How can i cope with a funeral?

[popsy]

My wonderful Grandad died recently, we were all very close to him and loved him so much. My anxiety and sadness has gone sky high since i found out.
His funeral is going to be next week on tuesday and is 200 miles away from me. I have to travel down and stay at my mums to go the next day.
She has told me she needs me to be strong, and that this cant make me ill as she needs me, as she is so devastated and THIS time i need to be there for her!
I have to travel in the funeral car to the crematroium and then again to the church afterwards with her.
Just the thought of all this is giving me panic attacks, i am petrified of everything about it. Im not in a a good place with my GAD and panic at the moment anyway and had suffered a relapse before he died.
Im shaking as a type this, im so scared, how on earth can i support my Mum and get through the whole thing with out being a burden to anyone else whilst i cant even think of the event without having an attack.
Anyone, please please help?

:weep:

[Vanilla Sky]

You will cope , it's the thought that you wont thats sending you into a panic, the anticipation is always worse than the actual event.
Your mum needs you and you will be there for her and it's ok if you break down and cry, it's only natural. Don't think about having a panic attack, just use everything you have to support your mum.
I'm sorry you have lost your grandad. I wish you well and let us know how you get on wont you
With love and hugs to you and your family
Paige :hugs:

[mandie]

Aww hunni im so sorry u going through this. u will get through this and i no on the day u will find the strength. I think the fact u no that u have to be strong for yr mum will help u get through it and u will be ok.

:hugs::hugs:


mandie xxx

[ASH65]

firstly may i say how sorry i am for your loss.that in itself is hard enough without all the anxiety problems.but the same happened to me recently,last monday to be precise,i attended the funeral of a dear friends father,and it was my turn to be strong,and i was.i am sure you will cope
but i understand the pressure you must feel with the travelling and staying away.maybe the actuality of the event will be very different from the anxious anticipation.often when,as humans,we are faced with a loved one in pain and distress(maybe mum) the actual process of giving them love also soothes us too.and you are also one of the bereaved,people will know that and want to comfort you.
i cant promise how it will go but i can send you an ocean of love and say i will be thinking of you xxx

ASH

[sedalia]

Hello

I was in the same position as you in february. I had to go to my brother's funeral and I am agoraphobic (bought on by panic attacks). There was a month between him dying and the funeral, so I had plenty of time to get worked up about it and tell myself I wouldn't be able to make it. (It's difficult enough for people like us to go to places we enjoy, let alone places we would rather not be). I felt that not only would I not be able to make the journey, but I wouldn't be able to cope with having to speak to relatives and sit in the church without feeling really panicky and ill. I had so many "what if's" racing through my head for weeks, as well as having to deal with grief and also the thought that I would never forgive myself if I missed the funeral. I know nothing can stop these thoughts, but I just wanted to let you know, and other people have said the same, that at times like this, you really do seem to find an inner strength from somewhere, as I did, and none of the things I feared most happened. I think you need to say to yourself that it really doesn't matter if you can't make it, everyone will understand, then you might not feel so pressurised and you may find yourself more relaxed about it. Difficult as it seems now, and believe me I know EXACTLY how you're feeling, as Paige said, thinking about the event if always worse than the event itself. I know that probably nothing will make you believe that at the moment, and I didn't believe it either before my brother's funeral, but it is true. Take care, and keep posting if you still need reassurance x

[D_aisy]

I am very sorry for your loss. I had to attend my Partners Grandmothers Funeral in February and the whole experience for me was a disaster.
First I had to walk for half a mile behind the funeral car with 200 other people then I had to walk into a packed church (with the heating on!) and I couldn't take it I got in there & had to go outside almost immediately. I was so angry with myself for this and knew that we had to go to the crematorium and more to the point I had to drive my mother in law!! It was very difficult but I managed and I decided that I WAS going into the crematoruim and I chose to sit at the back alone but I was just proud that I was able to do it. I knew I had to be strong for my partner as we were all very close to his Gran but by the same token I knew that I had to be comfortable and give myslef options and that seemed to keep me calm and help me through the rest of the day with the wake etc.
You will be fine you just need to find your inner strength and I'm sure that you will surprise yourself! :hugs:

[jaded jean]

Popsy.
As Danni said, our inner strength surprises us all even when we dont think we have any left. If you cry you are letting go some of the anxiety, I always say its a good release mechanism. .god bless and big huggies for you
Jean:hugs: