Well hello there

[Adzcriz]

I was recommended this site by my therapist, so here comes the embarrasing bit,

My Name is Adam, i live in Redruth Cornwall, i have been off work on the sick for 8 months now with ASD (Anxiety Stress and Depression), brought on by a Nervous Breakdown (triggered by a culmination of financial, personal and relationship and working issues), and my old phobia back to haunt me, the one i thought i conquered years ago, Agoraphobia, more specifically, being alone in a crowd, being in any public place, i have panic attacks when ever i leave my house, i havent left it for any significant duration in 8 months, i get scared and embarassed and very paranoid, like i can see everyone staring at me, i get this feeling they are all pointing and laughing calling me a freak etc. i have feinted 4 times in public when ive not been able to run home fast enough, and now the nightmares have started, the ones that wake me up screaming at the top of my lungs pouring in sweat. one of the most disturbing experiences ive ever had.

I conquered it 5 years ago, when i met my partner Dan, well to a point, i was more focussed on him and my energies in making it work, but i suppose looking back i was always slightly anxious (i talk too much when nervous) but i put it to the back of my mind and ignored it, i was always paranoid in a sence, concerned with my appearance when i was out of the house, what people thought and why they looked at me, but i did my best to bite my lip and focus on seeing him later so i must go to the shop and get food in etc etc.

thats a very brief overview but should tell you a little something of me.

[diane07]

Hi Adzcriz

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[Adzcriz]

Thanks, i was going to do this tomorrow, but i ended up having that nightmare experience a few hours ago when i tried to get some rest (i have sleeping issues so i try to rest) im still calming down, panicked and very scared at the moment, so bad that i actually have my gun on hand, purely as it makes me feel safe, the nightmare was that surreal is felt real, i could feel myself being dragged, i felt thands, i saw the shadow as if it was there, being a victim of home invasion previously, im sure you can understand the reasons for my "Safety net", what happened to me during that invasion, i will never let happen again (i have a clay pideon and bloodsport license, i use to practice on non living targets, good for hand eye co-ordination)

[eeyorelover]

Welcome to the site Adam!
Sounds like you have had some really stressful things happening in your life.
I hope that you will meet loads of new supportive friends here and that sharing your fears will help you to move into the future more confident and self assured!
xxx
Sandy

[onceagain]

Hi Adam

I read and reread your post and am still not seeing the bit that you find embarrassing so just wanted to say hello n welcome you aboard.

I'm truly sorry to hear that you have been going through such a bad time and to give you a gentle reminder that you conquered it once and you will again. Sounds as if you were really brave during the last 5 years and kept your focus on other things whilst carrying the burden unspoken and undealt with.. so its no wonder that all this has built up and bitten you on the bottom. That does not mean that you can't do it it means that hopefully with the right therapy and talking openly to others on here that you will find that you are gonna do it the right way and you will succeed.

brief on me, I'm with a partner I suffer from low self esteem, anxiety and depression this has hindered me in going out as I too feel the panic setting in before I even get to the door lol, but good news is that I went to the high street and went shopping on Tuesday.. after not being near a high street since last year..woohoo. My problems started a long time ago but I finally had a breakdown last year.. what we do in public ..lol do you know what .. I'm there.. I have fallen and headbutted a guy in the stomach.. wanted the ground to open up ha ha ...

Anyway.. there are so many here that will have or do feel the same and we often have a laugh in chat so don't be afraid to come on ..

So thats my welcome.. remember you are not alone and you may feel embarrassed of yourself but we won't take you like that here we will meet and see the real you and hopefully it will get you over some difficult times..there is always someone who will help or just listen when you go through a wobbly time of it..

The very best of luck to you on your journey to recovery and biggest hugs for taking the first huge step x ((hugs)) x

[Adzcriz]

Well i just got back from RCHT (Royal Cornwall Hospital), my partner thought i was having a heartattack lol, i dozed off on the setee and the nightmare came back and i had a panic attack and feinted through hyper ventilation

[onceagain]

well at least you know that is the worse it is gonna get ... you won't die from the panic attack but it is not very nice when you go through it...

I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing the vivid dreams Adam I know how real they are and it does take a while to get back to reality... it cannot be helping with things but don't give up you will get there and it sounds like you have a supportive partner which is good.

Hope you get some peaceful rest today x

[staypositive]

Hello Adam mate :) I just wanted to give you a warm welcome, I hope you find the support you need here

Danny

[JT69]

Hi Adam

Just wanted to say welcome to you and that you have nothing to be embarrassed about posting on here as we all understand what you are going through. Sorry you having a bit of an awful time of it and hope it improves soon for you. You live in a lovely part of the UK...I love Cornwall.. Jo.

[Adzcriz]

My upbringing makes it a little embarrassing, i gre up in london under bexley and bromley council, very much a strong tory and religious areas, my grandparents were methodist, i was taught to be proper, and private, and do not air dirty laundry in public, and while i have washed away alot of the dogma, some habits are hard to break