View Full Version : obsessive thought patterns
Hi everyone,
I just joined today-so glad I found this forum.
I suffer from obsessive thoughts which always centre around intense fear of others disliking me, or feeling that I've upset others by saying or doing something wrong. My attacks come after I've been in a social setting, in any situation where I've been around other people, whether at work or at a social gathering.
I'm in the grips of one of my 'episodes' right now which has lasted for 5 days. I went out on a social with people from work on Tuesday and I've been obsessing ever since. I keep having these trigger thoughts, of a few things I said that night, which keep replaying in my head over and over. I'll have the thought, then it will disappear, and then 10 minutes later (time between thoughts coming back varies), it's back again, and it goes like this all day. When I have the thoughts, I cringe and want to hide under my duvet. My view is so distorted that I can't even distinguish if I did say something inappropriate, or if I'm blowing it up all out of proportion. I know it's more likely that I am over-exaggerting, or 'catastrophising'. I dread having to go back to work, because in my mind I've worked it up to such colossal proportions that I imagine people reproaching me or looking at me with judgement.
I've had this for years, and there have definitely been times when it's more pronounced, and now is a time in my life where I'm feeling it acutely. Can someone give me some practical advice on how to deal with this? I would really like to hear about how others are coping with obsessive thinking. It's ruining my life, and I so desperately want to know how I can move beyond this and live in the moment, instead of constantly dwelling on the past. Thank you for listening.
Hi analise
A huge warm welcome to nmp.
You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.
Best wishes
valleybear
04-04-10, 16:02
Just want to say "Welcome" Analise. You will get help and support here. The site is great and the people on here wonderful at helping and supporting others. Many, including myself have symptoms the same as yours and I'm sure there are different ways of coping with them. You could read the information on the left of the screen which the Moderators have compiled. Also, please do not give up on getting replies...they will come in, remember it is the Easter holiday and some people will not be on line today. Best thoughts and hope you find friends here. :welcome:
Thank you both for your warm welcome!
It feels good to be able to talk about this. I've not felt able to tell anyone about it. I can't believe how much of my time is consumed with this. I've spent most of my Easter break feeling anxious and uptight. I'm really looking forward to hearing about others' experiences, and how they've come through. I do find it immensely comforting to know that I'm not alone.
Hi Analise,
I really feel for you and it's amazing how we can wind ourselves up with these thoughts, isn't it?!! I would say that your thoughts are very much triggered by a lack of confidence and self-esteem. Let's face it, we're all entitled to our own opinions and what we say in general conversation. The fact that you go over and over it shows that you are lacking in confidence. I've done it myself in the past. You have to accept and believe that you have the right to express your own opinions without having the acceptance and approval of others. Don't ever forget this. You are as important a person as anyone else and are entitled to voice your own thoughts. Through time and with confidence you will be able to see your thoughts for what they are. Believe in yourself and this thought pattern will gradually disappear.
Myra x
Myra,
You're absolutely right about my lack of confidence and self esteem. I beat myself up over everything. I'm always concerned about how others see me and this has a very negative effect on my personal life, because I spend so much time ruminating on what others think of me. I find the whole cycle of obsessive thinking so tiring, because instead of focusing my energy on important things, I'm wrapped up in petty concerns. I build things up in my mind so much, things that others wouldn't even give a thought to. I imagine that other people have focussed in on something I've said/done, when in fact they probably didn't even notice! I wish I was a more relaxed individual who just rolled with the punches instead of living in fear like I am.
The source of this recent chain of obsessive thoughts is that I feared that people maybe thought I'd been a bit 'over friendly' at a party. I didn't say or do anything inappropriate, but was very chatty and maybe a little flirtatious. When I act like this, it is my way of trying to hide the fact that I'm actually feeling very vulnerable and insecure in social situations--I act up to the opposite extreme and try to put across that I'm okay, when I'm feeling anything but. I've avoided social settings for some time, and this was the first time I had been out in over a year and a half. Whenever I've interacted with people, it's always kicked off this obsessive thinking cycle, where I'm worrying that I've behaved badly, or said something to upset someone. I have avoided socialising so I wouldn't have to feel this way. It makes me so sad that I don't live a normal life like others.
Read about pyroluria, this dx answered everything for me. It is a genetic defect that robs the body of zinc and B6 and leads to gutwrenching anxiety as well as a host of other symptoms. Inability to tan,outbursts of temper, reclusive tendencies, and heaps more.
Chrislot,
Thanks so much for the suggestion. I've never heard of pyroluria. I looked it up and I have many of the symptoms. So if I went to my GP and asked her to test for it, she could do that? I just want to know what my problem is. I want to be able to identify it--think that would make me feel more at peace. It seems I've drifted for years from one counsellor to the next and have never really gotten to the root of the problem. I do actually feel that it is something rooted in my physical body, like a chemical imbalance. I've been going to GPs for years but I've never had any answers. They've done all the blood work and everything's come up fine.
Thanks again for the suggestion. I'll follow your lead and book an appointment tomorrow.
Your average GP will not know about this. Biolabs UK test for it. Up to 11% of people have it, but it only get triggered by stress, and as time goes on it takes less and less stress to set it off. For the first time in yrs I am relaxed and life is so much easier.lol
chrislot - can you post a link to bio labs uk as all I can find is swimming pool filters! :-)
Hi Analise, welcome to the site.
I can remember having the same obsessive thought process and maybe i can give you some practical advice about 'moving on'.
Have you tried CBT. Talking about it will really help. I dont think there is another way. No doubt there is alot of information on this site about getting CBT.
In your posts you sound very sensible and self aware and you need to believe in this part of yourself. So that when your anxiety causes this obsessive thought process to happen the sensible part steps in and wins the argument. It takes time, you need to hear that voice out loud, it will set you free.
If you've had counselling already and its not got to the root, maybe you'll have to look deeper.
If your not sure about anything ive said get back to me.. good luck.. dont stop trying.
take care .. andrew
Chrislot--I'm going to look into getting tested for pyroluria. I can't tell you how much of a relief it would be to be able to put a name to it, and start treating it. I've lived with this constant anxiety for years--remember having it when I was 5 years old.
Andrew--what you said really resonated with me. Like you said, I need to start trusting in myself. I am very self aware, maybe too much so :) I'd like to understand the dynamics of tackling these thoughts. Last night, I remembered a counselling session I had over 15 years ago. When I was having these obsessive thoughts, the counsellor told me to follow through to the worst case scenario, and think: Okay, so I did make an idiot of myself, just as I'm imagining I did. So what's the worse that can happen if this is the case? The counsellor also told me to think of all those people in the public eye who are constantly doing/saying stupid things all the time. They're lives are out there for all to see. But they take the heat, and then move on. They don't get stuck in it. I actually found this train of thought quite comforting.
Andrew, thanks so much for your advice. I really appreciate it.
Oh, and I meant to write 'Their lives' by the way. :)
it is biolabs co uk, sorry I am a net idiot and wish I could post links. As you have probably read, councelling doesn't really help those with pyroluria. Good luck.
Chrislot, how did you find out you had pyroluria? What was it that brought you to get tested?
I feel quite let down by doctors. I've been going for years and it only seems to go as far as the standard blood tests (anemia, kidney/liver function, bone profile, etc). Once the results come back normal, that's it and they haven't pursued it any further. I've gone back, desperate for help, but have gotten nowhere. I've sort of given up on the idea of getting medical help, and I've just been struggling through somehow.
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