D_aisy
23-04-10, 19:07
Today for the first time in weeks and weeks I went to the shopping center to drop of a letter ALONE! It was work related so knew I could not say no because then I would have to tell others at work that I am a constant panic pants and didn't want to do that.
So I geared myself up, I drove there singing like a wild screaming cat, decided that I should park in a place where I have previouslly parked and had an attack (good start facing a fear?)
I set myself a goal which was to get to the bank without freaking out so I called my Mum for a chat on the way.... I made it to the bank without major fear :D BUT........... I started back to the car & I lost control, I felt like I had ran a marathon & couldn't catch my breath then the heart kicked in at 400,000 beats per second and then I stopped listening to Mum on the other end and was plauged by thoughts that I was going to have to pick a shopper to deliver me back to the car because I wasn't going to make it, but who would I pick blah blah blah :scared15:
When the car was in sight I just couldn't bring myself to stop I had to get there but I did notice that instead of running I was walking & then instead of crying I was panting so I felt more controlled. (I think this is progress but I can't be sure lol!) Last week this attack would have lasted all the way there all the way back & the drive home until I got in the house but today I MADE it stop at the car :) I am very pleased but as this is the first time I have 'acknowledged' and attack rather than fight it it feels new & weird!
Sorry it's so long! Danni x :yahoo:
So I geared myself up, I drove there singing like a wild screaming cat, decided that I should park in a place where I have previouslly parked and had an attack (good start facing a fear?)
I set myself a goal which was to get to the bank without freaking out so I called my Mum for a chat on the way.... I made it to the bank without major fear :D BUT........... I started back to the car & I lost control, I felt like I had ran a marathon & couldn't catch my breath then the heart kicked in at 400,000 beats per second and then I stopped listening to Mum on the other end and was plauged by thoughts that I was going to have to pick a shopper to deliver me back to the car because I wasn't going to make it, but who would I pick blah blah blah :scared15:
When the car was in sight I just couldn't bring myself to stop I had to get there but I did notice that instead of running I was walking & then instead of crying I was panting so I felt more controlled. (I think this is progress but I can't be sure lol!) Last week this attack would have lasted all the way there all the way back & the drive home until I got in the house but today I MADE it stop at the car :) I am very pleased but as this is the first time I have 'acknowledged' and attack rather than fight it it feels new & weird!
Sorry it's so long! Danni x :yahoo: