
x
Thanks Sandy! I complained to Head Office and the manageress was in the wrong! Yayyy and I was told the area manager was going to raise the matter with the store. I am not so sure about it though...have been worrying what if she sees me out one time, on a rare trip out, and has a go at me :unsure:
I did feel better for complaining however :D
Carli -I agree - what is it with gps receptionists? I find a lot of them really smug. :mad:
I think I have got a bit lost in these messages I have just noticed :unsure: one moment I am back at original reply and then next its the latest message :wacko:
Bottleblond, your complaint regarding the erroneous "e" in your name has been upheld and amended. For future reference could you please use form 54ryy/hgf7tE when reporting erroneous letters of the alphabet.
I would also like to add that in your thread you spelled your own name as "blottleblond". There is a form on here to correct the erronious "l" if you wish to amend it.
Melancholia, I also received a few complaints regarding your use of the word *ahem*. Most of them have not understood what the *ahem* refers to. I have therefore sent a photograph of my *ahem* along with instructions to the aforesaid complainers.
Ronny,my paper cut is mending well but I will require a nurse. Uniform will be supplied.
Addendum: I have now received complaints from the people I sent the photo of my *ahem* to.
Words such as "tiny", "shriveled chipolata" and "where the hell is it" will not be tolerated. It was a cold day and the camera was a long way away.
Regards
Mick BEO,EMB,FNUD,PDH
bottleblond
25-03-10, 13:39
[QUOTE=mick_uk;636988]Bottleblond, your complaint regarding the erroneous "e" in your name has been upheld and amended. For future reference could you please use form 54ryy/hgf7tE when reporting erroneous letters of the alphabet.
I would also like to add that in your thread you spelled your own name as "blottleblond". There is a form on here to correct the erronious "l" if you wish to amend it.
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
Anxious_gal
25-03-10, 13:42
well the builders are here again today, not too much noise as they are fitting the tiles.
the chemical smell set off my anxiety!
I'm confined to my room, just to keep the cat company and have some privacy.
had no sleep n Monday night, went to bed early on Tuesday night only to be wide awake 4 hours later!
Think I'll have 5 more hours of the builders here, my anxiety is starting to rise though hoping I will get through it as I have another fews days of the builders being here!
it w
why is the england langwage sow hard to right:D
I'm relieved that you have the *ahem* complaint in hand Mick, although I have been forced to also send pictures of my *ahem* to further clarify the use of this repugnant and vague word.
However, I must complain about receiving comments such as "hello big boy", "come round sometime" and "captain dong". I really see no need for the use of such phrases.
I would also like to complain about Bottleblond's incorrect use of the "quote" function on post #78.
Please take the appropriate action.
Senior Complaints Controller
Id like to complain about the New double act on this forum ....It seems that the time has come for me to look for a new job ..Alas .Anyone need a double act co-ordinator ??.. Pfffft :weep:Sue ( redundant ...but only temporarily )
Id like to complain about the New double act on this forum ....It seems that the time has come for me to look for a new job ..Alas .Anyone need a double act co-ordinator ??.. Pfffft :weep:Sue ( redundant ...but only temporarily )
Your complaint has been noted and the Senior Complaints Controller's decision is that you have now been promoted to Complaints Double Act Coordinator.
Please proceed to duties forthwith.
There will no doubt be complaints about this new post which you yourself will deal with.
This decision is final.
Senior complaints Controller
Thumbelina
25-03-10, 15:02
My complaint today that i have not been on forum for many many months and today i really need support but noone is willing to talk to me :(
Hi Thumbalina :hugs:That is not a nice complaint ...Sorry you feel like this .sometimes it takes people a while to read your posts ,im sure someone will reply soon hun .Have you been into the chat room ? Sue xx
bottleblond
25-03-10, 15:09
I would also like to complain about Bottleblond's incorrect use of the "quote" function on post #78.
I would like to complain that post #78 was written by the one and only Mick_uk. I meerly copied and pasted the quote into post #78, therefore the above complaint should be directed to the complaints moderator.
I would also like to complain about enjoying this complaints thread. I really do like a good laugh and would like to complain about that fact also.
Lisa
aka moaning minnie :)
x
Im now going to complain again ...im getting rather confused :wacko:about all these complaints and the complaints regarding the complaints The complainents are now complaining about other complainants complaining about the the complainants not responsible for the complaints .....Im now going to complain to the complaints controllera nd the senior complaints controller about this impossible posistion that has been given to me as Complaints double act coordinator ...Pffft ...Sue (complaints Double-act co-ordinator ..)
Suzy-sue,
I have noted your complaint and have written to myself regarding it. When I receive the letter I will deal with it.
regards
Mick ODD,PMT,FBI
The complaints of your complaints' complainants' complaints has been noted and once the complaints mod has returned from his laborious complaining he will deal with all complaints.
Can we stop complaining until the complaints mod's return.
*Bottleblond's complaint of being a senior moaning minnie and reference to this complaint's post has been delegated to the final adjudication of the complaints mod - Mick, TIT BOD SAA ASS MIC
Thank you for your patience in this matter of complaints.
Senior Complaints Controller, MBE TIT ASS BUM
*****I must complain that you posted before me.
I have just received a complaint that the complaints thread is getting out of control. I have noted the complaint and told them to post the complaint on the complaints thread.
Regards
Mick HRT,AOL,BBC
bottleblond
25-03-10, 15:52
:roflmao:
I must complain about all these comlaints about the comlaints controller and senior complaints controller ...I would also like to complain about Minnie enjoying her self reading through these very serious complaints .It is not allowed and is against the rules to find humour in such a sensitive thread .All this moaning has set my head ache off again ,,so I would also like to comlain about that to to the Complaints controller ..I trust when you recieve the letter you send yourself you will then complain to the Senior comlaints Controller ....Im off to clear my head, All this complaining and dealing with complaints is rather confusing for someone of my age ...pffffft. Perhaps I need to retire ? Sue :wacko::shrug:
nikk_dolittle
25-03-10, 16:00
I'd like to complain that the weather is holding my Tarantulas being delivered!!! :doh:
Nikk, your complaint is a sensible one and I'm not quailified to deal with that I'm afraid. However I'm sure one of my colleagues could help you. If not, please put in a complaint in writing to this thread.
regards
Mick DCSO,BO,CP3O
I have had to divert some complaints to the admin complaints forum and I'm sure there will be complaints about this which should be posted here to the attention of complaints double act coordinator.
The weather affecting your Tarantulas has been noted.
nikk_dolittle
25-03-10, 16:52
thank you. :wtf1:
This is not a complaint nikk, but you do realise that you can only use the smilie :wtf1: on Mondays and Tuesdays. The rest of the week you must use the smilie :wacko:.
Sorry to be pedantic but the use of the :wtf1: on a thursday will only result in more complaints to this thread.
Regards
Mick GBH,PTO
Yes, the use of that particular emot :wtf1: has been known to cause offense and therefore more complaints on certain days. The use of :curse: and :whiplash: is also forbidden today I'm afraid.
Thank you for your understanding and rest assured that a very strong complaint has been sent to the met office re your complaint about the weather and tarantulas.
Regards
Senior Complaints Controller, Blah Blah Blah
I must complain that I have to pee all the time....totally my anxiety.
Your complaint is noted shanny and will be dealt with at your convenience.
Regards
Mick PFFT,BHS
This complaint has been reported to the waterworks dept ...In the meantime try not to laugh too much as this will make it worse ...There are a few Narrow Corks still available for this purpose FOR SALE .FOR THE GIVEAWAY PRICE OF 2GBP ...Please contact The Senior Complaints controller for further details ..Alternative ly the Complaints controller does a good line in used incontinence pads ....Good luck with whatever you decide to do ...Sue ,,,,Complaints Double-act co-ordinater BP ..ITV . WTF .
Is this a spider thread then? Or did you find the Tarantula on the Web.
Nick 'who would like to complain that people throw things at him when he tells puns'
nikk_dolittle
25-03-10, 19:11
Well no-one said that :wtf1: was banned, so im complaining about that.
Today is tuesday anyway so it can be used.........
Nikk
nikk_dolittle
25-03-10, 19:12
Lol one of us.
Im complaining that my T's dont have webs!! oh maybe thats my fault....:doh:
I would like to complain bitterly about the puns in the post above posted by oneofus.
Regards
Mick ABC,DIY
bottleblond
25-03-10, 19:38
I would like to complain about my local Pharmacy delivery service.
I was supposed to recieve my prescription today but it never arrived.
I have now had to borrow meds from a friend on the same medication, although hers are slow release unlike the ones i am on.
I am now beginning to experience 'space cadet syndrome'! (nothing new there then i hear you say). :ohmy:
I would also like to complain about the fact that nikk_dolittle is getting yet MORE beasties as she must already have about 10.000 pet peaglies already.
Lastly...I would like to complain about the weather. It has been very miserable today and if you can arrange it - please sunshine for tomorrow.
Thanks for reading
x
nikk_dolittle
25-03-10, 19:41
Im complaining becasue Bottleblond is short and I need to have 10.001 pet things!!!
Also the fact that its work tomorrow AGAIN
xx
bottleblond
25-03-10, 19:45
http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:BgVG0OK_WJH76M:http://cache4.asset-cache.net/xc/93135249.jpg%3Fv%3D1%26c%3DIWSAsset%26k%3D2%26d%3D B53F616F4B95E5537818232AFC95EDD0417A01A29BD3B89F77 12D03FB133EAE41D842B4D5671C9AA (http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://cache4.asset-cache.net/xc/93135249.jpg%3Fv%3D1%26c%3DIWSAsset%26k%3D2%26d%3D B53F616F4B95E5537818232AFC95EDD0417A01A29BD3B89F77 12D03FB133EAE41D842B4D5671C9AA&imgrefurl=http://www.photos.com/search/royaltyfree/93135249&usg=__XV10u5eXb3xfw0vW8PYcJouXKak=&h=401&w=425&sz=26&hl=en&start=63&itbs=1&tbnid=BgVG0OK_WJH76M:&tbnh=119&tbnw=126&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dstick%2Btongue%2Bout%2Bsmiley%26start %3D42%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D21%26t bs%3Disch:1)
pharmacy delivery services are pants here. I gave up with them after they either failed to deliver on time or delivered the wrong bloody thing
bottleblond
25-03-10, 19:56
Yeah i think i'm going to give it a miss from now on too Mick! :mad:
nikk_dolittle
25-03-10, 19:56
I'll do it for you lisaaaaaaaaa!!
but I complain travlling about 100000000 miles to drop them off.!!!
bottleblond
25-03-10, 19:59
Thank you Nikk :D
it's a pity we can't find a pizza delivery service that could fetch the tablets as well :D
bottleblond
25-03-10, 20:07
Oh now you're talking Mick! I think you should invent one for me! :yesyes:
Pffffftt
Don't you just hate it when someone says "I havn't had time to drop you an email lately"
How long does it take to send an email!!! pffffft
Is anyones life so busy they can't spare five minutes!!! pfffft
That's better
thanks
:D
pfffft drives me mad ronny :D
Mick, I have received complaints about the use of "pfffft". I have complained about this complaint but could we please restrict the use of this sound to one per post and no more.
Nikk, you have now been promoted to tarantula complaints mod. I have also noted the complaints re the hair-flicking behaviour of some of these pets and have passed these complaints onto you to be dealt with.
Dear Complaints Double Act Coordinator. I have passed all complaints re waterworks issues onto you. The pads are also in the post for you to send to complainants peeing themselves. Your new slogan shall be: "As cool as a mountain stream". Feel free to complain about this.
Senior Complaints Contoller, MSc ASs BuM TIt
yvonne_uk_98
26-03-10, 00:59
Hi,
I'm complianing about the dss for cutting my benefit, I'm down 52 pounds a week, nothing I can do, can not appeal against it as it is the law, all because my daughter is 18 years old and she is still living with me. if she moves out I get the severly disability benefit back, life aint fair.
Yvonne
yvonne_uk_98
26-03-10, 01:01
Hi Melancholia,
Well done for setting up this thread, it's amazing.
Yvonne
Hi,
I'm complianing about the dss for cutting my benefit, I'm down 52 pounds a week, nothing I can do, can not appeal against it as it is the law, all because my daughter is 18 years old and she is still living with me. if she moves out I get the severly disability benefit back, life aint fair.
Yvonne
That's really annoying Yvonne. It's like asking to choose between money or having family around, and that's terrible.
I'm sorry there's nothing you can do but I'm sure having your daughter with you and her safety is far more important than £52 a week. But it still sucks and your complaint has definitely been noted!
Your complaints are always welcome and feel free to complain at any time...
I wonder if its possible to put your daughter down as you're main carer
Anxious_gal
26-03-10, 10:08
aw that is awful Yvonne :-(
I hope you can still live off the money you have like pay the bills!
I would hate not to be able to afford things like the Internet connection as it's my life line for my anxiety!
only had 9 hours sleep in the last 3 nights and I'm like a bear this morning!!
nikk_dolittle
26-03-10, 10:16
Thank you.
The flicky hairs are soooo annoying!!! so complain about that. might have to shave them...
Cheif spiderwomen!!!!!
Thumbelina
26-03-10, 11:20
Cant smell or taste today - probably of virus, fever or antibiotic, ... Wharever it is it is not helping with my anxiety,,...
The old guy across the road who never picks his dogs poo up and when you ask him to he just waves his walking stick at you
My neighbour who when I leave my house asks me "is that you going out then"
Getting beat at poker when I had 3 of a kind
My complaint for today is and this is terrible, my hair straighteners, popped, and died last night. :scared15::mad::weep:
I have GHD's or did have! :weep: and at the moment I cannot afford to replace them as they cost quite a lot, aound £120. The less expensive ones are not anywhere near as good I have found - for my hair anyway. My partner has said he will buy me some new ones - but that will be in 2 weeks time!!!! :scared15: :weep: :mad:
My hair is naturally very curly but it does not suit me. Anyone remember Crystal Tipps from the 70's??? - see pic below! That is how my hair looks without straighteners!
What am I going to do!!! My weekend is ruined. Anyone have any suggestions for straightening hair without straighteners??? :shrug:
http://www.tvcream.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/crystal-tipps-and-alistair-300x180.jpg
argggh!!!! my big fat moan today is about my incompetant mental health worker who has had to have the concept of agoraphobia explained to her twice now
she say " so you'll need to come to the hospital to have your medication reviewed"
I say " im agoraphobic"
she says "so how do you go to the drs then?"
I say " I dont im agoraphobic"
she says "well how do you think your going to get your medication checked?"
I say " well thats why iv been referred to you for you to help me with - COS IM AGORAPHOBIC!!!"
:mad::mad::mad:
swear words - lots of swear words.....
Thick or what ?????????:curse::curse::curse::curse::curse::curse ::wall::wall:
Nice one Annabelle :D
I had a similar thing happened a few years back.
I was told I had to go for a medical to Norwich which is about 25 miles away. The medical was for my agoraphobia. So they wanted me to travel 25 miles to prove to them I had agoraphobia!!! pfffft
I told them "If I could get to the medical I wouldn't have bloody agoraphobia would I" !!! pffffffft
Thank god I don't need all that nonsense anymore.
Annabelle,
We have a talent show at Church tonight. I could borrow that idea and throw in few jokes from Martin Barr's cit diary and bring the house down.:yesyes:
One of us
do it oneofus!! - im working on my own rant at the moment - im going to call her back and give her a piece of my mind!
Granny Primark
26-03-10, 15:01
my complaint is about people that can be totally honest with you yet you cant be honest back.
Those people who say mental health is all in the mind
Lol Lynn that is sooooo true... I know someone that says really cutting stuff to me and yet tells me its just honesty but lies about everything else..but I never get to say what I really want to .... doh one day hey x
My gripe today is that why is there never chocolate in the cupboard when I am longing for some...
Why are people quick to judge me,when they don't even know me?
People who live in glass houses,should never throw stones.:mad:
Anxious_gal
26-03-10, 22:49
poppy boots do hair straighteners for 15euro here in Ireland. they are pretty good, may take longer though to do your hair!
got chest pain which I never get! has me worried not panicked yet though.
just feels tight and achy like i ran a mile!
I'd suggest including a print out of the Agoraphobia information page from the left hand menu. It includes phrases such as "confines sufferers to their homes for many years", and its by a professor. Perhaps highlight the most relevant phrases as she sounds like the sort who may not be up to reading a couple of A4 pages!
I'd like to complain about my next door neightbour. He's been putting up a dividing fence between our gardens - it's taken him 5 YEARS and it still isn't finished. He only had to put 9 fence panels up!!!! Idiot! :mad:
bottleblond
27-03-10, 12:55
I would like to complain about no one complaining today as yet.
I would also like to complain as it is a lovely day today and i have decided to spring clean. :ohmy: I would also like to complain as i am in a very good mood today, it's Saturday and quiz night. :yesyes:
Thankyou for reading my complaints and i hope you all have a fabertastic day!!
Lots a love
Lisa
xxx
:bighug1:
nikk_dolittle
27-03-10, 13:34
Im complaining that i will be missing quiz AGAIN this week.............!!
Am going out with my sister. Ekk!!
glad your in a good mood Lisaaaaaaaaa!
Nxx
bottleblond
27-03-10, 14:15
Tsk the cheek of it. Imagine going out and having fun rather than staying at home and doing me quiz!! I wish to complain!!! :winks: xxxx
nikk_dolittle
27-03-10, 15:27
Id sooner do quiz not been for about 5 weeks since I did my collerbone!!!
xxxx
I have now been informed that there are new complaints from people complaining about no more *ahems* being posted. I have had to send out more pics of my *ahem* due to popular demand as the complaints moderator has sloped off. Tsk tsk tsk (please send complaints about this new sound to the Complaints Administrator Bottleblond without an "e").
I would also like to bitterly complain that we are not getting enough complaints about tarantulas. Pffffffffft.
I would furthermore like to add that going out and missing the quiz is a serious matter and even though I may be going out myself I would still like to complain.
Lastly, I have noticed that the Complaints Double Act Coordinator has also sloped off, so I will complain. Pfffffffffffft.
Senior Complaints Controller, BOd BUm TIt POOp
StandFree1903
27-03-10, 17:51
reet today im gona complain about................... the fact i think my eye sight is worse but my optician wont test me eyes >:(. was in aberdeen yesterday after takin my mate home to inverness and most of the things i was lookin at was blurry......feckin opticians wudnt listen to me when i told em gggrrrr
bottleblond
27-03-10, 20:23
[QUOTE=Melancholia77;638213]I have now been informed that there are new complaints from people complaining about no more *ahems* being posted. I have had to send out more pics of my *ahem* due to popular demand as the complaints moderator has sloped off. Tsk tsk tsk (please send complaints about this new sound to the Complaints Administrator Bottleblond without an "e").
Pmfsl you git :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
x
yvonne_uk_98
27-03-10, 20:52
Hi,
I'm complaining about, my right ring finger, and taxis who's seat belts are not in the correct place, I have torn my tendens, have to wear a special bandage for 6 weeks, to heal the tendens and hope to God that my tendens grow back and heal, so that I can straighten my finger again. it's not sore, just uncomfortable, and hard to touch type. :(
Yvonne
Sorry for your complaint Yvonne. It will heal in time - just be careful you don't hurt it again when you're doing stuff. I will be forwarding your complaint to the taxi firm - bloody cheek pfft.
I must also complain about deleted posts which are beginning to crop up Mick tsk tsk tsk.
I would like to also complain that NMP aka Nicola aka Nic has failed to post a complaint. There have been many complaints about this lack of complaint so could you please complain. You could always complain about this complaint.
Regards
SCC, BTi DIcK-44
nomorepanic
27-03-10, 22:44
I haven't complained before now cos my life is perfect and I have nothing to complain about :whistles:
But today, however, I would like to ask why they can't make curtains that don't need ironing once you take them down to wash. I have 16 curtains to wash and iron and it is so so boring :mad:
I would also like to know how you get rid of spiders completely cos my curtains and curtain poles were full of cobwebs.
Apart from that I have no complaints apart from I would like to complain as to why Melancholia is complaining that I haven't complained :yahoo:
StandFree1903
27-03-10, 22:52
i wana complain about the Gumtree website, allowing a post like that about me being put on, with mistakes in it and everything........ I have emailed them moaning at them though
:laugh::roflmao:I would really like to complain about this thread as it has made me giggle so much over the last few days that I seem to be forgetting about my anxiety pfffffft!!! That was only once so I should be ok - I hope!
I haven't complained before now cos my life is perfect and I have nothing to complain about :whistles:
But today, however, I would like to ask why they can't make curtains that don't need ironing once you take them down to wash. I have 16 curtains to wash and iron and it is so so boring :mad:
I would also like to know how you get rid of spiders completely cos my curtains and curtain poles were full of cobwebs.
Apart from that I have no complaints apart from I would like to complain as to why Melancholia is complaining that I haven't complained :yahoo:
Your complaints have been noted. I have passed your spider complaint on to our tarantula complaints moderator Nikk - she finally has some work...
I must complain that your life is perfect. I suspected so which was why I wanted you to complain :roflmao:
______
Pamii, I would complain again just to make sure.
Hope you sort it...
:laugh::roflmao:I would really like to complain about this thread as it has made me giggle so much over the last few days that I seem to be forgetting about my anxiety pfffffft!!! That was only once so I should be ok - I hope!
Must complain that some people are adhering to the rules :roflmao:
I am a good girl and always adhere to the rules :noangel: NOT:shades:
yvonne_uk_98
28-03-10, 00:03
Hi,
read through all the complaints, and had a great laugh :roflmao:
awesome.
I would like to complain about:
WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER !!
"And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!! CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's and even early 70's
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.
Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos.
Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gob stoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.
We ate biscuits, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY ,
no video/dvd films,
no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.
Only girls had pierced ears!
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...
We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,
>
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet! RUGBY and CRICKET had try outs and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on
MERIT Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and bully's always ruled the playground at school.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL !
And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were. PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at our age
Yvonne
Firstly I would like to complain about being accused of sloping off by the Senior complaints controller I shall be forwarding my letter of complaint to the other sloper Mick ,when he returns fortwith from wherever he has sloped off to,to do his sloping ...All this complaining gave me a complete sloping breakdown .But now im pleased to say I am fully recovered ..Secondly I wish to complain about all these complaints about spiders ...suffering from arachnophobia or whatever you call it ! I find talk of these hairy crawlies a matter of serious cause to complain So in the future I would be most apreciative if you would refer to these beasts by their first names ...Failure to comply will result in the banning of the word pffft for a period of 7 days ..Your non cooperation would be a further issue for me to complain about ..My third complaint is that If people wnt to leave their curtains up for so long without obviously not regularly vacuuming them .They have no reason to post complaints here ..Is it any wonder you have a hive of beasts invading your soft furnishings if this is the way you treat them ???..There are far too many complaints here and this sort of complaint is just adding to the pile of complaints i have to complain about ..My fourth complaint is there seems to be a lot of people rolling over and peeing themselves laughing here ..So I will be writing to the Senior complaints controller and checking on the stock of used incontinence pads curently available ..I hope you bear with me until I hear from him regarding your orders ..This week there is a special offer of buy one get one free ..SO please place your offers by Miday tommorow ,No use complaining when they are gone ..Any further complaints will be handled by Minnie as today she was complaining no one had complained pfffft ...:D Sue Complaints double act co-ordinator ...bogof pg tv vhf ...
Dull days are not allowed Ronny ..This is against the rules ,and would cause more people to add their complaints ...pffft .Yvonnes post really says it all about what causes so many people to complain ..Youve never had it so good ,but there again do you ? ...Enough complaining for today ..I have another slope coming over me :noangel:..Sue Complaints double act co-ordinator bogof pg tv vhf ,,,
StandFree1903
28-03-10, 02:34
id like to now complain about myself............
i wasnt angry enough when i sent that email to gumtree lol
nikk_dolittle
28-03-10, 15:15
That has been taken notice of Nic.
I think you should talk to you Spiders and tell them not to web over them!
Im complaining that Im in pain today :(
Hope everyone is ok
Nikk x
yvonne_uk_98
28-03-10, 17:03
Hi,
I'm complaining, that I hope everything goes well this evening, tonight is the night for all my practice of songs and one line to say, I hope to God I remember.
Yvonne
Anxious_gal
29-03-10, 07:49
aw hope it goes well for you!
I have not slept at all and the builders doing the bathroom will be here in an hour.
got a long day, hoping I'll sleep tonight!
All complaints have been noted.
I would like to complain about having work to do today. Pfffft. Tsk. Just not on. Would like to be a sloper but will still complain about slopers. Pffffffffft.
Also people that don't speak to spiders: thank you for pointing it out Nikk. I would like to strongly complain about this. Pffft-ing cheek.
More pads are in the post suzy-sue. Please ration them because I have had complaints from the manufacturer. I complained back.
Lastly, I have noticed that the complaints admin Bottleblond (e optional) has also sloped off and have complained about this sloping. I hope she will slope back in good time.
I will now slope off myself. Adieu.
SCC, etc etc etc
bottleblond
29-03-10, 13:25
Ooooops aplolgies for sloping off. Complaint noted and rectified!
I would like to complain that is was only bloomin snowing here AGAIN this morning. I mean - what's that the ekk is that all about?! :mad:
I would also like it noted that i will now speak to small spiders BUT refuse to speak to those huge garden spiders that make their way into the house. You know the ones i mean, they can run in your direction quicker that you can get to safety (as high up as possible) you can spot their fangs at 40 paces and their legs are long enough to warrant a pair of River Island's skinny jeans. NOPE i refuse to talk to them because quite frankly -they scare the b'jesus out of me!! :lac:
Lisa
xxx
:whistles:
I would like to complain that after a checkup with the doctor today he told me that I had the blood pressure and cholesterol of a young man. I then asked him if he could give me the name and address of this young man so I could borrow his body as well :wacko:.
bottleblond
29-03-10, 14:20
Hahahahaha Mick! Lol xx
That's not on Mick. Could you give me his name and address too - I would like to complain. I see you have sloped back. I will refrain from complaining on this occasion...
I would like to complain about people that judge you because you take meds. It never usually bothers me as I don't think about the fact that I take 3 meds everyday, but I was having a conversation with a so-called friend and she said, "Are you going to be on them for the rest of your life?" I felt a bit upset thinking about it, which is unusual for me. I hate the thought that I'll be on meds indefinitely... But there are so many people here that are on meds and I suppose I got upset at someone judging people so carelessly, without knowing what we go through everyday, just to live a "normal" life.
Complaint over.
NotResponding
29-03-10, 16:54
im very tired and its not my fault....honest!
:mad:
I was going to complain but instead I would like to join Melancholia's complaint. Some people pffffft
bottleblond
29-03-10, 17:14
Mel
I have been told that i will be on meds for life because my qulity of life when not taking them is complete poop! When the doctor told me, i thought about it for hmm about 2 seconds, shrugged and thought 'Oh well'.
We are just the same as anyone else who takes long term meds for any illness. We never chose to have this condition but we manage it in whatever way gives us the best quality of life, if that means meds then so be it.
I'm sorry your friends comment upset you but you got nothing to be ashamed of hun!
Lisa
xxx
:hugs:
We never get told "You'll have to be on lager and pizza for the rest of your life" :weep:
bottleblond
29-03-10, 17:19
Yummmmm sounds like my kinda diet! :shades: lol xx
ladybird64
29-03-10, 17:39
Do you think I should complain because I have got nothing to complain about? :noangel:
I would like to complain strongly that Ladybird64 has nothing to complain about.
Can we please keep non-complaints to no more than ONE non-complaint per day as I have already received complaints about this. Our moderation team work very hard and non-complaints bugger up the system causing many more non-complaints.
Feel free to come back when you have a complaint Ladybird - your complaints are important to us.
I'd like to complain that I havn't complained for almost three hours now
yvonne_uk_98
30-03-10, 00:04
I would like to complain, it Oh No...... It's SNOWING........ gee and it's getting thick, wont be able to go to my counselling session tomorrow. :weep:
Hey everyone, been a little while. I've been not terrible. I went to Prague and had a fantastic time. But there were hard moments. I often feel suddenly strange and I don't know what I'm feeling - full of emotion but I'm not sure which one. Sort of excitement nervousness, neither positive or negative. It's not happiness. But I can either read it as that yearning in-loveness or melacholiness. They feel the same to me.
It's a complaint because it's confusing and it makes me worry. And if I read it as sadness then it escalates.
Thankfully my mind is slowing down so it's time to sleep :)
All the above complaints have been noted and will be forwarded to the appropriate complaints departments. From there they will be adjudicated on and passed around from office to office until one of the staff here loses them. If you have a complaint about how your complaint is being dealt with please post it on this thread and it will be dealt with by the same person who lost your original complaint. If you still have not received a reply to your complaint regarding the original complaint being lost please feel free to complain on this thread.
I hope this clears up any misunderstandings regarding the complaints procedure on this thread. If it doesn't clear up any misunderstandings regarding posting complaints on here, please feel free to use this thread to post a complaint regarding that.
regards
Mick FFS,LMAO,BO,Pffft
bottleblond
30-03-10, 14:07
Mick you crack me up! :roflmao:
I would like to complain profusely about the storm we are having at the moment. it's going between rain, hail, sleet and snow with a wind stong enough to lift my sons 12 trampoline off the ground.
My blue bin has already done a Mary poppins and levitated to the other end of the garden whilst bi came face to face with someone stray pizza box. :mad:
Thankyou in advance for dealing with my complaint
Lisa
x
I must complain further about pictures of me in my heyday being posted on the forum. The picture does no justice to my package and the extra hair that I have since had implanted on my chest.
Also, I want to complain about our complaints system being exposed by the moderator. Therefore, I would like to advertise a vacancy for the moderator's job, as he is now under review as part of our complaints disciplinary procedure. The new post has the following benefits:
Complaints Moderator
Main salary (annual): £0.00
Bonuses (monthly): £0.00
Overtime (monthly): £0.00
Regional allowances (biannually): £0.00
Pension lump sum (at the end of 50 yrs service): £0.00
Grand total benefits/salary: £0.00
*Please apply for this post here (including full CV). Demand will be high. First come first served.
Senior Complaints Controller
In reply to the post above from the Senior Complaints Controller, the photos were in the public domain, and I aquired them from the website called WWW.AHEM.com (http://www.AHEM.com)
I also have to complain that I received a letter terminating my employment as Complaints Moderator. My complaint regarding my employment has now been passed to the Complaints committee and as I am the head of the committee I will look into the matter.
regards
Mick BBC,H2O
OMG !!!!!! Melancholia how dare ye post my salary details on here :-( , i shall be passing the compliant to the appropriate person in complaints , who deals with complaints in the correct complaints department with the correst complaints procedure , which i can plainly see ISNT Mick . . . however i would like to reapply for the post of complaints moderator just 'cos i can :sign20:
While the Complaints Moderator is being assessed by the head of the disciplinary complaints committee, which is the Complaints Moderator himself, I have been asked whether the job of Complaints Moderator has any expenses included. The answer is yes, there are expenses of the sum of £1000.00 - to be paid out to the Complaints Controller which is me. All monies are in GB pounds and payments are to be made out to the Senior Complaints Controller, Melancholia. Expenses include my travelling costs to complaints seminars around the world and include the purchases necessary for the Complaints Double Act co-ordinator. Expenses also include my trips to assess complaints of a sexual nature - details of which cannot be discussed due to complaints of privacy laws. It is a most undesirable job...
bottleblond
30-03-10, 16:38
I think Mick_uk should be reinstated with immediate effect.
I also used www.AHEM.com (http://www.AHEM.com) as it is a public site therefore for public use on another public site of a public nature.
Also If Mick_uk is no longer on the 'complaints team' then all his hard work of arranging the annual 'complaints ball' with have been wasted and i for think that would be a crying shame. Plus i wanted to pull him afterwards but please keep that matter to yourself as it is confidential!
Lisa
x
LIIIIIIIIIIIISAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:scared10::curse:
How Dare u try steal mick off me :-(
Ah well Melancholia looks like its u and me then hun oooh la la :whiplash:
See Lisa i can pull too , u aint the only gawjuss looking fat bird sprawled over a car bonnet lol xxx
bottleblond
30-03-10, 17:04
We're sorted mate!! :winks: xxx
I have just reinstated myself to the post of complaints moderator after reading lisa's offer of a pull.
Also Lisa is correct regarding the 'complaints ball' which I organize each year.
My balls are known all around the world and have been held in many countries.
Regards
Mick, complaints moderator, BHS,PFFFT,DIK
bottleblond
30-03-10, 17:27
OMG that's it! i am howling!!! :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
I think Mick_uk should be reinstated with immediate effect.
Your complaint has been noted.
I also used www.AHEM.com (http://www.AHEM.com) as it is a public site therefore for public use on another public site of a public nature.
I have used this site too but will still complain.
Also If Mick_uk is no longer on the 'complaints team' then all his hard work of arranging the annual 'complaints ball' with have been wasted and i for think that would be a crying shame. Plus i wanted to pull him afterwards but please keep that matter to yourself as it is confidential!
Mick has already complained about the pulling but I have cancelled his complaint. The pulling will go ahead as planned and I will be present to moderate it so it goes smoothly without any complaints. Preparations are already under way for the "annual ball" - I hope you have your dress ready and your *ahem* in order. I know Mick has.
SCC
I have just reinstated myself to the post of complaints moderator after reading lisa's offer of a pull.
Also Lisa is correct regarding the 'complaints ball' which I organize each year.
My balls are known all around the world and have been held in many countries.
Regards
Mick, complaints moderator, BHS,PFFFT,DIK
Your balls are safe with us. Lisa (as Admin) has also held balls many times. They have usually been a great success and deposits have always been collected on time.
SCC
:roflmao:Tee hee I have to complain as you lot are just gettin worse :roflmao:
bottleblond
30-03-10, 17:54
This is hilarious :lisa::lisa::lisa: xxx
I have to complain about my balls being talked about like this. I only hold them once a year.
Pah Yeah Ok Mick , we all know u men . . . . once a year whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rr:yesyes:
It's true, other people can hold them if they wish
Ooh La La i'll refrain tho dont want Lisa getting jealous . anyway im waiting on an offer to go to Melancholias ball ;-)
Ooh La La i'll refrain tho dont want Lisa getting jealous . anyway im waiting on an offer to go to Melancholias ball ;-)
Unlike Mick I hold my balls quite often. In fact I'm holding one right now.
All ball-holders welcome at my balls Smiley.
SCC
:blush: :whiplash: oooh Melancholia marry me ;-)
I have had various complaints regarding the smutty innuendo on this thread and must issue a warning to Smiley and Bottleblond to refrain from it.
Innocent bystanders such as Mel and myself have been drawn into it and would like to dissociate ourselves from it.
regards
Mick complaints Mod
PS: I hope this doesn't effect my pull Lisa
bottleblond
30-03-10, 19:30
Right that does it - i wish to complain.
I recieved a letter this morning from 'Medical services' at the department of work and pensions. The letter stated that i have to call withon two days of reciept of this letter to make an appointment for a medical assessment.
Well that's a well and good if someone would answer the bleedin phone.
11 times i have called today so far and have yet to speak to an actual person. I either get the engaged tone or the wee automated wumin saying ' we are currently experiencing high call volumes, please hold or you may wish to call back later' In the meantime whilst holding..i have to listen to what i can only describe to be someone playing the most out of tune church organ i have ever heard.
So DWP...If you wish people to actualy get through before our two day time limit is up then i suggest you tell your staff to stop photo copying their backsides, filing their nails or discussing who snogged who from the office at the weekend and answer the bloomin phone!!! :mad:
Yours
A very perturbed Bottleblond (without an 'e')
Lisa
xxx
bottleblond
30-03-10, 19:34
P.s Mick i have so not been smutty! Please re-read my replies before posting a public apology.:lac:
On re-reading the above post, you will see in actual fact, it was Smiley and our very own Mel who were being smutty.:whistles:
I still luv ya though! :noangel:
xx
Eeeeeeeeeeek Lisa, complaint noted.
Thankfully I don't have to deal with the medical services anymore.
All I ever got from them was confusion and people on the other end of the phone who didn't know their job.
Hope you get through soon
bottleblond
30-03-10, 19:38
Sod em mate...i'm not trying again tonight! i refuse lol xx
:flowers: sowwy
(actually it was Mel who told me to write that although I'm sure he will deny it when asked) :whistles:
bottleblond
30-03-10, 19:45
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
I believe YOU!!!! :emot-dance:
XX
I would like to strongly deny telling Mick to write that. It was a misunderstanding, as I asked him to write something else which he denied writing... :wacko:
That's not on Lisa. I would sod em too, bloody sods. All this automated phone system is rubbish and I've complained many times.
How about Mick and me send you a big pizza and a few cans? (Mick asked me to write that as he's afraid he's blown his chances re the snog - but he'll deny it of course...)
:roflmao:
It was the medical service who when my agoraphobia was bad told me I had to travel 25 miles to a medical to assess my agoraphobia :doh:
Lisa I refute completely what Mel has just written and have written to myself to complain about it.
I may have mentioned the fact to Mel that I had blown my chances of a snog with you,but he took it upon himself to put it to print.
Regards
Mick
ps:thanks Mel, I think we got away with it :winks:
bottleblond
30-03-10, 20:02
:roflmao:
It was the medical service who when my agoraphobia was bad told me I had to travel 25 miles to a medical to assess my agoraphobia :doh:
Yup i am fully expecting to hear the same. No danger that is going to happen though so i hope they can come up with an alternatice arrangement!!
xx
bottleblond
30-03-10, 20:03
Mick/Mel
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
You are both forgiven!!
xxx
Mick/Mel
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
You are both forgiven!!
xxx
Phew! I can't afford to lose more staff :scared15:
bottleblond
30-03-10, 20:46
Still doing me duties...
http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:kAWuVtNN6HUEaM:http://www.webkinzinsider.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic65235_5.gif (http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.webkinzinsider.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic65235_5.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.webkinzinsider.com/forum/f119/new-webzin-cares-animal-480188/&usg=__xFOtRy9yQmhQIf4XegUbN_kYyeU=&h=150&w=150&sz=7&hl=en&start=3&itbs=1&tbnid=kAWuVtNN6HUEaM:&tbnh=96&tbnw=96&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtypist%2Bat%2Bwork%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN %26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D21%26tbs%3Disch:1)
:D
magic girl
30-03-10, 22:14
im really getting annoyed by the people living opposite they have a boy racer car with a really load exhaust which the rev loadly at night or early morning,it used to be a nice street until people started buying these houses as investment and sticking rif raf in them i lived here for 15 yrs and we've never had any trouble until now and people are getting fed up with them making a noise and their mates bloking the road with there cars and they wont move them when asked and i dont know where they get the money from for there cars as none of them seem to work they just hang about all day reving there cars up and screeching up and down the street and genrally making the place look untidy.the poor women who lives next door can't sell her house because of them and these houses used to sell quickly and im worried as we want to put our house up for sale and its not doing my anxiety any good:mad::mad:
I must complain that I have to pee all the time....totally my anxiety.
Your complaint is noted shanny and will be dealt with at your convenience.
Regards
Mick PFFT,BHS
Congratulations!
The Complaints Competition Board has picked this complaint and complaint reply as the winner of the Complaints Award. The judges (which consist of the SCC and himself) will pick new complaints and replies again next week.
Please collect your awards at your convenience.
SCC
Snoring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do all men snore???????????????? Cant stand it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
falling asleep after work and then not being able to sleep at night arghhhh..
yvonne_uk_98
31-03-10, 00:45
slept most of today, bit weird though, every time I put my laptop on my lap, I fell asleep, every time I woke up and put my laptop on the couch, I became wide awake. I though it would be the other way round.
I would like thank the The Complaints Competition Board for voting my answer to Shanny's question as the best complaint of the week.
I would also like to thank my manager, and make-uk artist, the nuns that bought me up at the St Michaels Convent for the Terminally Dumb and last but not least my psychiatrist Lydia Teapot, who's nervous breakdown she assures me had nothing to do with me.
I would also like to thank Yarroff Goulik a native Uzemchin from eastern Mongolia who nominated me in the first place.
I have also noted the complaints in the above posts and will be dealing with them very soon.
I have not let the prize of 'best complaint of the week' go to my head, but I am willing to sign a limited number of autographs should anyone require them. Please send a private message to me and head the message. 'fantastic award winner'
Regards
Mick (winner of 'best complaint of the week') award
sarah jayne
31-03-10, 12:12
I woke up today feeling crap, i had a good nights sleep for once but feel exhausted and really anxious, i just know im going to have an awful panic attack today. ive got to take my mother in law to a hospital appointed this afternoon but i really dont feel up to it. i hate being anxious !!!
bottleblond
31-03-10, 13:07
Right that does it - i wish to complain.
I recieved a letter this morning from 'Medical services' at the department of work and pensions. The letter stated that i have to call withon two days of reciept of this letter to make an appointment for a medical assessment.
Well that's a well and good if someone would answer the bleedin phone.
11 times i have called today so far and have yet to speak to an actual person. I either get the engaged tone or the wee automated wumin saying ' we are currently experiencing high call volumes, please hold or you may wish to call back later' In the meantime whilst holding..i have to listen to what i can only describe to be someone playing the most out of tune church organ i have ever heard.
So DWP...If you wish people to actualy get through before our two day time limit is up then i suggest you tell your staff to stop photo copying their backsides, filing their nails or discussing who snogged who from the office at the weekend and answer the bloomin phone!!! :mad:
Yours
A very perturbed Bottleblond (without an 'e')
Lisa
xxx
I am complaining because i am STILL trying to get through.....:mad:
Snoring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do all men snore???????????????? Cant stand it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to also complain about this problem ...grrrrrh ....Its not just the snoring either ..its the grunts and snorts that go with it ...Sounds like a herd of wilderbeasts on heat ..Nothing works ..Tried ,extra pillow Ear plugs ...Nose clip....... (very attractive I dont think ! a definate passion killer ) .Everything else on the market ...All totally useless .:lac:..Short of resorting to the polythene bag and duck tape ..Am at my wits end ......:curse::curse: sue ...Champion sloper of the week .....
Eeeeek lisa!
If they are anything like the people I spoke to at the medical services they are probably still trying to work out what that ringing noise is in the office!
I would also like to complain that my boss (my brother, the evil one who lurks in shadows) has complained to me that I am slacking!!! Me!
A few of us would like to say that, once again, there was no paper in the downstairs NMP complaints dept toilets this morning!
Having determined that there was no one in the office, we got out cameras to obtain proof of our claim, and then decided to walk around with trousers round ankles looking for some suitable wiping equipment.
Yet when the lift door opened no-one would believe a word we said.
The NMP office manager is not normally like that,
but if we find the forthcoming tribunal goes against us, you will be hearing from our solicitors.
Yours the undersigned:-
Richard Swipes (R Swipes)
Philip Holding (P Holding)
Ian McClenching (I McClenching)
Dear Sirs, I have noted your complaints regarding a lack of paper in the downstairs toilets and have taken the matter in hand.
Please be assured I will get to the bottom of it.
Regards
Mick (winner of 'best complaint of the week') award
bottleblond
31-03-10, 13:36
Eeeeek lisa!
If they are anything like the people I spoke to at the medical services they are probably still trying to work out what that ringing noise is in the office!
Pmsl you may have a point there!! Sigh...i'm going to at this all day again!!!!
A few of us would like to say that, once again, there was no paper in the downstairs NMP complaints dept toilets this morning!
Having determined that there was no one in the office, we got out cameras to obtain proof of our claim, and then decided to walk around with trousers round ankles looking for some suitable wiping equipment.
Yet when the lift door opened no-one would believe a word we said.
The NMP office manager is not normally like that,
but if we find the forthcoming tribunal goes against us, you will be hearing from our solicitors.
Yours the undersigned:-
Richard Swipes (R Swipes)
Philip Holding (P Holding)
Ian McClenching (I McClenching)
Thank you for your prompt handling of this matter.
Do we hear anyone propose a motion of support?
We do intend to commence work again today, but now the machine in the gents is jammed. As you know the contents are imperative to a satisfying day in the office, so please will you arrange alternative.
Until such times as this is totally resolved we intend to hold a sit in.
Sadly there is no where left to sit as we have not yet managed to wipe from our first episode, and are leaving our mark around the office in a very unfortunate way.
Please escalate this issue up from the bottom of the piles please: We need pressing action, and can no longer take the strain.
The fore signed
Hope you get through soon Lisa.
If you can't, I could always give you a medical, I am a trained Doctor. :wacko:
Re: The toilets, I am looking into them as we speak.
Regards
Mick Mick (winner of 'best complaint of the week') award
bottleblond
31-03-10, 13:54
Hope you get through soon Lisa.
If you can't, I could always give you a medical, I am a trained Doctor. :wacko:
Yes please, it's got to be better than this.
What happened when they said you had to go all those miles for an appointment?
Lisa,
At first they were adamant that I had to go there for the medical, and it took many phone calls over a couple of weeks and two letters from my GP before they gave in and said I could have an assessment at my home.
I passed the medical but was so peeed off with what I had gone through that a few weeks later I told them to shove their benefits and i started working from home for my brother.
The one thing that helped me get the home visit was getting a strongly worded letter from my GP saying that there was no way i could attend the medical center.
Mick
bottleblond
31-03-10, 14:21
Thanks Mick :hugs:
Ok i got through and the man i spoke to was very nice.
He said it was no problem and that all i need to do it to get my GP to send them a fax explaining my situation.
Sooooo i called my GP and the surgery is closed for some reason :roflmao:
I wouldn't bother doing the lottery this week with your luck lisa :D
bottleblond
31-03-10, 14:48
Lol i know mate! x
bottleblond
31-03-10, 15:09
I would also like to complain that my boss (my brother, the evil one who lurks in shadows) has complained to me that I am slacking!!! Me!
I have called your boss (your brother, the evil one who lurks in the shadows) and assured him that you are most certainly NOT slacking.
I have told him of the utter devotion, hard work and skill you have put into your position here as 'Complaints moderator' and without your dedication and complaint solving ability, we would truely be up the Clyde without our proverbial banana boat.
He did say that finding you in possession of 'Cowboys weekly', 'I married a mountain', ' Naughty nuns for friendly vicars', 10 packets of Watsits,a pot noodle and bottle of Diet Vimto did not constitute complaint solving and that indeed, you WERE a slacker!.
Ah well..i did try!!!
Lisa
x
:roflmao:
I do ten minutes of work for him each hour then spend the rest of the time slacking. He loves me really, but his emails and phone calls to me are X-rated somedays :yahoo:
I have asked him for a secretary but he refused.
bottleblond
31-03-10, 15:23
I'll be your secretary! That's my line of work! :yesyes:
Shall we begin with tomorrows agenda?
Cool.....Most important thing to do tomorrow is deciding which cake to have with our morning tea :D
nikk_dolittle
31-03-10, 15:26
I'd like to complain please if I may......
I have a contagious illness today known as SCIVITIUS!!!!
http://thesietch.org/mysietch/keith/files/2009/06/head20on20desk.jpg
nxx
bottleblond
31-03-10, 15:29
Cool.....Most important thing to do tomorrow is deciding which cake to have with our morning tea :D
Ok i will get straight on that one...
nikk_dolittle
31-03-10, 15:34
Doont eat anyhting LIsa Makes Mike.... This is her version on CHOCOLATE CAKE
http://trkfld.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/rainbow-cake-5jpg.jpeg
and this is what happens at Lisa's......
http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/gri/lowres/grin57l.jpg
:lac::whistles:
That cake looks phenomenal!
Is this still a complaints post? I'd like to complain about the news...its always doom and gloom and gives someone like me who worries alot more fuel....i choose to abstain from watching it but if my mum is controlling the tv then I have no choice!
There...all done!
bottleblond
31-03-10, 17:13
Nikk you can't even get his name right. It's Mick not Mike!!! :winks:
bottleblond
31-03-10, 17:33
Mick
I have spent the past couple of hours baking for you. As my new boss - i felt i should make a bit of an effort.
http://www.freefoto.com/images/09/05/09_05_24---Cream-Cake-Selection_web.jpg
I will see you at 9am prompt!
have the kettle on please!
Lisa
x
nikk_dolittle
31-03-10, 18:21
I wasnt talking to Mick actuallly......... I was talking to my invisable friend!!!!!!!!!! :blush:
I've just received a complaint from mike, nikk's invisible friend, unfortunately I couldn't read it because the writing was very faint :wacko:
NotResponding
31-03-10, 18:54
my mum has been stomping around all day, has not given me eye contact, slamming doors, and i dont even know why?! I should be the one pissed off after the other night.
:mad:
omg Id eat that plate in a second:dribble:
Anxious_gal
31-03-10, 19:03
maybe she is homrmonal? lol I sound like a man......
my plumber has a cold apparently........ so I have no shower :-(
I'm going a attempt to take a sink bath..........
I don't think I will fit though haha
Football commentators. Why they spend 20/30 mins ripping players apart oh then when they score say told you he is such a talent and is on form this season. doh!
The above complaints are in the process of being dealt with.
At the moment all complaints seem to have been diverted via DWP by Bottleblond and are being sent from pillar to post via their automated system. This deluge of complaints has meant that now no one can get through to speaking to anyone but there have been complaints that no one could get through to any bugger before either. I have been told to complain about this and have passed on Bottleblond's original complaint back to Mick's office for his secretary who is Bottleblond to deal with. At the moment it is sitting on her desk because she has been baking cakes for her boss and I have sent a complaint about this which is also sitting on her desk. There were rumours earlier that Mick was sitting on her desk too.
There have been a few further complaints about Mike. Because we don't know who he is this complaint is unfortunately now a non-complaint. I would like to find Mike because I have a complaint about Mick that I wanted to run by him re the Ball and that snog from Bottleblond that Mick told me to bring up again just in case she had forgotten.
Alas, Mike has proved to be elusive so far.
Thank you for your continued complaints which are still being sent via DWP as we speak and Bogs & Sons Solicitors have now been instructed to take on the strain of dealing with the toilet issues we seem to have developed. The Double Act Co-ordinator has been informed about poo-pads and their subsequent delivery times.
SCC
bottleblond
31-03-10, 19:57
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao: mel!! haha xx
bottleblond
31-03-10, 20:36
Mick
I have spoken to your brother again (the evil one that lurks in the shadow) in otherwords, our boss.
He has drawn up the following contract of employment for your perusal as my superior.
Contract of employment for Miss bottle (no 'e') blond
Start date: April 1 2010
Contracted hours: 9am - 4pm Mon - Fri (One hour for lunch) negotiable
Weekly salary: £290.90
Annual holiday entitlement: 10 paid weeks in lieu
All bank holidays
Overtime rate: £19.90 per hour
Duties: (daily) Answering telephone queries
Faxing/photo copying
Filing (including nails)
Agenda
Booking hotels for management meetings/reservations
typing
Arranging suitable refreshments for superior
(additional) Feeding the cat
Making tea/Coffee
Waking superior when nods off
Making sure superior does not get up to no good
Informing higher superior when he does
Perks agreed for Miss Blond (No 'e')
Company car (Raspberry coloured Chevrolet convertable)
Jimmy Choo shoes
Stuffed crust cheese feast pizza daily
Free health care, pet care, hair care, nail care
Detached bungalow in preferred location
Appointee's signature: X
Superiors signature: ....................................
Mick has said he'll sign once he runs through the contract with Mike and me (there are rumours that Mike is his brother). I have a feeling Mick may want to add to duties.
I will sign as his superior once he agrees. As Mick's superior you will also be indirectly working for me - but we will keep that quiet for the moment (we don't want him getting any freaky ideas).
He has sloped off at the moment but will no doubt slope back when I have sloped off.
SCC
bottleblond
31-03-10, 20:52
Pmfsl!! Ok...I shall await his slopy return! xxx
I have changed a few details for your consideration:
Contract of employment for Miss bottle (no 'e') blond
Start date: April 1 2010
Contracted hours: 8am - 6pm Mon - Fri (Half an hour for lunch) non negotiable
Weekly salary: £35.99
Annual holiday entitlement: 1 paid weeks in lieu
Some bank holidays
Overtime rate: £1.99 per hour
Duties: (daily) Answering telephone queries and accepting reverse charge heavy breathing calls.
Faxing/photo copying of bum /playing solitaire/watching sky tv
Filing (including nails)
Agenda
Booking hotels for management meetings/reservations/dirty weekends/trips to Paris
Arranging unsuitable refreshments for superior
(additional) Feeding the cat
Making tea/Coffee
Supplying wine/beer
Waking superior when nods off (only if he is on fire)
Making sure superior gets up to no good
Perks agreed for Miss Blond (No 'e')
Company bike (with basket)
Man at Milletts shoes
Healthy bean salad
Spare room, with adjoining door (cough)
Appointee's signature: X
Superiors signature: ....................................
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