gxyslcuq
07-04-10, 02:09
I have PTSD and Depression along with it. Every now and again I write in my diary on my laptop.
Here is some of last nights.
[ 06/04/2010 02:50
Well here I am again, awake at silly o’clock deep in thought, maybe a little too much thought.
Depression has set in well and truly and I’m finding it increasingly difficult to manage, having an Anxiety Disorder should be enough, but no! I have to suffer from this too. I dread human contact with anyone be it family or friend, I just want to be left alone. The thought of never seeing any of them again isn’t such a bad one.
I have an appointment with Dr BLANK on the 16th. She’s a Locum Consultant Psychiatrist and that just means my ‘assigned’ doctor is away doing other things. So yes, I have a stand in. Dr BLANK is nice enough though and I feel I can talk to her but as always I leave bits out that I really shouldn’t.
This upcoming appointment is at my home for 2 reasons. First being that I find it ever more difficult to leave the house and the second being she’d like to speak to my family. Though I wonder what on earth that would accomplish.
Back to my so called Anxiety Disorder that’s called PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder that they say I have but won’t actually diagnose it) and that should really just be renamed FUBAR (****ed up beyond all repair) because that’s what it bloody feels like.
I’ve no idea what Dr BLANK and this CPN think a home visit will accomplish.
I’ve being lying to my family saying I’ve been on nights out etc when I’ve only been staying at a friend’s house just to escape groundhog day and so they think I’m actually getting better.
The urge to take illegal drugs is increasing and its way too easy to source (even when you don’t have 1 penny to your name). While most of these ‘street drugs’ are fake or contain harmful substances it doesn’t really dissuade me. That in its self is very worrying.
My suicidal thoughts are creeping back and I can’t go on like this I shouldn’t have such dark and intrusive thoughts. So maybe all drugs should be avoided be it prescribed or from the street.
I need to come clean to Dr BLANK because I clearly need help but I don’t even know what she or anyone can do to help me. I’m at loss with it all.
On top of that Mum is still drinking almost every night of the week. I feel it’s my fault that she’s drinking, that must be how she copes with it. What if she gets really ill and dies then I’ll have lost her. The one person I truly depend on gone. Horrid thought but not a new one.
20 years of age and depends on his Mother and its absolutely pathetic I’m a burden on my family and friends. I’m not even approachable and I’m irate with them ]
Dunno what to do, everything is in a mess. It feels like I can't speak to anyone either.
Here is some of last nights.
[ 06/04/2010 02:50
Well here I am again, awake at silly o’clock deep in thought, maybe a little too much thought.
Depression has set in well and truly and I’m finding it increasingly difficult to manage, having an Anxiety Disorder should be enough, but no! I have to suffer from this too. I dread human contact with anyone be it family or friend, I just want to be left alone. The thought of never seeing any of them again isn’t such a bad one.
I have an appointment with Dr BLANK on the 16th. She’s a Locum Consultant Psychiatrist and that just means my ‘assigned’ doctor is away doing other things. So yes, I have a stand in. Dr BLANK is nice enough though and I feel I can talk to her but as always I leave bits out that I really shouldn’t.
This upcoming appointment is at my home for 2 reasons. First being that I find it ever more difficult to leave the house and the second being she’d like to speak to my family. Though I wonder what on earth that would accomplish.
Back to my so called Anxiety Disorder that’s called PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder that they say I have but won’t actually diagnose it) and that should really just be renamed FUBAR (****ed up beyond all repair) because that’s what it bloody feels like.
I’ve no idea what Dr BLANK and this CPN think a home visit will accomplish.
I’ve being lying to my family saying I’ve been on nights out etc when I’ve only been staying at a friend’s house just to escape groundhog day and so they think I’m actually getting better.
The urge to take illegal drugs is increasing and its way too easy to source (even when you don’t have 1 penny to your name). While most of these ‘street drugs’ are fake or contain harmful substances it doesn’t really dissuade me. That in its self is very worrying.
My suicidal thoughts are creeping back and I can’t go on like this I shouldn’t have such dark and intrusive thoughts. So maybe all drugs should be avoided be it prescribed or from the street.
I need to come clean to Dr BLANK because I clearly need help but I don’t even know what she or anyone can do to help me. I’m at loss with it all.
On top of that Mum is still drinking almost every night of the week. I feel it’s my fault that she’s drinking, that must be how she copes with it. What if she gets really ill and dies then I’ll have lost her. The one person I truly depend on gone. Horrid thought but not a new one.
20 years of age and depends on his Mother and its absolutely pathetic I’m a burden on my family and friends. I’m not even approachable and I’m irate with them ]
Dunno what to do, everything is in a mess. It feels like I can't speak to anyone either.