Depressed and Angry

[mentaljail]

I'm really pissed. Right at this very moment I'm having a mood swing. On April 11th of this month my mom and my brother moved back to Washington from Arizona, where I am, USA. They haven't called me or txt messaged me since they got there. I commented a dream I had last night on another post, basically it was me in an SUV rolling down a steep drive iinto the ocean and sinking. The drive way belonged to my mom's old jetty view address in Washington where we use to live like 3 or four years ago. To be clear, they just moved back to that town, but not back to that address.

My mom went through an ugly divorce about 2 years ago and a year ago I got her an apt here in Arizona cuz she needed to get her life in order and her son back/my brother; The father had custody. I read the discription of agoraphobia and I do have safe people. My dad and my mom were safe people, mosly my dad, cuz I never quite trusted my mother. I really needed to be a good brother to my little brother but I always felt my depression kept me from being a inflence and role model.

So they leave on April 11th and I haven't heard from them since. They know I isolate myself and they know I care a lot about them, cuz I tried to express that as much as possible. My mom knows the only thing getting me out of the house was getting coffee with her and hiking everyday. I got so depresed after they left. Well I called her this morning and she said she would call me back cuz she was about to get into the shower. She never called me back. I txted my brother to say hello and no reply. I'm sure my brother wont reply, that doesnt surprise me, but I still feel horrible. If they neglect me, it doesnt take long for my love to turn to hurt and I'll end up writing them off and pretending they don't exsist.

Feelings aside, I paid for them to live for a whole year. I paid 100% of the rent and I still have 3 months to go before I'm done paying the lease. I also pay for us all to have phones.

I'm getting that feeling of abandonment again. I'm fealing hurt. I literally sat by myself all morning this morning with coffee in one hand and my phone in the other, just waiting for it to do something. Sometimes I think I can tell the future cuz everything that I think is going to happen, happens when it comes to people. Like I see things from a mile away. I think that's why it hurts so much, because even though I know what's gonna happen, with certain people, the so called safe people, or potentially safe, I give them the benefit of the doubt and I get hurt.

your new agoraphobic member,
chris

[mentaljail]

Sitting with the phone waiting for it to do something gave me Anxiety.

[mentaljail]

I called my mom. I got tired of waiting. The reason I called was so she couldn't call me back. She could've called me back when she got out of the shower. I'm pretty sure they lie when they say I love you and we miss you, cuz they never call, and I don't feel like they actually want to talk to me. I try my best to mitigate my depression, but I fail.

[suzy-sue]

You sound like a wonderful son Chris .Im sure you Mother and brother love you ...We all have our own thoughts of how we would like people to be ,but it isnt always what we end up getting .It can be very difficult for other people to understand the way these conditions affect us .If you havnt had them yourself there is no way of knowing .People even loved ones can be very unsympathetic and lack the knowledge to do or say the right thing ..It leaves the sufferer feeling very isolated and unhappy .Perhaps your Mum has been busy since her move ..its no excuse but sometimes people put off doing things until tommorow and before you know it a week has passed .People dont always know what to say either so they avoid you .Not because they dont care ,but because they feel awkward and dont want to say the wrong thing ...Feeling anxious and depressed will make you look at life from a very negative perspective ,its part and parcel of the condition /illness .You have had a sad past and its had a bad effect on your current state of mind ,very understandable .Living in isolation will only make these feelings worse ..I understand from your other posts ,you wont take medication ,But I do think some councelling and also some cognitive Behaviour Therapy will benefit you greatly .One day you will meet someone you can love and trust ,but for now take the time to look after you ! ..and get the help you so rightly need and deserve .Your Past cant be changed ,but your future ,and how you see it can be . Take care Chris ...Luv Sue x:hugs:

[mentaljail]

:hugs:

[RosieXXX]

Hello Chris,

I am so sorry your family have treated you this way, and I am not surprised you are feeling rejected and angry. Sadly people can be very careless in the way they behave, and they don't realise how hurtful it can be. It doesn't mean they don't love you though - they are most likely caught up in all the turmoil of their move - which I know is no excuse for not contacting you, and I fully understand how you must be feeling.

I am glad you have found this site, because you will find plenty of people who will be supportive and help you through.

:bighug1:

[mentaljail]

they still haven't called. I was upset, but then I answered someones thread and that put me back in an okay mood. Answering threads actually make me feel better. Helps take my mind off things.

The thing is with my mom, why does she say she misses me, you would think if she did she would call me to see how I was doing and maybe clue me in on how they're doing, but she doesn't. I was in the loop big time and now I have no idea what's happening with them.

Thank you Rosie, I really agree with you. :)

[Veronica H]

Hi Chris

It sounds as though your mother is still finding her way and is a bit distracted. Sudden change is not good for people like us and you are bound to feel emotional about it. Could you speak to your Dad? Glad that you are finding comfort and support here. Hugs buddy:bighug1:.

Veronicax

[salhford]

Depression is manifested by a combination of symptoms that interfere with the ability to work, study, sleep, eat and enjoy activities that were once enjoyable. An episode of disabling depression may occur only once in a lifetime, but typically occurs several times.As someone who has suffered with feelings of sadness and depression in the past and even now I ride until a glimmer of light and hope returns. It usually Docs. depression is something that affects someone's mood, his whole system. When the emotions angry / sad / upset going into the unconscious, they begin to affect the emotions of others around them, and your whole system becomes sad, angry and upset.