Self-created world in mind.

[Huds]

Hello all,

What I'm about to write may seem incredibly strange or unheard of to many of you so I'm a little anxious telling it.

I don't know when this started or why I started doing this but I talk to myself. Now, I know you will say talking to yourself is normal etc, but this isn't your average talking to yourself.

In my mind I pretend to be someone I am not. And I have to think about this person in great length - so their skin tone, their name, their educational background. I suppose I pretend to be this person so I feel better about myself. This may not seem like a big deal, as it's all in my head and no one would really know. However, if I wanna be that person I have to act like that person. So when no one is around me, I will have conversations with this person's friend/family and I KNOW they are not really there, but I spend so much of my time pretending that they are. I guess I would like my life to be a little like the life of the individual that I'm playing. But what is humilating, is that I have been caught so many times laughing or acting this out and my family are like 'why the hell are you talking to yourself?'

I suppose it kind of occured to blank out the life I hated as a child at home. But I feel guilty for acting as If I suffered from some major trauma because I haven't. I do have friends, and a generally okay social life but I can't quit this. I've been advised before on an online forum that I should just carry on. Carry on? Carry on wasting hours and talking to people that aren't there? Sometimes I can't even walk into a room because 'they' are there (yes I know they are not) and I need to remind myself who I am for the day and what I'm wearing etc. It's a nightmare.

I guess what I'm looking for is a term for this condition and a way to really stop. It has to stop - it's taken over my life for far too long.

[SarahG]

First of all, it doesn't sound strange because it is happening to you and is a symptom of your anxiety. We all react differently.

Have you talked to your doctor about this and are you on any meds?

[Ella_Jayne]

Hi,

A lot of people have alter egos of which they use in situations where they would normally find difficult. But this seems a tad extreme to me especially the part where you say you won't go into a room because 'they' are there. I think it's good that you've recognised that it's not actually real and 'they' are just a figment of your imagination. It shows that you're in tune with reality and unreality. If you can't just stop by yourself then you should definitely see a therapist to help with it. By the way you sound and the fact that you're very aware that you need to stop I shouldn't think it would take long to get you back on track. I hope I've helped in some way. Best of luck :)