what do i do?

[sb001f8994]

Hi,
Im not one for writing here but thought a bit of advice might help.
Ive been agoraphobic off and on since I was 16 (more off than on Im glad to say), Im now 48 and quite frankly Im fed up with it. I dont have many panic attacks these days and I think me and the palps are learning to live with each other now without much bother. I try and go out every day, mostly in the car with my dad. I dont go miles but round a busy round-about. To the local super market and Im learning to stay out longer with not even a rapid heart rate on most occasions. My problem is I dont seem to have the nerve to go further. I desperately want to but cant. Even though I seem to have my panic under control Im so scared of having one while Im out and then set myself back. I just seemed to be panicked by a panic...if that makes any sense?!
My practive nurse thinks I have got into a rut and Im just used to living and doing the same things, she has suggested throwing caution to the wind and go for it, nothing drastic but go the extra mile so to speak. Thats all well and good but how do I convice my brain that I will be fine, I mean Ive taught it to go on my short journeys, surely a little further will be ok?
I think one of my main problems is I only go out with my dad so have to wait for him to visit to go out. I have a husband but after many ups and downs in our life I cant seem to quite open up to him or trust him. And I always feel I am letting him down. He's not really supportive and we just get on with it, it doesnt really affect our lives as he has always lived like a single man and I think he quite enjoys it that way! When I have had episodes of going out, he hasnt took very well to it and now Im stuck in, fed up and getting very frustrated!

[diane07]

Carol,

I so know where you are coming from, the answer is you just have to go out.

I know this because it is how i have combatted agora. I never ever thought i would be able to go out on my own again, but i have.

The problem is this, if you go out thinking oh eck what if i start panicking, then you will, the way i got out of the vicious circle was through my ipod, you see, if i felt them thoughts coming into my head, i knew i had to stop them quickly, the only way for me to do this was to turn on the music, while i had music buzzing down my ear, i couldn't think of panic as my thoughts had been distracted, it has got to the stage now where i no longer need to turn on my ipod, i can walk through the streets without it, i have taken the bad habits and thoughts away.

Now the thing is, while i am sitting at home i always still think i am going to panic when i go out, its only when i go out and don't panic that i'm convinced i'm cured.

That is were the thought is far worse than the deed.
Start off small and often, say end of the road and back, on your own and keep on doing it, it doesn't matter how long it takes to get used to it, but its the only way of getting over agora by facing it.

It takes a long time for agora to creep its way into our lives so it equally takes as long to push it back out.

You have done so well and you are much stronger than you think.

di xx

[sb001f8994]

Thanks Di,
You are right,the panic is worse than the deed, I know this from experience and every time I do well I think Ive done it but the next time the dread is back! I really am going to try and go further, like you suggested the baby steps have helped greatly and when I think back to a year ago I was stuck in and wouldnt have even have contemplated going to the end of my road, never mind the supermarket! I still have a very long way to go but hope this determination stays with me.
Thanks again take care

[sue.b]

Hi Carol

I guess the answer is baby steps. Just small achievable goals...so easy to say but sometimes can feel soooo hard to do.

You have come a long way from not being able to go out at all to going to the supermarket, which I think is a very difficult place to go into when suffering from agoraphobia.

I think us agoraphobics easily over look or dismiss our accomplishments by thinking about what others (non agoraphobics) can do.

It has taken a good deal of strength and determination to get as far as you have, you have pushed the boundaries once and suceeded so I am sure you will again, just don't be too hard on yourself.

Take care

Sue :bighug1:

[onceagain]

Hi Carol

Biggest hugs...

Do you know you are one of the nicest warmest people I have spoken to .. you have always been there with kind and supportive words and on a very rare occasion cos you aren't really that funny.. you even make me laugh ... kidding girlie .. you always make me smile x

You take those words you dish out so well to me and you listen to them.. you can do it .. you will do it.. I know you love the sun and outdoors .. don't always wait for dad.. if you feel the urge.. to go out then do it don't hesitate.. do you know just walk outside to the path out front even if it is to look down the road and go as far as you want for as long as you want.. then go back .. as your confidence grows so will those baby steps into adolescent steps into ruddy great huge ones..

You too deserve a life.. your husband sounds a very lucky man indeed both the cake and a fully belly.. but you too can have that .. you so very much deserve it...

We're all right behind you and don't you forget it.. would it be possible for dad to take you to a country park where you can park and enjoy and as long as he knows that you may turn back if you are not up to it then you will feel less daunted..

If you could go anywhere with your family where and what would you go and do.. keep visualising that and when you finally get there hun we want to see the pics ..

Biggest hugs sent x

[maybeoneday]

hi carol
i know exactly how ur feeling hun, and sharon yes she is one of the warmest freindliest people i know too, shes always there for me when i need her, i realy believe in her and i think she could conquer this horrible agra, god if only we lived nearer to each other carol.
i agree also with sharon is that a little park or anything near you your dad could drive you too, like i did park the car and and take the dog for a little walk around the park, even if you dont get out the car the first time carol its different and you will be so proud of yourself.
xxxxxxxx
denise

[jude uk]

I always suggest baby steps. Our comfort zone can grow and grow as time goes on and then we do get into a rut. This is a good thing because we then want to challenge ourselves more. PRACTISE MAKES PERFECT because the more we challenge ourselves the more we are able to do. All the what ifs will flow through your head but they are only thoughts (small walls that we can all climb)......Again the thought is far worse than the deed and every victory brings you closer to winning the battle

[sb001f8994]

Thank you all so much, its nice to know you're out there fighting with me.
I really am going to go further the next time Im out, even if its only a little bit. Im much stronger than I was this time last year and I have done so much to get here to let it go and become house bound again.
Thanks everyone,
love and hugs

[Granny Primark]

Carol you have to take things easy and not have any pressure on you.
The moment I get someone saying "you can do this" I cant.
If I let people down then so be it.
I do things for me not anyone else.

[ShazAtko]

I can go out but anxiety does make it hard sometimes and I "freak out" so to speak. I just think I'm not gonna let it stop me and it aint killed me yet! So saying, sometimes I do avoid going out if feel really bad but try not to if at all possible.