Changing Symptoms

[Temenos]

Hi there, I was wondering how often people are experiencing new symptoms. I'm getting through (with support from GP and Meds) a really bad episode of HA which started in January this year. Since then I have focused on a breast lump (was something there but very small and mobile) got okay from GP and soooo relieved then came the headaches, severe and daily at one point, then came the suspicious mole, then came the pains in toes and fingers which I was certain was linked to a brain tumour or MS, anyway this morning I have a new symptom, I've found a small (very small) lump on my foot which seems to move as I move my foot, it's so tiny I can't really tell if it's always been there and I haven't noticed it or if it is indeed another new worry!!!!! Needless to say, I have been beside myself with anxiety this morning and had to take a Diazepam which has helped me feel more myself and not the wreck that I seem to become as a result of this awful HA. I suppose the point I'm trying to make (at last I hear you cry)!!! is that the interesting thing is, as one symptom arrives it takes the place of another, so now for example I've not though about my aching feet and toes once because I'm all consumed with the lump (bobble) in my foot, it's almost a relief to be able to focus on something else in a strange sort of way, can anyone relate to this??? I'd be really grateful to know, thanks Temenos xxxxx

[countrygirl]

Everything you say a perfect example of health anxiety and how we think.
I assume to find the tiny maybe lump in your foot you are examining yourself very closely?? Needless to say this is not a good thing to do but hard not to. I find that if I have a pain or some sensation then I instinctively rub or prod that area and of course our bodies are full of lumps and bumps especially if you have an ounce of fat on you!
I remember feeling a hard lump in my abdomen to left of tummy button many years ago because I got a sharp pain probably just wind there and bingo found this hard lump rushed off to Dr who very embarrasingly for me told me it was a lump of fat:blush: and got me to press all over my abdomen and I had loads of these hard lumps of varying degrees.
Having had health anxiety since I was a child and am now in late 40's I would say be totally honest with your GP's about what your worries are with symptoms- have CBt or other types of therapy as clinical pyschotherapy helped me understand why I am like I am and how I think although neither it nor cbt cured me but it did help me understand myself and be more honest with my Dr's.
You have only had HA for such a short time that hopefully it will pass for you but in mean time everyone on here will help you all they can.

[Temenos]

Thanks for your reply it's really good to know that what I'm feeling is typical of HA. It's really interesting to hear many people on this site say that they have suffered from HA since childhood. Since this last episode of HA I have actually started to examine my past and yes, there have been several cases of HA over the years starting from actually a really young age, my very first memory is of thinking I had asbestdosis (not sure re spelling) but anyway, as a child I had overheard my Dad taliking about the dangers of asbestos and he had (probably mistakenly) pointed some out at the farm where I used to horse ride. I remember thinking that I had somehow breathed in dust from this, I remember thinking that if only I could make it to start secondary school I'd be grateful!! Thinking about that scared child makes me really sad and that fact that it's taken me until 37 to stop and assess and link together all the severe episodes of HA that I have been living with over the years, I've always got by, but life has sometimes been pretty crap, I am labelled as an under achiever within my family and I suppose this is true to an extent, I have always worked but had a string of crappy jobs sometimes working with bullies, I've had a failed marriage to a bully and now in a realationship with a man's man who although I love and respect him in many ways I do have to concede that he is very emotionally unintelligent and when I need him he isn't or can't be there. I'm not saying that all these issues are linked to HA but it certainly hasn't helped. I have always had a "lets live for now" attitude to life and "we don't know what's around the corner" which results in me not planning or taking any responsibility for the future eg. no pension, in debt (credit cards, I'm buying it today because I might have an awful disease and die tommorrow anyway), exams, qualifications and promotions, Why should I put the work in now what a waste of time to devote my time to getting what I want when I could again, get ill and not reap the benefit anyway. HA makes me sad and I want to beat it and move on, I just want to finish with a positive, my greatest achievement, that even my HA couldn't spoil, my wonderful little boy who I love more than anything, and it's for him I want to conquer this, as a busy Mum time is so important and as I devote so much time to my little boy (not complaining here, I love it, when I do have time to myself I really don't want HA to eat me up!!! I'm lucky that the one thing I have suceeded in is being a good Mum and I can control my HA in terms of my child's health, of course I worry about him like all parents do but I can be more objective about his health, it's DEF not that his health is less important to me than mine, it's not, but it's the fact that I can recognise what a negative impact HA can have on ones life and I think to some extent, my parents have influenced my HA with theirs, that I WILL protect my little boy from this at all costs. I will be dilligent with him and look after him, if I have a worry about his health we will see the GP but I will not be dragging him into the Dr's everytime he has a little spot and of that I am most confident. but......... I still have a battle on me versus HA and I am going to win. CountryGirl thanks for taking the time to reply and I really don't expect you or anyone to trawl through this extremely long post, but you just got me thinking and this post has just suddenly exploded from my fingers on the keyboard, but I have to say it's very theraputic and I will probably read it over again, so thanks to everyone that posts on here and strangers that take the time to share their experiences xxxxx ps just noticed it said "quick reply" ooopx

[itoldyouiwasill]

Thanks for your reply it's really good to know that what I'm feeling is typical of HA. It's really interesting to hear many people on this site say that they have suffered from HA since childhood. Since this last episode of HA I have actually started to examine my past and yes, there have been several cases of HA over the years starting from actually a really young age, my very first memory is of thinking I had asbestdosis (not sure re spelling) but anyway, as a child I had overheard my Dad taliking about the dangers of asbestos and he had (probably mistakenly) pointed some out at the farm where I used to horse ride. I remember thinking that I had somehow breathed in dust from this, I remember thinking that if only I could make it to start secondary school I'd be grateful!! Thinking about that scared child makes me really sad and that fact that it's taken me until 37 to stop and assess and link together all the severe episodes of HA that I have been living with over the years, I've always got by, but life has sometimes been pretty crap, I am labelled as an under achiever within my family and I suppose this is true to an extent, I have always worked but had a string of crappy jobs sometimes working with bullies, I've had a failed marriage to a bully and now in a realationship with a man's man who although I love and respect him in many ways I do have to concede that he is very emotionally unintelligent and when I need him he isn't or can't be there. I'm not saying that all these issues are linked to HA but it certainly hasn't helped. I have always had a "lets live for now" attitude to life and "we don't know what's around the corner" which results in me not planning or taking any responsibility for the future eg. no pension, in debt (credit cards, I'm buying it today because I might have an awful disease and die tommorrow anyway), exams, qualifications and promotions, Why should I put the work in now what a waste of time to devote my time to getting what I want when I could again, get ill and not reap the benefit anyway. HA makes me sad and I want to beat it and move on, I just want to finish with a positive, my greatest achievement, that even my HA couldn't spoil, my wonderful little boy who I love more than anything, and it's for him I want to conquer this, as a busy Mum time is so important and as I devote so much time to my little boy (not complaining here, I love it, when I do have time to myself I really don't want HA to eat me up!!! I'm lucky that the one thing I have suceeded in is being a good Mum and I can control my HA in terms of my child's health, of course I worry about him like all parents do but I can be more objective about his health, it's DEF not that his health is less important to me than mine, it's not, but it's the fact that I can recognise what a negative impact HA can have on ones life and I think to some extent, my parents have influenced my HA with theirs, that I WILL protect my little boy from this at all costs. I will be dilligent with him and look after him, if I have a worry about his health we will see the GP but I will not be dragging him into the Dr's everytime he has a little spot and of that I am most confident. but......... I still have a battle on me versus HA and I am going to win. CountryGirl thanks for taking the time to reply and I really don't expect you or anyone to trawl through this extremely long post, but you just got me thinking and this post has just suddenly exploded from my fingers on the keyboard, but I have to say it's very theraputic and I will probably read it over again, so thanks to everyone that posts on here and strangers that take the time to share their experiences xxxxx ps just noticed it said "quick reply" ooopx


An interesting post and you seem to have a good understanding as to what health anxiety actually is. All the time we think that health anxiety is actually based on us worrying about our health we are totally wide of the mark! The truth is that health anxiety is actually about all those other things that have gone on in our lives and that have had a cumulative effect....health anxiety actually does a fantastic job of allowing us to ignore the big elephant that is sitting in the middle of the room, for whatever reason at this juncture of our lives we NEED and feel compelled to worry and be distracted from what is actually going on in our lives and what can be a better and more pressing thing to worry about than the state of our health?

The insight you have is very important in helping you to beat this....in many ways it makes it incredibly frustrating as you know damn well what is going on but very often that just isn't enough. The thing is knowing it is one thing but actually allowing yourself to feel it is something different. I am currently writing a book about health anxiety and somatisation disorder and a large part of this is expounding on the thesis that health anxiety thrives on the fact that that we deal with health anxiety on a logical (well, our version of logical) but actually totally fail to persue the emotional implications of the disorder...hey even a person with MS has a life you know and that is because they accept and deal with their 'illness' whereas the typical health anxiety sufferer is stuck in a vacuum where they totally believe they have an illness or disease but actually never have to face up to the emotional implications of what having that illness or disease would actually mean to them. I strongly believe that this is a crucial element of what makes health anxiety such a crippling and chronic disorder.

Anyway, apologies for waffling on it was just that I wanted to say that I think you are totally on the right track with how you are dealing with this. It can be a long journey but the more smarts you get and the more you move away from the conviction that health anxiety is about your health the easier things become. There is a big jigsaw out there and health anxiety is about having one small piece of the jigsaw and being totally convinced that you know what the big picture is and then banging your head against the wall as you try and force the piece to fit the puzzle....you are doing the right thing, you can see the picture on the front of the box and working backwards from there...Good Luck!:)

[Jo3016]

Exactly how I have been this year!! I started the year with a breast lump too which was okayed after an ultrasound!! Then I had phlebitis after a minor op which I was convinced was a dvt. In the last couple of days I have had been told that I don't have asthma. Within hours, I was focussing on my heart - now I have palpitations and ectopics!! I am so sick of this!!

[Temenos]

Thankyou for your replies they are really appreciated. Firstly, "ItoldyouIwasill" (great name btw), I was really interested in your post and felt very positive (for the first time in weeks) after reading it.

You are so right in that it makes it all the more frustrating when you have an idea of what is going on here but just can't face dissecting it any further, I just feel too scared!! and with regards to people who are actually diagnosed with a condition and seem to be so brave and get on with their lives, it sometimes makes me feel ashamed that I am so debilitated with fear yet lucky enough to be physically well (hopefully).

An example of this is a colleague and friend of mine has recently found out that her cancer has returned and is terminal. She has a pre school child like me and is a similar age. She and her family were obviously devastated initially but, as time has gone on they HAVEN'T CRUMBLED, their goals are for the shorter term but the point is, they still have goals, and they are still LIVING!!! My question is, if they can get through that and keep moving on why the hell can't I do the same????

When my HA strikes I feel like a "startled rabbit" in that I can't move anywhere I am stuck to the spot and not enjoying my life as much as I should be and it's such a waste!!!! but thanks to this site and people like you that take time to reply I WILL get through this and good luck with your book, I would be very interested in reading it and I hope it is very successful for you xxxx

Jo, I'm sorry to hear that 2010 hasn't been great for you either and I'm sorry that you are suffering from HA also. It does help me when I read posts like yours and realise that I am not alone and that many other people struggle too and like you say "I'm sick of this" too xxxxxx