View Full Version : Advice needed please!
Hey guys,
I really need some advice. Basically, my problem is with school again. I have for the last 18months been only able to drop off and pick my kids up from school with a friend with me(just in case..!). However i think my friend is getting a bit fed up with me relying on her everyday for support, which i honestly do understand. Even though it has made me realise how alone i am trying to struggle with panic.
SO, I need to start preparing myself somehow to go to school independently. This totally feels way too much for me, and i am trying to think of easier ways around it. For example, i was thinking of going in 10 mins early when no-one is around and go and wait in the school until the playground has emptied, or something similar. I was just wondering if anyone has any good ideas, as i am struggling here!
Sorry for rambling! i know i am like a scratched record where school is concerned!
tracy x x
Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.
existential crisis
16-01-06, 10:47
Tracy,
I had the same problem as you also and I did exactly what you were thinking about doing. It did help because I knew I was taking small steps towards going to the school when the playground was full and I was working towards being sociable and feeling comfortable around the other mums. What I used to do was rather than going early and having to wait in the school, I would time it so as soon as I got there my lad was going straight in - so I didnt have to wait in the playground at all, empty or not. Then as soon as the kids went in, I could just go home. I did that for a week or so until I felt comfortable and then I set myself the new challenge of going when I would have to wait in the playground for a bit and so on and so forth. Now I go at the normal time and I even chat to the mums! Hope this helps. Clare. xxx
*I think, therefore I am.*
Thanks Clare,
I normally turn up dead on the bell going, so mine can run straight in, but i find the gate and the school road so busy, where all the mums are leaving. This is a big thing for me, as i always worry about losing it in front of them.
Thanks again, - its good to know you are not the only one!
Take care,
tracy x x
Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.
existential crisis
16-01-06, 11:17
I know what you mean about that when you say you worry about losing it infront of them - thats what I was like. Im still like it now to a certain degree but usually the only thing that happens when I do force myself to speak to them/be around them is that I stutter a bit and come across as a bit nervous. To the mums that I have gotten to know quite well I have also told them that I suffer from anxiety and I havent had a negative response yet. If you really cant face the busy road and the mums then maybe it would be a good idea to wait by the school for a bit until its cleared, then you can get home without being in a total tizz! I do understand what its like though - I wound myself up for weeks before my lad started school because I was frightened! Clare. xxx
*I think, therefore I am.*
Tracy I so understand, doing the school run held problems for me too.
I have only one left at school now and they are old enough to go there and back with their friends, I still don't like parents evening though.
I think its cos I know so many mums there and my kids are all there with their friends - it's the last place I want to panic, which of course why its the biggest problem lol!!!
I don't know how old yours are as I know as my youngest got in year 6 I would meet her a little way from school but somewhere where I could watch her progress from the playground. I think she liked the independence this gave her too.
Although in the times when they were too young for this I used to be more at the last minute then I didn't have to wait around and I always played on my mobile. I always have my keys in my hand to fiddle with too and a bottle of water to drink.
I like wet days as I feel better if I can put my hood up or hide under a brolly and in the summer never ever ever go without my shades lol!!!
You could join Chucklehounds thread and then we can encourage you along too if you like.
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Thanks Piglet,
My kids are 6 and 8, so i have to go all the way in there! Its funny like you, i love wet days as i feel more protected.
I also cant go out without my mobile and some chewing gum!! I just wish i didn't feel defeated before i started.
I have made a decision to have a chat with my son's teacher today, as she is so understanding. I'm hoping she might have some suggestions too.
I think its just the initial few outings that are going to be hard, and i do so want to overcome this as it rules my days!
I have been reading Chucklehounds post with interest as i totally relate. However, I am having trouble just doing it the first time!
tracy x x
Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.
You are not alone...
GOING BACKWARDS? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3578)
cant believe its happening again (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5812)
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Hi!
Just a quick update, I went in and had a chat with my sons teacher today, who has come up with some suggestions for me. These were things like going in to pick kids up early, and then getting my kids to show me their work while we wait for playground to empty. She was also able to show me a couple doors i could use if necessary!
Now its just the doing IT! But its a start to talk about it!!!
tracy x x
Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.
Oh Tracy that's great - how nice the teacher sounds:D
I like the idea of the doors - it seems I quite like to see I can get out again. Me and the youngest went to Argos tonight about 5.20 which was nice cos it was not busy but the girl locked the door while we were waiting so no more customers could come in, and I tell you it made me feel well panicky.
My youngest stood to get the item and I sat on the waiting chairs and concentrated on breathin and telling myself all was well, it was just a feeling and I am responsible for it. I faced away from the doors and was pleased with myself for managing the panic.
It would be lovely to go to the shops though and not have that kind of feeling - everyso often I do have a trip like that though, so hopefully over time it will happen more and more.
Good luck to us both:D
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Tracy
Sounds like you have gotten some great advice so I wont try to add to it....Just wanted to support you and empathize.....I know how you feel and you said you felt so alone well your NOT we understand and are cheering for you!!!
Love,
Ardyce
Tracey
Just wondered how things were going with the getting the children to school and the cbt therapy.
take care
bobsy
Hey!
Things are still pretty much the same at the moment. I still cant seem to get that big push of confidence or motivation ( not sure what word im looking for!), to just go out and DO IT!
I hate keep asking friends for help, but am so scared to take the plunge and just trust myself enough to go out alone.
tracy x x
Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.
tracy im sure you have done this, but have you read claire weekes books on not avoiding but facing.
i no that this is hard and to face our fears is sometimes unbearable, but facing is the only way to recover, not dodging or taking another route.
is this too hard at the moment
i hope i am not stating the obvious just though tid ask if youd read the books
jackie
This is always a problem for me, yesterday I arranged for my hubby to collect my daughter and her friend and my neighbours son.
You can imagine how I felt 15 mins before school finished when my hubby phoned to say he wasnt going to make it on time!
I had to hurry to get there and collect all 3 kids.......I was feeling in a right state but somehow got thru it with my heart racing and feeling dizzy, I rushed them out the gate and then felt a huge relief.
Now the funny thing is this, my son started big school and I can collect him fine from there ........no other parents go up there and I think this makes all the difference or maybe because i have no previous panic there i dont fear it there ?
P.s went in 6 empty shops today and had "medium" panic in 2 of them,
trying to think of the positives 4 out of 6 isnt bad ehh.
mirryx
Hey Jackie,
Yes, I have read Claire Weekes, her books come everywhere with me! I understand i need to face things not avoid, but i do find it too hard to do at the moment.
I need a rocket placed somewhere to get me moving i think!
tracy x x
Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.
hi
tracey you just need to read you little moto at the end of each of your messages I think of it all the time i try to do things. just go for it girl you can do it.
bobsy
Understand where you are coming from on this Trac as I am abit the same.
Mirry - totally agree about the not knowing so many people somewhere making the difference. I hate parents evening at the school with the youngest cos I know everyone there, but I went to one at the college the other night for my middle child and cos I knew no-one and it was fairly quiet too I was good - only 2/10 on the anxiety scale.
It was totally cos there were minimal people to show myself up infront of.
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
blondeangel
05-02-06, 18:22
Have you thought of enrolling your children in a before and after school program. I used to teach in one inside a school until I went back to college again. Some schools offer them, but also there are independent before and after school programs and some daycares offer them too...many of which provide transportation. This way you can avoid crowds of people, and you may find it less stressfull. If finances are a problem you can look into funding from your government. Hopefully I have been of some help.
Yes I have thought of this, but my childrens school, has just had to close the before and after school clubs.
It is a very good idea though!
tracy x x
Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.
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