Dimi
22-03-10, 14:15
Hi all.
Well, here I go. I've spent a while looking and reading and not actually posted anything anywhere. In fact, it's not something I talk about to anyone really. I dont mind saying I find the whole thing quite embarrassing. Then again, I've never been one to talk about my personal heath or emotions. Only that "Im fine" and everything is always "ok".
So why am I posting?
Well, I did suffer from Anxiety about 7 years ago. I got through it and it slowly subsided. I'd pretty much thought I was over it all and I dont mind saying was very happy with life in general. Married, now two children, live in a nice area and run my own business. All in all, happy.
Last year through the difficult economic downturn, things at work became a struggle. We got hit with some big bad debts and the performance of the business was down. This meant I had to let three (out of 12) people go. something I really struggled with. Being a small business I'd become close to some of the people, they were not just numbers to me, but people with families to support and so on. Anyway, we got through it and I was happy to be able to help some of them find new work. The year ended and then this one started. the business has had a strong start to the year and while I still have to deal with the bad debts, things look like they are heading the right way.
Oh, and I have a tendancy to "babble", so make a cuppa and get comfy before continuing!
So, all was well until 1st week of March. I was at work typing an email. I wasn't stressed or under pressure and the email was nothing out of the ordinary. Then out of nowhere I had the most awful feeling. I can only discribe it as someone taking the "good" emotion out of my head and pouring in a cup of warm "bad" emotion. I felt this sinking feeling drain through my head in a gushing wave. It flushed through me and I just felt awful. I started amost panicing in my head wondering what was about to happen to me. Was I about to die or go mad? Had I just had something go wrong with my brain and so on?
I got up and walked out of the office. walked around the building a little and just felt all wrong. I was light headed and my vision had become a bit odd. I started getting this sense that I can only describe being as if I was watching myself on TV. I had a conversation with someone and it was like I was inside my own body taking part in the conversation but it wasnt me? I know, that's hard to imagine!
So, in the end I went home. Made my excuses from work and just left. I called my wife and told her what had happened. she was worried as her father had an anurysm (sorry, spelling?) a few years back. I called NHS helpline and the people agreed that it was strange what I described and suggested I contacted my GP. So thats what I done.
As the day went on, I calmed down somewhat. I took the next day off work and me and my wife just spent the day out together with granny at home watching the kids.
I went to the GP and he put it down to stress. Saying I should have time off work or a holiday. Said to come back in 4 weeks if it hadnt subsided.
Initially I thougt it was getting better but then I started getting the old symptoms. I can be fine one second and the woosh, there it is again and I feel like I push myself on this downward spiral. I feel a symptom (is that tingle in my finger part of it? etc) and start thinjking about it and then another symptom comes and then the vision goes.
It's been a relief somewhat reading some of this forum. so many of my symptoms are listed here. Pressure on my head (in particular temples), tinnitus like symptoms, depersonalisation (now thats just so odd/scary - feeling like Im trapped inside my own head), light headedness and dizzy vision (dont know how to explain this one. Static objects in my vision can appear to move). I often have a general "buzz" feeling about me and last but not least the old butterflies in my stomach. they can be there for hours for no reason at all.
Over the last couple of weeks its been on & off. Sometimes hardly noticing it and others its there quite strong. I've cut down on caffiene (maybe 2-3 coffee per day max), hardly drink and dont smoke. I find running helps, I do 3 or so short jogs a week, just 4 mile or so right now, but that seems to help a bit.
One moment I think "thats it its gone" and the next its sweeping over me and I feel I'm about to lose it again.
Ok, bit long winded but I did warn you.
Well, here I go. I've spent a while looking and reading and not actually posted anything anywhere. In fact, it's not something I talk about to anyone really. I dont mind saying I find the whole thing quite embarrassing. Then again, I've never been one to talk about my personal heath or emotions. Only that "Im fine" and everything is always "ok".
So why am I posting?
Well, I did suffer from Anxiety about 7 years ago. I got through it and it slowly subsided. I'd pretty much thought I was over it all and I dont mind saying was very happy with life in general. Married, now two children, live in a nice area and run my own business. All in all, happy.
Last year through the difficult economic downturn, things at work became a struggle. We got hit with some big bad debts and the performance of the business was down. This meant I had to let three (out of 12) people go. something I really struggled with. Being a small business I'd become close to some of the people, they were not just numbers to me, but people with families to support and so on. Anyway, we got through it and I was happy to be able to help some of them find new work. The year ended and then this one started. the business has had a strong start to the year and while I still have to deal with the bad debts, things look like they are heading the right way.
Oh, and I have a tendancy to "babble", so make a cuppa and get comfy before continuing!
So, all was well until 1st week of March. I was at work typing an email. I wasn't stressed or under pressure and the email was nothing out of the ordinary. Then out of nowhere I had the most awful feeling. I can only discribe it as someone taking the "good" emotion out of my head and pouring in a cup of warm "bad" emotion. I felt this sinking feeling drain through my head in a gushing wave. It flushed through me and I just felt awful. I started amost panicing in my head wondering what was about to happen to me. Was I about to die or go mad? Had I just had something go wrong with my brain and so on?
I got up and walked out of the office. walked around the building a little and just felt all wrong. I was light headed and my vision had become a bit odd. I started getting this sense that I can only describe being as if I was watching myself on TV. I had a conversation with someone and it was like I was inside my own body taking part in the conversation but it wasnt me? I know, that's hard to imagine!
So, in the end I went home. Made my excuses from work and just left. I called my wife and told her what had happened. she was worried as her father had an anurysm (sorry, spelling?) a few years back. I called NHS helpline and the people agreed that it was strange what I described and suggested I contacted my GP. So thats what I done.
As the day went on, I calmed down somewhat. I took the next day off work and me and my wife just spent the day out together with granny at home watching the kids.
I went to the GP and he put it down to stress. Saying I should have time off work or a holiday. Said to come back in 4 weeks if it hadnt subsided.
Initially I thougt it was getting better but then I started getting the old symptoms. I can be fine one second and the woosh, there it is again and I feel like I push myself on this downward spiral. I feel a symptom (is that tingle in my finger part of it? etc) and start thinjking about it and then another symptom comes and then the vision goes.
It's been a relief somewhat reading some of this forum. so many of my symptoms are listed here. Pressure on my head (in particular temples), tinnitus like symptoms, depersonalisation (now thats just so odd/scary - feeling like Im trapped inside my own head), light headedness and dizzy vision (dont know how to explain this one. Static objects in my vision can appear to move). I often have a general "buzz" feeling about me and last but not least the old butterflies in my stomach. they can be there for hours for no reason at all.
Over the last couple of weeks its been on & off. Sometimes hardly noticing it and others its there quite strong. I've cut down on caffiene (maybe 2-3 coffee per day max), hardly drink and dont smoke. I find running helps, I do 3 or so short jogs a week, just 4 mile or so right now, but that seems to help a bit.
One moment I think "thats it its gone" and the next its sweeping over me and I feel I'm about to lose it again.
Ok, bit long winded but I did warn you.