Wheres it come from ???

[AthlonGod2k10]

Hi there.

I hope someone can help me and for someone to understand where im coming from. Anyways i think my anxiety has crept up on me ever since that horrible horrible day when my mother passed away. my mum was having a asthma attack I remember the last thing she said to me was ring 999 but i froze up what does a 9 year old do in that situation i just stood there for what felt like for ever my mum was dieing right infrount of me and all i could do was freeze ! anyways a close neighbor came running in and dialled 999 the paramedics came and took my mum but it was to late what i have been told is that my mums airways completly closed up in the back of the ambulance they cound`t get any tubes down and she was pronoced dead on arrival to the hospital. When my sister told me i dont know what i felt i think the shocks hitting me now as im getting older or did i deal with it because i was at that age ???

[pinkpiglet]

You experienced something a child should never have to! Not only did you lose your mum but you had to witness this attack and watch her die. I think children tend to block things off because they dont know how to deal with such tragedies. They are scared to bring the subject up or they dont know how to ask questions, and dont want to, for fear of saying the wrong things. Now you are older these old feelings have rose back to the surface and you need help to find peace with this. It was by no means your fault that your mother died. You froze from fear and panic. You were 9 years old and it is no more than what anyone would expect from a child. As an adult, i have been in a similiar situation and I too froze. I was absolutely petrified and i was so shocked and scared i could not react as i wished to. I felt like i was standing there for eternity when in actual fact it was a matter of seconds.
Reading your thread as made me cry as it is a very sad and tragic when a child loses a parent at a young age. You have had so much to cope with and to add to this you have had to carry the guilt on your shoulders too. Niether of these things should ever have to happen in the life of an innocent child.

You dont say wether or not you have had counselling for this! I think you should see your GP and ask if there is some kind of therapy available for you. You would really benefit from speaking to someone who is trained in this field. Someone who knows how to help you open up about this and who can help you find peace in your mind.
Also, discussing this with your sister or other family members might help.


My love and my thoughts are with you and I hope that one day you can find this peace that you so much need and deserve! x

[Typer]

I echo Pinkpiglet. Please do find someone to talk to.

I am so sorry you went through this. Hugs and kid thoughts