I am so frightened what can I do

[Peter_Scott]

I am at my wits end, seriously I can not cope any-more, and am alone with this awful thing. I have had HA all my life but have learned to live with it, but now I truly think I am seriously ill and know there is nothing that can be done, and having HA I can't face being told I am soon going to die, so I can't go to the doctors or have another brain scan.

They found a legion on my brain scan last Year, March so a year ago, it was on my brain stem a very bad place.

I have now had nearly daily headaches for eight weeks, and some other head pains, I am so worried I just want my life to be over.

Having health anxiety all my life and now being faced with what could well be a death sentence as due to its location nothing could be done, what is the point in putting myself through further tests, and if the Dr does say that it has grown and I am going to die, I would most likely want to end my life anyway, also I have not eat in a year due to nausea.

I just can't cope any more, I have daily pain, I try to ignore, I have no one around me who wants to hear me, I am so sad and frightened please help,

Peter

[Worrier]

Hi Peter,

Well as a HA sufferer myself I completely understand why you are so scared and can't face the doctors. I have been in that same situation myself and as much as I am scared of the docs, I did go and the relief was enormous. Over the years I have lived by the motto that - worrying does not change the outcome. So, in that vain if you are seriously worried you must find the courage deep inside to go to the doctors and find out what is going on. Spending your days worrying that you are going to die is making you more ill for certain, making the headaches worse etc etc.

I'm sorry you don't have any support around, that is very difficult to deal with as well.

Please please find it within yourself to get checked out, it will probably be nothing and then imagine how you will feel. I know you are saying, but, if it is something how am I going to cope, which of course is how we all feel. But the knowing will give you some sense of peace I promise.

Feel free to pm anytime, I'd be happy to help you through this.

Take care
Natalie x

[gypsywomen]

i think you should eat nothing worse to cuse headache ,,, if you feel sick ask dr for meds to relax your tum ,, if you do eat small amounts ,,i am sure its anxiety causing you this pain ,, never think of taking your life you have many years yet ,, give yourself corage my frend be strong

[busybeingmum]

You serioulsly need to have your mind put at rest as the anxiety is truely awful. The only thing to set your mond at ease is a trip to the docs I'm afraid. You have to be really strong and go. I expect the diagnosis will be headaches due to extreme stress and anxiety - the doc can help you with that so you have to go. Remember that you have someone to talk to even in the middle of the night - you can speak to the Samaritans who can put you in touch with someone if things get really bad. Please get help now though. I truely understand your fear but you need to see the doc to put your mind at rest (and most importantly explain this anxiety). xx

[Typer]

I agree, do get checked. You could be worrying needlessly. I know you say they found a lesion/legion (not sure how to spell it) - this must have given you a scare. Did they say what the lesion was...is it benign or some scar tissue or something? What was the prognosis?

[Peter_Scott]

For anyone who is interested this is a short copy of my medical history,


About 9 years ago I was admitted into hospital with a six week history of headaches and strange neurological symptoms. I could not extend my RH little finger and my RH middle and thumb would only move together, not independent of each other. Also it was noted that my RH grip was weaker than my left. Some numbness in my RH toe and calf area. They suspected either a MS, BT, or TIA.

At the time a full range of bloods and a CT Brain scan was done, and a few days latter a MRI and an MRI with contrast was done, plus MRA. The only finding was very very low B12, a few other tests where done to try and find out why it was so low where done but nothing was found. I had B12 shots weekly then monthly and re tested and told I no longer require them. Most of the symptoms vanished, but I still got bad headaches, my Dr felt these where related to the migraines I had always had.

All was well until 2008 when I started to get a lot of the same symptoms AND very bad nausea. so much so that my weight began to fall by 30 pounds in a matter of weeks!

The nausea remained but the other symptoms, numbness and muscle twitching went over time.

Fast forward to March 2009, I had an type of spaced out feeling, and ended up in hospital again, this was followed by a very bad headache, and other numbness etc, again a CT brain scan was done and nothing was found. However a MRI brain scan revealed a small legion (sp) in the pons near my brain stem, the specialist said it looked like a small blood clot.

Since then I have been unable to eat due to nausea. The Drs have looked at GI reasons with scans etc but have found nothing.



What I don't understand is how are the symptoms coming and going over a matter of years, 9 years, surely if there was a problem in my head the numbness etc would not vanish for months on end would it?

My symptoms so far have been put down to complicated migraines and health anxiety.



Peter

[Typer]

One of the biggest problems for many of us is lack of information...that is for someone to sit down and explain exactly what is what.

To be told something could be this, or could be that is scary. No wonder you feel like this. If only you could insist that someone sit you down and explain the possible clot, scar or whatever it is and will they look at it again, are they happy it has no connection etc.

I feel you need some hard facts as well as some reassurance.

I think things and symptoms that come and go are unlikely to be serious, but even so you need some kind of medical proof so that you can rest easy and who knows, if you really had some answers, maybe if it is HA it will settle a bit

[Carys]

So, was the lesion/small blood clot treated successfully then when it was discovered ? I am a bit confused, sorry.

You sound and must be desperate, but you could be making yourself unneccessarily ill through the tremendous stress you are putting your body through daily. Yes, of course there is the possibility that the 'lesion/whatever they thought they found' is there, but it is also entirely possible that nothing has changed with your brain stem and you are worrying uncontrollably and causing all the symptoms. It seems that you at least need someone to give you some answers about 'whatever the thing was they found' at the scan, as it seems you don't know if it is likely to disappear or change, and have minimal information with respect to how it could affect you, if at all. Why not go and get checked ? You need to move forward to find a way out of this intolerable situation and have nothing to lose by asking the doctor to arrange some tests.

[Cell block H fan]

surely if there was a problem in my head the numbness etc would not vanish for months on end would it?

No.
My 13 yr old daughter wakes up with a headache 4 out of 7 days a week on average, she's had bouts of migraines for years too. Years ago 2 different doctors said nothing serious is going on.
But only doctors could tell me that, I was worried sick, still do really but I remind myself what they said. She is very thin, naturally, but she does also have a rubbish diet, she's a very fussy eater. I dont think this helps with headaches!
Go to your doctor.
Its the only way it will put your mind at rest.
xx

[Peter_Scott]

Well at 7 this morning I took the plunge and went to the A&E, I was seen by the doctor within 10 mins, and as luck would have it there where consultants not just junior Drs. He explained that as the head pain had changed then I needed to be accessed, he phoned up there and then and got me an appointment for tommorow at 3:45 at the EAU clinic, so they can properly access me and arrange any tests that may need doing, also they want to review the brain scan I had done last year. You guys helped to give me the push I needed, the head is painful but at least I may soon find out why,

Peter

[busybeingmum]

Peter - so glad you went to A&E - that was really brave of you and thank goodness you now have a way forward. Try not to get worried now that you have an appointment. See it as a positive thing (which is is). Hopefully they will cure your headaches etc quickly. xx

[busybeingmum]

Also, remember that the brain can play awful tricks on us when we are anxious. I had a breast lump that resulted in a biopsy and then a terrible infection. The result came back clear but they wanted to test again after a few months just to be sure. This waiting period sent me into a spiral of depression. I convinced myself I had breast cancer and developed the most awful pain in me breast and then my chest started to hurt and feel tight. This went on for a few months and I was sent back for tests quicker because I was so anxious. It turned out all was well and that anxiety had bought on all these symptoms!

[Typer]

Good luck Peter. Let us know what happens...I hope its all good

[Zee]

Wish you luck Peter.Let us all know how you get on

[Worrier]

Hey Peter,

See I knew you could do it. Don't you already feel some sense of relief?? Hang in there and remember pm anytime.

Take care
Natalie x

[Rachel W]

You are braver than many of us. I am sure that this time tomorrow you will be reassured. God Bless. We are all here for you!!!

[Peter_Scott]

Thank you everyone for your well wishes.

After a thorough neuro exam and consult both the doctors and the consultants concluded the the head pains are part of my migraines. They re read the report from my scan done last year and think there is no reason to suspect a tumour, and it is far more likely to be a result of the TA and a blood clot, that was seen. I have no sign of pressure in my head, plus my neuro exam was fine.
They did not see any need to put me thro another scan at this time, they want me to take pain meds when pain starts to see if this will stop the cycle, and if codeine was the only thing that worked for me then that was fine as long as it was taken no more than directed, far better to stop the pain than worry about getting addicted.

An appointment is to be made as a follow up in eight weeks time.

I shall have to digest what was said,

Peter

[Worrier]

Peter,

Right, well now that is all over and done with you must stop the worrying. Accept what they said and get on with your life.

All will be fine I'm sure.

Natalie xx