Can Citalopram help my relationships

[Ronster]

Hello out there,

Need help, Long story short if I can. Ever since my disfuncional upbringing and the fact that I thought my parents should have never been married I have never been in a fullfilling relationship myself. Now 46, since my early 20's i have always bailed on numerous great ladies. As soon as they got serious I was gone. At age 30 my current wife and I got pregnant and I vowed that I would stick and work at this one to have a family for my number one love, my son. I have mentioned before that I have been a pot user for these same years and decided to give it up back in December. Problem now is instead of feeling better I have crashed into a depression and major anxiety state. It took about a month after sobering up. The quiting was to also help my marriage I hoped, it isin't the greatest nor is it the worst. The reason for my taking 20mg's was becasue of my crashing and partly due to the same old bailing of relationship feeling has once again arose. My problem now is after three weeks of Citalopram I am still getting major anxiety/negative thoughts about my relationship with my wife.

Understand this, I know if the relationship is not the right one or over that Citalopram is not going to fix it! But my question is, will it at least if and when it kicks in minimize my negative thought process even about my marriage and give my wife and I chance to work on it and give it a sober shot. The reason I'm asking is the fact that I may have to separate my son's family is eating at me and I'm wondering if I'm dreaming if I think the meds are going to settle me and help me make rash thought's and decision's without loosing it? If anyone out there has had a similiar experience I would really love to hear from you.

I guess the question is will the neds minimize all negative thoughts and allow you to think things through without panicking, is it possible it will give me a shot at bettering my marriage and get the fear of intimacy out of my head once and for all. I know my own childhood and family experience got a lot to do with this.

please pass on any thought's, this is making me crazy!

Ron

[beskiboo]

I completly understand where you're coming from, sometimes I find it hard when I'm low to know if it's my anxiety or if I shouldn't be with my boyfriend! When I started on citalopram it took a while to kick in properly, and still hasn't fully I don't think, but what it has done is made me be able to (at least sometimes!) be rational enough and understand my feelings enough to understand how I can improve my relationship, and if it's worth it.

What really helped me was writing things down, you know those little feelings or anxieties, then coming back to them later when you feel calmer and seeing if it was actually something that would usually bother you? And also, I'm lucky in that my boyfriend understands these feelings and has the time to sit down and talk them through with me, so is there any chance you could sit down and explain your anxieties to your wife and get her opinions on them? You'd be surprised, even the most perfect couples have the same anxieties as everyone else!!!
Becca

[joannap]

be very careful before thinking about ending a relationship that may seem to be the problem but is not. what i mean by this is that i used to obsess about whether i loved my husband - eventually i realised that it was just an obsession - that it was my anxiety making me fixated on it. i started to listen to my intuition - whehter or not he felt right for me rather than listening to what my thoughts said. it sounds very much as though it is your current anxiety state that is not enabling you to keep things in proportion. you do not have to make a decision about the state of your marriage now - why not give it some time - at least 6 months. i can pretty much guarantee that if you feel you have to make your mind up NOW - then most of it is anxiety. i used to drive myself to distraction trying to get everything straight in my mind re my marriage but decided one day it was not getting me anywhere and so i just let it be - gradually i realised that my husband was the man i wanted and now i feel horrified that we could have split up. it sounds very much as if you would benefit from counselling regarding this - you recognise it is a pattern you have repeated in your life and it would be terribly sat for your son if your marriage broke up because of your own emotional blocks that you will be able to overcome. i think if you sit down with yourself and are honest with yourself - you will know deep inside whether the relationship has a chance or whether it is just the anxiety making you think you don;t want to be married.

[joannap]

ps - yes - anti depressants will help you to see things more clearly and without fear. surely if you really knew that your marriage was over - you would not feel panicked about it? sad yes but not panicked - that seems to be saying that a lot of what you are experiencing is a manifestation of anxiety x

[Luna]

Taking the tablets aren't going to solve your marriage problems. They will help give you the strength to start working towards being happier in life. In that process you will work out if you want to stay in your marriage or not.

I personally love my husband and value our relationship. I think this is really worth working towards, specially as you have kids. I think your relationship is working well because you've together now when everything is so hard.

Why did you start smoking? Did the depression start after you stopped smoking or was the pot self-medicating? People who smoke are kinda cut off from the world around them, including other people. Depression also has the same effect. A double whammy like that could explain your past problems staying in relationships.

You should talk about your feelings with your wife. If you are making plans to leave in secret then that will make you feel isolated and unhappy.

The work you do now will help in your next relationship if you decide not to stay with your partner.

Good Luck!

[Ronster]

Thanks everyone for your responses, just to answer a few questions. I've always felt anxious with my mates once they got close to me. I would hang in for a while anywhere from weeks to a couple of years and eventually would bail feeling that they weren't the right one. But really not sure.

The pot was a more of a release mechanism over the years. something that would always releave my general anxiety/depression and alow me to smile for a while. I can hononstly say that I have been in this state for almost 20 years and now that I have quit pot it has run me over like a truck!!! I knew all the time I smoked it was adding/masking this state. You should also know that my entire family extend and all are all very disfunctional and are in many ways the same as me, depressed, anxious, cronic pot smokers, alcoholics. Aunts and uncles were all very abusive towards their kids, my counsins. So we are a very messed up family. On a good note I have stopped the cancer sort a speak. My 15 yr old boy has been loved very much, never emotionaly,physically or sexually abused what so ever. He is very confident, an A student and tells his mom and I every day he loves us and of course we do likewise. So I cross my fingers he won't feel like my in 10 years. I guess this is also where some of the anxiety comes from thinking about separating his family.

Yes my wife know's of my feeelings and my past. She loves me very much and is hopeful that my issues are about me and not us. Of course the way I'm thinking right now (in this very low state) I think it my relationship once again. I have thought this way for years now but always in the THC cloud and not really have to deal with it. Still I wonder if it's just me or actually us. She is giving me lot's of space and ampathetic of my situation and is obviously hoping the meds put me in a state to be able to sort this out with confidence. It's sounds to me from what you all said, it should start helping me think soundly and clearly soon.

I hope you are all right, today I'm still very messed up and it's been exactly 3 weeks on the 20mg's. Still not sleeping through the night and my thought are rampid. Bloody nightmare this is!!! I'm now in tears I got to go.

May be soon time to see my GP and increase the dose.

Thanks everyone

Ron