I've had enough!

[Angelai]

My anxiety is right up again tonight because of my partner - again! And I've had enough.

I won't go into detail about the past few months, just today. This morning I was stood doing my hair when I had this sudden, intense pain in my abdomen (period pain area, sorry guys!). It was sooo painful, I was doubled up. I crawled downstairs to get my boyfriend, then rang the doctor (I have reasons to be concerned, again I won't go into it). Boyfriend said he was really worried about me but, when I finished speaking to the nurse and said I had to go to the surgery at 12.30 he ASKED IF I WANTED A LIFT!!!! Maybe I'm being a bit of a brat here but HELLO, I could hardly even stand up! Of course I wanted a lift! But I was forgetting, his children were here. My fault. He did take me, in the end, but was in a bit of a sulk all the way back. Whilst still saying he was worried about me.

Anyway, things were ok back at home. He had to take the children back to their mum and has just got back in another b****y mood. I know it's a long way, I know he's tired but come on. I can't take these random moods any more. I'm in a state half the time anyway and every time he does this I just want to curl up and die.

By the way, he knows how I'm suffering with anxiety, depression and panic. He keeps telling me he doesn't want me to go back on medication. He knows what sets me off or makes me worse. And he still keeps doing it.

I keep thinking I'd be better off back on my own (except I'm scared of being on my own at night right now).

Sorry for the rant, I needed to get it out.

[andrea thompson]

hiya hon

you are going to be fine. i have been in similar positions before a few times. if you are poorly now is no time to be makiong big decisions about relationships - so dont do anyuthing rash. secondly if you feel you may be better on your own why not think about it for the next month and if you still feel the same then maybe it is a good idea.

i have alwys found that if you have never suffered from this illness then you dont know how bad it is and i think they want to help us but just dont know how to. they dont understand.

my advice would be try and get your self feeling better and then everything will be a lot clearer.

take care hon..

andrea x x

[Angelai]

Thanks andrea, you are right! I just need to get over whatever this is going on with my body. I wish I could just ignore the moods but I take it all so personally and it makes me feel physically ill.

You've made me think about it though, and that's a good thing.

:hugs:

[onceagain]

Oh I can so relate, I had a cancer scare last year and had an appointment I was terrified. My partner went to work that day I was so upset.. then we had a massive arguement and he couldn't understand why... I told him that he hadn't even thought to come with me..he just said well you didn't ask me.. so I must be the same as you.. if the shoe was on the other foot I wouldnt dream of waiting to be asked I'd have BEEN THERE..

He then ended the relationship.. just disappeared .. wouldn't communicate and changed his status on msn to single we are in our forties .. I went through it alone..

Who was the first person I turned to when I got the all clear.. yes you guessed it .. I travelled to his place of work..

You are not being over sensitive but I agree with Andrea don't do anything hastily.. ponder on it for a bit x

[Angelai]

Hi Sharon, thanks for your reply. I'm so sorry what you've through, it must have been terrifying for you x

I'm 37, my partner is 47. It does seem like he's prepared to stick with me through anything life throws at us so I know I shouldn't get so worked up - I guess if I want it to work then I have to accept that if I need him I will have to tell him. And accept that even if I am really ill he won't entertain the idea of missing a weekend with his children. That sounds awful for me to say that, I wouldn't want him to be anything other than the caring dad that he is, it would just be nice to know that if there was a serious emergency i could rely on him to be there (and not to go ahead and leave for a 5 hour round trip to pick up the kids - I speak from experience).

Enough of my ranting, I have calmed down since the other day and won't be doing anything rash :winks:

Thanks again, if you ever want to chat ... x