Bit scared

[Redrainbow]

Well if you know me on here you know i'm always joking and being silly, mainly in the chatroom.. joking and being silly is my way of coping with this i think, blocks it out a bit!!! I still get scared though,,im scared now, because i hear some of you have had depression and anxiety for years and i don't want that!! that scares me,,,also my biggest fear right now is what if it's just all the meds i'm on, holding this at bay a bit???? Because i know inside it's all still lurking inside, ready to manifest itself at any given moment!!!! I don't know laugh all you want,,it's still there isn't it??
I get so frightened sometimes,,,,,,i just want to cry!!!
Heard an old saying once,,,,Laughing on the outside, crying on the inside!!! Quite fitting sometimes i think.
Regards Wayne,

[ladybird64]

Hi Wayne

No-one would laugh at you for being scared, don't forget that it's actually a normal reaction..we question everything, that is what anxiety and depression do to us.

I'm one of the people that have had these difficulties for years but only because I muddled along somehow and refused to consider that I just wasn't doing that great..I did manage to bring up a family, hold down 2 jobs but boy, was it a struggle!

I have been a member of NMP for nearly 2 years, have learnt a ton of stuff about what I have and how to deal with it, it's good that you too have made friends and I know you're one of the jokers of the chatroom!

I don't think your medication is hiding anything. It is ok to feel this way and it is ok to feel scared, you have lost confidence in your ability to manage your own feelings and it is natural for you to feel this way while you are gradually getting better. And you can start to feel better you know. I know it may not seem like it now but I promise it can happen. I have recently started medication after a serious bout of depression and anyone here will tell you how anti meds I was!
I didnt go into medication expecting it to cure everything, just to let me function..and give me the time I needed to start to heal.
I am on that road now and I know that things are changing for me and I'm sure they will for you.

Go easy on yourself Wayne and take the time you need to feel better and most importantly don't be afraid of feeling scared...it's entirely normal and shows that your mind is working the way it should do! You have overcome a lot and have shown that you can help yourself bit by bit, let everyone here support you while you continue to make progress.

Believe in yourself :hugs:

[SueBee]

Oh Wayne :hugs:

One positive thing about suffering from a severe bout of depression is, although you may always hold the fear (it will lessen) of becoming depressed again, you can now identify the feelings you had when you started to become depressed and get help or deal with it effectively before it becomes a huge problem.

Dont worry too much about the meds hun, they wont be masking a lurking monster, they will be replacing the chemicals that are missing in your brain (you do have one there somewhere :whistles: lol) and allowing yourself some respite so that you can begin to heal and recover. Yes, it will take time and determination but I know you'll get there sweet. In the short time I've known you, you've shown great insight and courage and managed to offer support even when I know you've been having a really dark day, so that in itself just goes to prove how strong you are and how much fight and determination you have to get through your depression and come out the other side. I'm proud of you sweetie :hugs:

Don't be too hard on yourself matey. Its really early days in terms of your recovery and you've a way to go yet I'm sure, but every day will get brighter for you, I promise.

Give yourself a break, be kind to yourself, take it day by day and you will get there :)

Sue xx

[bottleblond]

Hi oor Wayne

What you are explaining is a perfectly normal reaction to this grotty condition, i'm sure we all get like this now and again, i certainly know i do BUT as quick as it comes into my head, i dismiss it.

Using humour is your way of coping and it's a very good way. You're keeping yourself cheery and upbeat as well as making others around you smile too. That humour rubs off Wayne and can really make a difference to another persons day. You certainly make me laugh. :hugs:

Don't beat yourself up because you are a lovely person huni!!

Love and hugs
Lisa
xxx
:bighug1:

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Wayne I am one of the unlucky ones who suffer from severe recurrent depressive disorder. My illness is well controlled these days but I do suffer from relapses when I need my meds upped. In the last twelve or so years I have been an in patient in a hospital once for my depression. I try to lead a full and satisfying life but at times life is very very difficult. Just because you have had one episode of depression it does not mean that you will suffer again although the odds that it will happen again are quite high. It could be many many years before it happens again if ever. I always thought that I could be 'cured' of my illness. Sadly that isn't so but I have accepted it. I have the support of my GP and an excellent psychiatrist Dr J. Without him these past few years would have become very tricky indeed. This is the advice that I can give you: try to lessen the stresses in your life, do something each day that gives you happiness, talk to people before things get out of hand, do not be afraid to ask for help. If you do become ill do not punish yourself for it. It is not your fault and you will recover.

[Redrainbow]

There is no mistake about it,,the meds are helping now, you just wonder how long will i need them for? I think i came to the point where i don't care how many meds i'm on just as long as i don't feel like i have in the past, meds are fine by me as long as they make me feel better. The bad days still come,,but i'm certainly learning to handle them better.
I think in all honesty being so close to suicide sort of made me think,,,who cares what meds your on just as long as you don't feel like that again! You have just got to sort of get through this by any means possible i think,,,,but that's just me view. Everyone is different and i respect their opinion...

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Wayne I know nothing of your illness or your journey through it. You seem a genuine sort of person though. I'm glad that you are feeling better and I guess that your GP will keep you on meds for a while longer. As you progress into further stability you might be asked to reduce your anti depressants and your doctor might keep you on a 'maintenance' dose indefinitely. If you have experienced a bout of depression then it is always better to remain vigilant to the fact that you might in the future feel like that again. There are no guarantees that you wont but at least you will be able to identify those feelings again and ask for help in dealing with this. i hope that you continue to feel well.