Lauren Chambers
28-04-10, 23:12
:welcome:
Hi, I am new to this website
I have been looking on Google the past few days to find a site for panic/anxiety.
I finally decided I would make a profile on here and leave a few blogs. :wacko:
ME AND MY ANXIETY: :unsure:
To be honest I cant really remember my first panic attack, there has been so many, but I look back now and I can see how my anxiety built up and when I started to panic.
My fear is "if I leave my house, I might need to go to the toilet, and there will not be a toilet around" some people wouldn’t even think twice about something like that and others would think that this is absolutely ridiculous…to me this is the scariest thing ever, its taken control of my life.
Before I could not leave the house with out knowing the route and also knowing that there will be toilets on the journey and at the destination, I wouldn’t be able to go on a bus, train, aeroplane, in a lift, in someone else’s car except for my mums, I couldn’t or could just about walk to the nearest shop, go to a local bar, go out with friends, sit in the park, I wouldn’t even eat breakfast before work in case I would need to go whilst on the car journey, I would be in a complete state. Every day normal things was a scary and a struggle.
I have slowly learnt to deal with my anxiety, by understanding it and now learning to live with it. Its taken me 3 years and probably will take longer.
There are so many books to read, internet searches, techniques, self help and help from others.
Sometimes I feel like giving up, just to let it beat me, take over me and stay inside my house, not going anywhere. I have my up and down days, when I just want to do NORMAL things, go out to the shops, cinema, restaurants, bars, clubs, sit in the park, go to galleries, get on the tube, bus, aeroplane, walk, but its not that easy, everything I want to do is planned, I cant just leave the house without a plan, with out reassurance, with out not worrying where the toilets are, I cant just go a different route to work or to my boyfriends house or even to another area, without knowing that I can get to a toilet. Its tiring, mentally and physically.
When I first started panicking I didn’t know what was going on, what was happening to me. Shaking, sweating, heart beating fast, short of breath, nervous tummy feelings, feeling sick, crying, feeling un real, just to scared to leave the comfort of my house. I thought it was like having flu, being run down, you know stay in bed, take a few tablets and in a day or 2 you will be fine. But it didn’t go away and I was slowly slipping into getting more and more anxious to leave the house by the day.
My mum had to start dropping me to work, a 20 minute walk from my house turned into a frightened 19 year old girl being dropped of to work by her mum in the car everyday. Walking into work in floods of tears, barely able to talk because I was in such a state. After a couple of days coming into work in the same state lead my office manager to tell me I had to go home to rest, to go to the doctors, my work have always been supported and helpful and I am so thankful for the people there who tried there best to help. As soon as I was home, it was like the relief lifted off my shoulders, I felt safe.
Before I actually decided to go to the doctors, I refused a couple of times as I thought I would get better, it ended up with my mum dragging me in there, again in another state of panic and my mum having to explain to the doctor what was wrong as I was in such a state I couldn’t talk. The doctor didn’t want to put me on tablets as she thought I was a bit young and she wanted to see if CBT would work first, there was a waiting list and some people had to wait months to see someone, luckily I managed to get an appointment 2 weeks after the doctors visit.
At first I will admit, I didn’t put my full attention into my CBT, I was young and naïve about my anxiety and again still had the thought that ‘this will go away soon’ and I didn’t think that it would work, so I didn’t put my whole into it. I done the homework’s that was assigned to me…sometimes…, I didn’t give it my 100%. My life slowly started going back to ‘normal’, well I wouldn’t actually call it normal if the only way you can leave the house on the weekend to go to a club or bar is to drink as much Vodka as possible till you felt comfortable and confident enough to leave the house and be in a bar/club with your friend, then the rest of the weekend in bed hung over and not being able to leave the house as my anxiety was sky high due to the alcohol. Being dropped to work and picked up by my mum every week and apart from work staying at home. THAT WAS MY SO CALLED ‘NORMAL’ LIFE. It was a vicious circle, which I thought was helping me, as I was getting out (in a drunken state), but was actually making it worst, getting into a routine and having safety behaviours. I wasn’t helping myself and I was slowly starting to realise this and had to start telling myself that this wasn’t going to go away.
Just before my 22nd birthday I went back to the doctors, I had also started a different job which was very stressful and negative which wasn’t helping. The doctor decided to put me on anti-depressants and also signed me off work for a week, a month later I asked if I could go back to CBT.
I put as much effort into CBT then what I did when I last had it, the homework to me is not like a chore, it’s a lesson and I benefit from it a lot.
NOW: Since I started taking anti-depressants and also going to my 2nd CBT I have learnt more and more about anxiety, I feel it is helping out a lot. I get out a lot more than what I used to. I started of slow, just by walking to the end of the road and back, till I felt comfortable enough to go a bit further. I have just started to try taking the bus and getting on a train, I have had a few step backs and I do get excited sometimes and instead of taking baby steps I take a leap into something I am not ready for, just yet! I still have a few of my safety behaviours but I have also started to notice that I am forgetting about them as I am more enjoying the fact of testing myself and my anxiety with getting out and about.
My opinion is, anxiety/panic doesn’t go away, yes you can take medicines to take the edge of it, but at the end of the day its just a mask, covering up part of the truth. The more you learn about anxiety and the more you understand it, the easier it starts to get.
No one knows what it's like to go through an anxiety disorder unless they've gone through one themselves.
I could actually carry on typing about how my anxiety has affected my life, my family and friends but I think I will stop here…for now lol. It feels so nice just to type about it and to with people I don’t know and too people who suffer from anxiety as well.
I would love to hear anyone’s ‘story’ or anxiety disorders and how they feel about it all, what techniques they us, etc…Even exchange helpful strategies we use!
Please feel free to write to me, I would be so happy to hear from you.
Thanks for reading my blog LC xxx :byebye:
Hi, I am new to this website
I have been looking on Google the past few days to find a site for panic/anxiety.
I finally decided I would make a profile on here and leave a few blogs. :wacko:
ME AND MY ANXIETY: :unsure:
To be honest I cant really remember my first panic attack, there has been so many, but I look back now and I can see how my anxiety built up and when I started to panic.
My fear is "if I leave my house, I might need to go to the toilet, and there will not be a toilet around" some people wouldn’t even think twice about something like that and others would think that this is absolutely ridiculous…to me this is the scariest thing ever, its taken control of my life.
Before I could not leave the house with out knowing the route and also knowing that there will be toilets on the journey and at the destination, I wouldn’t be able to go on a bus, train, aeroplane, in a lift, in someone else’s car except for my mums, I couldn’t or could just about walk to the nearest shop, go to a local bar, go out with friends, sit in the park, I wouldn’t even eat breakfast before work in case I would need to go whilst on the car journey, I would be in a complete state. Every day normal things was a scary and a struggle.
I have slowly learnt to deal with my anxiety, by understanding it and now learning to live with it. Its taken me 3 years and probably will take longer.
There are so many books to read, internet searches, techniques, self help and help from others.
Sometimes I feel like giving up, just to let it beat me, take over me and stay inside my house, not going anywhere. I have my up and down days, when I just want to do NORMAL things, go out to the shops, cinema, restaurants, bars, clubs, sit in the park, go to galleries, get on the tube, bus, aeroplane, walk, but its not that easy, everything I want to do is planned, I cant just leave the house without a plan, with out reassurance, with out not worrying where the toilets are, I cant just go a different route to work or to my boyfriends house or even to another area, without knowing that I can get to a toilet. Its tiring, mentally and physically.
When I first started panicking I didn’t know what was going on, what was happening to me. Shaking, sweating, heart beating fast, short of breath, nervous tummy feelings, feeling sick, crying, feeling un real, just to scared to leave the comfort of my house. I thought it was like having flu, being run down, you know stay in bed, take a few tablets and in a day or 2 you will be fine. But it didn’t go away and I was slowly slipping into getting more and more anxious to leave the house by the day.
My mum had to start dropping me to work, a 20 minute walk from my house turned into a frightened 19 year old girl being dropped of to work by her mum in the car everyday. Walking into work in floods of tears, barely able to talk because I was in such a state. After a couple of days coming into work in the same state lead my office manager to tell me I had to go home to rest, to go to the doctors, my work have always been supported and helpful and I am so thankful for the people there who tried there best to help. As soon as I was home, it was like the relief lifted off my shoulders, I felt safe.
Before I actually decided to go to the doctors, I refused a couple of times as I thought I would get better, it ended up with my mum dragging me in there, again in another state of panic and my mum having to explain to the doctor what was wrong as I was in such a state I couldn’t talk. The doctor didn’t want to put me on tablets as she thought I was a bit young and she wanted to see if CBT would work first, there was a waiting list and some people had to wait months to see someone, luckily I managed to get an appointment 2 weeks after the doctors visit.
At first I will admit, I didn’t put my full attention into my CBT, I was young and naïve about my anxiety and again still had the thought that ‘this will go away soon’ and I didn’t think that it would work, so I didn’t put my whole into it. I done the homework’s that was assigned to me…sometimes…, I didn’t give it my 100%. My life slowly started going back to ‘normal’, well I wouldn’t actually call it normal if the only way you can leave the house on the weekend to go to a club or bar is to drink as much Vodka as possible till you felt comfortable and confident enough to leave the house and be in a bar/club with your friend, then the rest of the weekend in bed hung over and not being able to leave the house as my anxiety was sky high due to the alcohol. Being dropped to work and picked up by my mum every week and apart from work staying at home. THAT WAS MY SO CALLED ‘NORMAL’ LIFE. It was a vicious circle, which I thought was helping me, as I was getting out (in a drunken state), but was actually making it worst, getting into a routine and having safety behaviours. I wasn’t helping myself and I was slowly starting to realise this and had to start telling myself that this wasn’t going to go away.
Just before my 22nd birthday I went back to the doctors, I had also started a different job which was very stressful and negative which wasn’t helping. The doctor decided to put me on anti-depressants and also signed me off work for a week, a month later I asked if I could go back to CBT.
I put as much effort into CBT then what I did when I last had it, the homework to me is not like a chore, it’s a lesson and I benefit from it a lot.
NOW: Since I started taking anti-depressants and also going to my 2nd CBT I have learnt more and more about anxiety, I feel it is helping out a lot. I get out a lot more than what I used to. I started of slow, just by walking to the end of the road and back, till I felt comfortable enough to go a bit further. I have just started to try taking the bus and getting on a train, I have had a few step backs and I do get excited sometimes and instead of taking baby steps I take a leap into something I am not ready for, just yet! I still have a few of my safety behaviours but I have also started to notice that I am forgetting about them as I am more enjoying the fact of testing myself and my anxiety with getting out and about.
My opinion is, anxiety/panic doesn’t go away, yes you can take medicines to take the edge of it, but at the end of the day its just a mask, covering up part of the truth. The more you learn about anxiety and the more you understand it, the easier it starts to get.
No one knows what it's like to go through an anxiety disorder unless they've gone through one themselves.
I could actually carry on typing about how my anxiety has affected my life, my family and friends but I think I will stop here…for now lol. It feels so nice just to type about it and to with people I don’t know and too people who suffer from anxiety as well.
I would love to hear anyone’s ‘story’ or anxiety disorders and how they feel about it all, what techniques they us, etc…Even exchange helpful strategies we use!
Please feel free to write to me, I would be so happy to hear from you.
Thanks for reading my blog LC xxx :byebye: