Gregor
03-04-10, 22:00
I am getting to a point where I feel there is no real light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, i'm beginning to think this 'tunnel' is just a myth!
The problem is i so much want to get better. I'm living here in 'sunny' Wales, my wife is left stranded back in Peru. She can't get a visa unless i am able to financially provide for her (a minimum of £11,000pa, which i don't get). However, i am quite freely able to nip across there, no visa required, but i can't because of my anxiety. How fair are the laws designed to be?
So, that's stressing me out (i haven't seen my wife now for about 10 months!)
I just want to get better, but i don't see it happening anytime soon. I have started to not tell anyone the true extent of my feelings because i think they will think bad of me/become fed up of hearing it all the time. Like, if i'm talking about my future and getting better, i can come across very positive about how things are going and what i'm going to do, but inside i'm screaming out. Don't get me wrong, i do intend to do everything i say to people - i'm not lying about any of that - but i feel it's much further off than i can tell anyone. I want people to know that i'm doing well and things are looking up, but on a daily basis i have so many thoughts of giving up, frustration and everything else.
The problem is i so much want to get better. I'm living here in 'sunny' Wales, my wife is left stranded back in Peru. She can't get a visa unless i am able to financially provide for her (a minimum of £11,000pa, which i don't get). However, i am quite freely able to nip across there, no visa required, but i can't because of my anxiety. How fair are the laws designed to be?
So, that's stressing me out (i haven't seen my wife now for about 10 months!)
I just want to get better, but i don't see it happening anytime soon. I have started to not tell anyone the true extent of my feelings because i think they will think bad of me/become fed up of hearing it all the time. Like, if i'm talking about my future and getting better, i can come across very positive about how things are going and what i'm going to do, but inside i'm screaming out. Don't get me wrong, i do intend to do everything i say to people - i'm not lying about any of that - but i feel it's much further off than i can tell anyone. I want people to know that i'm doing well and things are looking up, but on a daily basis i have so many thoughts of giving up, frustration and everything else.