neonpink_smurf
24-01-06, 19:11
Hey everybody,
the last time i was here i was in good spirits and i have been for past while but since sunday i've been really down and getting scared by my strange thoughts.. Crying at the moment as i write this, i keep getting teary!!
On saturday i was drinking and had a bit of an argument with my dad who was visiting and then with my boyfriend but by sunday that was all fine and sorted! still on sunday i felt terrible and worthless and lethargic and just generally down.. just tried not to think about it and thought everything would be fine on monday, it was a bit better and i went to uni and everythig was fine until my dad left and i was giving him a kiss goodbye and that absolutely terrfying thought and fear came into my head.. what if i ended up kissing him??? It dwelled in my head all night and i started thinking i was having some sigmund freud thoughts or something!! I was crying for hours! and then i was thinking of how as i'm getting older and now living with my boyfriend, i'm kind of drifting from my dad and family (a natural separation and a healthy thing too, i know) but i can't stop thinking how weird it is that i don't go to my dad but i go to my boyfriend and then got all scared that i was like replacing my dad with my boyfriend and that just prolonged my scaredness..
I don't know whats wrong :( oh yeah and to top it all off for a split second a thought ran through my mind like i understand why people commit suicide if these thoughts continually go through peoples mind and never stop so that got me worried too even though i never would..
Does anyone have any advice.. am i doomed to be a freak like this forever? I just can't see these thoughts stopping.. Please help i'm so upset
thanks
the last time i was here i was in good spirits and i have been for past while but since sunday i've been really down and getting scared by my strange thoughts.. Crying at the moment as i write this, i keep getting teary!!
On saturday i was drinking and had a bit of an argument with my dad who was visiting and then with my boyfriend but by sunday that was all fine and sorted! still on sunday i felt terrible and worthless and lethargic and just generally down.. just tried not to think about it and thought everything would be fine on monday, it was a bit better and i went to uni and everythig was fine until my dad left and i was giving him a kiss goodbye and that absolutely terrfying thought and fear came into my head.. what if i ended up kissing him??? It dwelled in my head all night and i started thinking i was having some sigmund freud thoughts or something!! I was crying for hours! and then i was thinking of how as i'm getting older and now living with my boyfriend, i'm kind of drifting from my dad and family (a natural separation and a healthy thing too, i know) but i can't stop thinking how weird it is that i don't go to my dad but i go to my boyfriend and then got all scared that i was like replacing my dad with my boyfriend and that just prolonged my scaredness..
I don't know whats wrong :( oh yeah and to top it all off for a split second a thought ran through my mind like i understand why people commit suicide if these thoughts continually go through peoples mind and never stop so that got me worried too even though i never would..
Does anyone have any advice.. am i doomed to be a freak like this forever? I just can't see these thoughts stopping.. Please help i'm so upset
thanks