new to panic

[xxxvickyxxx]

Hi- i suffered my 1st panic attack on sunday afternoon after recieving a suicide text from my mum. She lives 50 miles away and i knew i coukdnt get to her. The police did though and she is now fine. However i had 4 panic attacks yesterday morning- the 4t ended in my passing out in the docs waiting room. They gave me beta blockers and sent me home. I had another attack at 4am this morning and i am constantly worried now that i may have another and pass out and die. I dont know if i should stay away from my mum- she text me today to tell me she is ok and that she is sorry. I dont feel as though i am actually here right now- its like i am floating. My head is spinning inside and i feel anythung could set me off again. I need to collect my 4 children from school in an hour and i am worried that i will pass out on the way in the gates. I found my dad last october- in his house with his wrist slit and prescription drugs overdose- he survived. My brother has attempted suicide twice since then also. I was so upset, angry etc after those 2- that and i am shicked that my mum has now done the same after seeing the damage they done to us and the rest of our family. should i respond to my mums texts- i feel guilty that i havent but i am scared that i have another attack- help !!!

[diane07]

Hi xxxvickyxxx

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[JT69]

Hi Vicky,

Omg what a lot you have had to deal with...no wonder you are suffering panic attacks!!!

It is very difficult for you having to decide wether you respond to your mum or not?? Would you feel guilty if you didnt?

It sounds like the events have got to your mum too. How are you feeling with the beta blockers? Are they helping you at all? Did your GP make an appointment for you to go back and perhaps give you some support of some kind?

It may be that your mum has now settled and regrets what she did and going forward shouldn't then be a problem for you. Sometimes things really come to a head and we act on impulse regretting it later, this may have been what happened in your mums case.

I really feel for you and hope you can get some support going forward with this.

Take care
JO.

[alias_kev]

Hey Vicky. Just read your post and all I can think to say is :bighug1:. I suffer from bad anxiety and some depression but I've had nothing so mind mending to cope with... I almost hope you are one of those people that makes things up. (No offense intended).

Hopefully the beta blockers will help to control the physical symptoms of the panic that produce the spiral we call a panic attack. They might take a while to work, but I've no experience of them. If you tell us the name we can look things up.

One of the key things to remember is that the panic attack cannot really do you any harm. I guess there are some risks if someone already had a dodgy heart or something, but in a way the more attacks someone has had the clearer it is that their body has no such weakness. Really your body is just getting ready to run away or fight for your life and as you're not doing either of those things the symptoms are crazy. What then happens is the symptoms make you even more afraid and "panic stricken" and that just makes your body react even more. Its not too easy cycle to break according to my reading, I guess the first step is accepting logically that it can't hurt you. But that's easy to type than do.

You mum has put you in a terrible position. That has to be said. Self inflicted anxiety & guilt if you ignore her, stress & panic if you don't. I wouldn't dare say what to do, there is way too much emotion in there for you. I do think that as a mum yourself with four children (and I'm assuming they are under 18, maybe much younger) they have to be your first priority. They didn't ask for this life or situation and they deserve to have you and have you healthy and sane. That may guide your choices.

In a way it sounds like your family members are almost competing for attention. That may be harsh as I don't know what's affected them in the past, but it sounds almost like a competition to be the most desperate. Had your mum been local, I would see it more easily as the cliche "cry for help, didn't really mean it", but calling you when you live so far away sounds cruel, or even jealous - if you're normally happier than the rest of the family. Sorry - I could be quite wrong, but I'd really have issues with someone putting me in that position.

Had you not had the text in realtime due to the phone being off or out of signal or something, you'd have had all sorts of emotional garbage dumped on you. That's grossly unfair. It probably wouldn't be reasonable even if you were directly responsible for all of the bad things they are or have experienced! Sorry - I'm feeling annoyed on your behalf. :unsure: Have another hug - :hugs:

The way I'd look at it in the short term. You have four children, that need looking after. They need you and need you whole. After them you have to take care of yourself, so that you can keep looking after them and maybe get strong enough to lend some support to the rest of your family.

Even in the best light it sounds like the rest of your family are treating you like their parent, and there are four kids with a prior claim to that role. The devious side of me would tell the three you've mentioned to move in together and support each other!

Sorry, I hope I've not offended or talked out of turn. It all just sounds so unfair and ghastly. Feel free to tell me to shut up, or come back on and vent yourself. Sometimes we have to get feelings outside our head.