Making friends?

[poppy]

Hi,
I dont work due to my anxiety problems and although i dont suffer with social anxiety as a title for my illness i think everybody with an anxiety problem has difficulty in social situations.
The problem i have is that all my friends work (the few i have) and just wondered how i am expected to make new friends while im like this?
People do try and be friendly towards me but as soon as they start to chat to me i just feel trapped and panicky.
Does anybody else have this problem and what could i do?
Thanks
Poppy

[clickaway]

Hiya Poppy,

Like you, I had to give up work because of my anxiety and as a result don't really have people around me, especially if you are talking about locally and not in cyberspace.

How do you think you would cope in meeting people suffering like yourself and who would understand you.

I have recently made efforts to start getting out more:-

1. Where I live there is a social group that meets every Friday at a drop in centre for people with various mental issues. We just have coffee and light refreshments but you get conversation and company. We don't often talk about our disorder. PC's and TV are also available although I value the conversation more.
So enquire whether there is something similar in your area (or even a self-help group for more serious chat); I find out about mine via the health centre but your Community Mental Health Team could also advise.

2. I am also a member of The National Phobics Society and a limited number of areas organise meet ups (from memory, London, Norfolk, Suffolk, Cheshire and Warwickshire). I have only been to one so far and there were just a handful of us in a bar, but it was really friendly and comforting. The NPS newsletter also provides contacts of people wanting friends, and you may find one in your area.

3. Social Anxiety UK (see their web site) also have regular meet ups in several areas. I recently attended my first in South London and about 12 people turned up, and I did find there were people like myself. Just register on their web site as it is free.

For some while I have used msn a lot and attended a couple of No More Panic gatherings, and have met people in real life here, although they tend to live many miles away!

Poppy, there are many people out there needing friends too, so why not give it a try?

Take Care,

Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[poppy]

Hi Ray,
Thanks for the good advice. I do have a few people to chat to on msn. I have been to a mental health day centre in the past too but found the people there were all much older than me and you can only go for a certain number of weeks. The contact booklet is a good idea, dont know why i never thought of that, i have an old copy somewhere.
Ill have a word with my doc too about any local support groups although i am having trouble leaving the house at the mo but it is a thought for the future.
Thanks again for the advice.
Poppy

[Piglet]

Good luck with that Poppy and do let us know how you get on - your experience could help any number of people in the same situation.

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Chardonay]

Hi there,

Yes I find meeting new people hard.I do not have any real friends as lost them five years ago round the time my dad died.So I have been apart from hubby on my own.
I do tend to talk and make friends on the internet one good one I have, I met on ebay.
But now we have moved house and do not even have family near.
So I know how you feel.

Best wishes.

Chardonnay.

Tall dark and mysterious was his name,
magic love and money was his game.

Beauty is a real thing, not just a reflection in the mirror

[Alexandra]

Hi,

I to have had to give up work due to anxiety i did want to get back into it but my supervisor there was never an easy person to get on with at the best of times so i made the decision to quit.
Since doing that i have gotten to know some of the neighbours more that are near me & they have been really understanding about the depression & then the agraphobia.
The thing i really need to get to grips with is getting on the bus by myself, getting to the shop & back & working on trying not to get so worried in crowds when ive ventured into town with my fiance.

Alexandra

[rois]

I'm still at work and uni but still find it hard to make friends as I'm always making excuses for not going out. What if you tried to become a carer for an elderly person in your area, you may not feel as panicky as you would with people your own age, then once you've got used to this you might be able to branch out a wee bit and try working somewhere else. Good luck, I know exactly how you're feeling so at least you're not alone.

"Ther goes the fear, let it go. You turn around and life's passed you by, you look to those you love to justify...there goes the fear."

[Karen]

Hi Poppy

I do suffer from social phobia and have spent years isolating myself from the world through fear and anxiety. It reached a point about 18 months ago where I didn't see or speak to anyone for days or weeks at a time.

Since joining this forum I have made so many friends and, like Ray, I have found going along to the meet ups to be very beneficial. It is very difficult at first but I find each one slightly easier.

I've also met friends through another site and my therapist helped me by encouraging me to attend weekend workshops and to start socialising again.

I still do have difficulties with this but I am so much better than when I first became a member here. I can now chat on the phone to several friends I've made here and no longer feel so isolated.

I'm also attended a day clinic for eating disorder problems and have been interacting with the other patients there and starting to join in with group activities.

Some local support groups would be a great pleace to start and also possibly look to see if there are any local groups for activities which interest you.

It is possible to start building a wider social circle again. Good luck with it.

Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

[Alexandra]

Hi Poppy

Now you have joined this site, know that you will always have a whole host of friends here to support you in anyway we can

Take Care

Alex

Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart

[poppy]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I know i have people here who will support me and that means a great deal.
You are all so kind
Thanks again
Take care
Poppy

[Alexandra]

Your very welcome Poppy.

Keep your chin up ( i know ive send this on some of the other threads but you are so much stronger than you think)

Stay positive

Take Care

Alex

Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart

[clickaway]

Don't forget we have occassional meet ups between our members here too. Once you have chatted to them on msn/chat/forum, meeting them for real will be so much easier, believe me.

Ray
http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[Karen]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Don't forget we have occassional meet ups between our members here too. Once you have chatted to them on msn/chat/forum, meeting them for real will be so much easier, believe me.
<div align="right">Originally posted by clickaway - 27 February 2006 : 22:03:41</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
I second that! I found the meet ups last year really helped me with my social anxiety and each one got that little bit easier.

Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

[sugar]

poppy u sound a bit like me, i dont like going out at the moment (read more under my penpal post) i also am from dewsbury west yorkshire :) i read that u are too ? Im new and saw that there are meetings held, do many of you go, maybe wayyyy in the future i will go, do you go to them?

[Becky1985]

Hi poppy,
you sound alot like me, i left college when i was 17 due to anxiety, i had my daughter at 18 and lost all my friends then, i do not have a single friend and at the moment i find life so lonely, i wish more than anything to have friends, but i can't even step out of the front door on my own, i have 2 gorgeous children and i want to take them places like mother and toddler, hopefully one day i will do it, your not alone
Becky x

[Blue Child]

Hi Poppy...Just looking around the forum and I found your thread. I work, but I have no friends here and I find that I actually isolate myself. I think it stops me from being rejected and hurt. Self protection technique? I've no idea...I just know that I panic around people. I find that it has been getting worse lately. I feel that I'm not good enough sometimes, but I just say to myself...hey this is me and if you don't like me tough (another protective measure). It is so hard, but I must say that I am glad for the friends I have made here. There is no pressure and we all care about each other. It's a good place to be and I am so thankful to have found this forum and the really sound advice other people can give. Just be you and good friends will come along...you will know when the time is right.
Best wishes, Blue Child

[squonk]

Hi Popy,

Know what you mean I only have friends through work and people try to be friendly but I just strugle with the panic and then I sweat and become more panicky un till I become sick.

I kept at work until recently (Made redundant) I only managed ot stay there because of my other frears and anxieties. (My councilor helped a lot wioth that but now I can't aford that either.)

On the note of how to meet people I beleive that is easy it is just managing yor SA first people are every where and that makes it worse!

I did some CBT which really helped me along and gave me confidence to go out there but sadly for me SA is not alone and is a sysmtom of other issues...

I have a couple of really good friends one I eamil all the time and the other I am now engaged to. I met my other half though NPS she has GAD and my Email friend keeps emaiing me so I have to keep in contact.

Well don't know if my rambling help but there are a lot of people out ther and what you need is some coping skills first so that the experience of meeting people does not build on your already bad experience that is why I found CBT so helpful.

Squonk.....:D
:D

[susan]

Hi Poppy, read yor post and truly understand. I am now at a point where I know I have to do some thing about this. Im so isolated in West Wales where every one seems to have known eachother for an eternity- I moved from London. Its almost physically painful to put myself in social conditions- I know how riddiculous that is- and I must overcome this. I plan to start college P/t in sept. LoL! Im 42. Time for change, its a bad habit. Well just have to see... One thing Ive noticed is other peoples willingness to feed this habit and take over the running of your life.- or it may just be resentment for having to rely on others.. no I think thats a cop out. Time for a major life overhaul.. tighten your seatbelts... susan.