Smaller and smaller triggers

[Mudskipper]

Haven't been on in a while, been doing alrightish and wasn't keen to feed my anxieties with other peoples', sorry if that sounds selfish. But the past few days have gone to show that I'm nowhere near cured and I don't believe I ever will be. Having got a handle on some of the bigger things that have bothered me, my personal demon is now specialising in micro-panics. Last weekend my mother brought me some home-made blackberry tart, but how long has she had the blackberries in the freezer? In the bin it went. Minute traces of blood on the tissue after blowing my nose, plus a thick headache that comes and goes, got to be a brain tumour. Trying to remember the name of a popular celebrity but it just wouldn't come, early onset Alzheimers. Then I went down to the workshop for a chat with a mate, he had some kind of ultra-violet device rigged up without a warning sign and I glanced at it briefly, well that's my eyes done for. Been on the phone for the last ten minutes trying to get an emergency opticians appointment.
It really never ends. I'm on the waiting list for CBT but I haven't much faith in it and I'm sick to death of taking medication that just about keeps me stable but takes the pleasure out of my life and doesn't sort the real problem.
Sorry for the rant, just fed up to the back teeth with this and I've got to have a root filling on one of those next week too. Life really isn't worth the trouble...

[PanchoGoz]

All I can say is that it will only go so far. You're either just going to break down and have a panic attack of some sort, or those triggers will start to get bigger and bigger as you get happier and happier, and a simple boring life will have no triggers at all eventually.
This is more likely, as I get lower and lower and fear it will end in some breakdown, but find I end up geting better.