Richd
22-03-10, 15:43
I have been suffering anxiety on and off for the past 5 years. I was on citalopram for a period of 3 years but stopped it 2 years ago as I felt capable of carrying on without it.
Since then the anxiety didn't dissapear completely but I was more than able to lead a decent enough life. I still felt I needed something to change to get to where I needed to be. Previously I lived in a small village, I've lived in a city before and all the time I was back living in the village I had been planning on moving again, so I decided to make the move, hoping that things would be better for me here.
I arrived here on Friday night and since then I've just felt awful. It's as if my anxiety has returned a hundred times over. I am currently staying with a family member who lives in the very centre of the city. She is fantastic, but I never feel like I can be completely honest about my anxious feelings with anyone, I let her know that I feel a bit wound up and in need of rest but that's about it, it's as if I feel like it's my thing to deal with...
I guess I'm dealing with a social anxiety, in that I feel on edge when I have to spend a lot of time with my family member and her boyfriend, and their flatmate who also lives here. Where I previously lived I spent a lot of time alone, I felt better like this, but I always longed to have more company. Now I have that company it feels as if I can't deal with it and I feel like I need to be alone again, but I don't want to feel like this!!!
Also things such as there's a shop around the corner from the flat here which I've been to a couple of times now to pick up food, but everytime I go in there I feel so tense, as if everyone's looking at me and suspects I'm some kind of shoplifter or drug addict or something, it's as if the security guard's following me and then I feel like I'm rushing around the store too quickly without being able to take everything in.
Also I feel like there's a problem with my eyesight, things feel blurred, my eyes feel constantly strained, it's hard to focus on things or concentrate on things. I know this is more than likely anxiety based, I had similar eyesight issues when this all kicked off and I went to an optician and he said my eyesight was all 100%, but I still wonder.
This is all so annoying to me! What makes it even worse is that I gave up my old job to come here, and so within the next couple of weeks I need to be finding another job. I have decided to take a couple of days off this week before throwing myself into that, but in a way I feel like I shouldn't be doing this because I'm currently staying with my family member who works long hours in a job she hates, and while she's out working I'm here lazing about. I will be paying her for my stay here, I saved up a lot of money to move here, but I still feel very guilty for it.
I just feel like I've been a bit silly to move up here like this before I had completely dealt with the anxiety. My thinking was that this would help me get my life fully on the track that I want it to be, but instead I feel like I might have put myself back a lot.
Sorry for the long post, but I guess I'm just wondering can I pull myself around here in the situation I'm in, is there much chance that I'll be able to calm myself down within the next few days and be able to deal with the hassle of finding a job and everything next week? I've had CBT before so understand all the relaxation techniques and why I'm feeling like this.
I guess I'm just worried I've bitten off a bit more than I can chew this time? I really don't want to have to move back to my hometown again but can I really stay here like this?
Since then the anxiety didn't dissapear completely but I was more than able to lead a decent enough life. I still felt I needed something to change to get to where I needed to be. Previously I lived in a small village, I've lived in a city before and all the time I was back living in the village I had been planning on moving again, so I decided to make the move, hoping that things would be better for me here.
I arrived here on Friday night and since then I've just felt awful. It's as if my anxiety has returned a hundred times over. I am currently staying with a family member who lives in the very centre of the city. She is fantastic, but I never feel like I can be completely honest about my anxious feelings with anyone, I let her know that I feel a bit wound up and in need of rest but that's about it, it's as if I feel like it's my thing to deal with...
I guess I'm dealing with a social anxiety, in that I feel on edge when I have to spend a lot of time with my family member and her boyfriend, and their flatmate who also lives here. Where I previously lived I spent a lot of time alone, I felt better like this, but I always longed to have more company. Now I have that company it feels as if I can't deal with it and I feel like I need to be alone again, but I don't want to feel like this!!!
Also things such as there's a shop around the corner from the flat here which I've been to a couple of times now to pick up food, but everytime I go in there I feel so tense, as if everyone's looking at me and suspects I'm some kind of shoplifter or drug addict or something, it's as if the security guard's following me and then I feel like I'm rushing around the store too quickly without being able to take everything in.
Also I feel like there's a problem with my eyesight, things feel blurred, my eyes feel constantly strained, it's hard to focus on things or concentrate on things. I know this is more than likely anxiety based, I had similar eyesight issues when this all kicked off and I went to an optician and he said my eyesight was all 100%, but I still wonder.
This is all so annoying to me! What makes it even worse is that I gave up my old job to come here, and so within the next couple of weeks I need to be finding another job. I have decided to take a couple of days off this week before throwing myself into that, but in a way I feel like I shouldn't be doing this because I'm currently staying with my family member who works long hours in a job she hates, and while she's out working I'm here lazing about. I will be paying her for my stay here, I saved up a lot of money to move here, but I still feel very guilty for it.
I just feel like I've been a bit silly to move up here like this before I had completely dealt with the anxiety. My thinking was that this would help me get my life fully on the track that I want it to be, but instead I feel like I might have put myself back a lot.
Sorry for the long post, but I guess I'm just wondering can I pull myself around here in the situation I'm in, is there much chance that I'll be able to calm myself down within the next few days and be able to deal with the hassle of finding a job and everything next week? I've had CBT before so understand all the relaxation techniques and why I'm feeling like this.
I guess I'm just worried I've bitten off a bit more than I can chew this time? I really don't want to have to move back to my hometown again but can I really stay here like this?