Falling Apart

[Corye20]

I've been officially diagnosed with OCD for 2 1/2 years now - my current medicine is 120 mg Prozac/day, 5 mg Clonazapam/day, and 50 mg Seroquel/day. I've been doing really well for quite some time, still not great, but better. Right now I am completely falling apart, I use to think that my OCD was a small part of me, but there's no me left - just the OCD. My wife told me she's tired of going over the same things with me day in and day out. She can't handle it anymore and that she didn't want to discuss anything to do with my OCD anymore. So I've been bottling it up a bit and I've fallen into the old pattern of self harm. For that moment, when I'm in pain - theres relief, there is no OCD, just relief. I don't do anything to bad, burn myself, cut myself, last night I pulled my big toe nail off my foot. I have no one to talk to and it's just making things worst. Nobody around me understands that the pain of my mind is far worst then the physical pain. Not sure what to do, or how to cope at the moment.

[hallam11]

Hello Corye20,

Firstly I'd like to say im sorry that you are having a hard time at the minute. I know what its like, at the minute I am having a rough time too and its truly awful. I don't self harm myself so I can't truly understand even though the thought has crossed my mind several times. I tend to skin pick and hair pull myself. Im sorry you can't speak to you wife about this but luckily this site is a great support and someone will always be around for a chat.

Take care
xx

[joannap]

hi corye20

i have periods of severe anxiety with ocd elements - i have had the whole range of ocd thoughts - yes - it is a living hell and i have tried to explain to my mum and husband that it is like my brain is in physical pain but i am just wondering what steps you have taken to combat it yourself. i know i spent too much time crying and wanting it all just to disappear. i have found that once i work on getting my adrenalin levels down (letting the fear run through me without fighting etc) and letting the thoughts be there - in fact - i positively ask them to come because this is the only true way of breaking the fear/thought/fear cycle - they start to mean less and less - then it does not matter if they are there are there any more and then they start to fade. i can do this now in a few days/weks and have never been on any other meds than 20mg of an ssri.

it just sounds very much as if you are still fighting these thoughts and are keeping yourself stuck? the ocd is a small part of you but the more we "feed" it - the more it grows. have you read imp of the mind? that explains ocd really well. we also forget that those around us can become very tired and drained too. i am sure if you sit down with yoru wife and show her you plan to get better then things can improve for you x