mad4it
14-04-10, 03:40
My panic attacks are still very apparent but i have learnt to deal with them. Ok i dont walk out of the house and stride confidently up the street but at least i can sit at home and if an attack happens i can deal with it. The problem i have now is that i am totally alienated from my family especially my husband (he hates me and my problem) lol. He sees the last four years as being just an incredible burden on him and often tells me how much he hates the fact that i cant go shopping, to work or anything really anymore. My sisters look at me with sympathetic eyes but all the time are thinking where is that person who could always be counted on to deal with the problems in my life. Lol i dont do that anymore for them. Thats why i dont hear from them for weeks on end. I havent seen my parents for nearly a fortnight which obviously upsets me but i really cant leave the house right now. I feel so guilty as my dad was recently diagnosed with cancer and started his treatment last weekend. I really want to be strong for him but cannot find the strength which is hard for me as i was always the one with buckets full of the stuff. So whats the point of fighting the personal battle just so i can sit comfortably in my own house then feel like putting an end to it all because of the effect it has had on my family ? Feels as if i need help more than ever even though it looks as if i am getting better.