Health Anxiety has exploded into my life......

[Dan21]

Hi,

I really dont know where else to look for advice so I thought I'd try posting my experiences here to see if I'm going mad, fretting needlessly or something else along these lines......

In spring last year I was, in hind sight, under a bit pressure. I was about to get married (to my now wife whom I love with all my heart and soul) and I had been given a promotion at work. However, the promotion created tension within the department I was working in and one senior manager started making things difficult for me. In short I was being bullied. It was cery subtle and that in itself made the whole thing even more insidious. For the first time in my life, I started to have freaky symptoms. I had palpatations that (in my opinion) got so bad that I ended up in A&E having a heart trace. They said my heart was fine and that it was probably down to stress.

But it was shortly after this that the real heavy stuff started slowly edging into my mind. I began to think that I was going to contract some awful illness that meant I would have an early demise. The thought of big C was, and to a certain extent still is hovering in a dark corner of my mind. I dont smoke, eat 'that' unhealthly and my family history has little or no trace of it.

The work situation got so bad that after almost six months of putting up with being bullied, I walked out. I had been suffering the symptoms of grumbling digestive system. Nothing drastic, just very gassy, and being irregular, sometimes not enough, sometimes too much (sorry to be gross;)) I had convinced myself that something bad was going on in my bowel. I went to the doctor who gave me blood tests. All came back clear as did a sample of my number 1's and 2's. I guess most people would have been happy and skipping in the air. I just felt borderline depressed. Please dont get me wrong, I'm not moping about and I have a new job now which really dosent stress me out too much at all. I The doc prescibed me some muscle relaxants which, wisely or not, decided not to take. I was scared of getting hooked onto tablets to help me overcome what was and has been happening. A furtehr trip to the docs and he stillsaid that I was wound up like a clock spring.

The thing is that I dont always feel stressed or at my wits end. I thnk its more fair to say that I have a lower level of stress or anxiety that is pretty much often there, sitting under the surface.

Anyway, just before Christmas, my step Dad was diagnosed with tumor on his bladder. The doc has said that everything looks good and its operable. But shortly after I found this out, I have had a feeling of a lump in my throat. Feels like I have a tie on too tight or that someone is gently pressing on the base of my windpipe. It starts around an hour after I wake and usually eases when I'm about an hour or so from bed.

So you can guess whats running through my mind now, right?

Is this what health anxiety is? Do I live like this for the rest of my life? I'm 31, relatively fit and I thought I was of sound mind but this episode being bullied at work seems to have triggered off some weird brain activity that to all intense and purpose is absurd to all others, but strikes fear into my very soul.

I'm fed up with puting my wife through miserable evenings, explaining that I'm scared I have all sorts of illnesses, when every test I have had say's I'm well. I cant bare to tell her about the lump in my throat. She'll think I'm trying her patience.

Any comments would be very welcome,

Daniel

[babydoll]

Hi I know exactly how you are feeling. I am someone who doesn't openly suffer from stress and people always think I'm really laid back but I have been suffering with panic/ aniexty attacks on/off for about 10 years now. In the past year I have started suffering with health aniextyand it is the worst type of aniexty I have experienced. I also fear cancer and any other long term illness. I constantly diagnose myself with various different illnesses (currently MS) unusual as is normally form of cancer. However one of my main symptoms is the lump in throat sensation, I am due to go to hospital soon so they can look down my throat. I think deep down I know it is aniexty related as it would appear to be a very common side affect but it is so difficult to believe it's nothing. I had been a bit better for a couple of weeks but for some irrational reason have convinced myself I have MS and now the lump in the throat is back!! I think you'll find this site helps as it makes you realise, scarily that so many others are suffering in the same way. It is such a cruel illness I don't know about you but it makes me so miserable. I would love to be rid of it and just feel normal again.

I also feel like I put on my partner, he tries his hardest to support me but is sooo level headed he just can't get his head round the way I feel.

Silly thing to say but the less yoyu worry about the sensation in your throat theless it will trouble you

Babydoll

[Trish]

Hi Daniel

I think you will find that there is quite a lot of people on here that experience a 'lump in the throat' feeling and i'm sure it is just aniexty.

You have been through a terrible time with your last job, which must have been just awful for you...sometimes i feel that when i am going through a bad time, i think i'm coping quite well, and then when the situation is over and things start to get better...Bang, it hits me. My GP explained the reason this way...When you are looking after a dying relative, you are kept busy doing this and that you have no time to really think of how you are really feeling, then when its all over and you don't have that pressure, thats when the aniexty hits you.

I hope this helps (and makes some sense!)

You will gets of support here.
Take care
Trish

[clickaway]

Hi Daniel,

Firstly welcome to No More Panic, but also I can only reiterate what Trish and Babydoll have said ~ how you feel is really quite common.

Many have found that a course of Cognitive Behavourial Therapy can do the trick - ask your GP for CBT treatment as it seems that its all in the mind.

Keep checking in at this site and it will help you realise how the mind tends to work to give us the health anxiety. It can sometimes take a while to convince yourself that is all in the mind, so the sooner the better.

Cheers,


Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[alexis]

Hi Daniel, the lump in throat is such a common symptom that so many of us suffer from Im sure someone will be along soon with some links for you to look at, I myself had this problem and had lots of scans, tests and hospital appointments before it was realised it was down to anxiety and depression, it sounds like you have had a rough time, have you had any other help, cbt or counselling, take care and read through other posts, Im sure it will help realising you are not alone.xxxxxxx

Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.


love from Alexisxx

[Dan21]

Hello everybody.

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. It seems so strange to me that an event in my life, stressful though it was, can have such a physical effect upon me. Psychological as well I suppose.

Obviously the thing with my Dad is enough to cause anyone anxiety, but it appears that I have a constant flow of anxiety always there. I can’t say that it debilitating or enough to confine me to the house, but it is enough to stop me being the person that I truly am.

I’m going to try and ignore the symptoms to see if they go away.

Do you think that the symptoms re-occur from time to time? If they do, then I can live with that, as long as I know it’s anxiety related.??

[trac67]

Hi Daniel,

Firstly welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

I suffered badly with health anxieties, brought on my grandad passing away from heart failure and my dad suffering a massive stroke (which luckily he survived, although it has left his disabled). So of course every little twinge or headache I felt was a 'heart attack' or the beginnings of a stroke. I was at my doctors every week with one thing or another. I went on to do a CBT course for health anxieties and it really turned my way of thinking about. It is a case of just because we 'think' we have something wrong with us, doesnt mean we do. Try to rationalise the symptoms that you have and to think positively, instead of negatively about them, it really does help.

It does take time to re train the way you think about things, but once you learn how to do it, the health anxieties do disappear.

Take care

Trac XX

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[Trev]

Hi Daniel,

people have covered alot of issues already.

The symptoms you describe are very common. I suffered health anxiety and I know how much it can take over your life.

I found the issue with tests is that they prove you are ok at that time but with health anxiety you are constantly left with that "what if?" question. They've tested me and I'm ok now but "what if tomorrow or next week the thing I fear happens?" So each time the test comes back ok you are unable to express relief and joy because the immediate thought is either "what if they missed something?" or "what if it happens next week?"

It's a horrible way to live and I think the only way to break it is to make the leap of faith that the test has been done and that's the end of it.
Educate yourself as much as poss. This will help massively. This site is a great place to start. I found Claire Weekes "Self Help For Your Nerves" very useful. It is the case that thoughts can cause a physical response. Sex is the very obvious one. Equally, negative thoughts will trigger certain physical responses in the body. The fear response will trigger reactions in various areas of the body, all of which are listed on the home page.

Good luck. You can rid yourself of this if YOU are prepared to do the leg work. There is no miracle cure in my opinion. Education and thought control are key........along with doing it of course!

Good luck,
Trev :D

[nomorepanic]

Hi Daniel

Welcome aboard.

I agree with all the other posts and I think that CBT will really help you as well.

Good luck and hopefully you will get some reassurance from here.

Nicola

[Dan21]

Thanks to you all.

It's a funny thing. These weird and strange symptoms seem to come and go. The moment that they seem to drift away, I think, 'Hey, I'm not feeling so grotty' and then they come back because my attention is on my physical state.

It's similar to a poster my Mum once had. Cheesy though it was, it has a certain aptness to my situation. It went like this..

Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But, when you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit gently on your shoulder.

I guess you can substitue 'Butterfly' with 'Fellings of wellness'????

[Meg]

Hey Dan,

Health Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/NMPcms.php?nmppage=healthanxiety)

Common Symptoms of Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Phobias and OCD. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/NMPcms.php?nmppage=symptoms)

First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)

contiuously obsessed with dying (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2691)
'what if this is it this time thoughts' (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4694)
CONSTANT CHECKING (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4795)
can someone reasure me? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3931)
Fear of tumour... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4890)
25, new to the site & would LOVE SOME ADVICE ! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5171)
Holiday broke the vicious cycle (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5181)
health anxiety sucks!! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5723)
Reassurance Seeking - Is it Ok?? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6042)
lymphoma at 17? unlikely i know...but still... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6584)
Having one right now (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6934)




Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[blacksheep]

The symptom you describe is very common and one I have. I have had Health Anxiety for years and I am now committed to beating it. I think if you read my post on the HA page then you might see some similarities. My hypnotherapist said that years of bullying off my family (similar to you situation at work) made me feel that there is something wrong with me....now I am out of the situation my brain still has this thought in it, so to try and cure the thought it makes me believe I have all manner of illnesses (or THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME) I am sure you see what I am getting at. The reason the lump "appears" after an hour is that you dont wake up thinking about it, something kicks it into "being" and the reason it goes before bed is that you are starting to wind down and relax. I had something similar and you know what I realised, my brain expected the feeling to be there and so would put it there, when I looked at the fact I could eat and drink normally it seemed to take away the fear that there was something growing in me! (and not been in outer-space so wasnt an "alien" either!! :D )

[itoldyouiwasill]

Seriously mate this is a totally 100% textbook presentation of somatic anxiety that develops into health anxiety. It happened to me and I have seen it happen to countless others....the triggers, the circumstances etc are all a well trod path and what you are experiencing is a mental process that has a physical reaction and then is totally blown out of all proportion by another mental reaction.

This is the thing. Health anxiety is a sly bugger and survives by fooling you into constantly thinking that your problems or worries are physical...you know, I bet you have often thought if only the physical 'symptoms' would stop then all would be ok and 'back to normal'. What you need to accept and face is that what you are dealing with is an emotional issue and not a physical issue...all the while you stay fixated and stuck on the physical the longer you will stay stuck on the health anxiety merry go round.

Repudiate the physical and look into your emotions and this is where the cure will be found. I guarantee it fella!!