View Full Version : apolagies
i just need to rite this to say im sorry iv made such a mess of things bringing al this on my self and i scear my slef some times the degree of how i beahve and what i say i dont mean to be so over bearing im just struggling so much and dont no who to trust or who to turn to im so scread that im gonna end up doign sothing stupid and suceddigni can only fight of these vocies for so long befor they win me and i dont mean to com eon here and complin and wine on i hvae no where else to turn i cant trust my cpn or my phyc i cant trust the crsies teamof the doctor there all talking about me i know they are and there lauhing at me i think sometime i should go out side and let the demonds get me hen i would br here to upset you all im soo sorry i relly am i have made what id liek to think some good friends and i hope that they know who they are an di will always keep you in my prayers always
my love always hopers ( geroga ) xxxxxxxxxx
Aww hopers,
i'm so sorry you are having such a rough time lately.
There is absolutely no need to apologise for anything, we are all here for you hun.
Its what nmp is here for, just keep posting and we will help you best we can.
:hugs:
di xx
bottleblond
31-03-10, 21:42
Georga
Huni calm down and catch your breath. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for. We are your friends and are here for you no matter what!
You are obviously going through a very difficult period so please let us help you.
You are a very sweet, lovely lady and we all care about you.
No more apologies hun, just let us help you
Love and hugs
Lisa
xxxx
:hugs:
You haven't brought anything on yourself and don't apologise for anything. Don't be so hard on yourself. We are all in the same boat here and we all need to vent how we feel some time so please don't apologise. This is what this site is for. We are all here for each other's support, no matter why and no matter what.
Myra x :hugs:
ladybird64
31-03-10, 21:50
Georga :hugs:
What's all this about eh? You know you don't need to be apologising to anyone here, we think a lot of you and you are a lovely lady who is going through the wars at the moment.
Stay with us, don't be scared and you know we'll support you.
:flowers:
bottleblond
31-03-10, 22:00
Bumping this post back up!
We are still with you sweety! :hugs:
xxx
Oh Georga honey :hugs:
I'm so sorry you're not doing so well right now - i wish I could make it all go away for you, really I do.
I know you think you've upset me but honestly, you havent hun, please believe that and you know you can always trust me no matter what.
You are a very special person to me, you're so sweet and caring even when you arent doing so well yourself. So please stop being so hard on yourself hun.
I'm always here for you :hugs:
Sue xxx
Georga, come into chat honey. We can either PM or go into the help room. I really want to help you, we all do xxxxxxxx
:hugs:you've nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry to hear you've having such a hard time, stick with us and we'll support you all we can :hugs:
Take care
Take care Georga, why don't you go into chat
:bighug1:
Hey.....Georga,don't apologise,you have been there for me in chat.Now its my turn to Pay it forward. You can pm me.:flowers::hugs:
Ronny xx
thank you for being so nice ...... im sat here an di woundering weathe ror not to go to hospiatl as im conviced threres demonds bangingon my window and i cant face up to taking my meds im so scread i dont no what to do im having panic attack one after another im shaking so much i just wish some one could tell me what to do i just dont wanna be lioke this any more iv taken 10 mg od dizipam but i still feel the same what if im beyond help meds only seem to work for so long
meep
love and huggels xxxxxxx
hope you are feeling a bit better this morning ,if your not give your gp a ring most will talk to you on the phone ,or pop in chat or if noone in there pm one of us and we will go in and tlak to you take care
amandaxxxx
after 3 hours on the fone to the crises team i took my sleeping meds i got about 3 hours wichis good for me im a little bit more straight headed this morning i need to get over this whole " i think my meds are poison " thing but i cant shake it when it come to my antipycotics im just petrified about them
i am really tuggling thoe his morning with amelia i have no paitence it sucks she sbeing such a good girl but i cant focus on her give her the attention she deservs
i mean what she gonna think about her mum when she gets older and that hurts me i need to do somthing to sort this out but i cant seem to push my slef ahhhh
i so sorry for putting you all throgh this
huggels an dlove georga xx
bottleblond
01-04-10, 12:02
Hiya hun
Well done on calling the crisis team! Way to go!! :yesyes:
Things always look a bit brighter when you have had a wee sleep.
Keep posting hun and we will all help you as best we can!
Big hugs
Lisa
xxxxx
:hugs:
well roy draged meout shopping today i couldnt breath the whole time were out everyone looked distorted and i think they were all givingme gunny looks like they new somting about me and it was so scray i never wanna go out again
im still shaking i took all my diazipam last nigth so i cant have any more the vocies are so loud they would shut up jugding me and telling me to do stuff its hard to fight them wheni feel so week i want it to stop i can bealry breath with my head about to explode i feel like i have tunnle vishion andim tigerly all over like pins and needles
sory huggels and love georga xx
Sweetheart, maybe you need to speak to the crisis team again. You sound as though you are going through hell right now. I know you are finding it hard to trust anyone right now but they will do their best for you, I promise.
When I panic, I feel that everyone knows too, it just makes you feel so vulnerable and it makes you think all kinds of things - they are just thoughts though hun, no matter how distressing they are.
Keep posting and we will do all we can to help :hugs:
Love you loads xxxxx
help im about to breack into a panic artc k na div got friends here what do i do ahhh the vocies are so loud im fingin git hrd to listen t what there saying i think they hate me now
geora aa
georga,
Go into chat if you can, im sure someone will chat with you there and keep you company. if not keep posting on this thread, dont sit alone.
mick
my eyes atreaming there al asking me if imok there askingme what im doing and i cant say a word noting will com eout i think im gonna freek out
georga xx
the vocies ar etelling me that if i dont die then hell will consume the whole world, i dont feel sage amy more roy made me hooove rup all the saly from the windows that wee keeeping them out how doi keep everyone safe from hell im so confussed an lane please som eone tell me what to do please ....
georga xxxxxx
Georga ,there arent voices in your head hunni .They are just your thoughts...No one is going to hell .please believe me ..Its your thoughts that are making you think this ...Get Roy to phone the crisis team or ring the NHS DIRECT ....but try to stop the thoughts until he does .You are just having a bad time right now and need to stay calm ..Tell the voices to stop and go away ..they are not real ..No one wants you to die your daughter needs you hun ..Stay here and keep talking ...xx Sue
i juet feel lik giving up all an one perfonal cna say is i nedd to be in hopsital buti wonr escept it no way i just wanna make my slef real agin and im gonna do htat no matter wehati have to do i just want all this to stop ani jst wanna give up so much th evocies ar ubareble and seeign dsemnds at me window re so sceary when no one lse can see them im so laone and scarred i jus twish there wa an esyer opthion xx
Hey Hopers. I don't really know you on here, but I've seen what Suze-Sue wrote and I've seen what you are feeling.
First have a HUGE HUG from a balding middle aged man. :bighug1:
Now I've only quickly skimmed what you were telling us, but SUE is RIGHT.
You are very scared and you are getting very disturbing thoughts. As SUE said these are just things happening in your head because its so confused and broken. With time and help those can be stopped and your mind will heal.
Sue said you have a Daughter. I want you to think about her, and about how important having her Mum about is to her, and always will be. I've had conversations over the months with a few members that lost their mums and/or dads when they were young. They didn't like it then, and they still don't now! You have to be strong for her and believe us. You fear is real, what you fear is not real.
It may help to get some of the emotion out of your body. If you have some pillows or a big cushion off the sofa then give it a bit of kicking, a bit of a seeing too. Make it represent the things that are scaring you and give it a good whack or ten. Show it what you think of these thoughts for scaring you!
Then try and calm down and find something which is a tangible link to your daughter, like one of her Teddy Bears or something. Curl yourself up where you feel safest and give it the kind of huge loving hug you would want to give your daughter. That way you don't wake her up but still tie your love to her. Like when she was newborn.
I don't know that that will help, but its an idea to try.
On top of that you are very important to your daughter, you are doubtless important to your partner and other people. You are important to Suze-Sue and other members here. BUT like everyone on this world you, Suze, me, everyone WE ARE NOT so important to the world that its survival depends on our life or death. I mean there have only been a few people in history for whom that importance is even claimed (eg. Jesus, Buddha, etc) and no one can even prove that they existed as described, if at all. YOUR LIFE is what's important - To your daughter, to Roy, to us here, and to others.
Take Care, and keep writing as you need to. :hugs:
thanks for yr replys they mean so much i did have a goos scream in a pillow
i no the vocis and vishions arnt really there thats whats keeping me going the abilsty to see whats real hevens abouve what wil happen if i get sucked in to them
im feeling a little better today i got 3 hours last night wichi needed thanks for everyones support over the last cuple of days and i am sorry for putting on you all i hop eyr well
love and huggels georga xxx
Hey Hopers/Georga. Glad you got some rest. :yesyes:
If you are not sleeping at all or barely, that will do bad things to your head AS WELL! Try and grab some rest whenever you can.
Screaming in a pillow is ok. I was thinking of you hitting it a bit. :noangel: With all the fear you may have loads of adrenalin and stuff winding your body up as much as your mind is. I hoped that by getting some of that out you might feel a bit calmer and it would also help you to rest.
If you don't feel you can hit the pillow then maybe try some other exercise, running on the spot or jumping - I just have this image of you with both a mental and physical turmoil going on inside you. You are being good and not letting the bad ideas out but you are not getting rid of the physical alert/stress either. Your body is keyed up to fight and that needs draining to help you calm.
Hope it gets better for you really soon.
Kevin.
i took my meds " yay " i think thanks suebee for helping me , and thank everyone so nice to know pople care iv listen to all you have to sayand i no that its my fault al thios happend i do hope you can forgive me for being so stupid xxx
Take that back. Its NOT YOUR FAULT! Your brain may be a bit wacked out, but that's not something you make happen. Your only control is over what you believe and the actions you take.
You've taken some great ones in the last few days:
You've ignored the worst thoughts and stayed safe
You've talked to all of us
You've listened
You've taken some of your meds - stunning good girl that you are! (I don't mean that as patronising, its just many of you make me feel so old).
You're still talking to us.
Its not your fault. Doing anything silly might be your fault! That's different.
Keep trying, you're doing so well.
Kevin - :bighug1:
im really struggling right now i cant breath i cant see i cant think stright i just wanna give up i.................................. i dont know waht to say any more im tierd and im worn out i can tcope wih this any more im sorry im such a muppett i dont deserv friends or famil yall i do is upset people and get it rong im tying so hard to stop my self thati acnt focus on anythign else my hearts going 100 to the dozen an di cant stop crying roys really worried and he dosn tno what to do its a friday evening and there no one around to help i just wanna stop ebin gliek this i cant even cope with amelia all i seem to dois make her cry iv been on myown all day an div tryed so hard to keep it together the vocies are loud and i feel so alone in this im osrry i just wanna give up i hate my slef so much atm and i hate myself for hating my self ahh its like a cath 22 i think i should be not come here nay more so i dont bring you all downi dont wanna be the one that everyone rembers as the money perthetic looser wichi noi aleady am
you guys have been so wounderfull to me and iv appretated it all but i cant keep writing all this down knowing no one can help me
im sorry
georga
bottleblond
02-04-10, 20:29
Nat :hugs:
Sweetheart we are you friends because we care about you and because you have been good to us too.
I know it's soooo difficult but please try to remember that the voices can't hurt you. They are not real, it's only your illness that is creating these voices and your anxiety being high will escalate this.
Don't act on the voices Nat... talk to us, call a friend, the crisis team..anything to disctract from them.
Here for you
Love and hugs
Lisa
xxx
Keep writing it down georga , it can be a good way to get it out of your system. Better to type it out on here than to bottle it up.
take care
mick
x
just been told by a so called frined im an attention seeker .............. thats it frik it all dont care any more obviously i am so i wont bothrer any one ever agin
That was a very untrue and nasty thing to say ..That person is not a friend Georga ..No one thinks that of you here ..You have done really well the last 24hours and Its a credit to you .You havnt brought me down ..I just wish I could do something more than type on here..Please keep online and dont pay any notice to that nasty so called friend .You arnt a loser ok? you just need a bit of support right now hun ,we all need that sometimes ..thats what we are here for ..Hugs Sue :hugs::hugs:xxxx
Hey Hopers,
You're doing it again aren't you! STOP BLAMING YOURSELF. I don't really know you properly but EVERYONE TELLS ME YOU ARE LOVELY!
It is not a problem coming here and sharing. There are enough of us to cope. If any of us finds it too hard one day they can step back and let the others reply for a bit. Its great how a forum can work like that. I disappeared for months and they still welcomed me back. :)
Your body has had a rough time this weak with all the anxiety and fear. You've been good and taken your meds. That's going to be another shock to your body because you missed a lot of doses. I'm pretty sure the reaction will calm down soon.
Your daughter just gets upset because she can feel how sad/scared you are. That's NOT your fault. Children always pick up on stuff like that. My daughter used to be like a sad-person-detector when she was a baby. Having you in the long term is what she needs. As I said in another message - if you can't hug her then hug something that's special to her.
Roy needs to talk to the local Mental Health Crisis Team. Its their job to be on call 24/7. If he can't get through to them then NHS Direct should be able to refer you both to them. If he mentions that you are hearing things then that should wake them up!
If you tell one of us your town we can help him look the number up it you like. It is for the best sweetheart. (Sorry talking like a Dad now).
If you left us we'd worry far more about you than we do now while you are talking to us. You should have talked to us more in the afternoon if it was that bad. That's the only time you are naughty.
You don't have to talk if you cannot face it - just ask us to talk to you. Even at my level of anxiety the loneliness is often the worst thing. We can't come round and help you BUT we really can help you to help yourself.
I'm sure if you needed someone to phone or to call you, one of us would share a number with you.
Take Care, Please stay. :bighug1::bighug1:
just been told by a so called frined im an attention seeker .............. thats it frik it all dont care any more obviously i am so i wont bothrer any one ever agin
Grrrr. Quite angry now. If I knew your "friend" I'd give them a huge bit of by mind!
Is a person shouting from a burning building "an attention seeker" in a bad way. NO. They are someone trying to be rescued.
I've only shared a few postings with you and I CARE ABOUT YOU. I know both the Sue's do from what they have written. You are not a problem to us. You are a friend we want to help.
Don't ever think that's how we think of you. You look very sweet in your profile, and you sound so sacred and alone. YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO US. :welcome: :bighug1:
Keep talking or listening.
Kevin x
Georga lovely,
There is no way on earth you are an attention seeker, so don't even begin to believe that so-called 'friend'!!
I know that you keep to yourself how you are feeling most of the time and I virtually have to drag it out of you. Is that the action of an attention seeker? NO!!!
Listen to what your true friends say lovely, not some vindictive, hurtful person :hugs:
Love you loads
Sue xxxx
i cant even beginne to discibe how hurt i am by what she sed iv always tryed mu hardest to be there for eveyone i noi suck at giving advice but im a good listner
i catn sleep thinking it over an dover again that im just attenthion seeking now grrr i hate my self enuff wiht out her doin gthie to me is houl doflistend wheni was worned about her i honestly thort she wa a good mate but i was rong andit hurts to loose frineds i dont have that meny soi alway stry and take crae of the one siv got i just wanna scream shes set me so far bk about trusting poeple im so afried to open my moth n case somt one esles says it cos if they do thats the end of me i dont wanna nor do i try to be and attention seeker i hate putting my problems on peopl eit worrys me sick writin gon here in case epople are thiking bad of me
i was so upset tonight i turned to drink and im trying so hard to stay off it but i just couldnt stand th paini was in it might be so big to others but to be its huge and i just wanna be a good friend and i cant do tat if im a mess can i
i actually wanna apoligse to her wheni no i ahvnt even done any thing rong i was trying to be a good friend but i cant even do that right how screwd up am i
im falling apart and i dont no what to do everything seems to be so much worse now andi cant even cope with eating it stressningme out that much all this goin gonin my head
i just dont wanna be here any more im so scread and alone and hurt and i know i have you lot that have been so wounderfull i just cant stand to think that people are thinikgn bad of me it tears me up so much
i so sorry if any of you think m ana attebtion seeker or if iv done something to upset you i dont do it out of malice i just try and thats all i can do cos i have nothing else
i just wanna cry
huggels an dlove georga xxx
Hey Hopers. I understand how far this pushed you. If you can do try and stay off the booze. It messes with your head and with the meds. It may help you feel better for a little while, but quickly it become just until the next glass. I'm not down on booze in general just for us sick people and for those who can't stop.
Won't judge you because I've been practically useless to my family for years now. Even the strong days I had this last year had to be lent to my mother & sister as mum had to be minded & helped 24/7 and sister couldn't do it every single day. All of us are massively hurt and limited by our illness. As we get stronger and find ways to cope hopefully we can all get better together. That's how I look at it.
Like I said. If any of us saw someone waving out of the top floor of a burning building would we say: "Ignore them, they are just an attention seeker!". I DON'T THINK SO! We probably swear a bit and start running, either towards them or to get help!
That's how you are right now. It lucky that you are clever enough to ask for help and tell us how you are feeling. I fear for those who can't let it out.
Keep talking to us (Dad mode on) sweetheart (Dad mode off).
Kevin
yvonne_uk_98
03-04-10, 21:39
Hi Hopers,
Sorry to hear your going through a very hard time, you are not attention seeking, and it is hard when someone you think is a good friend who says that kind of thing to ya, it's horrible.
You are a lovely, beautiful caring person, we all love you and care for you. Coming on here and writing what is happening to you takes strength. Well done :)
keep posting, we all want to help you and support you and you can do this. You will get through this. I hope you do not mind, that I will be praying for you.
sending you lots of hugs,,, :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Yvonne
hi sorry iv not posted ina wile just sorta need time out i went bk on my meds for atotal of 5 days then could bear going to the doctors to get a refill so im with out now im holdin git together just about its beenhard to day have the the 2 girls wind eachoher up th eothe rone was having gromits put bk in his ears there bk at here mums now so im back down to one but i feel total exauted have done for days been having painin my heart wich has been worying me but i feel ok just tierd
my vocies have be awful thoe to much for me to bear at time s im trying to find constructive ways of soping witht hem but im not doing a good job of it rioys been fantastic coping with me hes been super undertsanding wich is a first
thanks for everyones suport over the past few weeks iv realy apprecated it
love and huggels xxxx
Hey Hopers. I just want to publicly praise you for taking you meds for FIVE whole days! I know they really frightened you, and you were very brave and trusting of us all here.
Its a shame you ran out. We need to find a way to make you strong enough to get some more. Is there anyone who would help you go to the Drs?
Members: Could everyone who cares about Hopers please congratulate her in this thread on coping with her medicine. And think about how we can help her to get more of it.
Sorry Hopers for writing that but you deserve a lot of praise for coping this last week, and encouragement to keep trying. :bighug1:
yvonne_uk_98
07-04-10, 23:17
Hi Hopers,
Congratulations for managing to take your meds for 5 days, I am so proud of you, well done:D
You could ask 24nhs for a prescription, and ask them to phone it through to the chemist you use, if someone can pick up your prescription, or phone the chemist for them to deliver your meds.
if not that, then You can phone the chemist and ask for an emergancy supply to see you through until you get a prescription from your gp.
I hope this helps.
Yvonne
Hun you are an inspiration to me in more than one way....I love you to bits. I'm sorry it has taken me till now to reply to your post, I have to admit I've been a bit slack on reading posts just recently but something made me have a read this evening.
Hun I will always be here for you, just as you have been for me when I've needed someone. We have so much in common yet learn so much from one another, as I've said to you before I hope we will be telling our grand kids about each other in the years to come and still be gassing on the phone like we do. LOL
Now Missy, as for the person who said you are just an attention seeker...well, they dont deserve you as a friend in the first place. And thats all I have to say about that!!!!:whistles:
Unfortunately we have seen the side of people recently we didnt know existed but we know who are true friends are when it comes to the crunch and you know I'll be here for you open arm anytime hun!!!!
You are a grand mum to that wee little girl of yours, oh and hun I know how we think, but we have to start to believe in our selves for once, yeah I know I'm a right one to talk, maybe if I was to digest some of my own words for a change huh LOL!!!
Anyway, I'm looking forward sooooo much to meeting you in person again hun...dont know if you'll think the same after meeting my entire crazy bunch but hey we are who we are and I love you for you. Big huggles for you hun and some of your fishes too :P:P:P
Love Claire xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:bighug1:
Well done for taking your meds Hopers ..like Kev said you need to get some more hun..Perhaps you can get the Dr to ring you at home and he will perscribe you some more ..Mine does this for me .Stopping now wont help you and you need to get stable on them ,so you can feel better .Leaving it will not help you at all .You did so well for 5days ...and we all understand how hard it was for you .So please do something to get your perscription and get yourself better sweetie ..You dont have to suffer like this any longer than necessary ..Im pleased your Roy is being supportive ,its nice to know someone is looking out for you .Please get plenty of rest ,it will help your nerves settle down a bit .Take care luv Sue xxxx:bighug1:
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