ASH65
29-04-10, 08:39
guess what? nightmares.again i witness the death of a beautiful young boy,executed ruthlessly.he was,as always blonde,fair skinned and beautiful.as he was shot he cradled another boy,both on their knees resigned to their fate.my mind screamed RUN,but it was too late.
next scene was an irreverand punk me in a church,about to make a blasphemous comment when the whole damn place fell to its knees
to honour the boy,me included,and i felt a tiny sense of peace for him.
my case is still open,so there is much i cant tell you,but i have seen an
expert psychologist(a wonderful woman) and have had much therapy.
what i witnessed and experienced will stay with me forever,forgive the frequent posts,but this is night after night for me,waking,knowing what i know,then having to make some kind of practical sense of the day.
today i will clear out the shed! clearing,cleaning,improving,taking chaos and making order helps me cope.
the boy i refer to is tattooed on my back as an ammonite fossil.one night,after years of torturous nightmares about him,he came to me as that fossil,to be remembered and honoured,with the message "remember me".so now i carry him on my back.
any kind words will help,im sorry for you to have to read all this but it is night after night after night.my beautiful wife hugged me as i wept this morning,warm as warm can be,said nothing,made me a brew and we all got on with the day......now....about that shed
next scene was an irreverand punk me in a church,about to make a blasphemous comment when the whole damn place fell to its knees
to honour the boy,me included,and i felt a tiny sense of peace for him.
my case is still open,so there is much i cant tell you,but i have seen an
expert psychologist(a wonderful woman) and have had much therapy.
what i witnessed and experienced will stay with me forever,forgive the frequent posts,but this is night after night for me,waking,knowing what i know,then having to make some kind of practical sense of the day.
today i will clear out the shed! clearing,cleaning,improving,taking chaos and making order helps me cope.
the boy i refer to is tattooed on my back as an ammonite fossil.one night,after years of torturous nightmares about him,he came to me as that fossil,to be remembered and honoured,with the message "remember me".so now i carry him on my back.
any kind words will help,im sorry for you to have to read all this but it is night after night after night.my beautiful wife hugged me as i wept this morning,warm as warm can be,said nothing,made me a brew and we all got on with the day......now....about that shed