Uncertainty

[tiredzombie]

:shrug:
Ok, so I'm taking Setraline at mo., I've got a doc's appointment coming up, and I don't know whether to ask for a repeat prescription, and it's playing on my mind, because I find going to the doctor truly excruciating. I just hate feeling like I'm being assessed. So I want to be sure in myself about what I'm going to say before I go. But I have no idea.

This is the third SSRI I've been on in six months, and apart from the side effects, I can't really tell the difference between them. I don't know whether there's any point me being on them at all. I think I might be in a marginally better state than I was when I started, but that might well just be because of the things I've been involved with since then (volunteering and an anxiety course.) I still have very little energy or motivation most of the time, though I do spend less time dwelling on it when I feel really miserable.

I don't even know if I'm really 'depressed'. I tend to come out as mild/moderate on the questionnaires they give you, but it seems kind of arbitrary. Also, last time I saw him my gp said 'maybe it's just your personality' (which made me feel great!)

I don't really think my feelings of low mood are to do with a 'chemical imbalance' in my brain. I think they're to do with the way I perceive reality, and the problems I have dealing with that reality. I do think SSRI's work for a few people, but for me I think the biggest benefit is as a pill that I can take when I'm at rock bottom, to feel like I'm doing something about it. A kind of placebo effect.

But at the same time I'm constantly doubting my own feelings. Maybe I'm in no state to accurately assess things. Maybe I'm being irrationally negative about the meds? I'm worried about the idea of stopping them, in case things get worse, or it makes my family worry more about me. I just wish there was some objective way of measuring whether they have any effect on me. Or that I could just get a repeat prescription without having to talk things over with my gp! He seems like a nice enough bloke, but I just feel so pathetic talking to him about the mess I'm in, especially not knowing what I want. I get embarrassed easily at the best of times, but it's just horrible. So I put off making an appointment 'til the last possible oppurtunity, and end up running out of my prescription!

Any advice/perspective on what to do/say would be greatly appreciated!

[guitarpants]

I stated this in another thread, but sometimes GP's are just out of their league with this stuff. It helps to see a psychiatrist.

[nervy-paul]

Hi tiredzombie, I too am on sertraline, I have been for two years, and on the whole I would say they work for me. Though I do quite regularly get times where I wonder, one - whether or not they are really helping me and, two - whether I'm as bad as I sometimes feel/think I am. I would agree you are proberly not in the right state to 'judge' yourself, though bizarrely, we are the only ones who can truely say how WE feel.

I would also agree with the other posters, gp's are often not the best people to judge if some is or how mentally ill they are. Have you tried to get in to see a counsellor or psychiatrist? It might even be worth going private if you can. Maybe even a local help group - NSF or English equivalent might we worth looking into.

[onceagain]

Hi TiredZombie

You mentioned that you have taken 3 types of medication in the last 6 months but not how long you have been on the sertraline? you also stated that you run out on a regular basis as you don't like to attend the doctors.

I think both of these factors must play a part in any answers that you get back.

I have to be straight with you ... I don't think you are giving them a chance or maybe you are having too high an expectation of the medication.

I've recently gone onto sertraline from citalopram. My doctor explained it like this to me that it does not work in exactly the same way, as citalopram is a mood lifter whereas Sertraline does not take the negative feelings away but gives you a better control/balance to reflect on them. I like this idea because it is giving me some of the control back, which my doctor also feels is the right move for me as I seem to have lost control of things.

As far as your perception of reality.. again how can we possibly comment with no real indication??? mean me? never...lol

But what I hear is someone who is turning it in on themselves... something we all do!!!! Please give them the chance and give yourself a chance.. speak to the doctor and ask him for bigger (longer periods) prescriptions or ask if you can get them on repeat so that you don't have to make an appointment each time.

As far as it being your personality..well yes at the moment it is because you are low..even those without depression, anxiety or phobias have low moods n bad times so don't take it too much to heart...

All I'm saying is that you can either run away and continue to feel low or else you can take the medication without the feeling of failure, embarrassment or ridicule... and get better... remember my doctor says that sertraline does not take away the negative feelings ..it allows you the power to take control and deal with issues without making you a zombie..

Anyway after all that tough talk..hugs to you and take good care of yourself x

[onceagain]

PS ... forgot also ask to get some therapy..or read some of the self help books on offer...just get well hun x

[joannap]

hi tiredzombie

i can totally relate to your post and to be honest - my advice would be to try and work through it yourself if the meds have not made much difference. the only thing i will say is that ssris are a different type to the older a'd's and the older ones do not work for me whereas the ssris have to some degree and so perhaps the older may work for you? HOWEVER - you come accross as quite calm and logical and more like you "think" you should be taking them rather than perhaps need them although of course you may have felt terrible for you to start them in the first place?

like you - i sometimes wonder if they have been a placebo for me - you kind of give into anxiety while you are waiting for the tablets to work because you know they do not work for up to a few months anyway and it could be that by giving in and waiting for them to work - the acceptance and not fighting means we improve naturally anyway! I for one have found they only limit anxiety - they are not a cure by any means and then you have the worry of coming off them etc.

i am going through a terrible replapse at the moment and i for one am not rushing off to the gp (i am on 10mg citalopram) because i know for a fact that if i can accept it and try to carry on regardless - it does get better - very difficult when you feel like you cannot stand it for one more minute - i have been having panic that lasts virtually all day - its been constant and all my thoughts are so SCARY - even normal ones! but i have done it before and i feel such a sense of power and confidence when i come through the other side - yes - i still suffer but i know i can come out of it. i HATE seeing my gp - she is lovely but i hate the whole system and feeling like i am being labelled. i have had counselling, tried lots of different tablets etc and can honestly say that the thing has helped me most is getting older/more philosophical and accepting it is part of my character and also learning more about the cycle of fear we keep ourselves in by being afraid of feeling afraid! :bighug1:

ps - i very much think my anxiety is down to the way i perceive reality/the world - i grew up imagining life would be like a fairy story! My advice would be to try and work with what you have in life at the moment - spend time doing what you enjoy etc - rest your mind as much as possible - day time naps, rubbish tv etc! and allocate a "worry" time each day. why not see how you go instead of feeling you have to make a decision right now?

[joannap]

ps - have just read that you have felt at rock bottom so well done you for seeking help in the first place. i would also hate anyone on here to think that i am anti meds - not at all - i feel they have helped pull me out of rock bottom states a few times whether they were more of a placebo or not! what i am trying to say is that the more i learn about the anxiety - the more i realise that we do have the power to limit its effects upon us and i have been through several awful relapses/set backs by facing, accepting and floating through it - it is the hardest thing i have done in my life but once you have pulled yourself out a few times by your own efforts - you do feel more in control than worrying about whether a med will stop working/whether you will have to change it in the future etc. that is why it is not always the answer to change meds/up the dose when we feel bad - we need to learn about anxiety and ways we can manage it too.

[NoPoet]

Hi, I completely agree with Sharonsk, if you've been on 3 medications in 6 months it may be that you either haven't stuck with one for long enough, or you haven't found the right dose. It's not an exact science and it is hard to find the right dose of the right medicine straight away - giving up because of this is one reason why so many people say that antidepressants don't work.

Also if your doctor is changing your medication, it seems slightly odd that they haven't looked at a different class of antidepressants. Tricyclics are still popular despite being slightly outdated by the SSRI class.

It also seems like your thoughts are stuck in a kind of logic loop. That's something I experience a lot. Thinking like that can keep you in a negative frame of mind. Maybe your doc is partially right -- your way of thinking is trained to view things slightly negatively? In which case positive thinking, which you can practice by reading up on "Feel the fear and do it anyway" and get hold of some positivity mp3s, could gradually help you get out of a rut.

I get the impression that re-training yourself to think more positively could be a big help to you. It is difficult at first but it gets easier once the positive thinking becomes a habit.