rblt94
06-05-10, 00:14
I read a quote the other day, "It took me years before I stopped judging myself through other people's eyes." I have never read a quote that I felt more drawn to. For me, when I am around anyone, anytime I put on a mask and read scripted lines I go through in my head in which I feel as though they would want to hear. In other words, let's say I am with one of my friends from school. I know she thinks I am funny and not as smart as she is. When I am around her that's how I view myself and literally feel. I am constantly looking at myself through other people's eyes and feel the way they feel about me. I am never confined in myself to when I need to make my own decision or feel my own feelings, there is nothing to go to. I know that no one knows who they are and it takes time to find yourself, the whole cliche. I obviously have been told that and it does not match with my way of thinking.
I am trying so hard to help myself with my own problems that doesn't seem to categorize with anyone else's. I write in a journal everynight and try not to constatnly think of who I am or who I am trying to be, and just be. Just live. To be yourself, you don't think, You just be. I am definately a deep thinker and analyze things way to much. I thought writing in a journal would be a bad idea since it is analyzing my thoughts at the end of the day but if I don't try to help myself, because no one else knows my frustration besides me, I will keep spiraling into more aggitation. I had to find a level ground. So during the day I do my best not to think about what I should say or how I am supposed to act, and just be. Then at night I write down my thoughts. Let them all run on the page besides seiged in my mind. It took a lot for me to even write all of this here, because my mind is racing with more thoughts.
So just to throw something out there, does anyone understand?
I am trying so hard to help myself with my own problems that doesn't seem to categorize with anyone else's. I write in a journal everynight and try not to constatnly think of who I am or who I am trying to be, and just be. Just live. To be yourself, you don't think, You just be. I am definately a deep thinker and analyze things way to much. I thought writing in a journal would be a bad idea since it is analyzing my thoughts at the end of the day but if I don't try to help myself, because no one else knows my frustration besides me, I will keep spiraling into more aggitation. I had to find a level ground. So during the day I do my best not to think about what I should say or how I am supposed to act, and just be. Then at night I write down my thoughts. Let them all run on the page besides seiged in my mind. It took a lot for me to even write all of this here, because my mind is racing with more thoughts.
So just to throw something out there, does anyone understand?