ASH65
26-04-10, 13:52
cant work this one out at all but can live with it!
i descended the world and entered one,a nether world,filled with acts of love and compassion.i was in my normal place mentally in nightmares,expecting the visit of death and pain to do me harm,but what arrived was an angel-child,a seraphim or cherubim,bathed in light and goodness.there was a point where the dark had descended,more like my normal nightmares,but even though i lay in the blackness on my familiar "raped bed" i called out for help,begged,and it came,people came and covered me in light and soothed me like a child needing his mother.there was a vague marriage scene,where my elderly mum,eyes like burning stars,buried me deep in her velvet arms.each representative of the world i was visiting and living in,was beautiful and kind and i awoke feeling soothed,grateful,touched almost like having been visited by an angel.(i am an atheist,verging on antitheism)the other nite in chat,following a terrible awful dream about abuse,i begged for my late father to come from heaven and rescue me.i have no faith yet feel spiritually touched by this experience.there were excerpts of the grotesque and the deformed in this dream but they only served to illuminate the overriding sense of serenity and goodness.when i got up...in my mind i just uttered the words "well thats me cured"such was the sense of healing.
now,heres the weird bit.....i began to become aware that my phobic symptoms were very high,and as time wore on i became very anxious and had a huge panic attack lasting 3 hours,followed by an awful day of feeling utterly sick.
next nite it was back to the nightmares of old,but again i came out of it on top.i screamed my innocence-abused-fury at an abuser,beat him senseless and went on a rollercaster ride of survival,facing machine guns,spotlights and barbed wire.....but i got away,people helped me and i escaped.
god only knows what this shit means,all i know is how it feels,like i have been touched by something beautiful,and i am holding on to that touch and never ever letting it go.
ASH
i descended the world and entered one,a nether world,filled with acts of love and compassion.i was in my normal place mentally in nightmares,expecting the visit of death and pain to do me harm,but what arrived was an angel-child,a seraphim or cherubim,bathed in light and goodness.there was a point where the dark had descended,more like my normal nightmares,but even though i lay in the blackness on my familiar "raped bed" i called out for help,begged,and it came,people came and covered me in light and soothed me like a child needing his mother.there was a vague marriage scene,where my elderly mum,eyes like burning stars,buried me deep in her velvet arms.each representative of the world i was visiting and living in,was beautiful and kind and i awoke feeling soothed,grateful,touched almost like having been visited by an angel.(i am an atheist,verging on antitheism)the other nite in chat,following a terrible awful dream about abuse,i begged for my late father to come from heaven and rescue me.i have no faith yet feel spiritually touched by this experience.there were excerpts of the grotesque and the deformed in this dream but they only served to illuminate the overriding sense of serenity and goodness.when i got up...in my mind i just uttered the words "well thats me cured"such was the sense of healing.
now,heres the weird bit.....i began to become aware that my phobic symptoms were very high,and as time wore on i became very anxious and had a huge panic attack lasting 3 hours,followed by an awful day of feeling utterly sick.
next nite it was back to the nightmares of old,but again i came out of it on top.i screamed my innocence-abused-fury at an abuser,beat him senseless and went on a rollercaster ride of survival,facing machine guns,spotlights and barbed wire.....but i got away,people helped me and i escaped.
god only knows what this shit means,all i know is how it feels,like i have been touched by something beautiful,and i am holding on to that touch and never ever letting it go.
ASH