View Full Version : What's happening to me?
Ok... I am very confused and I can't say that I am coping well.
I have been doing fairly well for the last few months, managed to stop Diazepam, or taking it only occasionally when I struggle. Started a new job end of december, so I am much busier than I used to be, and for a while , I thought I felt much better for it ( anxiety wise ).
But since I went away to Paris last week-end (21st 'til 23rd january ) I find that I am struggling and losing it really.
But the worse moment for me was last night... I really don't know how to put it in words, I kept having intrusive thoughts and images that are way out of the ordinary/ normality, these of course were unwanted, and kept torturing my mind for hours.
I mean, usually when I have anxiety, a panic or anxiety attack, I am able to recognize it, but THIS ! Impossible for me to describe it or understand it.
If I cannot control my thoughts, can I control my behaviour? I am freaking out. :(
Any comment on this would be good, thanks for reading.
Florence.
*** Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can. ***
nomorepanic
29-01-06, 15:42
Flo
Sorry to hear you are not having such a good time at the moment and I thought you were doing so well as you had been quiet.
Thoughts are hard ones to cope with - try some of these previous posts to see if they help ..
Thoughts : Lets try to keep our thoughts in perspective (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=283)
Mind Games (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1789)
obsessive thoughts & anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3096)
Still suffering this damn "suggestive" thing.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4288)
How to CURE yourself ! The definitive guide here.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5357)
Its happening again ! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6094)
Things to consider for success! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6165)
weird thoughts odd thoughts... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5201)
Strange thoughts....Anyone else? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5294)
Silly thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5694)
Scary thoughts obsessional negative thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3343)
what if I kill someone? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1972)
Horrible thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5280)
Morbid thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5482)
Sorry there are so many but it may help you realise that you are not alone and one of those posts may help.
Hope you feel better soon.
Nicola
Hang on, you will get better, not to worry. Right in the middle of a serious panic attack, it can be hopeless. I wonder if in your case culture shock was the trigger. Although I can affirm you that you will get better, I do not exactly know what to say. But let me try and jot down a few things to do.
1. Do anything that you do to imrove your state in a very relaxed manner, with out forcing yourself.
2. Point number one is very important, so I want to dedicate one more bullet to that.
3. Improvement in quality of life, greatly increases hapiness. Quality of life does not mean lavish life style. It only means, clean habits, organized room and a clean looking home to live in.
4. Eatting properly and to our usual diet levels on usual times is extremely improtant. It is possible that during panic attacks it can become difficult for us to focus on eating. I had just totally not felt like eating and I was once thinking on and on about my panic. But without eating properly, we might have far less energy. Eating brings us back to the bio rythm properly. Not more not less, but just the usual.
5. SLEEP, this is of equal or more priority to point 4. It can be very hard to get some sleep in the middle of a panic attack. Try and force yourself to sleep. Using something to cover my eyes help me have a better quality of sleep, than otherwise.
6. For me coffee was a trigger to anxiety, and lack of sleep, try and avoid coffee, if it is the case for you as well.
Relax, relax, relax, it is possible, it certainly is possible to get out of your state, it only takes time. There can be setbacks once in while to progress, but it is possible to come out of a setback and then go to a larger orbit. By which I mean after a setback, if we work hardenough it is possible to imrprove, more that where we were earlier.
Also since the state due to stress has deteriorated, you will need to work on improvement for atleast a week to get back in good shape. Try and talk to someone whom you trust and who can care for you and who understands you.
See if you can get some exercise, in a RELAXED way. See if you can watch some Comedy movies, I would suggest movies like Carry on Abroad, carry on again doctor, carry on behind etc, and laugh even for the smallest joke aloud and by the end of the movie you will be out of stress and then go to sleep.
HTH,
Ram
Hi Flo,
Just remember that these are just thoughts, and thoughts cannot hurt you.
Try to concentrate on how good you have been feeling, and to forget about the negatives.
It is just a blip and you will get back to how you were before you went away.
Take care
Tracey XX
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Hi
Thanks Nic, for the reply and the links, it's comforting to see I am not alone, altho I knew that already but I guess you need to be reminded sometimes, huh?
Thanks Ram for your reply and the tips, its true that I am not eating well, well not balanced, and sleep is rather poor. Thanks for the advices.
Hey Trac, thanks for replying... I hope you're right, that its just a blip, bloody scary that's for sure. I so wish I could control it.
Florence.
*** Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can. ***
hiya,
you have improved so much since the start of all this, try to remember that you've not gone backwards. this is just something else you'll learn to cope with.
about being in control. try and step back from your feelings, youve had this scarey new experience, you might not be in control of it happening, but you are in control of how you react to it.
it might help you to discuss where you thought it was coming from with somebody, as you maybe have some thoughts in your head that are looking for 'air time'.
you take care ... x andrew
Hi Flo sorry to here how you are feeling after getting so much better. I know for a fact u r much better than you was as when I used to talk to you when I first joined you where quite dependant on diazepam and done really good for doing so well. I too was doing 100 times better than past good few months, until recently been feeling really bad with one thing and another. Been waking early hours last week or two with the real bad sweats and really horrible feelings too like you cant stand feeling this way anymore. Last night was very bad I woke at 4am soaked with sweat, and feeling so bad but 4am is dark, cold and to early to get up, so said to myself this must just be a panic attack, maybe we dream without even knowing and wake scared. Its a real disappointment like you after feeling so much better for so long? Maybe it is just a blip, or like Meg says we have to feel bad at times to appreciate how good we feel when we do feel good. Maybe we will start to feel a bit better when this horrible changeable weather ends? Soon be spring and it will be lighter and warmer and we can always get out a bit more then even if its only to sit in the garden. Hope you feel better soon flo take care. Vernon
Hi mate,
Like all the symptoms, whether they be physical or emotional, we need to try very hard not to give them too much importance and that way they pass a bit quicker [Duh!] I'd do that if I could Piglet!!!
Try not to focus on that aspect but just go back a few steps and take time where you can to look after yourself more. I know this is soooo hard with a small person and homelife and mega working hours too but it will pay dividends if you can.
Big hug and lovely to catch up with you in chat the other night:):)
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Hey andrew, vernon, piglet
Thank you so much for your replies and support, it really helps me. You're right... I should take some steps back and try not to give it so much importance or trying to analyze it .... I should just ignore it and let time pass... Thank you.
Florence.
*** Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can. ***
wooow steady on. sounds mad!! you poor thing. if its any concilation i had nightmares to the extreme that i was so frightened i couldnt go back to sleep. petrified out of my wits!!this was after taking some illegal highs. cant remebmer what it was but was real bad it had some weird name. i was fine while i was high but jesus i came down with the most evil thoughts running around in my head and it was like i was really there. i was being killed and everything. Your mind plays tricks on you when you come off stuff, i reckon your head lets the dark side in. i reckon it will pass, it has too!! mine did! i have had it on several occassions after being on this and that and it always passes. hope you will be alright very soon love and peace. think happy thoughts
hi flo, I know there is nothing worse than thoughts, mine have returned too but we are not alone. I find it the hardest part of all this,we will get there and hopefully very soon we will be thinking, thoughts??? what thoughts????? take care.xxxxxxxxx
Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.
love from Alexisxx
Hi Flo,
good to hear from you again and sorry that you had gone by the time I entered chat on Friday.
Maybe the thoughts came back after all this activity, such as the new job and the city break.
Sometimes we need to adjust, and maybe this is how your mind reacted.
Yes, your mind, not your body.
You've done so well, and will continue to do so.
Ray x
Ray
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
Hi Jasmine , Alexis, and Ray
Thanks for the replies, and support, really really appreciate it.
All of you , guys, and this website, are the best. Thank you.
Florence.
*** Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can. ***
*If I cannot control my thoughts, can I control my behaviour? I am freaking out. *
Florence - Thoughts not instructions.
If the thoughts scare you that is a double conformation that you will not follow them but keep far away from them.
We have 50,000 thoughts a day , if we listened to each one we would be really busy and never get anything done... Let this one go and instead drown it out with something that takes up your attention in a positive way.
BLIP but always worth revisiting the basics to see diet etc haven't slipped too far
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Thank you very much for your wise words Meg, really kind.
Florence.
*** Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can. ***
Sue K with 5
30-01-06, 23:51
Hi Flo !
I too am sorry things are feeling rough for you at the moment. You have obviously been a lot better so you know this is a blip which has changed direction slightly.
I have the intrusive thoughts a lot but like trac said they wont harm you. You will never lose control completely we have a warning card which tells us we are putting ourselves under too much strain and that warning card pulls us back hard enough to stop us from losing control.
You can beat this Flo! you have done it many time before.
Take good care of yourself and trust me when I say you will beat this again
Sue with 5
scknight
Thanks Susan, you're right
Its true that I went thru many things before and at the end , overcame them. I should keep this is mind.
Florence.
*** Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can. ***
Hi Florence,
I just wanted to say that i can really relate to how you're feeling at the moment.
I too feel that i have been doing really well for the last few months, but recently i keep getting recurring intrusive thoughts.
My tension headaches eased but have now returned to almost as bad as they were. Headaches always make me anxious so i tense against them even more making them worse. When i have my rational head on (which is normally mid morning!) i know that they are caused by me being stressed, but come the evening they are brain tumours!!
I get really scary thoughts of dying to the point that i can imagine my own funeral and notice of death in the paper. Just typing this makes me feel anxious!!
It is so hard to stay positive as you know, but i am sure we will get through this blip and start feeling better again. I have found that my good days seem to be lasting longer and longer, but i seem to get comfy with them and then start thinking " I feel so much better these days, Whats gonna go wrong?"[Duh!]
I hope you feel better soon, sorry for the long post but it really struck a chord with me at the moment!!
take care,
hugs, kt xx
Be gentle and you will need no strength, be patient and you will achieve all things.
Thanks kt
I too get lots of tension headaches, sorry to hear that you get scary thoughts too.
Hope you'll get better soon.
Florence.
*** Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can. ***
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