Why oh why do I feel like this?

[JT69]

Hi

After a really good spell, I find myself feeling terriable again!!! Why does this happen, it just does not seem fair!! I know I should be thankful for the good days I have had but now I am having some bad days its really hitting me hard.

I surpose the morning anxiety has got to me a bit...you fight and fight but I just dont seem to be able to accept!! Does that mean I am a weak person?

Am having a really awful day today :weep: just cannot stop crying and dont know why? Do I ever know why? No!! It just happens.

I think my ladies time is due and wonder if it is that that is making me feel like this....I so hope so. Sorry to go on but just dont know who else to turn to.... anyone offer any advice??

Jo.xx

[sue.b]

Hi Jo

Sorry you having such a bad day.

I had depression last June...oooooooh how bad I felt, I didn't cry, although I wished I could as I felt all my emotions were just stuck inside me. I felt extremely anxious and scared witless most of the time, became very phobic about going out or being alone. The good new is I am much better now and 90% back to my old self.

The road to recovery for me has been up and down, firstly lots more bad days than good, then gradually, the balance changed and now most of my days are good. I have been assured by my psychiatrist and by reading books on depression that this is the normal recovery pattern, the trick I believe, is not letting the bad days fool you into thinking you are back to square one, you are not. Trust me I know this is easier said than done, trying to think "oh well just a bad day" when you feel so low is difficult, but if you can just try to accept it for what it is "a bad day" and know that there will be good day to follow shortly you won't add more fuel to the fire so to speak.

Have you read any of the Claire Weeks books? I can really recommend them, they are kind to the reader and not scary or full of jargon making them easy to understand....and what she says really does make sense and works.

I hope your bad day passes quickly and tomorrow is a good one for you.

Take care

Sue :bighug1:

[JT69]

Dear Sue,

Thankyou so much for replying to me, means so much, your reply made me :weep: but oh how it has helped. I am trying so hard to do as you say and think today is just an off day....hard I know...the good days spoil you dont they? I know I have come a long way since this episode of depression and am truely grateful to be where I am I really am, but today I just dont seem to be able to pull myself out of this feeling. Here's hoping tommorow is better and thanks again.

You have done really well.

Take care
Jo.xx

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Jo I have only just seen your post. I am truly sorry that you are feeling like this you have battled so hard to feel well and you shall feel well again. I don't know why you are feeling the way that you do but then neither do you! It could be 'time of the month' although for myself I have forgotton what that feels like. There could be all mannner of thoughts feelings and triggers to feel like you do. It will pass. If you can do something gentle and for you today then indulge! The time to be kind to yourself is now. I am confident by this evening or later on tomorrow you will be feeling a little better. EJ.

[hallam11]

Hello Jo,

I am so sorry you are feeling low again, its truly awful! I know it can feel as though you're on a rollercoaster ride and your up and down but I have to believe that this is the road to recovery! I think there are going to be bad days, im having a hard time dealing with them myself! But you have to say "ok well this has been a bad day, thats over and done with now lets see tomorrow!" I can't seem to get my head around it all myself but I think thats because I haven't started getting better yet, im on a plateau.

I think you have been wonderful, you have posted about your journey and let us all know how you'd been getting on. Whenever I've read people's stories they usually start to feel better and then have a setback and then on again in their recovery.I don't know why it just seems to happen, perhaps its the brain reverting back to what its been used to. I believe a ladies time of the month can have alot of "presence" for some women.I know for me I can go even further into depression and become more irritable etc. But yes I do feel even more during these times. I went out last night and had a near breakdown in the toilet and my friend had to calm me down. I was a bit of a mess. I think perhaps I went out too quickly before I was eeling better and it hit me whilst out. Anyway sorry I went off track but yes I do believe during the time of a period, a woman's hormones may cause them to be very down.

Please do not despair, be nice to yourself and give yourself a treat! xxx

[KK77]

I know how you feel, Jo. I'm going through a blip myself. We're human and life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes we don't know what sets it off and more often how to recover from it. There's no shame in saying you feel better - and people will be happy for you - but equally there's no shame in saying you feel unwell again. The feeling that you've somehow failed and let yourself down (and sometimes others) is all too familiar but it's an untruth. Just to be able to manage with depression/anxiety is a feat in itself and you should congratulate yourself on that - even if it feels like we've taken a few steps backwards at times like this. Recovery is rarely a smooth road. The important thing is to keep going and not stop to check where you are.

You're not alone in how you feel and if you keep going you will get somewhere. I hope that makes some sense and that we both start to feel better again soon.

[wiskersonkittens]

One of the things that baffles me so much about anxiety is how it does tend to sneak up on you. I, too, have had some spells where I feel normal again and then BOOM the anxiety comes back and I feel I have to start from square one. That makes this so unfair -- how easy all the progress we think we made is gone out the window in a moment. It's the nature of the beast.
BUT, I want you to know you ARE NOT WEAK. On the contrary. For example, I have read that we anxiety sufferers are very strong people. We hold on so tight in public when we experience these attacks so no one will know. If we were weak, we couldn't put up such fronts. I just wanted to reassure you of that. And, I want you to remind yourself that.
It is possible your hormones are fluctuating, causing these feelings. It happens to me every month -- it is even interesting to see the waves where my anxiety decreases, then around that time on the calendar it increases. I feel I just have to run with it. I think at my next physical I will mention it and see what the doc says. I need to know if there is anyway to fix the probem, too.
You will be just fine. Remember, you are strong. :)

[JT69]

Thankyou all for your lovely replies and words of encouragement. It is such a comfort to know that I am not alone and people like yourselves care. Today not sure quite how I feel cos mornings are always the worst anyhow...so see how the day goes.
Take care everyone and thanks again.
Jo.xx

[Redrainbow]

Hello Jo,
Don't worry i still get my bad times too, but i think as we go on they get less and we learn to handle it all better. I hope you are feeling better soon Jo,
Regards Your friend Wayne,

[suzy-sue]

Hi JO sorry you arent feeling too good at the moment .Women tend to suffer each month with extra anx so see how it goes afterwards ..It can take 8 weeks on your dose to settle even longer ,so maybe its a mixture of the two ? If you dont feel any better in a couple of weeks maybe your Dr will increase your dose .This does sometimes happen ,one minute you can feel good then you seem to go back a step ..Nothing cant be sorted .Take care and hope you feel better soon Sue xx:bighug1:

[JT69]

Thanks Wayne and Sue,

I went to see my GP last night.....he told me to increase the propananol see if it helps and also I talked to him about cbt have heard on here alot of people have had this so he said he would refer me and I could always cancel if I felt better later on....not sure if it would benefit as not sure what it really is....dont want to make things worse but thought I would try anything.

Jo.xx

[sketchyboots]

You could try keeping track of your mood in a diary. I did this and noticed at around the same time every month I had a really bad spell. My mum is always telling me that it's the old hormones with us girls! I think there must be something in it. You definitely NOT weak. I love what Sue.B says about having a bad day not being back to square one. That is good advice. I have found over time (it DOES take ALOT of time - not really helpful in the present I know, but it is true, over time, things do get better. I've had days when I'm convinced I'll never get out of the house or do anything again and go into total panic. I always come out of it though. It does come back, but it goes away again. As my gran used to say "This too shall pass!".

[JT69]

Hi everyone, lovely replies, that have really helped. Today I felt lucky as I had a better day....not going to count my chickens just yet but it gave me hope again!!! Hard going suffering as we do but we just have to keep going and hoping. Jo.xx