View Full Version : A childs anxiety
Hi all,
I am in need of a little help right now.
For those of you who don't know me.
I came to this site suffering Pa's, high anxiety, living in fear 24?.
Beacause of this site, all the information on hear and the specieal people who post threads and reply to them. I am now pa, high anxiety free.
My daughter suffered pa's, anxiety from the age of 3, she is now 12.
Up untill last tuesday she was dong very, very well.
However on tuesday in school she had a pa, which lasted for awhile and her anxiety levels stayed high till she got home :(
I have found out what triggerd the panic. It was soemthing to do with feeling unesay with some of her lessons, not the work, just in the lessons.
The school have been soooooo helpfull with Hannah and have put alot in place for her to feel comfortable.
Wed's, it took me all morning to get her to school, but she went in the end, after dinner.
Thur's, again it took me all morning of talking to get her to school, went after dinner again,
Fri, She went into school in the morning but had alot of anxiety symptoms :(
BUT I have hit a brick wall. Today Monday, SHE WILL NOT GO TO SCHOOL.
I am at the moment waiting to hear from Hannahs head of year.
I have talked to one of the mentors in school and they have been helpfull, BUT how am I supposed to get her into school????
I have tried everything, apart from shouting at her becasue I don't think me getting angry will help her.
I am angry with myself becasue I know up in my own head how to change your thought patterns, BUT at this moment getting it acorss to my daughter is sooooooo hard :(
I know that if I can get her into school, get her over the anticapatory (sorry about the spelling) anxiety, she will, I hope move on.
I am at this moment thinking of getting her therapy, but talking to Hannah she DOES NOT want this.
What can I do?
Its a waithing game at the moment to see what the school can come up with.
In the mean time what do I do?
Should I tell her that she can't play out? becasue she has not been to school. When my kids are sick, they are never aloud to play out if they have not gone to school, BUT she is not sick, you know what I mean?
Should I stop her from whaching TV, while she is not going to school
I have switched the tv off, but this as made her go up to her room and she is just sitting on the bed doing nothing. Am I doing the right thing?
I don't know what is right or what is wrong, my heads all over the place.
Please is there anyone who can advice me what I should do?
I know its a blip, but its getting bigger and bigger and I need to sort things out now before it spirals out of control.
Many thanks for taking the time to read this.
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Jill,
Reading your post is like reading a post I could write about my Hannah.
I sympathise with you so much as I have a hard time getting Hannah to school as well. If she does a full week, we more or less have a party [:I].
As you know, Hannah will not do any of the work that has been given to her by the Psychiatrist and until she does so, will not receive any further help. If your Hannah is so against therapy you may find you come up against the same problems that we have. BUT, anything is of course worth a go.
When Hannah stays off, she watches telly and goes out on the evening if she wants to. I might be wrong in my decisions, but it isn't ill like having the flu, so if she wants to go out I let her.
Is there someone available at the school that Hannah could report to as soon as she gets there to give her the comfort of someone looking out for her and who could reassure her if she is feeling panicky? Maybe she could go to a quiet area or room with this person until lessons begin.
We all know that the more Hannah avoids school the worst she will feel and the harder it will be to get her back there. But how horrible it is when they are so panicky and scared and we have to send them off all upset.
Have you heard back from the school yet?
Love Kate
hi jill
im afraid i dont really have any advice to offer i would not stop her going out or watching tv as she must not feel like she is being punished and also i think by her staying in she might start to feel anxiuos going out i suppose you must just persevere hope all goes well the rest of the week
Dan
Jill
*It was soemthing to do with feeling unesay with some of her lessons, not the work, just in the lessons.*
Do you have any more detail ? Is it concerns about feeling trapped, teasing, not being able to leave a room, being put on the spot by the teacher, feeling silly, having PMT ????? It could be any one of these or one of many others and for each of them something can be arranged to help so really encourage her to try to pinpoint what it is that is causing this in more detail.
Whatever it was, hasn't got better during the last part of last week when she did go and she has been ruminating about it all weekend until it seems to be far too big to her to even tackle thus the refusal today.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Hi Jill,
I have a 14 year old who would much prefer to be at home with me than at school and like Kate we sorta have a party if she does a full week[:I]:D
I actually have a couple of friends where this is also true so its not always down to Hannahs ocd.
I wouldn't punish because I think you need to keep things as normal as poss and not make it any bigger (I know me and my friends have found this hard cos it can be so frustrating).
If she can keep everything else as normal as poss it makes it easier to slip back in. Could she have some of her school friends over so that all that remains on good terms. I'm not suggesting party time or anything but we all know how friendship difficulties can cause problems.
See what the head of year has to say but rest assured many many mums will know where you are coming from on this one and boy teenagers are so full of self-doubt and hormones that the way some of them speak to each other I don't think I would want to go to school!!!!
I sometimes wonder if I have made my kids way too soft - they are not perfect but I know they wouldn't ever intentionally set out to hurt anyones feelings.
Having said all that it maybe nothing to do with the other kids or anything like that, there are so many reasons and suspect it could be a combination of lots of them.
Hang in there and let us know how you get on (it may help us too lol):)
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
nomorepanic
23-01-06, 21:07
Hi Jill
Is there a teacher that Hannah particularly likes that would be prepared to meet her at the school gates so to speak and take her to the lessons?
Whilst she is at home I would let her watch TV and not be too hard on her. Let her have a couple of days to settle down then re-address the issue and tell her that she needs to go back to school once you have talked about things. Yes - let her go out to play as well. I know she is off school but as you say she is not sick as such.
Above all let her know that she is not bad for doing this or panicking and I know deep down that you will do all you can to help her.
We are all here to offer all the support we can so let us know if you need any more help etc.
Nicola
I'm hardly qualified to answer this not being a parent, but it does remind me of my ex-girlfriend's daughter who would not attend class because of some issue. It wasn't panic attacks or bullying, but had a psychological problem in attending class because of the people there. Maybe it was a hormonal thing, I don't know.
But I know she saw the child/school psychologist and in the end she had special tuition at different school. I'm happy to say that she got her GCSE'S and is settling down very well at college.
I really hope that you and Hannah can resolve the issue fairly quickly, as it is stressful for you especially and does not do her 'mind' any favours.
I don't think you should be too hard on her, as denying her aspects of a normal life may add to her problems. But I can see both sides.
I hope when you see the Head of Year, you will be granted some expert guidance on how to deal with it all.
Big Hugs,
Ray
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
Hi Kate, Dan, Meg,Piglet, Nic, Ray.
Thank you all soooo much for replying to my thread.
She has still not gone to school :(
There has been sooooo much going on hear at the moment, Me talking to Hannah trying sooooo hard to reasure hear. The school have put alot in place for Hannah.
Someone to go to if she needs to, anytime of the day.
They have given her a time out card, if she feels uneasy she can go out of class for 3 mins.
She has always had a toilet pass to go when she wants to.
The mentors have said on the phone that they have sorted out where Hannah is having the problems. She can go to them of a morning if she needs to.
They have put a 15 min session onece a week in place to teach Hannah how to breath, something to do with listening to a tape as well.
To people who dont understand Hannah's problems may seem little but to her they are soooo big it is stoping her from going to school.
These are her problems.
I have sat with Hannah this morning and go through her hole school week.
Yard, dinner time and break.
Sometimes feel uncomfortable, in both.
English,
People who I sit next to hit me, sometimes and throw things at me.
Sometimes cannot get on with work because kids are talking to loud.
I feel uneasy if I cannot hear the teacher talking, because I cannot
Do the work he has asked us to do because I have not heard him
When he is angry because all the other kids are talking I feel uncomfortable
Asking him to repeat what he has asked us to do, because I am scared I may
Get shouted at. Even though I am not the one doing all the talking.
Science.
I feel uncomfortable whom I am sitting with.
Feel uncomfortable asking question more than once.
Name calling by?
PE
No Problem with this lesson,
Only when we do trampoline I feel I am forced to do stuff that cant do.
Form period on Thursdays.
Feel I’m being punished for other people’s actions.
When some kids are naughty, we all have to stay behind.
I feel uneasy coming out of school late.
Assembly.
It gets very hot in there and I start to feel sick.
This happens all the time; I don’t like putting my hand up all
The time to go out, feel I might get shouted at if I ask too may
Times.
Having the time out card is not helping with this problem, I still
Have to ask permission, in front of the whole school.
Now as far as the school year head goes, she has said that they have put lots of thing in place for Hannh and there's nothing more they can do. She also said to take Hannah to the GP to get some help.
She also said in a firm voice that while Hannah was at home she was getting all the attention, while getting this attention would you want to come to school. I understood where she was coming from BUT felt a little angry because she would not understand where I was coming from.
Hannah wanted me to go up to the school to speak to the mentor, this would make her feel better, the year head said that there was no need, I have been told that things have been put in place over the phon.
I have told Hannah and she is not to pleased with this.
I have spoken to one of the mentors this morning before I spok to the year head and they said, they would ring be back with an appointment.
Not sure whats going on now.
All things have been put in place as far as the school in conerned, apart from the assembly, she can go out if she wants to,for 3 min,s BUT she cannot take her blazzer off to cool down. She can take her jumper off but MUST put her blazzer back on. THIS IS A RULE in the school, they have to wear there blazzer's.
What does she have to do before they understand. START THROWING UP LIKE SHE USED TO. Sorry, I'm a little angry at the mo.
I did keep my cool with the head of year becasue getting angry is NOT going to help Hannah.
I will just have to take one day at a time and see what happens. Keep talking to Hannah and hope that all I say will help her understands things more.
Thank you all sooooo much for your replies [^]:D
Anymore advice would help sooooooo much.
Oh I feel better m
This all sounds very much like our school.
I was ready for a big storm up to school last summer (even with the agroaphobia :D) if they didn't let them take their blazers off in the boiling heat. I really get narky when rules fly in the face of common sense.
This is so hard Jill mate - thankfully I haven't had many moans over the years with the girls and school, but on the rare occasion that I have, I always think that the kids will only be at school for a certain number of years, but they are my kids for life.
With that in mind I want to get it right. You know Hannah better than anyone and the fears she has told you about are actually very normal ones and ones I have heard talked about in our house too.
I think you need to come up with a coping stratagy for each problem - school do seem to be trying here on some of this stuff, so that's good.
I like my kids to abide by rules and regulations etc but I always want them to realise there are options in life and they do have some control over these options, then they don't feel trapped by circumstance.
Hannah needs to feel in control at school - quite franky if I had some of the issues to deal with that they do I would equally find it hard. The regime at school makes it hard to feel free, which if you suffer from anxieties of anysort must be horrid. I know as an adult I need to have escape routes in certain situations and Hannah may need hers too.
School are at least trying on some of the issues so hopefully the bits that aren't satisfactory can be addressed again.
Best of luck
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Hi Jill,
Well, although I can see that the school have put some things in place for you, there is still another option that they could try.
It would seem from your writings that Hannah is getting overwhelmed by her peers. Have I interpreted this correctly? [:I]
At the school where I work, they have a department which helps kids that are not attending frequently and who also have problems being around other kids for one reason or another. While these kids are struggling they have there lessons in very small groups within this department, they even come down to dinner earlier than the rest of the school to minimalize any distress they are feeling. They are allowed to stay within this department for as long as is necessary, until such a time as they feel able to rejoin the rest of their class in lessons. Is anything like this available at Hannahs school?
I have sent you a PM as well.
Love Kate xxx
bluesparkle
25-01-06, 11:05
hi jill...
im afraid i dont really have any advice but i just wanted to say im thinking of you and hannah... and sending posative vibes to you both...
i have four children and my son went through something like this and getting him to school was not easy and they werent helpful at all.
anyway the reason i wanted to post is that reading about hannah was like reading about myself as a child at school... i thought i was going mad i couldnt stick it out in assembly especially... but no one would listen or help
so i just wanted to say i think you are a great mum and doing everything right ...i wish i had had all that understanding from someone...
i hope the school will get everything in place for hannah ... so that she can go back and enjoy it.
thinking of you both...
rach
x
Jill
Well done for getting down to the nitty gritty of what it is that together has got all too much.
Sounds like to follow on from Kates comment that she is overwhelmed by overstimulation by noise and rowdiness that crowds in on her and impacts on her coping skills.
The assembly thing- I had 2 terms of refusing point blank to go into assembly at all after a child a few rows in front of me, vomited and fainted in a dramatic style.
After a few weeks of cajoling and threats both at school and at home they all got the idea I simply would not go and they dropped it and let me get on with it my way and the next year as our row got further back I simply showed up and attended in my row as I had all the previous years and all the following years. Don't think it did me any harm.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Hi :D
Piglet,
Thank you sooo much for replying, you have helped lots [^]:D
Kate,
thank you for your advice. I don't know if they have anything like you have said, but I will look into that. pm, coming back at ye LOL [:P]
Rach,
thank you too for your kinds words, its a comfort knowing that you understand, but I feel sad :( that you had to go through this yourself.
It must have been soooooo hard not having any help.
Meg,
Oh what can I say, I can never ever thank you enough, Nic too and the special people on here. Where would I have been without this site ( still panicing I think)
I would just like to give you an update.
I can't go into it all, this post would be toooooooo long LOL
The school have done all they can.
The last strew today was when I phoned one of the mentors. Hannah said if I could go and speak to the mentor she would give school ago. She wanted more reasurance that all the things had been put in place.
When the time came Hannah had a anxiety attack, she felt sooo sick and said she could not go.
I am not sure now if there is something else that has happend in school or the fear of having another pa. She did say last night that she feared another pa. So what to do next.
I know that Hannah NEEDS to sort things out.
My head was all over the place. All I kept hearing in my head in bed last night was Hannah's head of year saying.....
****If you where home getting all the attention would you want to come to school, if she was my daughter I would take her to see the GP***
I have come up on a brick wall with the GP, Hannah does NOT want to go.
There was something I was doing wrong and I could not figure out what.[?][?]
I needed answers for myself, but apart from here, who do I talk to.
Hannah took herself off to bed in the afternoon (this IS NOT my Hannah) she does not do things like this.
I sat at the pc. I can't even remember what I was typing in google. I was just looking for someone who I could talk to who could tell me what I was doing wrong.
I came across a web site
www.ypas.org.uk
The young persons advisary service.
It is based not far from me.
I just seen the words counselling, age 10 to 15 and you can ring,
so I picked up the phone.
I could not get my words out. I was crying sooo hard. :(
The very nice young lady calmed me down and listend. "oh Jill, this is no problem, we have a child psychologist in the other room, it is no problem I will put you through to speak to her" [:O]
If the young lady was sitting next to me. I would have kissed her LOL
I talked to her about Hannah problem and past history, she asked lots of question, about what I thought triggerd all this and other things.
Ohhhhh I new I was doing something wrong, but could not put my finger on it.
She said that Hannah had been through a traumatic experience by talking to her all the time about school and anxiety, she new I was trying to help Hannah, but she said to back off ( well not in them words )
To go on as normal and NOT talk about her problems right now, not talking about school, or how to deal with her anxiety, just to leave it for now. She also went on to say that all people have there ways in dealing with this, and this was her advice. It made soooo much sense to me.
She said by me talking all the time was not giving Hannah chance to get over the panic, do you all know what she means? I do, why did I not see that.
Oh let me answer my own question.
When she was very young her little mind could be played with, she went on every word I said, distraction worked for Hannah of a morning, telling her that the feelings she had would pass, this worked when she was young, she believed me, so it did pass.
The mind is a ver powerful thing, as Hannah has grown, so as her mind.
She is a very stong young lady and has oppinions of her own, she knows that the feelings she gets scares the hell out of her and has labeled the school as unsafe. Know amount of me talking at the moment is going to help.
So, what to do next.
The psyc, said that she might suprise me, if
[:O][:O][:O][:O][:O][:O]
Oh I put a link in, how did I do that LOL [:P]
JILLXX
Jill that sounds like really sensible advice.
Whenever I have an 'issue' of anysort and can't solve it quickly then I put it on a backburner for awhile maybe days and either the problem works itself out or I get an idea.
This is sort of the same principle and tends to diffuse the situation and stop it becoming bigger. I think when we find ourselves going round and round in a circle with something, its better to stop completely and leave it alone.
That was interesting to hear and good reminder to us all of other ways to go at things:D
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Hi Pilglet.
Thank you, again, for replying :D
You are sooo right, **a good reminder to us all of other ways of going about things**
I could have kicked myself when the pshc told me this.
I did this when I was in fear 24/7. I would stop trying to learn how to deal with the panic and all the symptoms that came with it.
Tryed sooooo hard just to think about things that made me happy, holidays, happy memories, anything. It was this site that told me to do this. [^]:D
It was very very hard at first, but the more I pushed the more I was getting liitle breaks during the day of my fear. Over time, it got less and less.
Oh I have learned soooo much from this site [^]:D
Is is ok to thank everyone again LOL
Thank you again Piglet
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
I'm not sure if this is advice, but i just wanted to tell you my story about school. I am 31 now and have had my ups and downs over the years with panic and anxiety, however when i was 11, (just starting 'big' school) i was so bad that my gp actually admitted me to hospital, on the assumption there was something seriously wrong with me. (i didn't understand anything about panic attacks) I missed loads of school as a result. I can remember eventually seeing a pyschitrist who said the only way to get better was to face my fear, and go to school. Although i can't remember exactly how i felt when i first had to go back, i do remember that i DID get better, and went on to enjoy the next 5 school years, and didn't start to suffer again until i was 17. (don't think i like change eh?!)
Hope you and your daughter will get through this difficult time, and i am thinking of her.
Love India xxx
Hi India,
Thank you for replying :D
It is sooooo hard understanding pa's and axnieaty isn't it?
I understand that she has to face this fear, I know oh to
well becasue I had to face many fears myself to get over
mine.
I have learned soooo much since I found this site [^]:D
but passing on what I know to my daughter in the right
way and the right time, is soooo hard. I need someone
who will sit me down and tell me what to do. I hope that
it is possible to talk to one of the psyc's.
I know that when I get her the right help (psyc) she will
start to understand more and move on.
At the moment I'm hopeing that she will just say on monday.
I want to try and go to school now, (hay I can hope can't I)
Thank you again India, your reply dose help.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Oh Jill
I wish I could help. I have no advice. All I can do is say I am thinking of you and Hannah, and hope and pray with all my heart you do sort this out.
You know you are among friends here, don't you?!;)
Love
Dusty xx
PMT - Proof that God must be a man.
Hi Dusty,
Thank you for your kinds words,
I know I'm among friends hear [^]:D you are helping just by replying to my thread.
Many thanks
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
All problems have a begining and and end.
nomorepanic
29-01-06, 14:33
Jill
Just caught up with this post again and I am so pleased that you have managed to find someone that seems to be understanding and helpful.
How are things now? Is Hannah back at school and is the backing off going ok? working?
I hope things are picking up for you.
Nicola
Hi Nic :D
Thank you for asking how Hannah is :D
Hannah is still not at school.
Hannah and I went to a meeting at the school on friday. I thought that if I could get her into school for just 15 mins, she would try and go.
She was supposed to try and go today. The school have put things in place for Hannah, but its getting her there. I have aslo got the attendence officers involved, they came out last week.
It has all gotten out of cotrol, the fear of school is sooooo strong :(
I have taken Hannah to see the GP and she in refering Hannah to the mental health team in are area. Not sure how long that will take.
Hannah is going backwards and I'm sooooo scared. Her pa, anxiety has been about going to school and talking about school and her anxietys are always high in the morning when she knows she has to go. It has NEVER been at night and she is still sleeping in her room on her own. But last night she was sooooo angry, picking on her brother all the time and shouting at me. I know this is to do with what she is going through.
This morning she will not get out of bed. I feel sooooo scared for her. She dose not want breakfast and this is NOT like Hannah, she love's her food.
I know what I should be doing and I'm trying soooo hard. My knowledge that I have learned on here to help me get over my pa's, anxiety. I CAN NOT pass this knowledge onto Hannah.
Ohhhh its a waiting game, but in the meantime, what do I do. I know the longer Hannah is away from school the harder its going to get.
I'm not sure what anyone can say on here. I know that with time and the right support Hannah CAN get better but she is missing out on her education, this is her 3rd week off school.
Ohh what to do, what to do, what to do? my heads all over the place.
I am trying to get in touch with the mentor at school to tell her whats going on, but at the moment NO joy. Not sure if I should phone the GP again, but what can she do?
Thank you all for your support, it means sooo much to me. This WILL get sorted but as always things are not happening quick enough.
TAKE CARE ALL
LOVE JILLXX
All problems have a begining and an end.
Just to say I am still thinking about you both and sending my best wishes.
Piglet xx
Jill
We're all rooting for you both and hope you can see some improvement in the situation soon.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Hi Jill,
Sorry to hear that Hannah didn't manage to go to school.
Jill, the angry outbursts and the not being hungry are exactly how my Hannah is on school days. We can hardly look at her in the mornings she is just so bad tempered and goes off every day without breakfast. She gets angry cos her hair isn't right, her makeup isn't right, anything and everything really.
She did a whole week last week although she did ask for the day off on Friday, but I made her go!
I hope that Hannah gets back into school soon.
Love Kate xx
Hey Jill, You could be describing me waaay back in the 70's.
I dreaded school, refused to eat, refused to work, etc. It did pass but for me not until at 15 I was allowed out of school to go to Further Ed. college.
I cannot remember how old Hannah is, but from my experience do not even talk about it, give her some time out and say okay for this amount of time we will have work sent home you do not even have to think about going in. Keeping going on the other things happening but give school a wide berth for a couple of weeks. With no pressure she may be able to come to terms with it. Do give her my love and tell her I went through the name calling, things being thrown etc. I was told I was stupid and my only aim in life should be scrubbing floors. I proved them wrong, am a very succesful chef and until struck with severe depression loved life. Tell her life is out there and she may have to squash a few people to get there, but nobody who counts will berate her for that. Floozie
nomorepanic
06-02-06, 16:54
Jill
Sorry to hear that things are still bad and she won't go to school.
This one could be one of those waiting games couldn't it?
Can they send work home for her so she doesn't fall behind etc?
Nicola
Hello Jill and Hanah.
Im sorry to hear of your setback.
I feel I need to say Hannah, your a remarkable young girl, you defeated anxiety before and no doubt you will again!!!!!
Being 12 your hormones are probably going all over the place now. I am a youth worker for younf people aged 11-25. I have seen this alot, Its actually very common. If thats any comfort.
Have you tried to speak to a counsellor, gp or do you have a local youth service. They can offer you the chance to improve your skills, in confidence, relaxation and assertivness etc.
Please let me know how you do xx
Another thing Jill is, Hanah is probably aware of your own anxieties and fears. Please dont take offence but some young people can play on their mothers anxieties, know what buttons to press. I am implying Hannahs a naughty child, not at all, but she probably knows how vulnerable you are. Is there any bullying in the school, she is probably in year 8/9 ???Its not nesiarilly the kids but maybe some teachers she doesnt get on well with. This is a common factor too. I work with some young people who refuse to go to school because the teachers make them feel inadiquate! I myself at school experienced this.
Like I have said before, she's lucky to have you. Your both remarkable and if you do need any advice Please feel free to say.
Good luck xxxxx:D
Hi all, :D:D
Piglet :D Thank you for thinking of us.
Meg :D I know that things will get sorted, its just going to take time.
Thank you Meg for replying to my thread.
Kate :D thank you sooo much for understanding, though I wish you never understood. I am well aware of Hannah's outburst, I know when it is fueled by anxiety and when it is normal childhood anger. Hannah's outburt last night was fueled by axniety, she was worried about going to school. She said just before she went to bed " I don't want to wake up in the morning" I know from past, NOT to get into conversation at bed time over her anxiety becasue this makes things worse.
Hay WELL DONE your Hannah for going to school a full week and well done you for not letting her stay off on friday.[8D]
If you ever need a chat I'm hear. Promise I wont go on to much about myself and Hannah LOL
Flooze :D Thank you sooo much for the avdvice, it means alot to me when people reply to my thread :D
Nic :D It is a waiting game and I have asked at school for work to be sent home. Thank you [^]:D
Kimmy :D Thank you for your advice.
I wish it was hormones I could deal with that, but it is not.
The problem I'm having right now is when talking to people. They are all looking for one big reason why Hannah is like this now. The thing is, there is not one reason, there are lots and lots of little one's. All about school, she needs proffesional help and I'm waiting on that.
Hannah's story is on the Home page under members stories, if you wish to read it.
I am waiting on a phoncall to speak to someone who can help me help hannah while she is off school. These people are trained counsellors. Just to point me in the right direction on how to deal with her. What is right and what is wrong.
As I have said to Kate. I am well aware of her anger, what is anxiety related and when it is not and deal with both differently.
Thank you all again, all replies have been helpfull.
TAKE CARE ALL
LOVE JILLXXX
All problems have a begining and an end.
Hi all :D
Just thought I would give you an update on whats going on.
Hannah is still not at school :(
The school have done all they can and have been helpfull.
2 teachers came out to talk to Hannah BUT hannah did not want to talk to them, she fears anyone from the school.
She fears that if she talks to them they will make her go, she fears the symptoms she may get and the panic.
Know amount of ME reasuring her is helping.
When I took Hannah to the GP and told the doc about Hannah's history and remaining avoidensess ( yes she has come far, but there are still things after all this time she still avoids) she had NO problem talking to them, she told the doc all about her panic and what her fears where and what and why she still avoids things. she was nervous of course, but when she came out of the doc's it was if a wieght had been lifted and she was happy. The doc told me she would be like this. She said its becasue Hannah knows that help is on its way, she also told Hannah that it was going to be a bumpy ride but she will get there in the end with time and the right support. The doc went on to say that Hannah needs to learn coping skills but she MUST try and go to school.
Where the teachers are concerned, my thoughts on them are, they think Hannah is just being naughty, they have asked me to use force with Hannah, get her into the car and make her go to school, stop her from going out of a night, stop her from doing the things she likes doing.
If I thought that would work, I WOULD DO IT, but I know it will not.
Useing force in the only thing I have not tried. I believe if a child or and adult does not want to do something and is willing to lose everything just so they do not have to do that thing, there is something very wrong.
I know that with everyone who reads this, people's first thought is parental skills, is the mother or farther bowing down to much to the child, letting the child rule them insead of the other way round. I can understand that because I would think the same thing.
Hannah was at her worse at age 3. YES she did get better over time, She was doing great, BUT her anxiety never left her altogether. I was hopeing that with time and building on her confidance the last remaining things she would grow out of. Just like the pyic said when she was 6 years old. ***she would have to learn to live with it or grow out of it*** I was hopeing "grow out of it" BUT I WAS WRONG :(:(
I also know that you don't have to learn to live with it either. Because of this site [^]:D I KNOW that you can learn how to feel a hole lot better. I am prof of that. I don't have NMP or high anxiety. So I know that with the right help Hannah can do this too.
I am waiting now to see what happens with the school and what the education are going to do. The school are sorting out homework and I'm waiting to hear from the child mental health team.
Time is a great healer BUT as always its the waiting thats the hardest.
Knowing what to do with Hannah while she is at home is hard. People like giving advice, but I find that any adivce given, I have already tried.
If anyone reading this has any advice it would be sooooooo much help.
I just wish I could talk to a child pyic at the mo to point me in the right direction on what to do while I'm waiting for the oppointment to come through.
I feel at a loss what to do now. I find myself wishing the days away. I can't seem to switch off in the week. Look forward to the weekends soooo much. I can switch off then. NO school. Can't wait till thursday. The kids break up from shcool for a week.
Since this all started I have made a hell of a lot of phone calls for help, the school the attenace officers, doc's, even tried finding help for me to talk to someone with no joy. Ohhhhhh I want time to fly, so Hannah can get the help she soooooo desperatly needs.
Thank you for taking the time to read this thread and thank you for your continued support.
TAKE CARE ALL
LOVE JILLXX
All problems have a begining and an end.
Hi Jill,
I'm sure no one here is doubting your parenting skills at all. Unless you have a child yourself that refuses point blank to go to school, then you haven't got the slightest idea how difficult it is to know how to deal with such a situation.
I think while her distress about attending school is so high, then the only thing you can do is to get the teachers to set her work that she can do at home. Also, places like WHSmith sell books for all school subjects and it might be worth buying some of these just to keep her occupied and up to speed in her keysubjects.
PM me if you need to talk, Jill, and I will ring you.
Keep your chin up, mate. Things WILL improve.
Love Kate xxx
Hi Kate :D
Than you for your reply.
I am waiting for the teachers to send some work home for Hannah.
My kids break up for a week tomorrow [Yeah!][Yeah!]
Will pop in to WHsmiths and get some work for Hannah.
But not to do while there off school, just when they go back.
I could go mad, we had lots of books like that given to us but becasue the school give the kids alot of homwork I gave them away, didn't think I would need them.
She may go back to school after the break. Ohhh I hope so. I can hope can't I.
Thank you again Kate
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILXX
All problems have a begining and an end.
Hope this one ends soon.
nomorepanic
15-02-06, 19:50
Jill
I know how hard it is for you mate and it must drive you mad to see her like this.
I think she needs to keep a routine whilst off school - so get up at the same time and sit with books etc like she would at school. No running off or playing all day. She can do that at the end of the day like she would if she was at school.
Keep that routine going for her.
Make sure she doesn't fall behind with her work at least.
Sending you both big hugs and I hope things pick up soon.
xxxx
Nicola
Nic,:D:D
Thank you for your advice and the hugs.
Will keep a routine going, but not next week, my kids are off [Yeah!]
I am staying positive and know that things will pick up in time.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
All problems have a begining and an end.
Hi Jill,
I think if school are sending work home for Hannah then obviously she could be focusing on doing some of this in the weekday.
Is she still in touch with her main school friends??
I can imagine that things feel easier at the weekend as I would feel like that too cos you know weekends are a school free period so no strain there.
How long before an appt comes through for the phycologist and is this one connected to the place you sought some advice from recently.
I have no clever ideas mate I am so sorry but I am never quite sure if I am doing it right either - kids sooooo need to come with a manuel.
I think just keep trying to keep things as normal as you are already are doing.
I do sympathise with you and really wish I had a quick answer.
Love Piglet xx
Hi Piglet :D
Thank you for your reply.
Hannah still sees her school friends from time to time, she has other friends around here that do not go to her school which she plays with more.
Part of one of the problems is when she falls out with her school friends in school, she told me that she feels unsafe and scared. She has lost all coping skills when dealing with things like this in school, but not at home with the friends here.
Not sure how long it will take for Hannah to see a phyc. I phoned the GP on friday and she had only refered her the day befor, so I will give it a few days them phone the place Hannah has been refered to and ask them how long.
No, it is not the same place I sought help from. The problem with that one was I needed Hannahs permission and she would not give it to me at that time. They would not put her on the waiting list unless Hannah wanted to go and see them. So I went to the GP. Hannah has been fine with this. I know she wants the help but is all confused in what to do.
I keep reasuring her that she will get through this with the help and support of the mental health team who deal with kids with her problem all the time.
Thank you again piglet. I know that there are KNOW quick answers.
Her mind WILL heal in time with the right support.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
We are all thinking of you at the mo Jill trying to pick up pointers incase we ever have to deal with it.
I know how much falling out with friends can affect them though as one of mine had a week off once because of this.
You take care hun.
Love Piglet xx
Hi Piglet :D
Thank you for your continued support.
I hope you NEVER have to go through this with any of your kids.
Homework has started to arrive.
My kids are off for a week now so I'm going to switch my mind off to this problem for a week.
Thanks again Piglet
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
All problems have a begining and an end.
Hi all,
Just thought I would give you an update.
Hannah is still not going to school :( We, as a family have an apointment with the child mental health team on tuesday.
The school have been helpfull, but I am sooo angry at the lack of understanding they have. Hannah has always been a good pupil in school, never been in trouble, her grades are high.
The last time I spoke to the head of year she just looked at me as if I'd lost the plot. I was trying to explain to her that although Hannah feared going to school, it was not the school she feared, it was the feelings she gets inside she fears. I was talking to her about safe Zones and thought patterns, all the head said was, if she can play out why can't she go to school. I just sat there and decided to shut up. I was talking to someone who would NEVER understand, no matter how hard I tried to explain.
When she left I had to sort my head out, I was soooo angry.
In my eyse, I am soooo happy that Hannah is playing out and has no anxiety or pa's at home or any other part of her life. To me this is a good thing. Hannah has even got a job now, she has a paper round[^]
I feel guilty that I can't help Hannah move forward this time, thats why I don't reply to post. I feel I can't even help my own child let alone anyone else. Oh I do need to learn more about self talk.
Yet, what I have learned from this site is, NOT to do this to myself. I am helping Hannah just by being understanding and getting her the help she needs.
I have always said that there is help out there for everyone, someone or something can help you learn how to get better. For me it was this forum [^]:D For Hannah when she was younger, it was me who helped her get better but this time around it HAS to be someone else.
I would do anything right now to take the pain away from Hannah.
A friend of mine said to me "put yourself in her thoughts, think how she feels" I told this friend that I know how Hannah feels, BUT I can't let myself even go there with my thoughts, it would rip me apart :(
She did not understand me, but I quess you have to have had pa's, anxiety to understand that, you have to look for the positives more and try soooo hard to push the negatives to one side.
Sorry for going on, are you asleep yet LOL
So tuesday is the begining of Hannah moving forward. I know its going to take time, but hay, I've got all the time in the world. She has had a blip and she WILL learn how to get better with the help and support of the mental health team and her loving family around her.
Thank you all for reading and your continued support.
TAKE CARE ALL
LOVE JILLXXX
The knowledge that time passess
makes bad times bearable
and good times priecious....
what a good mum you are jill. because of what you have been through you understand what she is going through even when other " educated " people seem blind to this problenm that obviously affects many kids
well done hannah on the paper round, you are a credit to your mum and yourself, i have no doubt that one day your experience will help many other kids. thats a project and a book for another day though!
i hope my small sons and my wee daughter grow up as strong and determined as you are to lead a normal life, whatever is thrown at them
well done jill
jackie
Jill I don't see how you could be doing anything more and wish you all the best on Tues.
I know it doesn't help but Hannah is by no means the only child who feels like this. My youngest has a friend at school who she has known since the infants and he is equally having a bad time and not been at school properly for 3 months.
In some ways his is a much clearer cut case as his parents have just gone through a messy divorce and being the senstive little boy that he is it has affected him badly. I guess this is easier because you can see how and why his anxiety has started.
If he does go into school he stays with a teacher at all times cos that is how he feels safe and at the mo he has a special schedule that can be adapted to his needs (so I guess school are really trying). He feels he wants to stay at home all the time cos he wants all his family where he can see them and keep them safe.
School is an incredibly intimidating place when you don't feel 100% - look how many mums on here dread parents eveings and the school run/playground!!! So I can only imagine what that feels like to a child.
This will get sorted out hun and meanwhile just know that it's not as infrequent as you may imagine.
It's great that Hannah is going out to play and do the paper round and is definately to be encouraged etc.
As usual Jill you are right on top of it (even if it doesn't feel like it).
Love Piglet xx
Hi Jacke, Piglet :D
Thank you both soooo much for your replys [^]:D
I find it sooo hard here talking about Hannah because no one here understands, coming on hear and woffling away, knowing that people understand helps me more than you will ever know.
I thank you both from the bottom of my heart.
TKAE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
All problems have a begining and an end.
nomorepanic
12-03-06, 15:14
Hi Jill
Thanks for the update.
Like you say you have done all you can and now someone else has to help you out. You have not let Hannah down atall and you have supported her along the way.
I do hope that things get better for you both very soon.
Big hug to you and Hannah.
Nicola
Hi Jill
You know how well i think you and Hannah are doing
at the mo, and what a great job you are doing ,
I just wanted to wish you the best of luck for tues,
and to let you know i will be thinking of you all
my thoughts will be with you , love denisexxxxxx
denise
Hi Nic :D
Thank you soo much for your reply and the hugs :D
I know I always go on, on how this site has helped me sooo much, but its true. I can't thank you enough Nic for setting this site up.
Many many thanks:D:D
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Denise :D
What can I say mate, you are a good friend and you are always there for me, even though I woffle alot LOL [:P]
What you don't know is just how much you have helped me get through this with your kind words. YOU ARE A STAR :D
Thank you sooooooo much for being a good freind.
Thinking of you always
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
One tiny (and tentative) thought, really to build on something Nicola said. If Hannah has a regular mentor figure at the school, could that person be persuaded to visit Hannah at home, perhaps talk to her there? See her room, make Hannah feel like she is just a little bit understood by this person, out of the context of school? Then there might be a small link between home and school, and not make the two things feel like alien worlds so much. If I remember feeling bad about going to school, it was based in feeling completely cut off from home, and not liking that feeling.
I have no idea if this is good advice or not for your situation. I am not qualified like some people here. It's just a thought I wanted to offer, is all. I do hope things improve for you both.
Best wishes,
Jason
I am sorry .... I typed a lengthy post and when I saw what I had written in print I could not bear it, so I deleted as I realised I am still hurting.
I sincerely hope that you and your daughter manage to get your problems sorted.
Spice
Hi Jason.
Your advice has been sooo helpful,
you are qualified Jason, if you have been there, you ARE qualifed[^]
Your advice is spot on, well thats what I think.I have been thinking this all along. I cannot ask the school to do this myself, the mentors have alot of other kids with problems too. she needs to go to the mental health team and if they suggest this is the way to go then the school will do this.
Thank you sooo much Jason, for you understanding, and your advice [^]
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Spice, :D
Thank you sooo much for taking the time to reply to my thread.
Please oh please don't say sorry for deleting it, its ok.
Maybe in time you can say just what it is thats hurting you sooo much.
This sight is a great place to be, there are lots of nice people here who will help and support you.
Hannah's problem WILL get sorted with time and the right support.
Thank you again spice.
You take care
LOVE JILLXXX
Thanks for that Jill.
Hopefully in time I will feel ready to share.
I feel that I have been very lucky to find this site and access the help and support that is available.
Take care.
Love
Spice xxx
Jill
Just wanted you to know that we are all with you in facing this and we know you are doing all you possibly can to help Hannah.
You are a truly fantastic person and a brilliant Mum
Love
Meg xx
Hi Meg, :D
Thank you for your kind words, you have picked up up this morning.
Sorry meg, I did not feel fantastic nor brilliant this morning, just wanted to cry all the time. I keep thinking I've done something wrong with Hannah somewhere through all of this, BUT I know I must stay focust, doing this to myself is NOT going to help. I know oh to well that my thoughts a very powerfull, doing this to myself will get my own anxiety to rise and I don't want that. This is not the first morning this has happened, but it does not last for long. What I am thinking is, it would be unatral for me to feel nothing. Any parent would feel sad at a time like this. BUT I must work hard on my thoughts, look more to the future, look more to the happy things in life, STOP these silly thoughts and beating myself up with them and see Hannah better becasue I know she can get better with the right support.
Sorry for going on Meg, but it does help to get it off my chest.
The assesment went well yesterday, the mental health team are meeting today to see which way to go with Hannah.
Hannah has homework to do, she has to learn how to breath, learn how to relax. I know I tought Hannah how to breath when she was younger but stopped along time ago becasue she was better, so I'm going to buy some cd's on both these things and put it into are daily routine. They are going to get in touch with the school and talk to them, so this is good. I also asked if I could talk to someone too, to help me help Hannah. The lady said she did not know if they could do this but she would put if forward at the meeting.
Thank you for your continued support Meg, :D we are moving forward now, little by little BUT forward [^]
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Pleased to hear the assessment went well yesterday mate. :D
Love Piglet x
Thank you Piglet :D
LOVE JILLXXX
nomorepanic
15-03-06, 18:57
Glad it went well Jill and things are moving forward for you.
Good idea about the CD's - getting back to the basics, like the breathing, really will help her get back on track.
Nicola
Hi Nic, :D
Thank you for your relpy.
LOVE JILLXX
Hey Jill
Glad its moving a bit for you.
Big hugs all round
Love
Meg xx
Hi Meg
Thank you for your reply and the hugs :D
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Paddington
20-03-06, 00:22
hello jill,i agree with jason,fab idea isn't it,if that not possible ,is there a classroom support worker that Hannah likes,could she be pulled into the loop?i feel 4 Hannah soooo much.When i was little i had all these problems ,bullied[by staff!]panics[didn't know what it was then!]it was soo scarey and i just wanted to stay at home and feel safe,just as she does.Have you tried visulisation with her at all?Creating a place in her mind where she can go when feeling scared?i think that teacher[head?]is sooo out of line saying what she did,hey she should walk in Hannah's shoes or yours 4 a day?????As 4 the 3 min time out what utter nonsense,you tell some one who is in a state of anxiety that they have a time limit and it is makin it worse,and who wants to look different in front of their peers?So it's not likely hannah will put these [so called]help stratagies into place.I do hope she sees the youth councellor,i think it would help no end.I was a kid in the 60's n 70's so no help was on offer at all!Also do inform the education authority of the position,you dont want blame apportioned on top of everything else,as long as you have a dr tell them it is a valid health issue it should be ok.My heart goes out to Hannah and you too,reading it ,i was that scared child again,and feel what she feels.I send you both love and light,with a mom like you,she will get well.Have a wonderful Mothers day .love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Hi Jill
Sorry i have not replied before but i did struggle in what to say, as my daughter seems to be suffering too and i blame myself. I am here for you and think you have done a great job and are a brilliant mum.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Hi Mary-Rose :D
Thank you sooo much for your kind words and advice on the education authority.
I am sorry to hear you suffered as a child and had NO help, it must have been sooooo hard for you :(
I have always kept the attendance officer up to date on whats going on with Hannah, kept all letters I have recieved from GP, councellor and written down every time I have recieved a call or made a call regarding Hannah, my list of calls is a long as my arm, I have made soooo many.
I made a call to the attendance officer last week to keep her up to date, but asked her if she could speak to one of the mentors in school, to see if one could come out and see Hannah. I aked her to ask the mentor herself and NOT go through Hannahs head of year becasue the head may say that she has already been out and Hannah will not talk to her.
I know oh to well that the mentors NEED permission from the head of year to come out, so I'm, waiting again on a phone call.
I have to give the attendace officer chance, its always a waiting game, but if I get NO joy with this I will call on the education authority to see what help they can give. Hannah is lossing out on her edutcation now. I know people tell me to try and keep her head above water regarding her school work BUT I am not a teacher, I am doing my best but need help with this.
I have been doing the visulisation with Hannah, finding a safe place to go in her mind whan she is in school ( its all about a holiday, we love holidays and are going to lanzarote, so its called, Hannzarote LOL ) . I know it does not seem to be working now becasue she still won't go to school, BUT I think once she gets over this first hurdle and goes, what I am teaching her may fall into place and she may use this.
As I have always said, what Hannah is having now is a blip, she WILL learn in time with the right support ( councellor) to get better. Yet again, its a waiting game, it takes soooo long for the councellors to move on to the next step. I want her well and I want it NOW, but is this not what any other mother would want.
Thank you again Mary-Rose, your reply means alot [^]:D
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Sal :D
Oh please don't say sorry for not replying before, its ok, I understand.
I feel right now that my advice on children and adults regarding anxiety, panic is off no value. I can't even help my own child to get better.
Yet I know oh to well it is possible to get better with the right suppiort becasue this site has shown me that [^] I am better and have NO pa's and high anxiety.
If you feel your daughter is suffering,Please, please don't blame yourself Sal, this will rip you apart. I have been there done that and believe me when I say, it does NOT help.
All children suffer a little anxiety, like adults do. It only becomes a problem if it interfears with every day life, quality of life.
If you feel that this is the case with your daughter and only YOU know if it does, then I would say get help for her.
Thank you again Sal for taking the time to reply [^]:D
If you feel I can be of any help at all with your daughter, please let me know and I will try.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Paddington
22-03-06, 12:41
hi Jill,was wondering how hannah was doing at the moment[love the visualisation by the way,i too use a holiday,Cornwall!I love the sea]any way just to let you kow i am thinking of you both.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Hi Mary-Rose :D
Thank you so much for thinking of us, its so nice of you.
Hannah is fine. She told me yesterday that she would try and go to school either, tomorrow or friday, just for one lesson or 2. This is great. I know its going to be hard for her.
Hannah's form teacher phoned yesterday and asked to speak to Hannah but Hannah got very scared and would not speak to her.
Her form teacher asked me if I new that Hannah talks to her friends and says to her friends that she is coming back to school. Hannah has always done this, even with the family, she talks as if she going to go all the time, but when the time comes to go, she gets high anxiety. So what her form teacher said was not something I did not already know, but the form teacher did not understand why Hannah talks about going and does not go to school, NO amount of my explaining helped her to understand.
I started to get upset at this point and all she said to me was, its no good you getting upset. I still think that the school think that Hannah is playing on me and I know that they want me to be more stricked with Hannah and stop her from doing things she likes doing becasue she will not go to school. I have had it worse than this when she was younger, not the going to school, although that was sooo hard at time's, I always got her to school, but her pa's, anxiety would happen anytime anyplace anywhere. I WILL NOT punish her for her feelings, for being scared of panic. I can't do that. I told the teacher this. Do the school really think I'm sitting at home feeling very happy [?] I am trying my best hear, every school day is hard for me. I just want her back at school and happy how she used to be. Sorry Mary-Rose for going on, it does get me a little cross when people don't understand.
Thank you again Mary-Rose , Please keep your fingers crossed for Hannah to find her coping skills to do this. I know there in there somewhere. Lets hope my next post is a positive one.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
Jill,
It's still one of those things that unless you have had direct experience of or had someone close to you have then I don't think you can comprehend it.
This is obviously the standpoint of the teacher - forgive her hun 'she knows not what she says' as the saying goes!!!!
Love Piglet x
Hi Piglet :D
**forgive her hun 'she knows not what she says' as the saying goes!!!!**
This is like what Jesus said to god, *forgive them father, for they no not what they do"
Your saying did make me smile.[^]:D I will have to keep it in my thoughts that next time I'm speaking to someone from the school, it may just stop the negative's runing around in my head.
Thanks you Piglet :D
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Jill
Thank you for your reply. I think you have coped great and that is a credit to you. I admire how well you have coped and you should look at yourself and see that too.
Thanks for your support and it was really appreciated.
Thinking about you and keep in touch with me.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Paddington
22-03-06, 23:41
Oh jill i am so glad Hannah has made a step foreward,baby steps the beest ones!!My brother went thru this too you know!They called it school refusal in those days and he was nearly taken into care!!As 4 THAT WOMAN she wants to haul herself into this century and educate HERSELF!!Hey buy her a book jill,smile sweetly and say this may help you understand??!!you re doin a wonderful job.i send you both my love,keepus posted!love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
jollywalrus
23-03-06, 07:09
Hi,
I feel I must reply to this post (rather belatedly) because I have first hand experience of this. My son was exactly the same for many years. I would literally drag him down the street to school because it was the "norm" and school was the "best" place for him, even though all school taught him was fear.
Then one morning he hyperventilated and collapsed on the pavement. I realised then that I needed to take a different point of view. I told my son that he never had to go to school again if he didn't want to. I went to the school and told them my decision and his tutor immediately came to visit. My son was curled up in a ball on the floor when he arrived, and when the tutor saw the enormity of it, he agreed school was not the place for my son.
Now you may think that we were running away and not facing our fears, but it didn't turn out like that. The pressure lifted almost immediately. My son studied at home and eventually gained 5 GCSE passes which the school kindly let him enter and provided a special room for him. He is now a very confident 19 year old with an excellent job, a very nice car and a host of friends. He often revisits the school.
He remembers the fear, the children, the smell of school, but he has never been overwhelmed again. It wasn't easy, home education never is, but I just wanted you to know about another option.
My heart goes out to you. I had more sleepless nights over my son going to school than I ever did when he was a baby. Your child's unhappiness is gruelling and relentless. I remember the tears. But there can be a happy ending and I hope you get one too.
Best wishes,
Christine
Hi Jill,
Any luck with Hannah getting back into school?
My Hannah's psychologist came to see me on Monday to get some insight into our relationship (!). She offered to visit me at home as I find it hard to be comfortable in strange surroundings and keep wanting to leg it!
Anyway, she asked me questions about Hannah's birth, early years etc right through to the present day. She is seeing Hannah on her own again next week. I did an hour and a half with her then, 15 mins later, an hour with my own counseller. I was emotionally drained, I can tell you.
Personally, I no longer approach the school at all about Hannah's OCD. They have been so unhelpful that I no longer have any faith in getting any joy from them at all.
Thinking of you, Jill and Hannah,
Love Kate xxx
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
Hi Sal, :D
Thank you for your support and your kind words :D
Hi Mary-Rose :D
What can I say, your reply did make me smile :D
THAT WOMAN she wants to haul herself into this century and educate HERSELF!!Hey buy her a book jill,smile sweetly and say this may help you understand??? LOL
Thank you for your continued support.
Hi Christine :D
Thank you sooo much for taking the time to reply, it has helped more than you will ever know.:D
Hi Kate :D
I am sooo sorry to hear what you are going through. I did read your thread, but find it sooo hard to reply to any threads at the mo. I do hope you understand. I do think of you and Hannah all the time.
It is good to hear that finally you and Hannah are getting the help you both need.
It must be sooooo hard for you Kate and my heart goes out to you, if you ever need to chat, please let me know.
Thank you for your continued support Kate.
Now to answer Kats [?]
Any luck with Hannah getting back into school?
Hannah went to her last lesson in school today [^]:D[8D] its a start, baby steps. I am sooo proud of her, she did great [^]:D
The lady from the mental health team phoned today (cambs) she told me that they only deal with children who are tear 3. This means the child has to have panic or high anxiety right through every day NOT just school :( Oh god, when I think back Hannah was tear 3 at the age of 3 [:O] She went on to say that she has NOT closed Hannahs case but I must keep her informed on how Hannah is doing. She also went on to say that she did not know of anyone who delt with cbt for children.
She also went on to say that the school have to help Hannah. Let her go into school at her own pace. This is sooooo hard for me. I know the school think Hannah is being naughty and she just needs disaplin. I am finding putting this thought to one side really hard. BUT I know my own daughter, she needs help and I'll take it anyway and from anyone to help her move forward, so I need to put my thoughts about the school to one side. Ohhh thats hard.
So guys, where do I go from here, does anyone know of a cbt therapist that deal with children. I can do so much for her but I think she needs a tharapist to help change her negative thoughts.
Meg, hope you read this, would your cds be good for Hannah?
Thank you all again for your replys :D
What a mothers day present, Hannah moved on a little :D
TAKE CARE ALL
LOVE JILLXXX
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D loads of smilies for Hannah!
Oh Jill, that is such good news that Hannah has been back to school. How did she get on? Did she cope ok?
Love Kate xx
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
Hi Jill
So pleased she went back to school and that is down to your continuing support. You should be proud of her and yourself at how well you have coped.
Here if you ever want to talk.
Thinking about you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Hi all you special people :D
Sooooo sorry I have not replied to this thread. I have been under alot of stress latly, nothing to do with Hannah's problem, relationship problems, which I will not go into.
Alot has gone on over the past few months. Hannah has been moving forward with baby steps. Help from the mental halth team did not come quick enough. I had to call them and tell them what was going on with Hannah, she stopped going out. They put her higher on the waiting list, but yet again, like when she was young, it is her family that have supported her and helped her move forward. She is such a brave young lady and I'm soooo proud of her:D
By the time we had are first vist with the MHT, she was already moving forward, going to school 1 afternoon a week and we where upping it week after week, she did have a few blips along the way, but she never let it get her down. She amzed me. The MHT could not believe that they had come in on this problem and it was progressing soooo well.
We have only had 1 visit with the team which was 3 weeks ago and we are going again on thursay. I am amzed on how the team deal with this type of thing. You just don't get 1 therapist you get 4 [:O] We as a family sit in a room with one of them talking and the other 3 are behind a black out window listening to what we say. After about 45 mins, the other 3 come into the room and talk about whats gone on. We are not allowed to talk to them, we just listen. It is sooo strange listening to 3 people talk about you LOL
I can't say everything that was said, it would take me forever to write it down LOL I did however, agree with eveything they said, even when they said, that my knowledge of panic, anxiety may be getting in the way of Hannah's progress. ( I fear pushing her to hard to do things ) but I do push, maybe not hard enough. My mind is open to anything, if I am doing anything wrong with Hannah, I want to know about it, so I can fix it. I would do anything to stop her from suffering like this.
She herself has made such progress. She has been to school yesterday, all day for the first time and today as well, all day [^] She has been doing it in baby steps, one afternoon a week, 2 afternoon a week and so on and so on. So, she is attending school every day now, but not full time, I know that will come in time. Ohhhhh I am soooo proud of her.
I have nothing but pride for my daughter because I know myself just how hard it is when you are suffering pa's, anxiety.
The knowlege this site has given me has changed my life, even dealing with my relationship problem, my anxiety has been kept at a very low level.[^]:D
Thank you Nic and all the members of NMP, thank you all from the bottom of my heart.:D:D
Just want to say many many thank to a special friend on here for all her support through my problems, (she knows who she is) you have helped me more than you will ever know. You have given me strength and confidance to get through my problems. You are a true friend. Words alone can not thank you enough.:D:D
Thank you all again for your support, you have all helped me, help my daugher get through this.
TAKE CARE ALL
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Jill,
What good news to hear - I am sooooo pleased :D:D:D:D
It shows yet again how well the whole babysteps approach works.
Love Piglet :)
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Thank you for your reply, Piglet :D:D:D
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LOVE JILLXX
nomorepanic
06-06-06, 19:46
Hi Jill
I wondered how things were going but knew that in your own time you would come back and let us know.
Fab news and I am so pleased to hear that she is back at school and things are finally moving forward for you both.
I am chuffed for you both Jill. Keep us updated ok?
xx
Nicola
Hey Jill
what can i say i think you and Hannah are
both great and have done so well you both should be very
proud of yourselves and each other,
love you lots keep up the good work ,
here are a few more Happy's to keep you going [8D]:D:D[^]
[^]:D:D:):):):):):):):););););)
:):):):):) denisexxxxxxxxxxx
denise
Hi Nic :D
Thank you for your reply, it means sooo much to me.
Hope you are ok and things are going well for you.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
Hi Denise :D
Thank you for your reply and the smilies :D
The smilies are working because I feel good today. Here's some back at ye :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
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LOVE JILLXX
A friend is someone who ask's how you are
and then waits to here the answer. ( Thats you Denise) Thank you for all your support :D:D
nomorepanic
07-06-06, 10:46
Jill - sorry I put kill instead! I have edited it now. What am I like! oops
Nicola
Hi Nic,
I did notice LOL thought it was funny, Thanks for editing it [^]:D
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LOVE JILLXX
Paddington
12-06-06, 12:48
hello jill,how wonderful to hear that hannah is getting the helpshe deserves and is doing so well,i am thrilled 4 you both.I know what you mean about trying to 'make everything better'!I ,like you,have had panics 4 as long as i care to remember[tho much improved now]and as you KNOW how it feels you cant bear for your children to have it as you FEEL IT TOO!My sons have had brushes with it and i have in the Past overprotected them ,avoiding things that may 'set them off'!Well the good news with this is ,as they have grown and got better,if they do have a panic attack or feel as tho they are in a situation that may set one off,they call me,or come to me for help and comfort as they know I TRULY understand!So this will happen with you and Hannah too.I send you both my love and i hope your other problems resolve themselves very soon,here if you ever want to chat,love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Hi Mary-Rose :D:D
Thank you sooo much for your reply, it does mean alot to me.
Sorry to hear that your sons have suffered too :(
Hannah as always know I am there for her, BUT, she has to learn that I can't be there for her all the time, although I try.
I am going away at the end of the month to Madrid for a hen weekend, Ohhhh NO kids, no Hubby.( oh and no pa's or anixety are comeing with me LOL) I have left Hannah before along time ago with her dad, but it casued her anxiety, BUT, this time she is fine with this. She has moved on in Many ways and still continues too.
Thank you for your continued support.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Hi all :D
Just thought I would update this tread.
My daughter is back in school now full time, her blip took awhile for her to get over BUT she did it with lots of baby steps.
I wish I could tell you all the reasons why she found her coping skill to move forward on this but the only main thing that sticks out is doing things in baby steps, not judgeing her when she failed, helping her to change her thought pattern on things, just kept praising her all the time, no matter how small the steps, they are still steps to recovery.
I have talked to many people since my daughters blip and I'm a little angry at some of the people I talked to eg, teachers, attendance officers. It seems to me that some adults don't think a child can suffer this way over what seems like small problems. I know my own daugther, she likes school. Its just that she let alot of little problems mount up, she wanted to deal with them on her own, but found it to much in the end, hence the panic. My thoughts on this is that they should be trained a little on this kind of thing.
I am pround of my daughter, SHE has done all the hard work to get herself better.
In the early years of her illness, I never new how she felt, it was only when I sufferd full blown panic, high anxiety a few years ago and now I know just how she felt. This is why I an more proud of her then ever, it is soooooo hard to face your fears, BUT she has done it and moving forward [^][^]:D:D
Ohh and another thing, she has always wanted to go on fair ground rides, she has wanted it soooo much it hurt, were, she would try, stand in the line waiting to go on, but the pains or the ill feeling would get to much for her so she would walk away, most of the time crying because she wanted to do it sooooo much but her high anxiety got in the way. :(
This summer we went to Alton Towers for her b-day, she JFDI, RITA, queen of speed [:O][^]:D and AIR [^]:D:D
Thank you for all the support that was given, it helped alot.
TAKE CARE ALL
JILLXXXX
What a smashing post Jill - really good news!!! :D:D:D:D
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Thank you for your reply piglet :D:D
LOVE JILLXX
Hi Jill,
Have just spent the last few hours reading your thread from the beginning.
I found it a very moving story. I have to say i really admire your strength and determination. You have been so strong and im sure your daughter really appreciates all your help and support.
So glad your daughter has come through the other side of all this and im sure it has made her stronger.
Good luck to you and Hannah for the future
xx
****You can never get rid of the butterflies, but you can teach them to fly in formation ****
Hi Kate :D
Thank you for your kind words, they do mean alot to me.:D:D
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LOVE JILLXXX
Paddington
21-09-06, 10:17
Oh Jill and Hannah..HELLO!What fabulous news ,i got all teary eyed!!I am sooo thrilled for you both ..WAY TO GO HANNAH!You must be like re-born peolple at the moment!!Gosh,at the time it seems it will never end doesnt it?But it does and it has!There are no wordsto explain how happy i am for you both!!ALTON TOWERS..WOW!I got a happy glow in my tum just thinkin about this huge recovery !FABULOUS!!Love .as ever,Mary Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Hi Mary Rose.
Thank you for your relpy, :D:D:D
Hehe, alton towers was a shock to me too, hay I was sitting next to her on the ride,[:O] she was anxious, but normal anxious, if you know what I mean, NO, pains, no throwing up just normal anxious. I was shi**ing myself LOL
Thanks again Mary Rose:D:D:D:D:D
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Jill
I am so pleased you and hannah are doing well.
take care of yourselves
bobsy
p.s. thank you very much for your kind pm message - speak soon.
Hi bobsy :D:D
Thank you for your reply :D:D
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LOVE JILLXX
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