New member!

[jessmac]

Hi all! I'm new on here and not really sure what happens but thought I would introduce myself!

I'm 24 and a student. I suffer with awful anxiety and panic and it seems to be triggered by just about anything! Every day is a worry and I'm just existing!

I've read some of the other posts and like a lot of others, my main fear is that I won't see the next day! I convince myself I'm having a heart attack! Even when I'm not feeling majorly anxious I still feel twinges in my arms and chest! It's really worrying me!

I rarely go out any more (only when I desperately need to and usually when my boyfriend or mum can come with me!) I'm so nervous about something happening to me when I'm in public!

Friends wise I have really isolated myself. I have one friend left who I speak to regularly but she's a bit wrapped up in her own things!

I feel incredibly lonely, misunderstood and actually mad!!!! I don't want to carry on each day like this and really hope that by reading some other people's stories, etc it will help me realise I'm not alone!!

Well I've really rambled here so sorry if I've bored any readers!! xx

[Bexmumto3]

Hi & welcome to NMP.
You will find loads of useful information, help & support from everyone here.
I too avoid going out on my own for fear of having an attack in a public place, its really hard to gain control of but I have to try & do it for my kids sake but it's so hard.Look forward to getting to know you.
Bec x

[daydreamer]

Hi Jess. sorry to hear your feeling like this.

I have isolated myself for the past 6 months and have lost a few friends on the way too, dont have that many left and I hate having to make excuses all the time for not being able to go out. I dont go because im scared of being scared or frighetend and having a panic attack! I am thoroughly fed up of all this anxiety/depression, whatever it is I HATE it, so I know completely how you feel, especially when you said you feel lonely and mad! Sometimes I cant make sense of whats happening to me or why I feel the way I do, that makes me feel like Im going mad too!

How long have you been suffering with anxiety? are you on any meds or had any therapy for it?

anyway just to let you know your not alone, this site will really help you and you'll make friends here x

[jessmac]

Thanks for the responses! From just reading these I'm already feeling a glimmer of hope! I've suffered with mild anxiety for as long as I remember but it has become really debilitating since just before christmas. I've been prescribed propanolol and then citalopram more recently. I'm also on Orlistat for weight loss because I think the route cause of most of my anxiety comes from low self esteem because I'm overweight. I've also been referred for CBT but haven't started yet. Has anyone tried any other treatments?? Any recommendations?? x

[hallam11]

Hey Jess,

Welcome to No More Panic! :welcome:

You will find so many people on here who can understand and relate to what you have said. I can't say that I know fully 100% what you are going through because I don't worry about my health but other things instead. So I do know how upsetting it is to go through everyday with fear that stops you from doing the stuff you like and keeps you prisoner. I am on mirtazapine right now but I am to change to citalopram within the next few weeks. I have counselling but she is soon to refer me onto secondary care within the NHS, its either the psychology or CBT but I think its probably best I go to the psychology department. Anyway just rambling on - just to let you know that all of us on here are either sufferers or have suffered in the past so we know how it is. We'll lend an ear anytime!

Take care xx

[daydreamer]

Hi again Jess,

Just to let you know I can really relate to what you said and what your going through! Feel free to pm me. I think you should buy a copy of 'self help for your nerves' by Dr Claire weekes it really will help you with the anxiety, as for the self esteem Im sure CBT will help with issues like that, how long do you have to wait do you know?

Take care and do try reading that book! x

[Veronica H]

:welcome:to NMP Jess.

Veronicax

[holyer22]

Hi jess how long have you had them for ?

[Faethra]

Hi Jess!

I'm a new member here too, I just joined today! Your story sounds a lot like mine.

I had a whole long, nice post written out, but then I somehow navigated back, and lost it, so I'll give you the short version. ;P

Two years ago I started having symptoms very much like your own. I was an otherwise completely healthy individual - I just started having palpitations out of the blue, and I had a LOT of them! The day I finally went to the doctor, I had had 13 of them between 7 AM and 3 PM. ECG and blood tests all came out normal. My doctor gave me the "chill pill" alprazolam to help stop my panic attacks.

They worked great to stop the racing in my chest, but I was using them all the time, and I was living life in a fog. I switched to Rescue Remedy, which worked great for a while, but stopped working after some time. (I asked my doctor about it, and after looking at the ingredients he likened it to a hard shot of whisky. lol) I was adamant not to go on anti-depressants for this very sudden, debilitating onset of the disorder. I took some steps and suggestions from forums and articles very much like are found on this site, and was very open about what I was feeling. I told everyone that was close to me what was happening and all about my fears, even expressing when I felt they were irrational, but asked for their forgiveness and patience and to help me through it.

It worked for a while, though mildly. I had a lot on my plate - I was scheduled to fly to the other side of the planet to do research, and I had developed a fear that what I was feeling was actually related to my heart (despite what previous tests had told me - I never got the 24-hour tape). However, I made it through! It was hard at times, but being in the foreign country distracted me from what I was feeling (and I didn't die on the plane, lol). It was empowering!

However, when I returned home, I suffered badly from reverse-culture shock, coupled with the stresses of returning to school (4 days between returning home and returning to classes). I went for another month struggling through panic attacks that made it hard to breathe, a sharp feeling of pain in my sternum (not my chest - though it was easy to mistake!), loss of apetite, losing sensation in my hands and feet... I had it all!

Finally, after a total of three months struggling on my own, I went onto anti-depressants. The first week of it was hell, the side-effects of going on to it were as frightening as the panic attacks themselves, but by week two I was feeling like a whole new person. :)

But for what's most important for you!
I want to encourage you, Jess, to go outside. :) I know it's frightening, and don't be afraid to ask a friend to come with you. Go for a walk - not because you have to, but because you want to. Go see the flower bed at the building next door, watch some squirrels and sit in the sun for a moment, find shapes in the clouds, listen to the river. Take a sketch pad and try to draw them. Hum a song you heard on the radio. All these little things are huge steps towards regaining your life! The three months I went before medicating, music was my savior. Though playing my instrument was difficult because I couldn't breathe, I would sing, and it enforced the deep breathing techniques that you find in yoga, meditation, and every day life! :D I was to encourage you because when I started with my own anxiety issues, I was the same as you! I was convinced for every day of that three months that I was going to die.

One thought that always, without fail has worked with me is "I do not want to be sick! I am not sick!" And even just yesterday my Mother shared with me a great piece of advice; all there is is now, and right now I am good, I am in control."

My anxiety had subsided for almost half a year, but now is returning. That is why I am here. Please Jess, keep in touch. I want to see you, (and I, together), through this, and I know we will do it!