New Guy - Life Crisis - Citalopram

[RichW]

Hello to Everyone

I have been living a great life in New Zealand with my wife and two kids. A year ago we purchased a house. I have been in a stable Sales job for the last 3 years. I have always taken things in my stride. I have always been an optimist and up until recently was training at the gym 6 times a week. At the beginnning of February I suffered a series of crippling panic attacks which left me in a chronic state of anxiety - unable to eat, think or sleep. After a week of zero sleep (my body feared going to sleep because my mind feared dying), I managed to take a sleeping tablet. I tried this for 6 nights before taking a break from them (I was anxious about side effects and becoming addicted). A few days into the sleeping tablets I also started on Citalopram 20mg. I though I had experienced anxiety until I started taking these tablets! The first week was hell and guess what - still no sleep, not a whisker. I alternated between zopiclone and lorazepam for a couple of nights - the Zopiclone made me extremely depressed and the lorazepam turned me into a vegetable the next day. I am hating life at the moment. Today is day 18 of the citalopram and I'm sure that I don't want to take anything else to assist me with sleeping. I am also experiencing constant depresonalization/ derealization which seems to make the Citalopram side effects even worse. I am back at work after having two weeks off, although I feel like I could have done with a month off. My anxiety has died down somewhat and I can get from A to B albeit feeling like I'm in an alternate universe. Can anybody offer me any wisdom or support?

Thanks


Rich

[nomorepanic]

Hi RichW

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[eeyorelover]

Hi Rich!
Welcome to the site.
There is loads of info about depersonalization/derealization on the site.
There is some great info in the help pages to the left and if you go into the search function at the top of the page you can put in keywords and search for posts.

Don't give up hun and know that you are not alone in feeling this way!
Many here have been where you are and have made it thru.
You will too!!
xxx
Sandy

[Nina19]

Hi Rich,
I can't offer you much wisdom but you defiantly have my support. My anxiety put me in a real state lately, almost hospitalised because I stopped eating for around 4/5 days as I was so anxious of being sick which also affected my sleeping. I have suffered for 10 years now.

When my anxiety began to stop me eating in the first instance, I was given Citalopram. I was put on 20mg after 10mg appeared to have no effect on my anxiety but made me feel emotionally numb. I accidently ran out of the Citalopram (forgot to hand in prescription in time) and had no withdrawal symptoms. When I re-visited the doctor he said if they were working you would be having attacks, which at the time I wasn’t.

However, this was all over a year ago, my recent incident over Christmas 2009 when I stopped eating, I saw the doctor who gave me Fluoxetine and it felt like it really worked. Why I am saying this is because when I said I was unable to sleep because of my fear and the long panic attacks, he prescribed me diazepam on top of the Fluoxetine which worked very well. It is dangerous though as it’s easily and highly addictive so must be taken only when really needed.

I am still in what feels a downwards spiral as every time I get up I feel pushed down again, and when I have to take the diazepam I often feel on a different universe the next day, I’m not sure if it’s just because I’m very calm (which I never am, constantly anxious) or because the tablets are very strong. It does calm you down very quickly from an attack, in my experience, but it does make you very sleepy so it is a big anxiety relief at night which is when I’m usually at my worse. Although I very rarely take it, when I do it is a big relief.

I really hope you start feeling better soon, I hope what I’ve gone through can give you some help and let you know you are not alone. :)

Nina

[RichW]

Hi Nina

Thanks for sharing your experience with me. It is comforting to know I'm not alone - although I do feel very lonely at times. I tried switching the Citalopram to the evening time yesterday but it didn't work. I dosed off an on for the entire night and didn't manage any deep sleep. I did not however feel the same intense panic for lack of sleep and seemed content enough just to lay there with my eyes closed. Woke again with a strong sense of depersonalisation and derealisation which seems to linger throughout the day - this is my biggest concern at present (and not sleeping of course). The panic attacks have abated somewhat but trying to bring myself "into the moment" seems almost impossible at times. It's like my sense of who I am has disappeared. I find it hard to feel motivated enough to do anything when feeling this way. Nevertheless, have to soldier on.

Take care of you


Rich

[andrea thompson]

hi hon

you will get loads of support on here. read the symptoms listed on the left side of these pages. i sometimes feel like i am on another planet lookng down on myself. in my experience the bad side effects fade in time. you need rest and relaxation. lots of it. do stuff that you enjoy. stuff with your family. you will be fine hon - its hard when you going through this. lack of sleep is awful but you will be fine. in my case the symptoms do fade and you learn to deal with these feelings until they fade completely.

take care hon

andrea x x

[RichW]

Hi Andrea

Thanks for your kind words of support. No sleep aids last night but also no sleep. However I did feel better for not feeling like a zombie, although now the obvious lack of sleep and tiredness is starting to kick in - damn itchy eyes.

All the best


Richard

[Veronica H]

Hi Rich
This is an illness of how we think. Thoughts become feelings instantly when nerves are sensitised . These feelings are very powerful and many here have experienced the symptoms you describe. There is a brilliant book by Dr Claire Weekes;SELF HELP FOR YOUR NERVES published by Thorsens ISBN 0-7225-3155-9.This is available from the NMP shop. Dr Weekes was a physician and scientist. She was a fellow sufferer (nominated for the nobel prize for medicine) and really understood this illness. She took the mystery out of it, and devised a simple programme for recovery. I can't recommend this enough. This will get better.

Here is a link to her site;

http://www.drclaireweekes.co.uk/ (http://www.drclaireweekes.co.uk/)

Veronicax

[twizle]

hi there,i was on citalipram to and it made my panic spiral right out of control and i had strings of sleeples nights to but i couldnt cope with it so i stopped taking it but i have herd from a lot of other people (that have taken citalipram) that have said that if you can stick with citalipram it works well so hang in there xx

[RichW]

Hi Twizle

Thanks for your reply. I'm determined to hang in there. And luckily I have the support of people such as yourself and my loving wife.

Take care of you


Rich

[smiley]

Hi Rich, i too take Citalopram , have been on them for over a year now , they do take time to get into your system as they have to readjust the seretonin levels in your brain , hence the exaggerated panic and anxiety, however once the levels have been established the drug is fantastic, i know of many people that take it and their lives have changed beyond belief , i was on 60 mg and reduced them under my gps advice which at the time wasnt a good thing for me so i have upped the dose again and am working my way to being back there again, my advice to you is to persevere with them , the end result is well worth all the hassle you are experiencing at the moment , hope this has helped you some way and hope to hear of your successes real soon

Good Luck

H

[RichW]

Hi H

Thanks for your message of support. I'm on Day 21 today and experiencing a bit of a blip. I'm feeling more anxious than usual. Not sure if it's because I took my tablet 2 hours earlier than normal. Been very dizzy (I put that down to the anxiety) and not very with it. I do experience depersonalisation but this is like I'm on anoter planet. And yesterday was so much better :weep:

Cheers


Rich

[smiley]

Keep up the good work Rich it will all come good in the end hun , its all about perseverence , dp is a common effect of anxiety and can also be an effect of the meds too , keep us posted on your progress

Good Luck

H :yesyes:

[RichW]

Keep up the good work Rich it will all come good in the end hun , its all about perseverence , dp is a common effect of anxiety and can also be an effect of the meds too , keep us posted on your progress

Good Luck

H :yesyes:

Hi H

Thanks for the advice. My doc seemed surprised when I mentioned the fact that my anxiety had trebled in the first week. He seemed to think that most people only get a dry mouth or over-salivate. Shows you what he knows. Anyhow, good to hear that the meds can cause DP too because I think I've been experiencing double-DP! :wacko:. Tried an antihistamine last night (Phenergan 25mg) - great sedative, light sleep and wierd dreams. Have definitely been more with it today though - Day 22. Thanks for your support, it means a lot and keeps me from obsessing over having a brain tumour!

Cheers


Rich