What next?

[Hannahlou84]

Once again I feel like I am smacking my head against a wall.

Nothing I seem to be doing is helping me. I find hypnotherapy helpful but the therapist I trust is near my parents' house about 200 miles away, so I can't fall back on her. It also doesn't help that I am a little concerened that I have feelings of attachment for her.

Uni is a complete mess because of all this and I am not sure what to do next. I see the Mental Health Adviser through Uni, but don't think I am finding that that helpful, (we talk through problems, great, but get nowhere with solutions). And El (the private hypnotherapist was always a bit better at that!).

Just feel I have nowhere to turn, no way out. I don't even really know what to say. Please help, I am feeling really desperate.

[tammyg]

Hi Hannalou,

Sorry to hear things are tough at the moment. You said you see someone through Uni but you don't think it's helping. Have you spoken to her/him about this? They may just think you want to talk about things, have you explained you are willing/wanting to do things to help yourself? Or said how bad you are feeling? I am sure they want to do their best to help you but might not know what you need.

If not, how about trying the Doctors route instead? I'm sure you have already but it sounds like you need a bit of extra something at the moment.

Sorry I can't be more helpful but if you need to talk and just get somethings out, this is the best place.

Take care.

Tammy x

[Hannahlou84]

Thanks for your reply.

I guess I am just scared to go back to the doctors because things have got so bad. I don't want meds pushed on me again, even if the dr near my parents believes I am taking them anyway.

Feel even worse now. Completely worthless. I can see why R wouldn't contact me, even my own mother makes promises to call and then doesn't ****ing bother and then just fobs me off.

Like I need to be made to feel any worse.

[Karen]

Hi Hannah

Sorry to hear about the way your mum has treated you again. I do understand how much it hurts to be constantly treated this way and there are unfortunately no easy solutions. My way of trying to deal with it was to stop trying to fix our relationship and now I don't see her but it is hard to do, particularly when feeling so alone anyway.

I think perhaps either speaking to your doctor there at uni or the mental health advisor about how you are feeling is perhaps the way forward. I know you trust and prefer to see El but you are not receiving the regular help and support you need from her. It's just not practical due to the distances involved.

Your doctor cannot force you to take medication. I've had this pushed onto me in the past and the psychiatrist wanted me to take antidepressants but I just kept saying no. Fortunately my doctor doesn't see medication as being the answer to everything.

I would suggest you ask about referral to see someone, particularly for help with the attachment and eating problems. I realise you have been worried to tell anyone how bad you have been feeling but they can only help if they know how much you're struggling.

R is just acting the same as always and probably has no idea how much importance you place on hearing from her.

Karen x

[Hannahlou84]

I don't trust them. I am too scared to admit how I feel fully. I even struggle to do that with El. That and I always feel a lot better when I am actually speaking to a doctor or whatever, like my brain's protecting me. Weird that!

I think anyone, attached or not would be pissed off with R, tbh. How many times does she need to be asked to do what she offered? Uni is the biggest mess, and she sorted all of that for me last year, noone else, R.

I think C (The MHA) thinks she's enough for me, and I the dr would be inclined to agree). I know her age shouldn't matter, but it's not her actual age, but the age she acts, (like old, but more so than my grandmother!) and I just can't be open with her.

I am really really scared at the moment. And just keep having the most horrendous panics. I can't even switch off and do the work, and all I want to talk about is me.. I am sorry for being such a failure.

It doesn't help that I have literally consumed over 3,000 calories today.

[Karen]

Hi Hannah

Do the doctor and MHA think she is providing enough support because they don't know how much you are struggling though? I realise it is scary to admit how bad things are but this is the way to get some help. No one can help if they don't know.

I agree that R is not doing what she promised. Maybe it is time to see her in person about the uni stuff?

You are not a failure Hannah. I think you could use some extra help and it is working out how you could go about finding this help.

I understand how you're feeling with the eating but I also think you know that one day of eating more won't make any difference, particularly when you haven't been eating. Your body probably needed the fuel.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[Hannahlou84]

Short of sitting with me 24/7 what can anyone do?

I am going to see R on Wednesday. I don't give a damn if she is busy. I've waited long enough now, especially as it has been a month since she said she would email.

My body really didn't need all of that rubbish, and it didn't technically get it anyway...

I am trying to do something productive with something on attachment right now, but am too thick, so just getting anxious about that. It's not ready for other people, and I can't provide a suitable explanation!!

I am so frustrated right now.