View Full Version : Oh god I need a friend
Hel_is_heaven
08-04-10, 18:54
My ex boyfriend dumped me a week and a half ago apparently because he couldn't see a future with me and my illness. That was painful.
I just saw him today walking along hand in hand with another girl.
I text him about it and he replied that he had only met her a few days ago and that he didnt cheat on me. He said he met her doing uni work, but then if she was doing uni work with him then she had to be in the same class and he must have known her for 2 years? Also seems a bit friendly for someone he has only known for a few days?!
This was so much more painful.
Thing is though I would have put money on the fact that he wouldn't do this kinda thing to me because he was such a decent person and everyone who meets him likes him.
I really need to know that there are decent men out there, and I need my faith restored.
I really need friends as well, I am losing quite a few because I met all of his and got on with them really well, but lets face it I can;t go out socially with them again anytime soon because it would kill me to see him and his girlfriend.
I just really need support, I have so much pain that I have no idea how to cope with.
Hi there
Firstly I would say allow yourself to feel the pain. Nobody in your position who genuinely loved someone and it ended would expect to just shrug it off and move on. You are perfectly normal in the way you feel.
I know it must seem unbearable right now, but to suppress it and look for quick fixes will only make it worse in the long run.
There are decent blokes out there and it took me until I was 41 to meet one!
Feel free to PM me any time if you want a chat off of the forum.
Take care, virtual hugs
Shaz x
There are decent blokes out there and it took me until I was 41 to meet one!
Mmmm I'm 47 and my wife says she's still waiting :mad:
one of us
Can you arrange to see these friends WITHOUT your ex being there ??? I think you should try and work around it as you need your friends at the moment.
As far as believing what he is saying it will only screw you up so try and forget about it as what ever the truth is it wont change anything.
You never know, the symptoms may get better now hes no longer on the scene :)
Think of all the things you can now do you couldnt do before !!
Take care and good luck.
a break up is always going to be painful and knowing he is with someone else intensifies that pain - dont berrate yourself for feeling what it is normal to feel. There is no simple answer but dont hide yourself away try to enjoy the little things and have fun with friends - you dont have to met them in big groups if he will be there but arrange to meet up with one or two of them for a chat and a drink - you may well find that they would like to stay friends with you and are sad about your break up too.
I dont have any pearls of wisdom to offer you but even though it feels like it will never be ok again right now it actually will and although its a platitude time does actually heal you it really really does - us little human beans are amazingly resilient and that includes you too :yesyes:
There are decent men out there I promise just dont look for whats typical in a man and you will soon find it...
take care
Suz
Time to spend time on you, think about interests you've never pursued or done anything about, is there clubs or courses or books for you to get involved with, use this time to do these things it will probably put you in the path of a new and better man.
Freeasabird
09-04-10, 12:26
Hi don be sad. I know it is hard but do not personalise this betrayal. Its about him not you. If you need a friend you got plenty here will listen or be brave call a few old mates up.
come in chat your get new friends loads of them
I know exactly what your going through. My boyfriend of nearly three years ended things two weeks ago as he didnt ever see things changing (me and anxiety of course). Im not able to go on holidays with him, cant travel for days out etc. Within a matter of an hour he's on dating sites (im quite clever at finding out what he's up to).
Ive given up looking for anyone special and may as well get used to the fact that im nearly 35, will never have children and will probably be by myself for the rest of my life.:weep:
If these guys can't support and try to understand your problems, they're not worth being with.
There are guys out there that will love you unconditionally, warts an all :D I should know, I've just married one
Be kind to yourselves girls xxx lots of love xxx
I know exactly what your going through. My boyfriend of nearly three years ended things two weeks ago as he didnt ever see things changing (me and anxiety of course). Im not able to go on holidays with him, cant travel for days out etc. Within a matter of an hour he's on dating sites (im quite clever at finding out what he's up to).
Ive given up looking for anyone special and may as well get used to the fact that im nearly 35, will never have children and will probably be by myself for the rest of my life.:weep:
dont not give up you will get better god bless
i am so sorry hel, how painful it must be.there are good men out there.
and i have a partner who fully supports me when i get ill.if you want friends this place seems like a good one for that.i hope with all my heart you find some peace soon, tons of love ASH:flowers::hugs:
here we go again.. what is a supportive partner ..what do they do.. I keep asking this.. as my partner loses his temper .. throws things, shouts and pushes me says horrible things n then tells me it is cos I am doing his head in.. so what does a supportive partner do when the anxiety hits again and again.. what are those with a supportive partner like to their partners .. cos I am told in no uncertain terms it is my own fault that I get treated that way...
here we go again.. what is a supportive partner ..what do they do.. I keep asking this.. as my partner loses his temper .. throws things, shouts and pushes me says horrible things n then tells me it is cos I am doing his head in.. so what does a supportive partner do when the anxiety hits again and again.. what are those with a supportive partner like to their partners .. cos I am told in no uncertain terms it is my own fault that I get treated that way...
My ex used to be like this, all my fault, doing his head in, I was not right in the head etc. And he had a horrible temper and was so moody too. You deserve better than that. It is not your fault at all, in any way. There are nice guys out there, I met one. And yes, to start with it seems really weird they are so nice and understanding, you feel almost smothered, and at times, I still do, but not his fault mine. Just cos I am being treated right for once.
I know exactly what your going through. My boyfriend of nearly three years ended things two weeks ago as he didnt ever see things changing (me and anxiety of course). Im not able to go on holidays with him, cant travel for days out etc. Within a matter of an hour he's on dating sites (im quite clever at finding out what he's up to).
Ive given up looking for anyone special and may as well get used to the fact that im nearly 35, will never have children and will probably be by myself for the rest of my life.:weep:
I was 41 when I met my chap, after a total disaster.
You are still young!!!
For us, kids did not work out, 2 miscarriages, but at least we tried and we are so happy and strong despite that.
Thanks Shazatko
Thing is what do supporting partners act like what is different.. how do they react? ...
Hel_is_heaven
09-04-10, 20:38
Thanks everyone for your very supportive comments. It's helpful to know that other people are in the same situation and that other people have found someone who is worthwhile.
I am up and down but I know it will take time to get over.
I will post more and let you all know how I'm going :oS
Helen x
Thanks Shazatko
Thing is what do supporting partners act like what is different.. how do they react? ...
they listen, they don't belittle, they just give you a big hug when you need it, they let you cry for no reason, they tell you they love you and show you affection a lot to reassure you, they take it on the chin when you take out your frustration/anxiety on them, they make you cups of tea in bed, they don't get annoyed if you have been home all day and not done a thing around the house cos you have not felt like it - they get on and do the washing up............. the list goes on
loulabella
09-04-10, 23:57
I met my bf before I got sick. He has been nothing but amazing and time and time again I have screamed and shouted at him because of how I feel. He just hugs me. That's what they do, the supportive ones. He said he will always be there, even if things were so bad I was hospitalised. Good men DO exist. I went through some A*holes to find him. We're only 27 so it's possible to find decent young guys. Don't cut yourself off the market because your sick. I've been on the other foot too. My ex ended up in hospital due to some severe self harm and I loved him all the same. He's 100% now, and hey I even had his baby. :) Your the same person you always were just a bit poorly and the one who loves you throughout the pain is the one you keep. Chin up babe. ;)
Hel_is_heaven
10-04-10, 11:11
Woke up panicking this morning :(
I have never felt pain like this before - I am unsure how to deal with it.
I am still going out at least once a day, but at the same time I feel the need to just wait until my pain goes away because its affecting my panic massively.
I don't know. It doesn't help my mum is pushing me to go out and stuff. I realise that I cant curl up and die, I dont want to do that, but I do want the pain to pass.
Argh anyways sorry morning babble. I'll probably be ok later, as long as my mum doesn't shout at me again for not going out. :(
Maybe I'll do something nice for myself today that doesn't involve making myself feel bad by going out? Maybe thats avoiding. I dont know.
HEl is Heaven, hello hun i totally understand your pain my ex fiance dumped me ( he was cheating though) big hugs hunny. I have only been on here a few times but its a great site and you will get all the support you need. There are decent men out there but i think you need time to love your self and be happy with yourself again before contempleting another relationships. xx Sorry for rambling but hope it makes sense. xx
kathrynfleming
11-04-10, 01:11
hiya x
ok listen up
i dont think he's worth it
i know you might still love him and disagree but trust me if he dumped you because of that and THEN has another girl on his arm who he's claimed he's only known a few days then i think- no i KNOW you can do better :)
and i may only be 14 but i know how wrong that is for him to do to you and here i think you'll get all the love and support you need :)
i'd love to be your friend and im sure so would everyone on here :)
bramblebloss
12-04-10, 14:16
Any person that cant support you when you are ill, is not the right person for you - easy to say, but hard to accept, I know! My husband doesnt really understand about anxiety/phobias (and whatever else appears!!) (Mr Laidback!!) but is always willing to listen and give me a hug.
A broken heart does mend....it just needs time.
Hope you feel better soon:flowers:
hey there you must being going though a really bad time at the moment. the thing i found is that it's so hard for people who have not suffered the way we have to understand what we are going though thats why i love this site so much the things you have in your mind that other people think is silly the people i have met on here understands. i think the best thing for you to do is to fight with all you have to get though this and when you have you will find mr perfect who will love you for who you are and what comes with you. keep ya chin. xxx
Just a quick message to say, sorry you're feeling so down. It must hurt seeing your boyfriend with someone else, but as they say time is a great healer and as Bramblebloss says maybe he was n't the one for you after all. Let us know how you're getting on.
hi there, i know exactly what it feels like, as my ex split up with really unexpectedly which was a big shock to the system and now i suffer from anxiety which came out of nowhere, probably beacuse i just tried to carry on and was just so devasted inside. i am better now, but still experience some anxiety symptoms, like lump in the throat and tight chest, which worry me alot. i just cant believe that he has effectively done this to me :( u will be fine, just try to think positive and be good to yourself and time is a great healer xxx
To me it is very selfish for your boyfriend to split up with you for such a reason, who is HE to put that kind of unnecessary extra stress and pressure on you? How dare he?
Listen, you need to THINK for yourself now, I'm sure it is so painful as anyone who has been in a relationship knows pain, but look at it this way, you can now completely focus on yourself and get yourself better. Its not an illness, its a blip in your life. If you're at uni I imagine you're quite young? Think of the life you can have once you have beat this!
Be strong, and realise you're better off without this guy x
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