apocalyptic nightmares...i just cant bear this

[ASH65]

help me please....
i suffer nightly nightmares but last nights were just too much to bear.....
trying to reach home,sodden with sweat and terror,every turn leading to terrifying landscapes of hell,every person i met did me some violent harm,attacked,chased,threatened,shot,and in an allyway, i was "examined" to be prepared for being raped.next i was out of control on a motorcycle (i have actually just survived a nasty crash) but the killer bit was that i had a baby in my care and the brakes did not function,experiencing high speeds coming up to lorry-strewn junctions unable to stop.i know that what i experienced as a boy from 4-11 will stay with me forever,but i try so very hard to be happy and positive,and woke up drenched,stinking of sweat.....in came my wife (i am too scared to sleep anyway other than alone) with a cup of tea,i am meant to be going on a family day out to blackpool sandcastle,i AM going but i will not be able to undress and swim.my wife and eldest daughter held mme while i shook and cried in despair.they are so kind and gentle and loving.i spoke to my wife alone to detail the rape scene and today i feel physically drained and sexually disgusted.i need to sleep but i HAVE to go with them,otherwise i will sleep,wake to an empty house and be very very frightened and alone.so today i will go and be with them.slowly as the day wears on,the reality of what i have NOW will kick in and it will be a relief,but please universe,god,whatever runs this existance,please give me some peace.
ASH:weep::weep::weep::weep:

[gypsywomen]

do you speak to your docter about your dreams always remember dreams cant harm you ,, i think you are reliving your past throgh your drams ,you need to talk about your past .to lay it to rest

[alias_kev]

Hey ASH. I was pleased to hear in chat that your day had actually gone quite well. After reading the above I am even more impressed!

Hell man - the contents of my head and life is bad enough (for me) but the things you've been left to dwell on don't really bear thinking about too much. (Huge Respect for ASH).

I guess the dream tends to reflect the responsibility you feel towards your wife and children. They could be the baby in the dream. Your responsibility and you barely feel in control as you race through life having to protect them. The direct threats to you in the dream, both explicit and implied I guess are a mixture of what you normally relive directed at you in the past AND the fear of similar threats from the world towards your family now. Add in your recent bike accident to provide some of the mechanism inside the dream and BINGO.

Or I might just be making all that up. In which case it just reflects the terrors of your past and so on.

If you are on any meds it possible that they are increasing the degree & amount of lucid dreaming you are doing. People with nice pasts can find that hard, I wouldn't recommend it you!

I don't think the dream reflects anything terrible about you - nothing to be ashamed of in it or in your past - its your past, you never asked for it and could not control it. If anything the dream (to me - Mr Untrained) reflects the lengths you'd go to to protect your family from any harm. The extent you'd push yourself. Kudos mate.

If I was to suggest anything I'd say you need to find some kind of counselor or therapist or even hypnotist or someone who can help you break the cycle of dreams that seems to be the worst component of your PTSD. I don't know if they exist outside fiction, but with the nightly dreams moderated I think things would be far easier for you.

[ASH65]

kev mate
may i just thank you for your constant kindness and impressive emotional inteligence.i find it very hard to accept mens concern (for obvious reasons) but you get through like a ray of hope-bearing light
i have known you days yet you give me hope
im not embarassed to offer you an ocean of love and thanks
ASH X

[Maj]

Yes Ash, I totally agree with Kev. I think he has a good insight. Also as gypsywomen said, I think it's about laying things to rest. The thing is, you also have a good insight, really. I think you know deep down that all these dreams and feelings are related to your past. I really feel for you. You've obviously been through such a traumatic experience, and no matter what, these experiences catch up with you. Does your wife know all the details of your trauma? I think if you could tell someone then it would unburden you. Always remember though, that you were not the perpetrator, you are the victim, but you are also the survivor. Yes, you have paid the price of this ordeal, but you have survived to go on to have a lovely family. Don't let perpetrators dominate your life any longer. They don't even remotely deserve any space. Why is it that sufferers of abuse always feel inferior and inadequate when infact they are the ultimate survivors.
Myra x:hugs:

[Typer]

Ash...your post moved me, and Kev said it all. But I'd like to offer you a cyber hug

So Hugs to you