Bored, venting some.....thing

[NotResponding]

THIS is pretty much obsessive ranting, only its online this time.
I feel sorry for anyone who reads it, infact just click Back now! :P

When people say "Ive done it so many times I feel Im lossing my f*cking mind!" lol, no you are not. I have a mild disorder and just that has ruined everything, and Im not even anywhere close to "lossing my mind".

When people say "Oh yeah I get that sometimes, you just got to snap out of it" they have proved that oh yeah, they havent got that or ever had it! The last time they were at an important job interveiw, they were close to the level of anxiety us guys reach to stand near an open door (for some atleast).

When people say "Stop worrying"...go up to a polarbear and tell it to stop being white, then I'll try...

I have a voicebox that works, but it only when I dont need it.
I have legs and arms that work, but what is the right way to walk, and why do they shake in the worst moments?
I have a brain that can think, but it seems 90% of its capability is lost when other people appear.

People think humans are social animals, well not all of em, if every town had one person living in it, and that was the way the world worked, Id be happy with that.

People in general, dont know it. The facebook generation, the 90210s, the goths the chavs the smart kids, all of them it seems can move around and communicate to some level, can connect with their own kind and enjoy life here and there, and they dont get it......they complain about who did what on a certain social event, and how someone got with her and that person is working in whatever....what the **** does that all mean!? What's the value of social games like that?! What's the point?! Am I missing something...Maybe being socially isolated does this but, I fail to see the 'epic legendaryness' of that life. Who gives a **** if someone slept with someone else and matey boy had a drunken fight with some old ****face...i mean who cares. What about history, what about evolution, history of religion, what about wars and what we can learn from mistakes, what about technology, what about science, what about love, what about culture, what about the ever increasing mountain of knowledge people have accumilated over thousends of years, what about the future, theres so many what abouts that i cant go on here...

Something online I read "Think about standing on stage infront of all those thousends of people, well these people feel like that infront of a few close friends" so true, until the friends opt out when they realise you are a shell.

Your own true self, your personality is suppressed so much, in so many situations, that you lose your identity, it seems overtime the world becomes a mine feild, people make their own judgements on who you are because you cannt express freely, you are laughed at and even if you arnt laughed at you can feel it, unknowing to you your own mind looks out for it, looks out for every single negative thing, whilst dismissing anything positive for just coincidence or a mistake. You decide you've had enough and stay home, away from the feelings, you get depressed, you sleep less, anxiety then invades your home, first the front room, it's too exposed and people can see in, then the phone becomes a monstor, the front door provokes panic by just beng there, and by then you know it's time to act, take a bold step and look your demon in the face, get to know it

...cant go any further because i havent.:scared15:

[oneofus]

Nothing wrong with a rant, I read it all

What about history, what about evolution, history of religion, what about wars and what we can learn from mistakes, what about technology, what about science, what about love, what about culture, what about the ever increasing mountain of knowledge people have accumilated over thousends of years, what about the future, theres so many what abouts that i cant go on here...

You're not far off here, lot's of people feel like this. I remember going to university full of hope that it would be packed full with people wanting to learn. What I found was that it was not too dissimilar from the world at large; the bar was better populated than the library. But that said there were some, and there will always be some, who want to poke their head a little higher than the gutter.

But that said we all feel a times like Meat Loaf in Bat out of hell II "Lifes a lemon and I want my money back". Damm good album BTW


Your own true self, your personality is suppressed so much, in so many situations, that you lose your identity, it seems overtime the world becomes a mine feild, people make their own judgements on who you are because you cannt express freely, you are laughed at and even if you arnt laughed at you can feel it, unknowing to you your own mind looks out for it, looks out for every single negative thing, whilst dismissing anything positive for just coincidence or a mistake. You decide you've had enough and stay home, away from the feelings, you get depressed, you sleep less, anxiety then invades your home, first the front room, it's too exposed and people can see in, then the phone becomes a monstor, the front door provokes panic by just beng there, and by then you know it's time to act, take a bold step and look your demon in the face, get to know it


I feel for you here, this is classic social anxiety. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy can help here. This book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Shyness-Gillian/dp/1849010005/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270718883&sr=1-1 is good to give you some ideas.

PM if you want to talk more

one of us

[NotResponding]

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[oneofus]

NotResponding,

You might like to have a look at the biographies of Paul Dirac http://www.amazon.co.uk/Strangest-Man-Life-Paul-Dirac/dp/0571222862/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270730799&sr=1-1 and Paul Erdos http://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Brain-Open-Mathematical-Journeys/dp/0684859807/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270730681&sr=8-9.

Both highly unusual but brilliant mathematicians and the books are eminently readable. Dirac was most likely autistic, but that never stopped him winning his Nobel Prize or being appointed to the Order of Merit by Her Majesty the Queen. Indeed it has been suggested that Einstein may have been mildly autistic and search out my post on autism the link to wiki page there show's a fascinating correlation between high functioning autism and mathematical ability.

I'm not aware of their being any known link between SA and intelligence, but many great people have been depressives. It could be considered an honour to be followed around by the same black dog that chided Sir Winston Churchill throughout his life, though looking after the UK is enough to depress anyone I suspect :-)

Most of us, however, can only aspire to such heights

one of us

[hallam11]

Hello,

I, like one of us read through all of your post and I can relate to it completely. I do suffer from ocd and depression however this time I seem to have the added discomfort of social anxiety. I went to university and like yourself wondered alot of things. Most of my colleagues at university were more inclined to be a resident of the nightclubs and bars than have their head in books reading and learning. For a while I tried this also, I had some fun but unless I had one too many drinks I was not comfortable in clubs or the bars.I had too much on my mind and just really couldn't be doing with the drama that so many people readily welcomed into their lives! I would look at those in the clubs thta seemed so overcome with who they were dating, what other girls were wearing etc.

I remember thinking who are you people? This is not the real world! I can fully understand also the part where you said "Stop worrying"...go up to a polarbear and tell it to stop being white, then I'll try... I have been told to snap out of it or get a job and then everything will be fine so many times. If they knew only half of what goes through our minds and what we go through every day then they wouldn't even think to sweep our "stuff" under the carpet!

X

[NotResponding]

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[oneofus]

Not convinced on the correlation being accidental, physical attributes affect physical behaviour and in unusual cases a medical condition can lead to unique individuals eg Stephen Hawkins with motor neurone disease who I believe when asked what he would do if he could get out his wheelchair replied that he would climb back in.

If mental health conditions either result in a rewiring of the brain which effects mental capability, or in social conditions that enable individuals to develop different mental capabilities (if you don't spend lots of time with friends you have more time to study and think, perhaps) then I can see no reason that mental health conditions cannot have positive outcomes;

one of us

[NotResponding]

or in social conditions that enable individuals to develop different mental capabilities (if you don't spend lots of time with friends you have more time to study and think, perhaps)

thats the one, but at the same time anxiety can distract someone from the learning eg. a person with anxiety would be indoors, bored, and reading/learning, when people outside start making noise, the person gets more anxious and for days is distracted and thinks alot of negative thoughts.
so there's two sides of that coin, yes there's a positive side of it that i bet most people with it dont tend to think about.
i reckon things like autism, and schizophrenia probably, are the 'rewired' brain ones
so your view is that they are somehow physically linked, in the brain. well we cant really say, not enough research has been done on it, atleast regarding anxiety disorders it aint.