Anxiety and career worries

[Rom]

Hi

Im in my early 20s it seems everyone at my age is going to uni it feels that they will end up with a nice job and a nice life whilst people like us will not.I even feel very shameful and guilty for not going to uni and have panic attacks just from that shame its perfetic i know.Its like im held back whilst everyone else going to uni is sorted really selfish i guess to feel like that.

It feels like its almost a "you must go to uni or you will become nothing" kinda stereotype in this current climate anyone have similar shame and guilt or worries about his topic?

[unspoken]

Hi Rom.

I'm 21, going to be 22 next month. I have similar worries to you and guilt and anxiety. However I have done the university thing, I did a degree because it seemed to be what the people around me expected me to do and it avoided having to think about what I actually wanted to do for another 3 years. In my final year of university, especially from January 2009, I suffered severe anxiety because I felt so much pressure to perform, to get a 2:1, and also to make something of my life. I think the number of doctor visits I had during my 3 years at university will probably be similar to the number of nights out I had.

So I managed to get the magical 2:1, I went to a decent university too. I studied Geography. I was quite a high achiever at school, but nothing special. I never thought I was good enough and my mother reinforced that by never being happy with anything achieved and always telling me that I should do better. I have never known what I want to do with my life. I have absolutely no idea and doing a degree didn't really help. I still don't feel ready to take on a job. I tried and failed. I was so anxious and depressed I couldn't cope and had to quit.

Anyway, I have this degree. Most of my friends who graduated alongside me spent months on the dole applying first for so-called 'graduate' jobs, then anything and everything. A few got shop jobs, some waitressing, one as a lumberjack, of all things.

This doesn't sound terribly encouraging. I've been through university and it hasn't helped. You're not really in a worse position for not having a degree. University doesn't lead to a nice job and a nice life any more.

You shouldn't feel pressured to do what you feel you are expected to do. In time, you will feel well enough to do something, maybe studying, volunteering or work. At the moment I volunteer a few afternoons a week and it's all I feel able to do. Do not feel tempted to compare your life with other people's lives and conclude that you are a worse person. I do have similar guilt but I am trying to reassure myself that it is fine to fail to meet the expectations of others. There are infinite paths in life; going to university just leads to a small number of them.

[Jabbathehutt]

Hiya, I too went to university. I graduated ten years ago and since then have found myself taking various shop jobs, office jobs, all a million miles away from what I graduated in. And after all this time since graduating I've completely lost interest in my then chosen field, anyway. And the only thing I've ever got from going to uni was a million rejection letters and a ton of debt!

Also, unless you've got enormous levels of motivation, and are 100% focused, going to university isn't the guarantee of success that many people seem to think of it as. So please don't be too hard on yourself. Not everyone is the academic type.

My advice would be to just have a long, hard think about what you want to do and have a real good go at it. Don't be too picky about what work you do in the meantime, cos you never know what doors this'll open, or who you'll meet.

[daydreamer]

Hi Rom.

I have had much the same expericence as the others with graduating uni and not being able to get a job, its very demoralising after 3 yrs of such hard work!

I totally agree with the great advice by Jabba, "My advice would be to just have a long, hard think about what you want to do and have a real good go at it. Don't be too picky about what work you do in the meantime, cos you never know what doors this'll open, or who you'll meet"

Once you have had a hard think there are quite a lot of good apprenticeship/trainee schemes around these days in places like councils or even in the NHS, in the conservation sector or in places like the food industry, its just a matter of knowing where to look. There are also a lot of good college courses that you will be able to get funding for that aren't all academic work but are more like work based learning schemes.

Do you have a general idea of the type of job you'd like to do?

[hallam11]

Hello,

I would like to reinforce what others have said. I went to uni because I had always wanted to and I thought it would lead to the good things in life, sadly it hasn't yet after graduating last year!!! I would say that you are in no better position than I am right now! I would say that having a good think about what you want to do is good advice, if you know what you want to do and going out and getting that is just the same as going to uni!
Laura xxxx

[oneofus]

Hi Rom,

I am a university addict, sadly some might say. BSc at 21 and then did my MSc and PhD in my late thirties/forties and am at this very moment supposed to be starting an assignment for my OU maths course. But, what I remember about going to University that saddened me most, and perhaps caused my chronic mild depression, was that I'd though everyone was going to study what they loved. I'd been a high flyer at school, in just about all my academic subjects and was really looking forward to mixing with similar people, as against most at school who seemed more interested in grabbing what they could from the local off-licence. The reality was different, most seemed to be more interested in spending the evenings in the bar socialising.

I did get a decent job in the end, but university was not what I had expected and my future career did not blossom because of the subject I studied. The people who have flourished are those with 'soft skills' of getting on with others, believe me by the time you're in your thirties your university if any is of little consequence. I did my further degrees because I wanted to study not to earn more money, or network for future advantage.

So university is not all that it is made out to be. If you want to look into it further though, the Open University is a great way to go if you don't want to commit to a full time away from home course. PM me if yu want more advice.

Good luck

[unspoken]

There are a lot of people here who have not found that their degree is a way into a good job. Unless you do something vocational like medicine, a degree doesn't tend to lead directly into a job in a particular sector.

I don't know if you have any idea of what kind of area you'd like to work in. I certainly don't have a clue. A book I got from my local library and subsequently bought a copy of second hand online because I found it so helpful is called Choosing Your Career by Sally Longson. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Choosing-Your-Career-Really-Sunday/dp/0749441038/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1273058204&sr=8-15 It doesn't assume that you have any idea what you want to do and contains questions for you to try to answer. Including stuff like whether you want to work in an office, outside etc.

I have found that most so-called 'careers advice' assumes that you know exactly what you want to do with your life and just want to know how to get there.

[Rom]

How do you decide on what you want to do in life/is it even possible ?

How do you draw up a plan that doesn't end up with failing or slipping in trying to achieve it then becoming depressed and sick with shame/guilt ?

[MONKEE_MAGIK]

Hi Rom,

I have had a similar experience to the others in that I believed that going to University was a great idea only to find that it didn't lead to a fantastic career at the end of it. But I am not giving up yet!

I think you need to not focus on the fact you didn't go to university. It doesn't mean you are not a success. You just haven't found out what you want to do yet. Focus on what you enjoy and work your plans around that. Maybe you need to write down a list of things you are good at rather than concentrating on what you can't do. What life and work experiences do you have? What would be your dream job?

Even if you don't find your dream job first time it is still experience to add to that list!

Life is a journey so get on that road and see where it takes you!

Monkee :)