Will I ever be happy?

[phil06]

I'm in a bit of a muddle. Since the start of the year the dating scene for me has been grim..got to like woman that could be my "ideal" one that ends up and g.f and then it failed before the date. So I feel deflated and no confidence. I use to date alot now I feel lagged and can't be bothered but I still want to.

Now I have the chance of 4 dates and duno how I can fit them all in and some I'm worried are too good for me, some maybe not good enough and I'm just muddled..feel I'm going crazy.

Got a job interview for a bar job but I want to work in retail but the Job centre is being pushy. They keep giving me a job to apply for a call centre and I don't want to work there. So that's adding pressure..grr or should I go back to college?

I might not even get all these dates but feel guilty talking to so many. Feel I've changed and I'm not the person I use to be. I duno why I learned to drive was I never when I was younger..I duno why I like pubs now when I never use to? When I had a g.f I relate to happier times but feel things have moved on. I feel I want a few dates as it's been a while but also feel I want a g.f long term so I can move out. But I'm not guaranteed these jobs or these dates anyway.

I feel so immature and I hate being 21 now. I duno what's going on in my life I miss the me that would just go for things and try new jobs but since my anxiety kicked in I'm more warey of new jobs. I'm anxious around people and suffer OCD. My dating life is muffled feel I'll never get what I want..I struggle to ease the pressure off myself..I will probably go for these dates but what next? How will I feel?

I try and see myself in the future and I can imagine me settling but can also see myself going crazy and never having a normal life with this anxiety. Been feeling ok but as soon as my insecurities and uncertainties on life creep in snap this anxiety appears with vengagnce and becomes even more fearful. My head says why can' I go with the flow like everybody else but I take life so serious.

I feel a pressure cooker, struggle to relax..what is me? where is me? everything in life makes me anxious for some reason or another. Part of me says it's too young to settle at 21 some part of me says people settle younger...I'm really worried because I do not have a scooby doo where I'm going? I'm more wary of new opportunities now..I don't know why I feel I've experienced alot and feel bailed out and datings not got the same buzz for me at the moment.

I just feel down about it can't figure my head out atall! I should be a bit more positive but I duno what's up? I'm not getting out the house much so all this change gives me time to dwell.. :blush::lac:Does anybody else feel they thought they knew what they wanted but don't but do? :shrug:I hate these situations as ones I posted on here in the past nothing came of and something better may come along..when you have done so much jobs and had so many dates over the years it leaves you feeling like this..well it does with me.

[Anxious_gal]

I'm assuming your lonely?
we all want a partner in life .
you seem to be putting a lot of pressure on your self.
why do you say you need a girl friend in order to move out?
it's perfectly ok to go on a few difference dates, how else will you get to know if you connect with any of these women.
your only 21 aw :) I'm 24 and have been single too long, I have yet to find a guy I like enough to start a relationship with. all men (women) seem nice at first but then after a while i start noticing things about them that are not so nice.
i find that frustrating. All I want is someone I can trust who isn't going to lie or lead me on.
im kinda agoraphobic so it limits me in places i can go. I spend too much time at home.
I worry too that I'll never have a normal like but i try to focus on whats happening now and what i can do to improve my life.
try and enjoy the little things.

[Melissa Jessie]

Now, you have already recognized yourself. It is a very good sign. And I think you pretty much what are your weak points and I believe you know what to do better. The only barrier is that you are not courageous enough to return your past person. As you went wrong when you broke up with your "ideal" sweetie. You moved too fast without worth feelings inside, that's why you get troubled with dates now.

I think that you should be more mature, face with failures and learn to devise a long-term plan. Then, have gradually steps to achieve your ultimate goals. It is important that you will not give up until you are satisfied with what you have. If not, you will be always in the situation that find your wanted.

[phil06]

Why do I feel the heart for everything has been ripped out though?

I've had a long dry spell in love and work and I feel soul destroyed. I feel maybe I wanna be myself but maybe I want to meet somebody.

Has anybody went through a spell like this after being a passionate person but later got some of that spirit back? Do you think it will return and I'll meet a nice g.f in maybe future years?

My anxiety is really hurting my insecurity at the moment. I know it doesn't help sitting in feeling this way. I just want to know will I feel me again? Have that same drive? get to a comfy place in a job..maybe not the best but enjoy it again? :wacko:

[gary_2.0]

Hey Phil it sounds to me like everything is becoming too overwhelming for you, even the things you instigate yourself, so maybe you just need to take break?

I was in a similar spot to you, so I went explained everything to my doctor who signed me off. I can now work to getting back to my old self, or maybe someone better, in my own time. This way you won't get pressure from job centre, allowing you to find feet again at a pace that is comfortable for you.

As far as the girlfriend issue goes, You're only 21, so you've got all the time in world mate. It's not a race. Seriously. That side of things will work out in time, but sort yourself out first by taking some of this pressure of your head. Stop looking too far into the future. Concentrate on the present and the future will sort itself out.

Good luck Phil. Message me anytime, I know what you're going through, but it's an impossible situation. It can be sorted. :)

Let us know how you get on. :yesyes:

[phil06]

Too good to be true about the dates...most are out the window..

One appears to be seeing somebody else and stringing me along and the other was sitting on MSN messenger all night ignoring me and agreed to meet..which to me was pointless she just wasn't bothered she said it was just fun but to me fun is flirty texts and a laugh was stressing me out more than anything.

Oh dear desperate times. :huh: I feel I'm pushing them away but then I feel I don't want my time wasted...I look for excuses but if there's no convo that's the worst thing..especially on a date so if there's no convo online a dates hopeless?

[Gregor]

I envy you, Phil. At your age, having the potential of 4 dates would be a dream! Anyway, it seems you may be putting too much pressure on getting a girlfriend. This will affect your worklife too as you anxiety deepens. I suggest leaving the dating for a while until you're feeling calmer, forget the jobcentre as they're as useful as i am at finding jobs and just do what you want. If you want to work in retail, do that. Even jobcentre staff must know that call centre jobs are not for everyone. Even the thought of working in such a place brings me out in a cold sweat!

You need to just slow down and take things at your own pace.