Lauren Chambers
02-05-10, 15:26
ANXIETY
I have told you a bit about my anxiety and how it affects my life, but there is still so much more to it. What I write in this blog is not out of spite or to be rude. Its what I have learnt from the 3 years of suffering from anxiety….You cant rely on everyone.
ANXIETY - FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
Mum:
If it wasn’t for my mum, being there for me every step of the way, encouraging me that I could get over this, control this and to not give up then I think I would be lost! She is my back bone and has been there 100% she has dropped everything for me. Helping me get to work and get around to be able to try and do everyday things.
She has been through what I have been through so she understands. Thanks mum J
Boyfriend:
My ex boyfriend was a *&^% and as much as I get told I shouldn’t blame someone for my anxiety, I do blame him. I wont get started on my relationship with him because I will be typing away for a long time, plus I want to try and keep my blog positive.
My current boyfriend who got into a relationship with me knowing I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks and having NO UNDERSTANDING about anxiety at all has had my back 150% and my love grows for him everyday when he takes my hand and tells me we are going out and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE, he reassures me that if I want to go home then we can, he is not going to try and stop me and he is not going to moan about it, if I want to run into a toilet I can, if I want to get off the bus at a random stop then I can, if I want to scream, cry and go crazy I CAN. When I first ever meet him I had anxiety, I didn’t tell him I suffered from this, I was able to go out just not to far. We would go cinema etc. I did tell him after a few months as he wouldn’t see me out as much.
When me and my boyfriend got into a relationship, the things I wanted to do with him, like go to cinema and places to eat I couldn’t as I was so SCARED that I would have a panic attack because I might need the toilet and I would embarrass myself in front of him , this made things worst for me, I wanted to do so much with him and go to different places that I made my self so worked up and nervous that I couldn’t, I would just break down. My mum would have to drop me to his house and I would have to sit in the car for 20 minutes why she re-assured me that I wasn’t going to have a panic attack at his house and that he has a toilet in his house, I also had to take vallum!
It took me a lot of re assurances that he didn’t mind about not going out and that he didn’t think I would be weird about panicking that I might need the loo if I leave the safety of my house, it took time too believe but he proved it to me, his actions spoke louder then words. The past couple of months we have been out and about and things are getting better, his positive attitude helps me a lot.
Friends:
When I first started suffering from anxiety me and my friend actually used to laugh about it, I had told her that I had to get off the train one morning as I came over all faint and had a nervous feeling in my tummy, I thought I was going to poop myself.
Me suffer from anxiety….Me not being able to leave the house and worry about getting from A to B…that is not right, I was always the girls living for the weekend, making the plans for the weekend and now I am the girl who gets left out. I feel forgotten about. Do I blame my anxiety or my friends for that?
The only way I could go out on the weekend was to drink a bottle of vodka till I felt confident enough to leave, but I could only get into a cab with one of my mates as I needed re assurances and calmness and being with a group of girls going on a night out wasn’t going to happen, as soon as I got to the bar I would forget how I felt…literally forget the night as I drank so much.
My friends thought this was the easy way for me to get out on the weekend, so this was encouraged. When I started going to CBT, my therapist told me I wasn’t allowed to drink before I went out, I had to start dropping my safety behaviours. Sometimes I did this and sometimes I didn’t.
I learnt that alcohol DOESN’T HELP and its also DANGEROUS, it might take the anxiety away for those few hours, make you feel good because you have the confidence to make it to a club and home again with out any panic. But the next day, I was bed bound and my anxiety was so high.
I don’t drink now…ok I lie, I have the odd glass of wine, I don’t drink before I go out though (and I feel good about that, like I have achieved something) I don’t really go out as much as I used to, one because my friends don’t invite me out any more and two because now I am with my boyfriend and so we do things together, I like to feel fresh and ready to go out the next day and do something pro-active, achieve something. I know I can do this with either my boyfriend or mum.
I don’t expect my friends to drop everything for me and to be there 24/7 but when I am stuck in doors, with nothing to do, it can slowly start to drive you crazy and it makes it hard when friends cant drop by your house just for 5 minutes to say hi. That hurts. Yes I will admit I do get angry when I see pictures or hear of nights out at a bar or club or out in the afternoon for something to eat or in the morning going shopping etc… because I wish I could do that as well and hopefully soon I will be able too, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have the invite or to actually have one of my friends make a day out where its easier for me to go. Is that so much for me to ask for? Now, I am not bothered, I do my own thing and I am pleased to say that I can make it out by myself. Something I have not done in a long time. I have learnt to enjoy my own company.
For people who know me and for people who have meet me there first impressions is a loud, friendly, bubbly, chatty girl and it SHOCKS people when they find out that I have anxiety and cant get around easily, I always have the same thing said to me “Wow you wouldn’t think you suffer from that because you come of so confident” Never judge a book by its cover.
I think for people to actually believe or think there is something wrong with you that you have to either be on your death bed or they have to actually see it on the outside, people are never going to understand what you go through unless they been there themselves. They could think something like anxiety is silly, to be worried that if you leave the house you might need a toilet. But like I always say THIS IS THE SCARIEST THING EVER FOR ME, THIS RUNS MY LIFE.
I have told you a bit about my anxiety and how it affects my life, but there is still so much more to it. What I write in this blog is not out of spite or to be rude. Its what I have learnt from the 3 years of suffering from anxiety….You cant rely on everyone.
ANXIETY - FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
Mum:
If it wasn’t for my mum, being there for me every step of the way, encouraging me that I could get over this, control this and to not give up then I think I would be lost! She is my back bone and has been there 100% she has dropped everything for me. Helping me get to work and get around to be able to try and do everyday things.
She has been through what I have been through so she understands. Thanks mum J
Boyfriend:
My ex boyfriend was a *&^% and as much as I get told I shouldn’t blame someone for my anxiety, I do blame him. I wont get started on my relationship with him because I will be typing away for a long time, plus I want to try and keep my blog positive.
My current boyfriend who got into a relationship with me knowing I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks and having NO UNDERSTANDING about anxiety at all has had my back 150% and my love grows for him everyday when he takes my hand and tells me we are going out and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE, he reassures me that if I want to go home then we can, he is not going to try and stop me and he is not going to moan about it, if I want to run into a toilet I can, if I want to get off the bus at a random stop then I can, if I want to scream, cry and go crazy I CAN. When I first ever meet him I had anxiety, I didn’t tell him I suffered from this, I was able to go out just not to far. We would go cinema etc. I did tell him after a few months as he wouldn’t see me out as much.
When me and my boyfriend got into a relationship, the things I wanted to do with him, like go to cinema and places to eat I couldn’t as I was so SCARED that I would have a panic attack because I might need the toilet and I would embarrass myself in front of him , this made things worst for me, I wanted to do so much with him and go to different places that I made my self so worked up and nervous that I couldn’t, I would just break down. My mum would have to drop me to his house and I would have to sit in the car for 20 minutes why she re-assured me that I wasn’t going to have a panic attack at his house and that he has a toilet in his house, I also had to take vallum!
It took me a lot of re assurances that he didn’t mind about not going out and that he didn’t think I would be weird about panicking that I might need the loo if I leave the safety of my house, it took time too believe but he proved it to me, his actions spoke louder then words. The past couple of months we have been out and about and things are getting better, his positive attitude helps me a lot.
Friends:
When I first started suffering from anxiety me and my friend actually used to laugh about it, I had told her that I had to get off the train one morning as I came over all faint and had a nervous feeling in my tummy, I thought I was going to poop myself.
Me suffer from anxiety….Me not being able to leave the house and worry about getting from A to B…that is not right, I was always the girls living for the weekend, making the plans for the weekend and now I am the girl who gets left out. I feel forgotten about. Do I blame my anxiety or my friends for that?
The only way I could go out on the weekend was to drink a bottle of vodka till I felt confident enough to leave, but I could only get into a cab with one of my mates as I needed re assurances and calmness and being with a group of girls going on a night out wasn’t going to happen, as soon as I got to the bar I would forget how I felt…literally forget the night as I drank so much.
My friends thought this was the easy way for me to get out on the weekend, so this was encouraged. When I started going to CBT, my therapist told me I wasn’t allowed to drink before I went out, I had to start dropping my safety behaviours. Sometimes I did this and sometimes I didn’t.
I learnt that alcohol DOESN’T HELP and its also DANGEROUS, it might take the anxiety away for those few hours, make you feel good because you have the confidence to make it to a club and home again with out any panic. But the next day, I was bed bound and my anxiety was so high.
I don’t drink now…ok I lie, I have the odd glass of wine, I don’t drink before I go out though (and I feel good about that, like I have achieved something) I don’t really go out as much as I used to, one because my friends don’t invite me out any more and two because now I am with my boyfriend and so we do things together, I like to feel fresh and ready to go out the next day and do something pro-active, achieve something. I know I can do this with either my boyfriend or mum.
I don’t expect my friends to drop everything for me and to be there 24/7 but when I am stuck in doors, with nothing to do, it can slowly start to drive you crazy and it makes it hard when friends cant drop by your house just for 5 minutes to say hi. That hurts. Yes I will admit I do get angry when I see pictures or hear of nights out at a bar or club or out in the afternoon for something to eat or in the morning going shopping etc… because I wish I could do that as well and hopefully soon I will be able too, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have the invite or to actually have one of my friends make a day out where its easier for me to go. Is that so much for me to ask for? Now, I am not bothered, I do my own thing and I am pleased to say that I can make it out by myself. Something I have not done in a long time. I have learnt to enjoy my own company.
For people who know me and for people who have meet me there first impressions is a loud, friendly, bubbly, chatty girl and it SHOCKS people when they find out that I have anxiety and cant get around easily, I always have the same thing said to me “Wow you wouldn’t think you suffer from that because you come of so confident” Never judge a book by its cover.
I think for people to actually believe or think there is something wrong with you that you have to either be on your death bed or they have to actually see it on the outside, people are never going to understand what you go through unless they been there themselves. They could think something like anxiety is silly, to be worried that if you leave the house you might need a toilet. But like I always say THIS IS THE SCARIEST THING EVER FOR ME, THIS RUNS MY LIFE.