View Full Version : how much can more can I take
Im so frustrated.....I dont want to do one more day like this. Im doing everything I can - seeing therapist, taking my medicine, talking about my feelings, reading self-help books and seeking group help. I dont think there is much more I can do. My mornings are not plagued with the physical symptoms of anxiety such as sweating, trouble breathing etc anymore and for that im grateful. However I feel like im going out of my mind!!! I cant keep a thought, I feel confused, I feel numb and unable to express what it is im feeling. Its like I feel nothing...but im crying! As soon as my eyes pop open, terrible thoughts run through my head, for example....."if I dont know how I feel and I cant describe it then I must be going mad". Im so tired everyone, all I can do is lay around and cry and I dont want to do this anymore. I cant handle one more day of feeling so spaced out and empty and feeling like nothing matters and nothing is real or important. Im desperate and sad and hopeless. My body is calm now but my mind and heart are damaged and broke! Im sorry to bring anyone down - im just scared and tired. I dont have much fight left. I am only the shell of the kind, loving, funny, compassionate person that everyone called Chrissy. I want so desperatley to meet her again, but Im afraid shes gone forever.
((((Chrissy)))))
Sorry that you are feeling so bad at the moment. I wish I knew magic words that will take it all away.
I am still climbing the slippery slope to recovery so am probably not the best person to give advice. Is there any chance of giving yourself something to look forward to, small milestones that you can reach to feel positive again. Maybe....not to cry for the morning and extend it by an hour each time. Or to manage a walk around the block each day or get in touch with a good friend and talk about good things. Look at some holiday brochures to plan what you will do when things improve - keep your mind focues on positive things. I know it's much easier said than done though.
I really hope that you get a glimmer of the light at the end of the tunnel and that things pick up for you soon.
Don't be too hard on yourself and don't expect too much - take each day as it comes and focus on the achievements you make every day.
Annie x
::hug::
How long have you been on medication? You may want to mention to your therapist or your general practicioner (or both) that you are feeling numb and empty. This can be a side effect of some medications...some people react badly to certain anti-depressants and other mood altering medications and need to switch. I had a friend who felt worse on her first medication and got it switched and is doing much better now.
I'm also just starting recovery (and only recently started having panic attacks) so I can't give any more advice, but hopefully I could help a bit, and you are definitely not alone in the spacey, numb feeling. I get it as well, and it's hard to pull out of, but it is possible.
Also, if you aren't already, try exercising. When not overdone, it can elevate your mood and help get rid of the numb feeling.
Hi Chrissy
Sending you lots of (((hugs)))
Sorry that you are feeling so down at the moment, my heart goes out to you.
Mornings were not my best times, i tended to just sit,think and cry, and then i would look at the clock and a couple of hours had passed me by unknown to me!
I now plan my day the night before (the best i can) and it does help.
I do think that Kalin may have a point regarding your meds, it would be worth getting it checked out.
Sending you lots of love and light
Take care
Trish x
nomorepanic
26-01-06, 18:56
Chrissy
Sometimes we can try too hard if that makes sense and we get bogged down in therapy, relaxation, diet, exercise, reading etc etc.
Maybe try to change one small thing at a time and focus on that until you feel it is helping.
Hope you feel better soon.
Nicola
Nigel, Kalin, Trish, Nic and Annie - thank you all so much for the kind words and advice! Im sorry to always be such a downer - im just so darn low at this time. In answer to someones question - I have been on meds for a total of 40 days. I started off very small and worked up over a few weeks time. I did lower my meds down from 100mg to 75mg 2 days ago - now im scared something bad will happen from lowering them. Can any of you ease my mind about this? I take lustral just in case your wondering. Thank you soo much Chrissy
Hi Chrissy,
Its good news that the physical symptoms that were plaguing you are now receding. This is GOOD and may be down to all your hard work or down to the Lustral. SSRI do change your mood so its not surprising you don't feel as you used to.
Its ok to change your dose but know that it will take time to stabilize so don't go altering it every week.
*terrible thoughts run through my head, for example....."if I dont know how I feel and I cant describe it then I must be going mad". *
This is very common and ok a stage to go through. You have to change these thoughts to positive affirmations and train your mind to catch and hold onto the good bits.
Now you are not having so many physical sensations you can get out and about a bit more and widen your circle of distraction
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Hi Meg,
Thank you for your continued support! Would you mind sharing more information about this stage im going through? I dont really understand it - and I think when you dont understand something its makes it very hard to deal with it. Thank you again Love Chrissy[:I]
Hi Chrissy,
I'm not sure how long you've been dealing with anxiety and/or panic, but I can tell you (and many others here, also) that the longer you have been dealing with this, it can take longer to deal with the symptoms. I have gone years symptom-free, then have had setbacks. I am now getting therapy and getting to the root of the problems that caused the anxiety in the first place. It's a great thing that you are getting all this help, but you have to stop thinking about it so much and you have to be patient with yourself during this recovery.
Big hugs to you!
Hi Chrissy,
I'm sorry to hear that you are having a bad time of it right now but things will begin to look up as you have already noticed.
What you mentioned in your post about waking up with a head full of thoughts that is how i felt in the beginning you have gone though alot of changes recently it's normal that your mind is reeling.
Your doing all the right things, You will get through this it just takes time. You will find you again and you will expand upon her this is a time of discovery and even though it's terrifying in the long run it will be worth it.
::hugs her tightly::
Brightest of Blessings
Talia
Dagogirl, no problem. I also feel like I am going mad, and I've been a downer lately. I'm amazed my boyfriend and roommate haven't snapped on me yet. I'm glad I found this place, so I can give those two (who deal with me the most) a break. We're all in this together, that's why we're here, right? :)
As far as easing your mind, even if you're lowering your meds, they're still helping you, and you still have them in your system, they're still doing their job. If you're trying to wean down to a lower dose, or thinking about switching, you seem to be doing the right thing. Quitting cold turkey is rarely a good idea.
::big hugs::
DagoGirl, Do not worry, I have faced such scenario, where it felt like there was no more energy and anytime, I might just collapse, trying to cope. It felt like its not any more possible to cope. When in the middle of that the head was so heavy, the body felt too light and it felt like my worries were so extreme that it has complete control adn there seemed there was no recovery. But I did make it through, so I can only say, it is defenitely possible to get back normal.
I was in UK at that time, when it happened. I felt someone was trying to chase me for some reason, which I did not understand. I started packing my bags back home, quitting everything where they were. But after packing I started to think I have handled it so much, could I hang on for just few more days, so that I do not have to quit everything and go. And I hung on for a few more days and the panic subsided the very next day.
But on the next reoccurance of another panic, I packed my bags and went back, but atleast since I hung on long enough no the previous occurance, I altleast did not have to quit everything, still I could get done what I was there for.
In one of those, panic attacks, I just could not sleep all night and was panicing on and on and on... I hadnt had food properly and the next day there was a terrible head ach and no energy because I have had no or very little food the previous day.
So the moral of the story is FOOD/SLEEP on time is very important. It can be hard to sleep, it can be hard to remember to eat. But believe me you need food/sleep/clean place around you for faster recovery. It only takes time to come out of panic, but the time can be reduced by having clean habits, food on regular times and sleep properly. If there is someone who can take care of you, how about going to their house and talking openly about your bad thoughts, if that is possible. But if that is not possible, never mind, we are all with you and you certainly will get better believe me. Remember that there are unknown souls out there whom you may not have met at all, who actually care for you and who want to see you back normal. We all are thoroughly confident that you will pull through. Do not loose hope, you will defenitely get better, if you had not already.
Ram
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