crazyhayz
15-04-10, 09:58
Hi guys, after much thought I really dont think I have HA. I dont know what sort of anxiety I have, but maybe generalized anxiety. (doc has diagnosed me with GAD). Basically I thought I had HA but it seems my anxiety is causing horrible symptoms that make me then worry about those symptoms!! I dont think I have anything seriously wrong with me, I have had tonnes of different tests, scans the lot!! But what I do worry about is dealing with anxiety everyday of my life. and 'oh i wonder what symptoms im guna get today?' kinda thing. Its like im worried about anxiety and panic attacks. not coz i think they'll hurt me coz ive been taught in Cbt that they wont, i just HATE the feelings i get throughout my entire body when i feel anxious. I hate them so much!!!!
But I dont understand what is triggering my anxiety. I really honestly dont know :( I thought it was health but its definitely not. I can be just sat down and look over at my son and suddenly get depersonalization REALLY BAD and then my room doesnt look real, which upsets me coz my son is there and he doesnt seem like hes real if that makes sense... Its the symptoms I spose im scared of.. and they annoy me coz i dont know what is making them come on. I thought I had got to the bottom of this :( Everytime I getta ALL-CLEAR on a test/scan or whatever, im fine for about 2 weeks MAXIMUM the BAM it all comes back OUT OF NOWHERE. I can be just loading the dishwasher and suddenly feel really 'off' and weak arms/legs. I know its just anxiety and panicking which I can accept, and do accept, i dont think its anything more sinister, but why cant this be enough? i think its because i hate anxiety and panic attacks so badly that i think about them all the time... When im feeling fine i suddenly think to myself 'oh i havent felt 'funny' in the last couple of hours!' then i start thinking about it!! I also think about how much i dont want to feel dizzy anymore (as this is something i have started suffering from the last 4 days constantly, the only time i dont get it is when i lay down??!!! very odd..) and then i get dizzy thinking about it lol.
So basically, i think my anxiety is never guna go away. I really dont. I was having anxiety because i was worried about symptoms that were all down to anxiety, not health anxiety. I dont fear i have anything wrong with me, i just want the anxiety and panic to stop so much that i think this in turn is making me anxious every single day that i live. i had a panic attack in asda out of nowhere, i dont understand it, i was happy and laughing and looking at the magazines reading about cheryl cole (haha), then suddenly felt clammy and 'off' and surreal, then thought i was guna faint :( I got through it but i really dont want it happening again. I went to asda lastnight by myself to grab a curry for me and my partner, and I was FINE. I felt offish and a bit weak walking around but i felt ok, i didnt have a panic attack! I find myself walking through town and suddenly feeling anxious then THE FIRST THING I THINK IS: "right what could it be making me feel this way right now?" and i cant think of anything!! I do all the right breathing and it helps a bit but that only really helps me when im over-breathing/hyperventilating, but this doesnt happen all the time. :(
I dont know wot to do..... i think i need serious mental help....... the symptoms come on completely out of the blue, when i least expect it, if im playing with my son not even thinking about anxiety or anything, ive had agreat day, then i have to stop playing with him and sit down coz im starting to feel faint and shakey and surreal, then i have to walk away out of the room to cry :( I think i might need my meds upped, if it means having to be on meds everyday for the rest of my life to feel 'normal' then i will do that, anything to get rid of this :'(
Thanks for listening and sorry for rambling on, i just cant take anymore :(
But I dont understand what is triggering my anxiety. I really honestly dont know :( I thought it was health but its definitely not. I can be just sat down and look over at my son and suddenly get depersonalization REALLY BAD and then my room doesnt look real, which upsets me coz my son is there and he doesnt seem like hes real if that makes sense... Its the symptoms I spose im scared of.. and they annoy me coz i dont know what is making them come on. I thought I had got to the bottom of this :( Everytime I getta ALL-CLEAR on a test/scan or whatever, im fine for about 2 weeks MAXIMUM the BAM it all comes back OUT OF NOWHERE. I can be just loading the dishwasher and suddenly feel really 'off' and weak arms/legs. I know its just anxiety and panicking which I can accept, and do accept, i dont think its anything more sinister, but why cant this be enough? i think its because i hate anxiety and panic attacks so badly that i think about them all the time... When im feeling fine i suddenly think to myself 'oh i havent felt 'funny' in the last couple of hours!' then i start thinking about it!! I also think about how much i dont want to feel dizzy anymore (as this is something i have started suffering from the last 4 days constantly, the only time i dont get it is when i lay down??!!! very odd..) and then i get dizzy thinking about it lol.
So basically, i think my anxiety is never guna go away. I really dont. I was having anxiety because i was worried about symptoms that were all down to anxiety, not health anxiety. I dont fear i have anything wrong with me, i just want the anxiety and panic to stop so much that i think this in turn is making me anxious every single day that i live. i had a panic attack in asda out of nowhere, i dont understand it, i was happy and laughing and looking at the magazines reading about cheryl cole (haha), then suddenly felt clammy and 'off' and surreal, then thought i was guna faint :( I got through it but i really dont want it happening again. I went to asda lastnight by myself to grab a curry for me and my partner, and I was FINE. I felt offish and a bit weak walking around but i felt ok, i didnt have a panic attack! I find myself walking through town and suddenly feeling anxious then THE FIRST THING I THINK IS: "right what could it be making me feel this way right now?" and i cant think of anything!! I do all the right breathing and it helps a bit but that only really helps me when im over-breathing/hyperventilating, but this doesnt happen all the time. :(
I dont know wot to do..... i think i need serious mental help....... the symptoms come on completely out of the blue, when i least expect it, if im playing with my son not even thinking about anxiety or anything, ive had agreat day, then i have to stop playing with him and sit down coz im starting to feel faint and shakey and surreal, then i have to walk away out of the room to cry :( I think i might need my meds upped, if it means having to be on meds everyday for the rest of my life to feel 'normal' then i will do that, anything to get rid of this :'(
Thanks for listening and sorry for rambling on, i just cant take anymore :(